1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:06,214 --> 00:00:08,007 [audience cheering] 3 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 4 00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:31,364 Whoa, what's up, Oakland? 5 00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,791 Please, please, please. 6 00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:43,668 Thank you. 7 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:45,795 Oh. 8 00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,464 [audience cheering] 9 00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:51,468 This is exciting. 10 00:00:52,761 --> 00:00:53,595 [man] Yeah! 11 00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:56,681 Thank you so much. Thank you for coming to this. 12 00:00:56,765 --> 00:00:58,475 And I really appreciate it. 13 00:00:58,558 --> 00:01:02,020 This is gonna be fun. I had to do this special in Oakland. 14 00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:04,064 [audience cheering] 15 00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:12,072 Oakland is one of my favorite cities in the world. 16 00:01:12,155 --> 00:01:14,657 -It's like-- It is. It is. -[audience cheering] 17 00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:18,453 It's a very unique city. 18 00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:21,831 It's the one place where you can get stock tips from a pimp. 19 00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:23,458 [audience laughing] 20 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:29,714 The whole bay is dope. 21 00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:34,219 I didn't wanna tape in San Francisco. 22 00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:36,763 [audience laughing, then cheering] 23 00:01:42,435 --> 00:01:45,855 Nothing against San Francisco, just a little too whimsy for me. 24 00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,315 [audience laughing] 25 00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:51,194 You know what I mean? It's just too-- There's just too much hope. 26 00:01:51,736 --> 00:01:52,779 [audience laughing] 27 00:01:53,696 --> 00:01:55,740 I didn't think my jokes would do well there. 28 00:01:55,824 --> 00:01:57,283 [audience laughing] 29 00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,869 When a parent says, "You can be anything you wanna be," 30 00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:03,331 I feel like that sentence should end with, "In San Francisco." 31 00:02:03,414 --> 00:02:04,791 [audience laughing] 32 00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:09,462 You wanna open a bakery, but you only make cupcakes? 33 00:02:09,546 --> 00:02:11,798 You can be anything you wanna be... 34 00:02:13,341 --> 00:02:14,801 in San Francisco. 35 00:02:14,884 --> 00:02:15,969 [audience laughing] 36 00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:21,724 You wanna smoke crack in front of the library? 37 00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,143 [audience laughing] 38 00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:28,898 Oh, you know that guy? 39 00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,275 [audience laughing] 40 00:02:36,781 --> 00:02:40,160 There's so much to talk about. This is my first special in five years. I-- 41 00:02:40,243 --> 00:02:41,327 [audience cheering] 42 00:02:47,792 --> 00:02:49,961 I got so much on my mind, man. 43 00:02:51,379 --> 00:02:55,258 You ever see a homeless guy with a dick so big, you stop feeling sorry for him? 44 00:02:55,341 --> 00:02:56,759 [audience laughing] 45 00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:11,566 You could be whatever you wanna be... 46 00:03:11,649 --> 00:03:12,817 [audience laughing] 47 00:03:14,485 --> 00:03:15,695 ...in San Francisco. 48 00:03:17,447 --> 00:03:18,740 [Che laughing] 49 00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,785 I saw that recently. I did see a homeless guy-- 50 00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:25,830 Uh, a gentleman. I don't know what you call him, but... 51 00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,165 [audience laughing] 52 00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:32,378 His dick was so big that I started to think maybe that's why he was homeless. 53 00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:33,838 [audience laughing] 54 00:03:37,091 --> 00:03:39,886 Maybe he went through life with too much confidence. 55 00:03:39,969 --> 00:03:41,054 [audience laughing] 56 00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:44,974 People warned him, "Get a better job or you'll lose everything." 57 00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,435 He's like, "Job? I don't need money. 58 00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:50,897 I got a big-ass dick. I'll be fine. 59 00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,983 Just whip this shit out in CVS. 60 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:55,652 [audience laughing] 61 00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,323 See where it takes me." 62 00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:01,491 [audience laughing] 63 00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:09,165 That sounds like just a gross dick joke, but, you know... 64 00:04:10,833 --> 00:04:12,001 [audience laughing] 65 00:04:13,002 --> 00:04:16,965 Maybe it's insight into the fragile male ego. Okay, now it's smart. 66 00:04:19,717 --> 00:04:23,554 It's true. A gainfully employed man can see a homeless guy with a giant penis 67 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:25,181 and be like, "Lucky motherfucker." 