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"If you thought yesterday was hot, wait until you hear
"what we're hitting today on the mercury.
"Are you ready? In London we will touch 40 degrees.
"40 degrees! You heard me correctly.
"We're gonna be hotter than all of Spain today.
"So, keep drinking water, get your blow-up pools out,
"or sit in front of the open fridge if you have to.
"Just try to stay cool out there."
Happy's what I get at the end of a massage.
I wanna be over the fucking moon.
I'm sweating like a prince in Pizza Express.
Oh, fuck off. Right, just give me a minute.
I'm gonna go hands-free.
Right, I'm back.
Can you hear me? "I hear you, James.
"Have you read it?
"Have you read it?"
I'm gonna give you five minutes to resend me a real fucking offer.
"This is a good deal for someone in Matthew's situation."
You said I'd be happy.
Do I sound fucking happy? You're taking advantage of this shit,
so that you can lowball him. "The offer would be the same
"no matter what his current legal situation was."Bollocks.
And what's all this about no alcohol?
What do you expect him to drink when he wins you the Premier League?
Elderflower juice? "That's exactly what we expect."
"We are paying him to play football,
"not sit in nightclubs drinking Cristal."
Well, it's rejected. You wanna offer him another 100 grand a week,
we might consider it. You're paying the right-back more.
The fucking right-back! And that cunt's got two left feet.
Matt Gravish was the top goal scorer in the Premier League last season.
You're gonna pay him what he's worth.
"One, what you just said is blatantly untrue.
"And two, you have an obligation to take this offer to your client."
What does that mean? Have you been talking to him behind my back?
"It means, please take him the offer.
"And call me back."
Fucking American prick.
Why the fuck do I buy decaf?
There you are, you fucker.
"Shortly after half-time a second goal was soon followed
"by this third. A very smart finish, that.
"That's the second hat-trick in a row for Jerome Sweet
"in a comfortable win. What an incredible pre-season he is having.
"It's like the summer break never happened,
"the way he's hit the ground running.
"He's been the second top scorer in the Premier League from the wing."
"Yo, Jimmy."
Sorry I can't be with you later. I'm trying to sort out your contract.
"That's alright, mate. How's it looking?"
Well, the club have made an offer. "It's good, yeah?"
It's good, but you're worth a lot fucking more, so I'm gonna reject it.
"How much is good?"
200 grand a week. "That's better than fucking good."
Not for you it ain't. "It's four times my current one."
And there's some conditions.
"Conditions?" No alcohol for a year.
"I can do that."
And obviously the offer disappears if you're found guilty today.
"I fucking expected that." So, I'm going back at 300 a week.
"No. Take it."
You're having a fucking laugh, ain't ya?
We've never took the first offer in 15 years."Take it."
We didn't take the first offer when you was playing non-league on £50 a week.
"Take the fucking deal." I'm not gonna take it.
I know I can get you more. "I don't want more or better.
"I just want something. I want something to look forward to.
"I need a deal. Alright?"
Alright, alright, calm down.
I'll take it.
"Thanks, Jimmy. Erm...
"Thanks for sticking by me through all my shit. Yeah?"
Yeah. Straight back at ya.
"Sweet, mate."
Speak later.
"Hello, James." The answer's go fuck yourself.
"He said that?" Not exactly. He said no.
I changed it to "go fuck yourself" just to give it a bit more punch.
"You're making a mistake." I'm making a mistake?
Are you sure about this?
You're banking on nobody wanting my boy
because of these bullshit charges. Let me just tell you something now.
I've had six clubs from the continent contact me and enquire.
Do you wanna know why? Because he's innocent.
And he's gonna be granted his freedom today.
He's then, next season, gonna sign for one of them European clubs
because he does love good food and sunshine and topless beaches.
He'll then go on to bang in goals against you
in the Champions League at your home ground.
Won't that make you popular with your fans, Ned?
"You're lucky just to be having this conversation with me."
Well, we're having it because he's my client.
"Your only one."
The fact that you're getting personal says I've got your bollocks
firmly in my Jimmy Banks vice, so I'm gonna turn up the screws a bit
and tell you I'm gonna ring Barcelona.
"How much?" 350 a week.
"300." Done.
"Did you read the main stipulation in the contract?"
Yeah, whatever. "It's good for all of us.
"I'll send the contract over. Have him sign it, if he's a free man."
Send it to Bob. I can't stand them fucking things.
"In all my years in soccer management
"I have never met such a foul-mouthed, unprofessional agent."
Well, we call it football here, you fucking mug.
And that's how you negotiate.
You motherfucker!
Don't worry, boys.
We've had some dark times.
But Jimmy Banks...
..is back.
Oh, here we go.
Finally, some proper telly.
I fucking told them not from the left side.
"Well, you've already branded him a rapist
"and, I quote you on this, 'a disgusting human' before there's even been a verdict,
"so let me ask you this. When did men stop having the same laws as women?
"Would there be a smear crusade if the genders were reversed?
"I'm not so sure."
Good fucking answer.
"Monica Roberts." It's Jimmy Banks.
"Oh, hi, Jimmy. Did you just see yourself on the telly
"and you're ringing to complain about the left side again?"
I didn't even notice, babe. "OK."
Now, I've got a bit of news for you, but you're not allowed to drop it
until after the verdict. "Which is?"
Now, this is a favour in credit.
"No, no, no. You owed me from the Jackson transfer."
Oh, fuck off. You only told me after he'd landed at Schiphol airport.
So, this is worth ten times more.
"Well, tell me and I'll be the judge."
Do you know what? Don't worry about it.
I'm gonna call the BBC. You have a lovely day.
"Go on."
Matt Gravish, five-year deal.
Six times his current salary.
He's added a no-alcohol clause in his contract
because he's serious about rebuilding his image.