68 00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:26,516 [audience laughing] 69 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:30,561 "Some dudes just get all the breaks, I guess." 70 00:04:30,645 --> 00:04:31,771 [audience laughing] 71 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:39,821 I don't know why men are so obsessed with their dicks. It's funny. 72 00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:42,532 Every man here knows what I'm talking about. 73 00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:49,080 Every dude here has measured his dick, and I don't mean just with a ruler. 74 00:04:50,915 --> 00:04:53,418 Anything that could be the shape of a dick. 75 00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:54,669 [audience laughing] 76 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:58,047 Hairbrush, shampoo bottle. 77 00:04:58,756 --> 00:05:02,051 Ladies, if you go in the bathroom and see the remote control in there. 78 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,137 You're like, "Why is the remote in here?" 79 00:05:04,220 --> 00:05:05,930 [audience laughing, applauding] 80 00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,309 'Cause we gotta get scale. 81 00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:10,476 [audience laughing] 82 00:05:13,646 --> 00:05:15,273 Women don't measure their genitals. 83 00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:19,235 Either because you're smarter or you haven't figured out how yet. 84 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,528 [audience laughing] 85 00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:24,240 What would you do? Fill it with water and stand over a bucket? 86 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,450 [audience laughing] 87 00:05:28,202 --> 00:05:29,454 [audience applauding] 88 00:05:30,580 --> 00:05:33,624 -"I got two cups of pussy." Ew. -[audience laughing] 89 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:35,710 [Che laughing] 90 00:05:36,919 --> 00:05:40,173 "Two cups of pussy" sounds like a Megan Thee Stallion song. 91 00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:42,633 [audience laughing, then cheering] 92 00:05:47,764 --> 00:05:49,223 Two cups of pussy. 93 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:57,482 I like Megan Thee Stallion, but... I did not understand "WAP." 94 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:01,486 Like, wet-ass pussy? All the time? For real? 95 00:06:02,153 --> 00:06:04,030 You got, like, a condition? 96 00:06:05,406 --> 00:06:09,202 "That's right. My pussy's wet all the time. 97 00:06:09,285 --> 00:06:11,662 Funerals, birthday parties. 98 00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:12,789 [audience laughing] 99 00:06:15,875 --> 00:06:16,709 Court." 100 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:17,960 [audience laughing] 101 00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:25,968 Men are obsessed with their dicks. 102 00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:29,680 I've been trying to figure that shit out my entire life. Why? 103 00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:34,477 It's not because women like them. We'd prefer if you didn't like it. 104 00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:37,772 [audience laughing] 105 00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:42,777 You don't believe me? Go home. Go home. Tell your boyfriend one day. 106 00:06:42,860 --> 00:06:47,573 If you're watching this at home, go to your boyfriend and say, "I'm leaving 107 00:06:47,657 --> 00:06:49,700 'cause your dick is way too big. 108 00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:51,077 [audience laughing] 109 00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,037 I hate having sex with you. 110 00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:55,998 I need a much smaller man." 111 00:06:56,791 --> 00:07:00,336 He's gonna smile and say, "You gotta do what you gotta do. 112 00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:01,462 [audience laughing] 113 00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,883 This ain't going to ever change." 114 00:07:14,892 --> 00:07:17,395 I think men know that women like big dicks, 115 00:07:17,478 --> 00:07:20,022 but we just don't know how big is too big. 116 00:07:21,482 --> 00:07:23,568 So we think the number's infinity. 117 00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:24,694 [audience laughing] 118 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,658 It can't be infinity. At some point, it's too much, right? 119 00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:34,829 At some point, you're standing in front of a vending machine with a $100 bill. 120 00:07:34,912 --> 00:07:36,038 [audience chuckling] 121 00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:41,836 They're like, "It's nice, but it ain't going in. 122 00:07:41,919 --> 00:07:43,212 [audience laughing] 123 00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:50,803 I sure wish I had a five on me now." 124 00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:51,929 [audience laughing] 125 00:07:58,811 --> 00:08:04,442 This is weird, seeing you in your masks, but this audience is fully vaxed. 126 00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:05,776 Uh, I don't really-- 127 00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:07,236 [audience cheering] 128 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:16,078 I don't have a strong stance on whether you wanna be vaxed. 129 00:08:16,162 --> 00:08:19,957 I asked for it to be fully vaxed because I wanted the audience 130 00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:21,501 to understand my jokes. 