He never wants to put himself, his family,
his club or the fans through anything like this ever again.
"And what if he's guilty?"
Well, he's not. "But what if he is?"
Then the deal's off the table. "I can use this."
Now, run it after the "not guilty" drops.
Beat the club to it. It'll be a laugh.
"Thanks, Jimmy." Remember...
you owe me a favour. "I will."
Good girl.
There you are, you little fucker.
# You put the lime in the coconut and drink that fucker down
# You put the lime in the coconut and drink that fucker up
# You put the lime in the coconut and drink it all down
# Lime in the coconut and drink the fucker up
# The lime in the coconut and drink that fucker down...
Hello? "Hello, Jimmy."
You CAN call me Dad. "I know."
How are ya? "Oh, busy."
Naturally. Have you opened the...?
What is it, the...? "The art gallery?"
That's the one. "
"It's been open for three months."
Shit. Has it? Oh.
Well, well done. "Yeah.
"You should come and take a look." Well...
it's not really my thing, is it?
"Mm."
You know, people splashing a bit of paint on a bit of canvas,
trying to sell it to some prick
who thinks they know what the artist is thinking.
Do you wanna know what the artist is thinking?
"I'm sure you're about to tell me." They're thinking,
"How do I sell this canvas I've splashed a bit of paint on to some rich prick?"
"Oh, right, right."
I'm sorry, I'm just joking. It's not really my crowd, is it?
"Well, very true.
Oh...
This is nice, innit?
"What is?" You calling me.
"I call you." No, you don't.
"Yes, I do."Makes me think there's something wrong.
"No, everything's fine.
"I was actually calling to see if you wanted to have dinner with me."
Really? What for?
"For my birthday."
"" Yeah, course. It's the 11th, innit?
"Yeah." I am so sorry. I'm so sorry.
"" Happy birthday.
"Yeah, thanks. But it's OK. Just make it up to me tonight."
Oh, I can't do tonight. I cannot do tonight.
I promised Matt I was gonna meet him. We're gonna celebrate the verdict.
"What if he's guilty?" He's not fucking guilty, is he?
OK? You've known him for how long?
Over ten years, since you were little.
He's a good kid. He'd never do something like that.
"Well, sometimes you don't really know someone."
Well, I know people, cos it's my business, and I am-
"'I'm the best at my business.' Yeah.
""
Why don't we do something tomorrow night? I'll move a few things around.
"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I can do that.
Erm, come and meet me at the gallery?"OK.
What time's it close? "Seven."
I'll be there at 7:05.
"Stubborn." What's the address?
"57 Wrenstone Road, Chelsea." Ooh, classy.
"Yeah."
Right, I'll see you tomorrow. "Oh, wait.
"Erm, there's something else."
Go on.
"We need to talk about Mum."
And why would we do that?
"It's the house. It's been deemed unsafe.
"It needs structural repairs that she just can't afford."
She can't afford?
I pay her a small fortune every month.
"Yeah, and it's uninhabitable.
"She needs a big upfront payment to the builders."
It's her house now. She wanted it, she got it.
So, it's not really my problem.
"You must have known the state it was in."
I've not lived there in years. I don't know what to say.
"Yeah, well, she also thinks you hid money from her."
Well, that's fucking ridiculous.
"That property deal in Poland?"
What about it? "She thinks you got money from it."
My finances, including that deal,
were picked apart by her prick lawyers.
Down to every number and every pence.
You know what she's trying to do? Drive a wedge between us
cos now we've got a relationship. That's what it is.
"Did you hide anything?" No!
"No?" God, no.
" Look, I have given as much as I can,
"but nearly all of it is tied up in the business.
Well, I ain't got any money around me at all, so I...
"Oh, come on. Please?"
As a favour to you, I'll call her.
"Oh, thank you, Jimmy."
But I want a favour in return.
"Jerome's phone number?" How did you know?
"You always ask when the window is open."
It's cos I can take him to the next level.
"He doesn't want your help." How about this, then?
I'll come to your place tomorrow about ten-to-seven.
You get out some of your favourite pieces
and then I buy one that tickles my fancy.
"Oh, all of a sudden you have money?"
I have a little bit knocking about, just for emergencies.
"Yeah, yeah, course you have.
"So, you will help Mum with some of this?"
Yeah, course I will.
"Hello, James. Quite an important day for us.
"I just received the contract." I just spoke to Stephanie,
and Alicia told her about the fucking Poland money.
"What? Well, what did she say exactly?"
Well, just that I got money from it, so...
"Impossible. Alicia knows nothing. She's merely speculating.
"She's just extremely aggravated
"because the house she now owns is worthless."
So, it's all hidden away? It's untraceable?
"We ran the money through a number of cryptocurrency accounts
"and it's stored in a Swiss bank."
And the development books?
"James, please, relax.
"The book is now closed.
"Now, onto matters that affect you.
"The contract is all in order and ready for Matthew to sign."
Perfect.
"So, are we celebrating tonight, or what?"
Alain Ducasse, seven o'clock.
"Ah, the Dorchester! I like that.
"Although last time I was there
"they ran out of the '96 Chateau Leoville Poyferre.
"It was meant to accompany the lamb. It was extremely disappointing."
Well, First-World problems, eh, Bob? You poor bastard.
"First-World problems, indeed, my friend. Indeed."
Until tonight.
"Hello?£ Jerome. Jimmy Banks.
"Who? Who's this, sorry?" Jimmy Banks.
"Oh, Mr Banks. Long time, yo. Wagwan?"
Yeah, I'm good, son. Always good. Is this a bad time?
"Just on the way to the training ground, bruv."
Training? They working you hard, eh?
"Yeah, man. Quick physio. I'll mash up, then I'm done. Gonna get loose."
Absolutely. Listen, you don't want no injuries.
Especially after banging in them goals last night.