131 00:08:21,584 --> 00:08:22,960 [audience laughing] 132 00:08:24,128 --> 00:08:25,379 [audience cheering] 133 00:08:36,474 --> 00:08:40,811 That doesn't make sense. I just talked for 15 minutes about homeless-guy dicks. 134 00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:42,104 [audience laughing] 135 00:08:46,776 --> 00:08:48,069 I'm pandering. 136 00:08:52,698 --> 00:08:54,700 I'm with you, though, I wear my mask. 137 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:57,203 If I wasn't performing, I'd have mine on. 138 00:08:57,286 --> 00:09:00,540 I started wearing mine when they said, "We don't need masks anymore." 139 00:09:00,623 --> 00:09:02,291 I was like, "I want my mask." 140 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,376 [audience laughing] 141 00:09:04,335 --> 00:09:08,214 Remember? "We don't need masks this summer." I was like, "Uh, no, we do." 142 00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:09,632 [audience laughing] 143 00:09:13,261 --> 00:09:14,095 I'm serious. 144 00:09:14,178 --> 00:09:16,097 When they first said we needed those masks, 145 00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:18,558 I was like, "Fuck the mask. That mask can't work." 146 00:09:19,308 --> 00:09:21,978 Then they're like, "We don't need masks." "I want my mask." 147 00:09:22,061 --> 00:09:23,354 [audience laughing] 148 00:09:25,231 --> 00:09:28,734 It's like when a girl says "You don't need a condom." "I need two condoms." 149 00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:30,069 [audience laughing] 150 00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:35,992 "I never wanted a condom more until you said that nasty shit." 151 00:09:41,622 --> 00:09:44,875 That's right. You better be vaccinated if you wanna come to my show. 152 00:09:44,959 --> 00:09:47,753 You got to be vaccinated. Get one of the three-- 153 00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:48,921 [audience cheering] 154 00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:54,594 Everybody's gotta be vaccinated, or, you know, get one of them cards. 155 00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:56,053 [audience laughing] 156 00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:02,977 That's the rule. Get vaccinated, or, you know, a card. 157 00:10:04,228 --> 00:10:06,230 Just some card stock in a printer. 158 00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:12,111 Anything will do. We're not looking. Don't laminate it. Doesn't matter. 159 00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:13,362 [audience chuckling] 160 00:10:14,655 --> 00:10:15,948 That's our defense. 161 00:10:18,117 --> 00:10:22,121 I'm trying to get my mother to get the vaccine. She's scared. 162 00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:28,753 Well, it's not her fault. Her neighbor got the vaccine, and he died three days later. 163 00:10:29,378 --> 00:10:30,880 He got hit by a truck. 164 00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,256 [audience laughing] 165 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,344 She thinks the vaccine is unlucky. 166 00:10:36,427 --> 00:10:37,511 [audience laughing] 167 00:10:40,264 --> 00:10:43,100 I got the vaccine, but I'm still skeptical. I don't know. 168 00:10:43,809 --> 00:10:46,687 Is anybody skeptical? Does anybody feel safer? 169 00:10:46,771 --> 00:10:48,064 [audience cheering] 170 00:10:48,856 --> 00:10:53,277 They make us feel stupid for being skeptical. I took it, but I don't know. 171 00:10:53,361 --> 00:10:57,114 You know why I was skeptical? Because the vaccine was free. 172 00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:58,324 [audience laughing] 173 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:02,370 I was like, I don't know about that shit. 174 00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:06,290 Free medicine in America? Uh... 175 00:11:07,291 --> 00:11:08,793 Since when? 176 00:11:08,876 --> 00:11:10,294 [audience cheering] 177 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:19,261 If the vaccine was $3000, I'd be like, "That sounds right. 178 00:11:19,345 --> 00:11:21,931 They trying to keep rich niggas alive. I get it." 179 00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:26,519 But free? That just sounds like a setup. 180 00:11:26,602 --> 00:11:28,312 [audience laughing] 181 00:11:28,396 --> 00:11:30,940 I grew up in public housing, you know... 182 00:11:32,149 --> 00:11:37,446 I remember what the government gives you for free. It's not usually their best. 183 00:11:38,364 --> 00:11:40,449 I don't know if you've tasted their cheese. 184 00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:41,534 [audience laughing] 185 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:45,246 I wouldn't trust them with vaccines after that. 186 00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:46,330 [audience laughing] 187 00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:51,544 I asked my doctor. I want the vaccine, but give me the one that costs some money. 188 00:11:51,627 --> 00:11:53,003 [audience laughing] 189 00:11:54,672 --> 00:11:59,635 He was like, "What?" I was like, "Give me the fucking... The real one. 190 00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:01,387 [audience laughing] 191 00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:05,099 I don't want that free shit. 192 00:12:05,933 --> 00:12:07,768 Give me the $3000 one." 193 00:12:09,437 --> 00:12:13,357 He was like, "They're all the same." Okay, but which one are you gonna give Rihanna? 194 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:14,442 [audience laughing] 195 00:12:15,526 --> 00:12:16,569 She's important. 196 00:12:19,905 --> 00:12:23,284 You tell me to trust science. I don't know science. 