"Should have had a few more." I wouldn't worry about it.
What's pre-season for? Sweating off them summer parties.
You wanna gain a bit of momentum, though, for the league opener.
You, uh... You still driving about in that shitty old Volvo?
"Of course. Volvos are sick, man."
Oh, leave off. Looks like a fucking World War I tank.
"Exactly. I get in an accident, I won't end up on the doctor's deck."
That's smart. Very, very smart. But you are a Premier League star.
You can't be spinning about in that pile of shit.
I play golf with the owner of the East London Porsche Centre.
I'll give him a call. I'll get him to sort you right out.
"You know, Mr Banks, with all due respect, yeah,
"I don't remember giving you my number."
Well, Jerome, that doesn't stop a man like me.
"I told Steph not to give you my number."
And she respected your wishes, cos I got it off someone else.
"I really can't talk to you. If Bruce knew I said a word to you- "
Now, why would you ruin a friendly conversation
by bringing his name up?
What's he done for you this transfer window, huh?
You should be gracing the Champions League, kid.
You shouldn't be in a relegation scrap.
"Chill, bruv. Bruce looks after me. I ain't looking to move."
Yeah, well, Jerome, just listen to me for a second.
"I'm pulling into training." Yeah, yeah. No, Jerome, Jerome.
Jerome, Jerome. I know it didn't work out for me and you back in the day.
I made some mistakes, but I wanna make it up to you.
So, what would you say if I put you on a call later
with the Madrid sporting director, Roberto Sanchez?
"You know him?" Course I know him.
I stay in his villa every summer. I taught the cunt how to barbecue.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll talk to him. I'll talk to him."
Good boy.
"Alright. Safe, man." Yeah. Safe.
Ch, ch, ch, ch, ch.
Oh, fuck off.
Who the fuck is this?
"This is someone who has the power to decide
"how the rest of your life unfolds."
What does that even fucking mean?
"It means I have something in my possession
"that could affect the remainder of your life."
Do you think you're the first person to threaten me,
calling me up with your shit Darth Vader voice?
What, do you want me to be scared? I'll tell you what, get fucked.
"I'm sending you an email, Jimmy Banks.
"I advise that you read it."
Fucking lunatic.
"Hola, Jimmy." Hola, Roberto.
Como estas? Muy bien. Y tu?
Todo bien."I know you have used all your Spanish,
"so we'll switch to English." Much appreciated.
"Everything is OK with you after the rehab?"
Well, I don't take cocaine for breakfast anymore,
so, yeah, I suppose I'm cured.
I'd love to talk about my rejuvenation with you,
but I haven't got much time. What would you say to these two words:
Jerome Sweet?
"Exciting young player."
You interested? "Does he want to move?"
Well, he doesn't know it yet,
but do you wanna have a quick word with him?"Of course."
OK, I'll just put him on the call.
Roberto, give me a couple of minutes.
"OK."
What the fuck is this?
"I asked you a fucking question.
"No, no, no, no, no. Don't try and take it off now.
"I said stop and answer me when I ask you a question.
" Why are you wearing that dress?
"WOMAN: "I-I..." That's not a fucking answer, is it?
"I know your ex gave it to you. Do you miss him?
"Are you fucking him? Yeah.
" "
Matt, what the fuck, man?
Yeah, what the fuck is this?
"It's what they call blackmail.
"You give me what I want and the recordings disappear."
Recordings? "There's more than one.
"And trust me, that was PG compared to the rest of them."
What do you want?
"Two million pounds."
You're fucking joking, right? "No joke."
Well, where am I meant to get two mil from?
"I don't care how you get it.
Well, I ain't got it, so...
"Find it."
I'll just go out to my garden and pluck it off my fucking money tree.
"I'll call you back in two hours.
If you're not willing to pay,
"then these tapes will become available for public listening."
Yeah, yeah, hold on a minute.
Ugh.
"Jimmy!"
I've just had some fucking cunt
send me a recording of Matt hitting someone
and, er... "Wait, wait, wait. Matt Gravish?
Yeah. Yes. "How do you know it was him?"
Because it was his fucking voice. How do you think?
"OK, calm down, right?
"Are the recordings from the case?" I don't know. Probably.
"But the jury's still deliberating."
You do know if this gets out his contract will be pulled.
How did this happen? I was under the impression that his phone was clean.
"It was!" Well, obviously it wasn't.
"I don't know what to say."
I want her number. "No! No, no, no, no, no. No."
Give me the emergency number.
"I cannot in my right mind allow you to call her."Don't worry about it.
I've got a burner phone.
It's untraceable. "I'm sorry. It could-"
Give me that fucking number,
or I will ring Cathy and I will tell her that when you're working late
you're actually getting your cock sucked by your 20-year-old secretary.
You are a tremendous arsehole when you want to be.
"The number!"
"Let me find it! God's sake.
"077860 3698 fucking 7."
Fuck.
Hello? "Who's this?"
Jimmy Banks.
Why are you calling?
Is this DCI- "Don't... Don't use my name, idiot.
"Now, answer my question.
There's an issue. "What sort of issue?"
I've just been sent an email of a recording of Matt,
which is something that you should have erased.
"Impossible. Everything incriminating was deleted
"and hidden from the prosecution." Well, obviously it wasn't.
"Do not tell me I didn't do something when I just said I did."
I've just been sent a recording of Matt slapping a girl.
"And?"
They want money. I'm being fucking blackmailed.
"I fail to see how this is of any concern to me."
I'm being fucking blackmailed with the recordings that you missed.
Now, I paid you a lot of money,
so I expect the service that you guaranteed me.
Do you understand me?
"Send them on to me. Email address is coming."
Right...
Let's do this.
"Hola, Jimmy."
Roberto. I'm sorry about that. Something came up.
"No pasa nada. It's OK."