197 00:12:23,367 --> 00:12:24,827 [audience laughing] 198 00:12:24,910 --> 00:12:26,036 I trust history. 199 00:12:27,329 --> 00:12:31,041 History says, if this was any good, you'd be charging us for it. 200 00:12:31,125 --> 00:12:32,376 [audience laughing] 201 00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:38,257 I took that COVID serious. I stayed in for the first three months. 202 00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:41,594 I didn't go nowhere. I didn't protest. I didn't even loot. 203 00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:43,012 [audience laughing] 204 00:12:46,765 --> 00:12:49,768 I really needed some shit too. I didn't loot. 205 00:12:49,852 --> 00:12:52,563 I wanted to be a part of that. I did not loot. 206 00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:56,400 It's embarrassing! I gotta tell my grandkids about that. 207 00:12:56,484 --> 00:13:00,279 Greatest time to be alive as a Black man, I didn't get in on it. 208 00:13:00,362 --> 00:13:01,572 [audience laughing] 209 00:13:01,655 --> 00:13:04,617 Imagine asking your grandpa, "What was it like marching in Selma?" 210 00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:07,620 He's like, "There was a nasty flu that summer, so... 211 00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:08,913 [audience laughing] 212 00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:11,665 I stayed home because of germs." 213 00:13:11,749 --> 00:13:12,875 [audience laughing] 214 00:13:13,709 --> 00:13:16,420 "My grandfather was a bitch-ass nigga, man." 215 00:13:16,504 --> 00:13:17,588 [audience laughing] 216 00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:20,216 Fucking coon. 217 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:25,804 I had to watch all the looting and protesting on TV. 218 00:13:26,472 --> 00:13:30,392 It was dope too. I've never been prouder to be a Black man. 219 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:34,104 I'm serious. Watching Black people come together and tear shit up? 220 00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:36,732 That shit was a sight to see. I was proud. 221 00:13:36,815 --> 00:13:38,108 [audience cheering] 222 00:13:41,362 --> 00:13:44,698 I was calling all my white friends, "Colin, you know what it is." Hanging up. 223 00:13:44,782 --> 00:13:46,116 [audience laughing] 224 00:13:47,368 --> 00:13:49,411 I was showing off. I was excited. 225 00:13:54,416 --> 00:13:59,838 I was so excited. I was so proud. Up until January 6th. 226 00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:00,965 [audience booing] 227 00:14:01,048 --> 00:14:02,716 When they stormed that Capitol. 228 00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:05,678 And I saw how real niggas loot. 229 00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:06,887 [audience laughing] 230 00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:13,310 -That was impressive! Holy shit! -[audience cheering] 231 00:14:16,522 --> 00:14:20,442 Say what you will, but that was some good fucking looting, goddamn. 232 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:24,238 Black people did okay. We were stealing, like, from Target. 233 00:14:25,447 --> 00:14:26,615 We got Gucci belts. 234 00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,618 The motherfuckers tried to steal the Constitution 235 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,079 of the United States of America. 236 00:14:32,162 --> 00:14:33,914 [audience cheering] 237 00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:36,292 I didn't know that was up for grabs. 238 00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:37,626 [audience laughing] 239 00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:41,213 I was watching that on TV, like, "Fuck, let's get another go!" 240 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:45,384 Like watching Supermarket Sweep, they go for the caviar. 241 00:14:45,467 --> 00:14:48,095 You're like, "Oh, this nigga-- a genius." 242 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:55,811 All types of racist white groups I'd never heard of. 243 00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:59,773 I was watching that. "The Proud Boys are coming." The Proud Boys? 244 00:15:00,691 --> 00:15:03,110 "The Boogaloo Niggas." Who are the Boogaloo Niggas? 245 00:15:03,193 --> 00:15:04,445 [audience laughing] 246 00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:10,534 Why are they dressed like Vikings? What happened to sheets? 247 00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:11,660 [audience laughing] 248 00:15:12,202 --> 00:15:14,872 Y'all too good for sheets now? You're Vikings? 249 00:15:19,919 --> 00:15:21,670 I was embarrassed, dude. 250 00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:26,717 I was like, "Fuck that. I gotta start protesting. 251 00:15:28,135 --> 00:15:30,262 We're not as far ahead as I thought." 252 00:15:31,805 --> 00:15:35,643 I went to a Black Lives Matter rally right after that to support. 253 00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:37,519 But I must have gone too late. 254 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,689 It was all white women there. 255 00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:42,566 [audience laughing, then cheering] 256 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:47,821 Holy shit. You ever... 257 00:15:48,614 --> 00:15:51,492 You ever end up at a whites-only Black Lives Matter rally? 258 00:15:51,575 --> 00:15:53,118 That shit is confusing. 259 00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:56,080 You gotta prepare for that shit. 260 00:15:58,082 --> 00:16:00,250 They had signs. "Stop racism!" 