Right, I'm gonna get Jerome on the call.
"Yeah?" Jerome? Jimmy Banks.
You good to talk? "I'm not sure, bruv.
"I'm a bit on tilt about this."
I just got someone that wants to say hello to you.
"A'ight."
Roberto? You're on.
"Hola, Jerome. It's Roberto Sanchez, the sporting director of Madrid."
Jerome: "Brah, that's a mad ting.
I didn't know he actually knew you, bro.
"Of course. A long friendship.
"We were just talking and he mentioned you.
"I just want to say you're a fantastic footballer.
"I enjoy watching you play and I know the people of Madrid
"would also love to."Are you alright? Yeah, that's mad.
"Love for that."
"I'm going to go now, so you can talk to James.
"I hope to speak to you very soon."
"A'ight, cool, Mr Sanchez."
"Adios." Adios, Roberto.
Are you there, kid? "Yeah, bro.
Where are you? "Training ground."
Whereabouts? "Treatment room."
You on your own? "Yeah, bruv.
"Physio left me on one of the machines. She's gone for a coffee."
Good. So, that's how I roll.
Now, do you wanna play for the 13-times Champions League winners,
all in a place where the sun shines 350 days a year?
That wasn't rhetorical. "I mean, who wouldn't?"
Course you do. Now...if you wanna play there, I'm your man.
I've had a lot of dealings with Madrid.
I personally know Kristy. I know I can get this deal done.
"Brah, it's just, like, everything that's happened with you and us,
"like, suddenly you're calling me about Madrid."
Listen to me, kid. Listen.
Don't believe everything you read in the newspapers.
Granted, I went off the rails for a bit, but I'm back.
And I'm the same killer that I always was.
"Look, man, Bruce don't think I should leave.
"He says another couple of seasons there, listen to the gaffer,
"maybe Liverpool or Chelsea or- " Liverpool won't deal with him,
not after the fiasco last summer. They won't pick up the phone to him.
You want Liverpool, I'll call John Henry right now.
Me and him, we're as tight as a nun's fanny.
Stayed on his superyacht last summer. I taught the cunt how to paddleboard.
"Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Stop. Don't do that. I want Madrid, man."
Good, good. Now...next question.
What you on a week? 25?
15. Fuck off. Is that it?
"Bruce don't want the money getting to my head."
I'll tell you what'll get in your head. Being underpaid.
I reckon you're worth about 100 a week. So let's call it 115.
"You what, mate?"
115,000 euros a week.
I've added the 15 cos of the exchange rate.
"No, immoral, that. I don't need that sort of P."
No-one does. Who does? It's a short career.
You gotta earn while you can. You never know when it's gonna be over.
"And the fee?" Don't worry about that.
That's for me, Roberto, and Kristy to sort out.
"Bruce thinks a large fee will put pressure on, man."
Fuck Bruce. Sorry, Jerome, I'm just...
What's your contract situation with him anyway?"Contract?"
Yeah, like, we need to find a loophole in your contract, you know.
My lawyer, although he's a posh twat,
is an absolute devil at destroying contracts, so...
"I didn't even sign anything."
What do you mean? "Just a handshake deal, innit?"
What? "We shook on it."
Hold on a minute. Hold on. Let me just get this straight.
You're telling me you haven't signed a contract with him?
"Nope."
Well, if you want me to do this deal for you,
you're gonna have to come in and sign
a standard representation agreement with me."A'ight. Cool, bruv."
I got a couple knocking about in the office. Why don't you come over?
I'll send you the postcode. "I'll be there soon as."
A fucking handshake.
Go on, talk.
"That audio file, I've never heard it before."
So it's not from the trial? "No."
So, where's it from?
"My guess is your boy has done this before, which wouldn't surprise me."
He's told me he's never done it before.
"Well, you can add lying to his long- "I believe him.
"Would you if he wasn't a footballer making you money?"
Right, what am I gonna do? "How much do they want?"
Two million. And there's more recordings. Worse ones, apparently.
"This isn't my problem."
Well, you say that, but, you know, if this gets out,
there might be an investigation, could lead to you.
"Oh, now you're threatening me." I'm just trying to make a point.
This could be a fucking nightmare for all of us.
"My help will cost you."
How much?
"If I save you two million, I want 10% of that."
Done."I can get a tech guy I know onto this email address.
"He should be able to crack it." Good.
"And, Jimmy, if my name is ever uttered from your lips,
"I'll fucking kill you."
Fucking Spanish and their siestas.
Come on.
Punctual.
"Do we have a deal?"
Well, it's a lot of money, so I'm just seeing
if I can try and get it together, you know?
"I will call back in ten minutes.
"If you don't have the money ready, this goes public."
"I'm fucking talking to you.
"Hey. Hey! Don't walk away from me.
"" Fuck's sake.
"" Fucking hell.
"I didn't want to do that.
"You OK?" ""
"You can get up now." ""
"Get up!" ""
"You're acting like you've fought 12 rounds with me. You only had one.
"Let me help you up and we can stop that bleeding, yeah?"
"" "Here. Put that on there."
"Tell you what, how about I pop out and get some new make-up
"from that posh shop you like?
"Yeah? Sound good?"
"Hola, Jimmy. What is the news?"
Roberto, where you been? We need to try and make this transfer happen.
"Tranquilo, my friend." The kid's keen.
"Good news, then." How much authority you got?
"Total." Good.
Good. We need to get this done today
before the Saudis start sniffing around. They could tempt him.
"How's your relationship with Miss Brody?
She don't hate me like most of the other clubs."Ha ha."
We've had a couple of dealings. They've always run really smoothly,
so, uh...
What I will say is this:
don't try and strong-arm her.
She takes no shit off no-one.
"How much, do you think?"
I think 100 million would be the perfect deal.
"And, James, your commission.