261 00:16:00,334 --> 00:16:02,127 I'm like, who are you talking to? 262 00:16:02,211 --> 00:16:03,295 [audience laughing] 263 00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:04,213 Each other? 264 00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,050 Just call your fucking dad! 265 00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:09,301 [audience laughing] 266 00:16:11,553 --> 00:16:12,638 [audience cheering] 267 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,102 That shit was crazy. 268 00:16:19,436 --> 00:16:22,648 I saw a white lady with a sign that said, "Fuck the police." 269 00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,066 [audience laughing] 270 00:16:24,149 --> 00:16:26,193 I wanted to rob her on principle. 271 00:16:26,276 --> 00:16:27,444 [audience laughing] 272 00:16:29,279 --> 00:16:31,281 Just to see how committed she was. 273 00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:32,366 [audience laughing] 274 00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:37,413 "Fuck the police." 275 00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:51,135 It wasn't all bad. We got some good shit. 276 00:16:51,218 --> 00:16:53,595 Black people got some good shit out of them protests. 277 00:16:53,679 --> 00:16:54,680 What we get? 278 00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:59,143 What we got? We got Aunt Jemima fired. 279 00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:03,397 I'll take it. 280 00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:06,734 I don't know how high that was on the docket but, sure. 281 00:17:07,651 --> 00:17:09,194 It's about time, I guess. 282 00:17:10,404 --> 00:17:12,698 Some liberated pancakes. 283 00:17:16,326 --> 00:17:19,621 What else we get? We got Juneteenth. Oh, yeah. 284 00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:24,168 That fucking holiday we didn't definitely just find out about two years ago. 285 00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:26,879 You know. 286 00:17:27,504 --> 00:17:28,338 Juneteenth. 287 00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:33,552 The thing we definitely didn't just see one TikTok video about and now we want it. 288 00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:38,265 We need a new fucking negotiator, Black people. 289 00:17:39,183 --> 00:17:40,059 It's frustrating. 290 00:17:40,142 --> 00:17:42,644 Like watching the Knicks in the off-season. 291 00:17:43,562 --> 00:17:47,149 Juneteenth? Who wanted that shit? I thought we were getting Durant. 292 00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:57,076 Where the fuck is Kyrie? 293 00:17:59,328 --> 00:18:00,662 And I like Juneteenth. 294 00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:05,000 It's just not as fun now that white people get to celebrate it too. 295 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:09,254 It's your fault! You shouldn't get the day off! 296 00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,632 [audience laughing] 297 00:18:13,342 --> 00:18:15,344 [audience cheering] 298 00:18:18,889 --> 00:18:21,934 It's like celebrating the day you stop hitting your wife. 299 00:18:22,017 --> 00:18:24,061 [audience laughing] 300 00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:30,067 This would be so much better if we had Black leadership. 301 00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:31,902 Real Black leadership. 302 00:18:31,985 --> 00:18:33,904 All our Black leaders is just... 303 00:18:34,863 --> 00:18:37,032 celebrities and niggas on Twitter. 304 00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:38,325 [audience chuckling] 305 00:18:41,036 --> 00:18:44,540 You a celebrity or nigga from Twitter, people think you a Black leader. 306 00:18:44,623 --> 00:18:47,417 I have kids that come up to me, "I get all my news from you." 307 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,086 I'm like, "You don't know shit." 308 00:18:49,169 --> 00:18:50,379 [audience laughing] 309 00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:55,467 I'm not doing news. I'm telling jokes. 310 00:18:57,761 --> 00:19:00,264 I'm not saying you shouldn't use your platform for good, 311 00:19:00,347 --> 00:19:04,768 but I'm just saying celebrities are too busy to be actual Black leaders. 312 00:19:04,852 --> 00:19:08,063 We need motherfuckers that can do this shit full-time. 313 00:19:09,731 --> 00:19:12,442 You know why Martin Luther King got so much work done? 314 00:19:12,526 --> 00:19:15,487 'Cause he wasn't also small forward for the Lakers. 315 00:19:15,571 --> 00:19:18,282 [audience laughing, applauding] 316 00:19:24,204 --> 00:19:26,874 Too many small forwards leading these marches. 317 00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:33,005 That's why we don't got shit. 318 00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:36,925 Everybody's getting shit but us 'cause everybody got leadership except us. 319 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:42,055 Asians got a hate-crime bill. I don't remember their riot, but I'm glad. 320 00:19:42,139 --> 00:19:43,432 [audience laughing] 321 00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:46,560 [man] Talk about it. 322 00:19:46,643 --> 00:19:47,728 Am I bullshitting? 323 00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:48,770 [man] You're not. 324 00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:51,440 -I was happy they got one too. -[man] Me too. 325 00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:57,362 Asians and Blacks, we get along great. We have a beautiful relationship. 326 00:19:57,446 --> 00:19:58,822 [audience cheering] 327 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:06,163 I love the Chinese. Chinese people brought broccoli to the 'hood. 328 00:20:06,246 --> 00:20:07,372 [audience laughing] 329 00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:14,087 There was no broccoli in the ghetto before Chinese people got there. 330 00:20:14,171 --> 00:20:15,881 Don't you fucking start lying. 331 00:20:15,964 --> 00:20:17,216 [audience laughing] 332 00:20:19,593 --> 00:20:22,346 I didn't know what that was called. Used to call it "little trees." 333 00:20:22,429 --> 00:20:23,513 [audience laughing] 334 00:20:24,765 --> 00:20:26,975 "Let me get an order of beef and little trees." 335 00:20:29,436 --> 00:20:31,813 Black people are very thankful for that. 336 00:20:32,898 --> 00:20:36,652 Yeah, thank you. I don't know how much we can thank you. 337 00:20:37,527 --> 00:20:40,572 Why do you think there are so many Black girls named China, Asia...? 338 00:20:40,656 --> 00:20:42,199 [audience laughing] 339 00:20:43,909 --> 00:20:46,828 We love you niggas. For the broccoli, thank you. 340 00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,539 [audience laughing, applauding] 341 00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:55,462 I challenge you to find one Black neighborhood 342 00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:58,548 without at least 37 thriving Chinese businesses. 343 00:20:59,675 --> 00:21:01,468 Not just Chinese. Everybody. 344 00:21:01,551 --> 00:21:05,264 Everybody comes to a Black neighborhood to open up their business. We know that. 345 00:21:05,347 --> 00:21:08,100 Black people are like the first boss in a video game. 346 00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:09,351 [audience laughing] 347 00:21:10,435 --> 00:21:14,022 "You want the American dream, open up your store here first. 348 00:21:14,606 --> 00:21:16,817 See what them chicken wings hit like." 349 00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:18,110 [audience laughing] 350 00:21:22,072 --> 00:21:25,575 And we don't mind it because at least you sell shit we like. 351 00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:29,454 Chicken wings, ponytails, wave grease, do-rags. 352 00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:30,622 [audience laughing] 353 00:21:31,123 --> 00:21:32,624 Cigarettes one at a time. 354 00:21:32,708 --> 00:21:33,750 [audience laughing] 355 00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:36,962 DVDs, everything we like. 356 00:21:37,045 --> 00:21:39,756 I don't know who's doing y'all research, but they are nailing it. 357 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:44,636 What in-flight magazine are you reading before you get to the 'hood? 358 00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:46,805 But you know everything. 359 00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:49,891 White people don't know that shit, 360 00:21:49,975 --> 00:21:52,019 and we've been here the whole time with them. 361 00:21:53,395 --> 00:21:55,856 You ever needed wave grease and went into a CVS? 362 00:21:55,939 --> 00:21:57,190 [audience chuckling] 363 00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:02,696 White people don't know shit. That's why we never feel welcome here. 364 00:22:03,196 --> 00:22:06,241 People come here knowing more about us than you do, 365 00:22:06,325 --> 00:22:07,701 and we're neighbors. 366 00:22:07,784 --> 00:22:08,869 Isn't that crazy? 367 00:22:09,619 --> 00:22:11,872 And I know this. Like, I'm American. 368 00:22:11,955 --> 00:22:14,583 I'm born and raised in this country. 369 00:22:15,959 --> 00:22:17,627 But I don't feel American. 370 00:22:20,797 --> 00:22:22,007 [audience applauding] 371 00:22:22,924 --> 00:22:26,887 I feel American until I'm around something very American, 372 00:22:26,970 --> 00:22:29,097 then I'm like, "I don't like this." 373 00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:30,557 [audience laughing] 374 00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:32,350 I think that's the better... 375 00:22:33,060 --> 00:22:35,395 You know what I'm saying? I'll give you an example. 376 00:22:35,479 --> 00:22:37,898 I was driving through Texas one time. 377 00:22:37,981 --> 00:22:38,982 [audience clamoring] 378 00:22:39,066 --> 00:22:40,358 Oh, you heard of it? 379 00:22:40,442 --> 00:22:41,526 [audience laughing] 380 00:22:42,110 --> 00:22:44,988 I hit one of them small towns in Texas, 381 00:22:45,072 --> 00:22:48,241 and there was an American flag on every house. 382 00:22:48,325 --> 00:22:50,368 And we all looked at each other in the car, 383 00:22:50,452 --> 00:22:52,412 like, "Let's get the fuck out of here. 384 00:22:52,496 --> 00:22:54,456 [audience laughing, applauding] 385 00:22:58,043 --> 00:23:00,504 This is way too American for us." 386 00:23:00,587 --> 00:23:01,630 [audience laughing] 387 00:23:02,380 --> 00:23:05,300 Somehow the American flag is just too American. 388 00:23:05,801 --> 00:23:07,761 I feel the same way about the American flag 389 00:23:07,844 --> 00:23:10,388 that I imagine white people feel about Black people. 390 00:23:11,723 --> 00:23:14,142 Like, I don't wanna be around a lot of them. 391 00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:15,352 [audience laughing] 392 00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:22,150 Three or four is fine, that's plenty, but, you know... 393 00:23:23,068 --> 00:23:24,820 I don't wanna be surrounded. 394 00:23:24,903 --> 00:23:26,071 [audience chuckling] 395 00:23:30,951 --> 00:23:32,077 [Che laughs] 396 00:23:32,828 --> 00:23:36,581 Black people love this country. We're just more specific about our love. 397 00:23:37,082 --> 00:23:38,125 You ask any nigga here: 398 00:23:38,208 --> 00:23:40,752 "You love America?" He'll be like, "I love Brooklyn. 399 00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:42,003 [audience laughing] 400 00:23:44,131 --> 00:23:45,549 Atlanta's cool. 401 00:23:46,299 --> 00:23:48,677 I don't know shit about them Dakotas." 