"We have regularly paid you four percent,
"but due to the size of this transaction,
"I would like you to accept three."
Well, as it's you, Roberto, and only because it's you...
..yeah, I'll do that.
"An excellent compromise. Gracias."
Gracias.
"Hiya. Kristy Brody's office. May I ask who's calling?"
It's Jimmy Banks. "Mrs Brody's in a meeting right now.
"Can I take a message?" No, you can't.
Knock on her door and end that meeting and get her on the phone.
"Excuse me, sir, I can't do that."
When she finds out you've made her lose out on a £100 million pounds,
you probably won't have a job. Trust me.
The pros of knocking on that door outweigh the cons.
"OK."
"Jimmy Banks.
"Always with a fascinating story to get some attention."
Well, you know me, I only deal in non-fiction.
I didn't know you still had a job."
You should know who all the active agents are.
Get some standards over there. It all starts at the front desk.
"Always with a comeback."
I'm gonna stop talking bollocks and I'm gonna get to the point.
Jerome Sweet.
Madrid want him."I'm afraid this call will be fruitless for you.
"Firstly, you're not his agent, and secondly, he's not for sale."
Well, I spoke to Jerome
and as of today...
I am his agent.
"He's signed with you?"
Verbally. He's coming in later just to sign on the dotted line.
"I require a copy of that contract before anything could be finalised.
"The last thing I want is an FA investigation.
So, is he for sale?
"Everyone has a price.
"He'd have to agree. I don't think he wants to leave East London."
Trust me, he wants to leave.
"I don't see us filling his position with what's on the market now."
Well, you're gonna be able to buy a whole new team
with what Madrid are spending.
"Which is?"
£100 million pounds.
"It would cost closer to 130."
Well, now, I know that you're tempted with 100,
otherwise you wouldn't have come to the phone.
"130." Yeah, they're not gonna go that high.
They're looking at Delino for that, so...
"130 is final."Right, d'you know what? This ain't gonna work out.
Let's hope he doesn't get injured.
And I'll talk to you later. "Oh, hold on.
"Would you be making the payment upfront?
Most of it, some in add-ons. "How do you want to proceed?"
If me and you could come to some sort of common ground,
I'll get Roberto on the call and then you can complete it.
He'll then send you the offer by email.
Listen, let's get this done today. Let's get these sheets lodged.
I don't want no-one getting wind of it.
"100 cash and 20 add-ons."
So, no foreplay. OK.
80 cash, 30 add-ons.
"90 and 30." 90 and 10.
"90 and 20."
What does it feel like to have the biggest balls
out of all the CEOs in the Premier League?
"Uncomfortable in women's underwear."
Ha ha. Right.
I'm gonna get Roberto on the call and you can finalise the deal.
"Hola, Jimmy."
Roberto. I've got Kristy Brody here.
I'm gonna let youse two discuss Jerome's transfer fee.
Go. "Hola, Senora Brody.
"A pleasure to make your acquaintance."KRISTY: "Likewise."
"Thank you for taking the time to discuss this offer with me.
"I hope we can make a compromise today."
"I'm sure we can do what's best for both our clubs."
"I gather, if Jimmy has called me,
"it means we have our minds in position, no?"Correct.
"And what were your last thoughts, Senora Brody?"
"130 million."
What the fuck?
"All in cash." Kristy...
"Is that a joke? I was under the impression
"you had discussed a lower figure with James."
"I've just changed my mind." "Then this conversation is over.
"Adios."Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Roberto?
Roberto? Are you there?
"Si."
I gotta say, I like your style, Kristy.
You know? You don't take no shit off no-one. I respect it.
I'm sure, Roberto, you must respect it too, no?
"I do not." Oh, come on.
The style, the tenacity.
Kristy, seriously, you need to think about this.
Where did you come last season? Eighth.
You went out of both cups early. Bit of depth to your squad,
you'll be pushing for a trophy.
You take this cash now, you'll get a top-drawer midfielder,
a defender, and a backup striker.
"Forget that demand."
Right, I'm gonna start this off again at a nice round 90.
"90 up front with 30 add-ons."
"That is well over what I would like to pay.
"Did James mention we have a deal for Delino?"
"Delino for 100? Yes, I've heard that threat.
"I'm gonna have to call bullshit on that and stick to my offer.
"If you don't like it, the second I get off the phone,
"I will offer Jerome a six-year deal with a buyout clause of 200 million.
"And he will sign that. Because he just wants to play.
This is why the kid is so special.
Can you just stop talking fucking bollocks, the pair of you?
Can we get this business done. Huh? Huh?
"I will live with the 90, but not the 30. It's not possible."
What about 20?
"Yeah, OK."
And the add-ons?
"Five for a La Liga in two years,
"five for a Champions League in three years.
"Five for 50 games, five for 100." "No La Liga.
"Five each for two Champions Leagues in five years.
"100 and 200 games.
"75 and 150 across all competitions."
"Si. Deal."
Yes. "James, are you there?"
This is wonderful news.
Congratulations.
Roberto, make sure you send over that email."Si."
"James, send me your contract with Jerome before I can accept."
Course I will. As soon as he signs it, I'll ping it over.
"Excellent."
Fuck your recordings.
Here's to three million, you brilliant cunt.
Whoo!
"Do we have a deal?"
Hello, motherfucker.
"Excuse me?"
You heard me. I said go and fuck your mother.
In fact, go and fuck all mothers.
"This isn't a good start
"to the most important conversation of your life."
I think this is quite important for you as well.
Because this little fucking scam you've got going on
hinges on what I'm about to say.
"And that is?"
I'm not paying.
"That is disappointing." I mean, I got the money.
It's just that you ain't getting a fucking dime.
"I think it's wise to pay."
I would have paid more as well.
I got about four million tucked away.
"I have the ability to ruin Mr Gravish's life."
Ruin it. Fuck him. He's a dirty cunt.
"I'm sorry it's come to this."
One more thing.
Send my love to Luke Skywalker.
# Football's coming home!
# It's coming home! It's coming home! It's coming!
# Football's coming home
# IAN BROUDIE, DAVID BADDIEL Three Lions #
# It's coming home
# It's coming home, it's coming
# Football's coming home
# It's coming home
# It's coming home, it's coming
# Football's coming home
# Tears for heroes dressed in grey
# No plans for final day
# Stay in bed, drift away
# It could have been all songs in the street
# It was nearly complete
# It was nearly so sweet
# And now I'm singing
# Three lions on a shirt
# Jules Rimet still gleaming
# No more years of hurt
# No more need for dreaming...
# We can dance Nobby's dance
# We can dance it in France... #
"You know who it is from you're hitting me. I'll hit you back when I can. Love."
Jerome.
It's me. I'm assuming you're on your way.
So, give me a call when you're downstairs.
We'll sort it out.
"You know who it is from you're hitting me.
"I'll hit you back when I can. Love."
Fuck's sake.
"Hello?"
Jerome.
My man.
Jerome, you...
"You know who it is from you're hitting me.
"I'll hit you back when I can. Love."
"Oh, hello, Jimmy. What's up?"
Steph, erm...
have you spoke to Jerome? Because...
Do you know where he is? "Oh, let me just check the GPS tracker I have on him."
I really need to speak to him. I'm in the middle of something. Er...
And, erm, I don't know, er...
I think he might be backing out.
"Have you talked to Mum yet?" What?
No. "Call her first."
I ain't really got time for any of that shit right now, OK?
"Oh, but you have time to call other people and make your deals?"
It's called work, Steph. You should try it sometime, yeah?
Instead of sitting around drinking shit wine,
trying to sell other people's shit paintings.
"Oh, do please tell me what you really think."
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.
I just...
I'll call you back.
Jerome? "Hello?"
You're downstairs, yeah, kid?
"Sorry, Mr Banks.
Why are you sorry? Where are ya? "I ain't gonna make it, bro."
You gotta come in. Remember? You gotta sign the document,
so that I can negotiate on your behalf."I ain't signing nothin'."
No, you don't understand. You gotta sign a document, in't ya?
"No, I understand you fine, Mr Banks.
"It's just... I don't wanna go to Madrid, yeah?
"I wanna play in the Prem."
Fuck off!
I'm sorry, Jerome. Erm...
It's just that this is a £110-million deal, yeah?
A £100 million transfer fee.
Do you understand what that means for me?
And the deal I've got you, kid...
The deal I've got for you. You telling me
you're going to turn down £5 million? Are you fucking insane?
"Look, man, I'm sorry for shegging you, Mr Banks, innit?
"But I just don't feel ready to move to such a big club, like.
"What if I don't get any game time?" Game time.
I know you're joking and I know you're downstairs.
This is a fucking good joke, by the way. A good joke.
"I'm really not joking you, Mr Banks."
I just need you to do this one thing for me.
You go and play there and I promise you, I swear on my mother's life,
I will transfer you back to England. Do you understand me?
"Geezer, I'm sorry. I ain't going there, man.
"I ain't trying to mess up your-" Listen to me, you little cunt!
You don't leave that club now, you'll never fucking leave it.
I know everyone in this game. I will get you fucking blacklisted.
"Brother, are you threatening me?" Course I'm fucking threatening ya!
"See? Just look at you. You're still the same, man.
"I'd never, ever leave Bruce for a prick like you."
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Jerome?
Jerome? I'm sorry.
I didn't mean that.
Jerome.
What the fuck just happened?
Hello? "Hello, sir.
"Are you happy with your mobile service provider?"
Get a real fucking job.
Hello?
"I was 30 seconds away
"from sending these files.
"Why the change of heart?"
I just couldn't let you ruin my man.
"You mean you couldn't let me ruin your meal ticket."
Whatever.
"You're lower than scum, Jimmy.
"A lot lower.
"I hope he finds out one day how much you really think of him."
The only reason I'm talking to you is so that we can do this deal.
So, two million. I've got it for you. I done it.
"But that deal is over.
"You said so yourself.
"Now we have a new deal."
What new deal?
"The price just doubled.
"Four million."
Four million?
"Would you like another recording to prove it?"
"Hm...
"Let me see.
"The choking one is real nice."
Why are you doing this to me, you horrible cunt?
"You know why."
Who are you?
"I'll call back soon for your answer."
Who are you?
Who are you?!
How much money have I got in the Polish account?
"I shouldn't even have picked up the phone after what you said to me."
Shut your fucking mouth.
How much money did I earn from the property deal?
"Why? Why do you need to know?"
Because it's my fucking money, that's why!
"
"You... You're going to pay. That's ludicrous."
I have to pay, Bob.
I have to pay. "Jimmy.
"Jimmy, please. Relax yourself.
"Is he worth it, though?
"What if he becomes worthless?
"The individual who has the recordings
"is offering you their word
"that they will keep them private, correct?"
"Well, what if they have no intention of deleting the files?
"You pay, they take your money
"and they send them to the press anyway."
Fuck.
"It's a possibility, yes?"
Yes!
So, what am I gonna do?
"How much does Matt know about the fix?"
Nothing, really.
It's a good job he can kick a football cos he's as thick as shit.
"How much do they want?"
Four million.
"Jesus."
So...
I'm gonna ask you again.
How much is in the Poland account?
"There's approximately 3.7.
"But my opinion is: do not pay.
"Let them send these audios out.
"Matt will take the fall.
"You'll never work in the business again, but you'll- "
What the fuck are you talking about, I'll never work in the business again?
"You're a loudmouth bully that nobody likes
"who's halfway through a 12-step programme."
They said that about me last year, though, didn't they? Look at me.