402 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,303 [audience laughing] 403 00:23:50,387 --> 00:23:54,182 If there was a Black American flag, there'd be, like, 11 stars. 404 00:23:55,183 --> 00:23:57,144 For cities. Not even the whole state. 405 00:23:57,227 --> 00:24:00,438 They'd be like, "All right, Detroit, Oakland, D.C." 406 00:24:01,356 --> 00:24:02,774 [audience cheering] 407 00:24:08,238 --> 00:24:10,824 Everything else would be a question mark. 408 00:24:10,907 --> 00:24:12,033 [audience laughing] 409 00:24:15,078 --> 00:24:18,039 Black people don't fuck with anything too patriotic. 410 00:24:19,207 --> 00:24:20,417 Weirds us out. 411 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:24,546 You don't see American flags in Black neighborhoods. 412 00:24:24,629 --> 00:24:28,133 You'll see more Puerto Rican flags in a Black neighborhood. 413 00:24:28,216 --> 00:24:29,426 [audience cheering] 414 00:24:29,509 --> 00:24:30,844 Ain't that crazy? 415 00:24:32,637 --> 00:24:35,098 It's too patriotic. White people love patriotic shit. 416 00:24:35,182 --> 00:24:38,018 I get it. It reminds you of America's history. 417 00:24:38,810 --> 00:24:40,061 [audience laughing] 418 00:24:43,565 --> 00:24:46,651 But for Black people, it reminds us of America's history. 419 00:24:46,735 --> 00:24:48,528 [audience cheering] 420 00:24:50,071 --> 00:24:51,031 [Che chuckles] 421 00:24:57,954 --> 00:25:00,749 Even the national anthem. The national anthem, uh... 422 00:25:01,750 --> 00:25:03,919 Remember when Kaepernick kneeled for the anthem? 423 00:25:04,002 --> 00:25:06,421 White people say, "How the fuck could he do that?" 424 00:25:07,005 --> 00:25:08,840 Niggas was watching like, "I get it." 425 00:25:08,924 --> 00:25:10,008 [audience laughing] 426 00:25:10,091 --> 00:25:12,260 'Cause you don't know what it sounds like to us. 427 00:25:13,553 --> 00:25:15,263 This is gonna be fucked up. 428 00:25:15,347 --> 00:25:16,431 [audience laughing] 429 00:25:18,016 --> 00:25:20,060 You know what the national anthem feels like? 430 00:25:20,143 --> 00:25:22,687 It feels like I'm listening to R. Kelly now. 431 00:25:22,771 --> 00:25:24,606 [audience cheering and clamoring] 432 00:25:27,943 --> 00:25:29,444 It's still good. 433 00:25:32,197 --> 00:25:37,786 It's still good. It's just hard to not think about that other thing. 434 00:25:37,869 --> 00:25:39,204 [audience laughing] 435 00:25:46,336 --> 00:25:47,754 Look at this white guy. 436 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,050 R. Kelly's an R&B singer from the '90s who... 437 00:25:52,133 --> 00:25:53,510 [audience laughing] 438 00:25:57,305 --> 00:26:00,225 He made a lot of important music for Black people 439 00:26:00,767 --> 00:26:03,853 and two very important songs for white people. 440 00:26:05,397 --> 00:26:07,565 "I Believe I Can Fly"... 441 00:26:08,650 --> 00:26:10,777 and the remix to "Ignition." 442 00:26:10,860 --> 00:26:12,153 [audience cheering] 443 00:26:16,408 --> 00:26:18,326 I love announcing that 444 00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:21,371 'cause there's always a white girl like, "Fuck. He made that too? 445 00:26:21,454 --> 00:26:22,580 [audience laughing] 446 00:26:22,664 --> 00:26:24,249 That's my wedding song." 447 00:26:24,332 --> 00:26:25,583 [audience laughing] 448 00:26:27,043 --> 00:26:28,211 It's a good song. 449 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:36,803 He also peed on a 15-year-old girl, which white people just found out about, 450 00:26:36,886 --> 00:26:40,181 and niggas have to pretend we just found out about too. 451 00:26:40,265 --> 00:26:41,349 [audience laughing] 452 00:26:44,227 --> 00:26:46,813 We've known for a while. We saw the tape. 453 00:26:48,231 --> 00:26:50,317 That's how long ago it was. It was on tape. 454 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:52,819 This nigga set up a tripod for that shit. 455 00:26:52,902 --> 00:26:54,237 [audience laughing] 456 00:26:55,155 --> 00:26:56,740 Nobody here saw the tape? 457 00:26:59,242 --> 00:27:01,161 I saw it. That was fucked up. 458 00:27:01,244 --> 00:27:03,246 I don't know if you've seen it. 459 00:27:03,330 --> 00:27:05,582 Not only does he pee on the girl, 460 00:27:05,665 --> 00:27:07,584 which is already horrible, 461 00:27:07,667 --> 00:27:10,545 but he also pees on his own couch. 462 00:27:10,628 --> 00:27:11,921 [audience laughing] 463 00:27:16,343 --> 00:27:20,055 When I saw that shit, I was like, "This nigga's insane, man. Ooh. 464 00:27:21,014 --> 00:27:22,849 Who would do such a thing? 465 00:27:23,683 --> 00:27:26,227 Not gonna move that shit to the linoleum or nothing?" 466 00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:27,270 [audience laughing] 467 00:27:31,941 --> 00:27:35,987 I'm not saying it's just as bad, but one of them's a lot harder to clean. 468 00:27:36,071 --> 00:27:37,322 [audience laughing] 469 00:27:44,871 --> 00:27:45,997 Is that the line? 470 00:27:50,043 --> 00:27:50,960 I have to ask, guys. 471 00:27:51,044 --> 00:27:53,213 If I go too far, let me know, I'll rein it back. 472 00:27:53,296 --> 00:27:54,464 [audience clamoring] 473 00:27:55,465 --> 00:27:59,928 I like making fun of dark shit. That's just how I process information. 474 00:28:00,011 --> 00:28:01,304 [audience cheering] 475 00:28:02,639 --> 00:28:05,809 And it doesn't make me better or anything. It's just how I do it. 476 00:28:05,892 --> 00:28:11,147 Some people... Uh, some people don't. Some people like to make sad shit sadder. 477 00:28:11,231 --> 00:28:12,774 [audience chuckling] 478 00:28:12,857 --> 00:28:14,317 You know. I disagree. 