Clawing my way back to the top.
I don't just do this job, Bob.
I live it. I breathe it. I fucking sweat it.
Do you understand me?
I am this fucking job!
"James...it's over.
"You know it.
"You're just choosing not to believe it.
"This is the end for you.
"James.
"James, listen to me, please.
"I...
"James? Are you there?"
I've gotta go.
"James."
"Your answer?"
I'm not paying.
"What was that?"
I'm not...paying.
"I think you should reconsider."
I don't care what you think.
I don't care if you send out every single one of them recordings.
"I'm sorry you feel that way.
"Before I send them out, there is one I would like you to hear.
"I really think you're going to enjoy it.
"It's my personal favourite."
"I can't believe this is happening. That fucking bitch.
"I knew she was gonna be difficult the moment I met her.
"What do you mean, I'm gonna be charged? I did nothing wrong.
"To court? Fuck off. She came to my room.
"Yeah, nobody's gonna believe her.
"Shit.
"What about the new contract? What did Ned say?
"Fuck. Oh, fuck. No way.
"Right, Jim, what can we do here?
"There has to be a way out of this. I need you to help me.
"What plan? What do you mean, I don't need to know?
"It's my fucking arse on the line.
"Go on, then, what's the condition?" What the fuck?
"Mate, I swear to you, I did not do this.
"We're both on the gear and the champagne. It got fucking crazy.
"But she never told me to stop." Oh, my God.
"But, Jimmy, she wanted it, mate.
"She sucked my cock in the hotel elevator, for fuck's sake.
"Look at the fucking footage.
"She said she liked it rough. She wanted it hard, and that.
"That's literally what she said.
That's right. Next thing I know, she's saying I fucking raped her.
"It's a lie.
"Robert? Oh, you mean that fucking Bob the lawyer prick?
"Who the fuck could he know that could possibly help?"
Oh, no. "You serious?
"How does that posh bastard know a bent cop?
"Fucking hell, I feel like I'm in a season of Call Of Duty.
"Fucking unbelievable."
Oh, no.
Yes.
"Four million.
"I'm emailing you a bank account now.
"If it's not there in ten minutes, then you, Matt,
"and this infamous Bob the lawyer prick
"will have dicks in your mouths instead of cigars." WEBVTT X-TIMESTAMP-MAP=LOCAL:00:00:00.000,MPEGTS:0
"will have dicks in your mouths instead of cigars."
I don't have four million.
"I hope you all enjoy prison."
Three-point-seven.
That's all I can give you.
"That will have to do, then."
It worked.
It fucking worked.
Fucking phone. Where's the phone?
"Jimmy, we won! We did it!"
We need to pay that fucking money right now.
"What? Why?"
Because someone has got some recordings
of some serious shit on us. "Us?"
Yes, us. You and me.
"How did I get dragged into this?
"Who is it?" Doesn't fucking matter who it is,
we just need to pay it. I just need Matt scandal-free.
I just need him to sign that contract.
And then Jimmy Banks lives to fight another day.
"Listen, Jimmy, I'm... I'm sorry I doubted you."
Well, wouldn't be the first time, would it?
I've just sent you the account.
"Do you trust them?"
I haven't got no choice.
Otherwise we're all gonna get banged up.
"I-I-I... I can't go to prison. I wouldn't survive."
I know you wouldn't.
Lucky for you you're an old little bald fat cunt
and no one'll wanna fuck ya.
"Are you drunk?" Yeah.
"Jesus Christ, Jimmy"!Just pay the fucking money and put it to bed.
Please listen. Jimmy... Listen, you must under- "
Yeah? "I found them."
What? "I found them!"
Who is it? "Indicator, fuckhead!"
"Don't pay any money."
What? "My guy tracked them down.
"I'm on my way there right now." Shit.
"What, you paid?" I don't know.
"How do you not know?" I don't fucking handle the money!
"Well, handle it." Hold on a minute.
"I've done it! I've paid!"
Fuck!
I paid.
"Why?" You fucking know why!
"Right, I'll get you your money back.Fuck you too!
"But I want 400 now." Fuck off.
"I will stop the car right here and turn around, I swear."
I want every recording and I want every copy.
"I can do that." Be sure.
"No-one's ever held out on me before.
"I have a few interview techniques that allow me to be persuasive."
Good.
Then you've got a deal. "I might have to get dirty."
Get dirty? I want you to get fucking filthy.
Actually...
I wanna come down there. I wanna have a word with these cunts.
They think they can fuck about with me?
"No, no, no, you need to stay out of this."
I'm paying you all this money. What is the address?
"It is not a good idea."
I'll give you another hundred grand.
"57 Wrenstone Road in Chelsea."
You wanna fuck about with me?
You wanna fuck about with Jimmy Banks?
Fuck.
Answer the phone, you cunt.
Answer the fuckin' phone.
Answer the phone.
Answer the fucking phone! Fuck.
Don't go in. "Why not?"
I beg you, don't go in. "Fuck you.
"If those recordings implicate you, they- "
I'll give you 500 grand not to go in.
"You know who it is, don't you?
Just take the money. Please don't ask any questions.
"Oh, I have one, though. How are you gonna pay me £500,000?"
Matt Gravish's contract.
As soon as he signs it, I get a £1 million.
I get two million every year. I handle his money.
I'll get it to you, I promise you.
"Well, you will pay me 500 from each of his first three payments.
"I can still walk into the place.
"I'm just around the corner and I have an itch to dish out some hurt."
You've got a deal. Of course you've got a deal.
Please don't go in.
"And the recordings?"
I'll handle it.
They won't go anywhere, I promise.
"Well, you'd better handle it,
"or I will put a bullet in your fucking face."
"Hello, Jimmy."
I know.
"What do you know?"
I know it's you.
"Good for you.
"I was a few minutes from letting you know I received the money."
And you used that little shit Jerome to back me into a corner.
It's fucking good. I'm proud of ya.
"Yeah, and you still weaselled your way out of it.
"I had to bring in the heavy artillery
"to take down the great Jimmy Banks."
He still holds a grudge, doesn't he, because of that academy contract?
"Oh, fuck you. You nearly cost him his dream.
"He was blacklisted. It was pure luck he got back in."
He lost us a lot of money.
"There it is.
"Your life revolves around one fucking thing: money.
"Money. Fucking money.
"It dictates your life, controls every decision you make.
"A problem needs solving? Pay it off.
"Someone committed a crime? Oh, fucking yeah, pay it off.
""
I drove up and down the country in the pissing rain,
in the mud, in the snow...
..to watch these little kids play football.
I would beg these clubs to give 'em a chance. I worked hard.
And I did it so that I can provide for you and your mum.
"You have tunnel vision.
"You're so fucking blinkered by pound signs.
"You still don't know what this is all really about, do you?
"Do you?!"
Well, please enlighten me.
"How do you think I have the recordings?"
Someone gave 'em to you.
"Are you purposely blocking out the truth?
"How many times did he stay at our house growing up?
""
Who gave 'em to you?
"Fuck. He could be so charming.
"He had... He had, like, a spell over me."
What are you talking about? No, he didn't.
"I don't know why I stayed with him, forgave him,
"even after what he would do."
""
What?
"The amount of times I sat on my chair for dinner,
"leaning to one side.
"How'd you never notice?
"
I gave him everything.
I treated him like a fucking son.
And he does this to me. "To you?
"He didn't do anything to you!"
"Check your email."
No, I won't.
"Play it."
I can't.
"Play...it."
"No, I arranged this ages ago.
"Katie and Frank booked a place for me. I'm sorry, I can't go with you."
"But this is important to me.
"Yeah, and this is important to me."
"If you step out that door, never come back."
"Perfect end to my night. Agh!" ""
Fuck.
-"No, no!" -"Fucking bitch!
"" "Fucking bitch! Fuck you! Fuck you.
"Agh!" "Fucking shut up!"
"Right..." ""
I'm so sorry.
I didn't know.
"You didn't want to know."
How can you say that? I would never let this happen to you.
You're my little girl. You're my flesh and blood.
I love you.
"Do you know what I think?
"I think you've been lying for so many years
"that your brain can't distinguish what's true and what's bullshit."
It's... It's the truth.
Steph?
Stephanie, are you there?
"Turn on your television.
"You did it.
"Congratulations."
You can burn it all down.
"I can, but we had a deal, and, unlike you, I honour mine.
"You paid me the money, so I'm giving you what was promised.
"Goodbye, Jimmy."
Dad.
"Jimmy. Jimmy, we did it.
"Jimmy, you there?"
I should never have fixed this.
"Fixed what?"
The deleted phone messages, the ripped underwear.
The blood-stained sheets.
All inadmissible because they were tampered with in the lab.
"Wait. It was you?"
Who do you THINK did it?
The defence-case elves in the middle of the fucking night?
"I'll pay you back.
You can't pay me back.
Do you know why?
Because you've cost me my fucking soul.
You raped that girl.
You fucking did it, and you lied to me, and I believed you.
"It was an accident, Jimmy. What does that mean?!
"It was an accident?"
How many?
How fucking many?
"A few."
And Stephanie?
Why?
I let you into our home, into our lives.
She was like a sister to you. "Jimmy, no, no, no."
I know what you fucking did to her, you dirty cunt.
You're a fucking animal.
And I'm gonna get you banged up.
"Jimmy, don't say that." Cos that's where you belong.
"Come on, Jimmy. I'm...
"I'm sorry, alright? Erm...
"
It's something I'm really trying to control. Erm...
"I think I need help.
"I'll get help. I hate myself for what I am, to be honest, mate.
"
"Jimmy, you listening?
"I'll go... I'll go to a fucking psychologist,
"a...a psychiatrist. I'll work on it every day, Jimmy.
"Erm...
"You know, all the times you talked me out of quitting.
"I wanted to work in the fucking can factory,
"but you talked me out of it. You believed in me, mate."
I did.
And now I fucking hate you. "Jimmy, listen to me.
"We did it.
"We fucking made it. We always talked about the big contract.
"Well, I have it, alright? Against all odds.
"I finally have it in our hands. Don't throw this away now."
No. This is where our journey ends.
"Jimmy, no, mate."
I will never be able to forgive you.
And I'll never be able to forgive myself.
"Jimmy, please, man..."
"You had better not be calling to complain about something.
"We ran this as soon as the 'not guilty' left that judge's lips."
No.
I'm calling you for that favour.
"Why do I get an ominous feeling?"
I've just sent you an email of a written confession.
"Confession?"
There's some audio files attached.
I want you to air it with the story.
But the woman's voice must be completely edited out.
Do you understand me? "Yeah."
Fucking promise me. It's important.
"I promise."
You can quote me from anything on the email.
"What the hell is this?
"Oh, my God. Is it...?
"Is this true?"
Your favour to me...
..is to get this out there as soon as possible, please.
"Well, you can keep the favour. I owe you another one.
"I think you're gonna need them."
Do you know any good lawyers?
"Mine's gonna be in the dock with me."
""
"Go on. Hee hee hee!"
"That's it. Whoa!"
"Yay!"
"Quick, I'm gonna get ya." ""
"Hold on tight, baby."
"You better catch me if I fall."
"Course I'll catch ya. I'll always catch ya."
"Never, ever let you fall, cos I love ya."
"Me too, Daddy."
""
"You better catch me if I fall."
"Course I'll catch ya. I'll always catch ya.
"Never, ever let you fall, cos I love ya."
"Me too, Daddy."
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