479 00:28:14,984 --> 00:28:19,280 I like making fun of sad shit. I don't like people who make fun shit sad. 480 00:28:19,364 --> 00:28:23,743 What's worse, making fun of something sad, or making sad of something fun? 481 00:28:25,036 --> 00:28:26,871 You know? Who'd you rather be with? 482 00:28:26,955 --> 00:28:30,667 Somebody that's gonna make you laugh about that time you got molested, or... 483 00:28:30,750 --> 00:28:31,793 [audience laughing] 484 00:28:36,089 --> 00:28:39,467 Or somebody that tells you scrambled eggs are just chicken abortions? 485 00:28:39,551 --> 00:28:40,718 [audience laughing] 486 00:28:51,020 --> 00:28:56,443 I'm asking, 'cause I like to make jokes that are terrible to some people. 487 00:28:56,526 --> 00:29:01,156 -[woman] Whoo! -Yeah. I'm always getting into trouble. 488 00:29:01,656 --> 00:29:05,535 One time, I got in trouble 'cause I said I liked Donald Trump. 489 00:29:05,618 --> 00:29:07,245 [audience laughing and clamoring] 490 00:29:07,328 --> 00:29:11,875 Well, in fairness, he had just hosted SNL, and he was fucking nice to me. 491 00:29:13,084 --> 00:29:15,003 He was. He even gave me a nickname. 492 00:29:15,086 --> 00:29:17,881 He called me "One of the good ones," and, uh... 493 00:29:17,964 --> 00:29:19,799 [audience laughing and applauding] 494 00:29:26,556 --> 00:29:28,641 I don't know what he meant by that. 495 00:29:30,810 --> 00:29:31,895 [groans] 496 00:29:35,231 --> 00:29:37,567 I'm kidding. I don't like Donald Trump. 497 00:29:39,486 --> 00:29:40,653 [audience cheering] 498 00:29:46,284 --> 00:29:48,036 I don't hate Donald Trump. 499 00:29:49,370 --> 00:29:51,080 I didn't love him, I didn't hate him. 500 00:29:51,164 --> 00:29:55,126 I just wish he wasn't our president, if that makes sense. 501 00:29:55,210 --> 00:29:56,419 [audience applauding] 502 00:29:56,503 --> 00:29:59,214 But if Trump was the president of anywhere else, 503 00:29:59,297 --> 00:30:02,383 I would have been like, "This nigga Trump is hilarious. 504 00:30:02,467 --> 00:30:03,885 [audience laughing] 505 00:30:03,968 --> 00:30:06,054 Why can't we ever get somebody this fun?" 506 00:30:07,138 --> 00:30:10,433 But he's ours, so it wasn't that funny. Know what I mean? 507 00:30:10,975 --> 00:30:14,813 Like, everybody loves drunk dad, but not when he's your drunk dad. 508 00:30:16,439 --> 00:30:20,026 Like, "Your dad's great." "Yeah? Well, he hits us, so I'm glad... 509 00:30:20,693 --> 00:30:22,654 I'm glad you're enjoying this." 510 00:30:29,661 --> 00:30:32,205 Democrats hate when you say that shit. Liberals? 511 00:30:32,288 --> 00:30:33,623 [audience member clapping] 512 00:30:33,706 --> 00:30:37,377 People assume all Black people are Democrats... 513 00:30:38,711 --> 00:30:40,588 because we always vote Democrat. 514 00:30:40,672 --> 00:30:42,382 [audience laughing] 515 00:30:42,465 --> 00:30:46,469 But we don't really vote Democrat. We vote not Republican, if anything. 516 00:30:46,553 --> 00:30:48,888 [audience cheering, applauding] 517 00:30:48,972 --> 00:30:50,306 You know what I mean? 518 00:30:52,767 --> 00:30:54,561 We vote defense first. 519 00:30:54,644 --> 00:30:56,187 [audience laughing] 520 00:30:56,271 --> 00:30:58,982 We vote like the Baltimore Ravens draft. 521 00:31:00,942 --> 00:31:02,193 Democrats are like condoms. 522 00:31:02,277 --> 00:31:05,864 We'll use you, but, you know, it doesn't feel good. 523 00:31:05,947 --> 00:31:07,532 [audience laughing] 524 00:31:07,615 --> 00:31:10,451 We're just trying to prevent some other shit from happening. 525 00:31:12,161 --> 00:31:14,622 That's why Black voter turnout's always so low. 526 00:31:15,123 --> 00:31:16,416 "Who would you rather have? 527 00:31:16,499 --> 00:31:18,710 Old rich white dude, or old rich white dude?" 528 00:31:19,252 --> 00:31:22,547 I'm like, "I'd like to just enjoy my Tuesday, honestly." 529 00:31:25,008 --> 00:31:28,636 I didn't like when Trump was president. I could be honest now. 530 00:31:28,720 --> 00:31:30,889 -[woman cheers] -[Che chuckles] 531 00:31:30,972 --> 00:31:33,683 I can. I didn't like it. It was frustrating. 532 00:31:33,766 --> 00:31:36,853 Because he'd say some nasty, ugly shit sometimes. 533 00:31:36,936 --> 00:31:39,564 You know, like, really, really racist shit. 534 00:31:39,647 --> 00:31:42,442 And then right after that... 535 00:31:43,151 --> 00:31:44,235 [sighs] 536 00:31:44,319 --> 00:31:48,114 ...he'd say something that'd just touch my old Black heart. 537 00:31:48,615 --> 00:31:49,949 [audience chuckles] 538 00:31:50,033 --> 00:31:51,743 You know? He'll say something racist, 539 00:31:51,826 --> 00:31:54,245 then he'd be like, "The FBI be setting niggas up 540 00:31:54,329 --> 00:31:55,455 and the media be lying." 541 00:31:55,538 --> 00:31:58,207 And white people be like, "No, they don't." I'm like, "Well... 542 00:31:58,291 --> 00:32:00,293 [audience laughing, clapping] 543 00:32:02,295 --> 00:32:03,212 He's not wrong. 544 00:32:03,296 --> 00:32:06,549 Just the worst possible guy to be right at this time." 545 00:32:07,592 --> 00:32:09,594 It's like if Bill Cosby was like, 546 00:32:09,677 --> 00:32:11,596 "The justice system's unfair to Black men." 547 00:32:11,679 --> 00:32:16,559 You're like, "Not for you. You can't... We don't wanna hear you say that shit." 548 00:32:16,643 --> 00:32:18,645 [audience cheering, applauding] 549 00:32:21,397 --> 00:32:22,398 [chuckles] 550 00:32:23,775 --> 00:32:26,319 That's not the only time I got into trouble. 551 00:32:27,904 --> 00:32:30,156 I did a thing I didn't even know was a thing. 552 00:32:30,239 --> 00:32:31,366 You ever do that? 553 00:32:32,367 --> 00:32:35,662 It's called "dead-naming." I'd never heard of it before. 554 00:32:35,745 --> 00:32:38,581 But I made a joke on Saturday Night Live... 555 00:32:41,125 --> 00:32:44,253 where I dead-named-- I don't know if you know what that is, 556 00:32:44,337 --> 00:32:48,132 but it's when you make reference to a trans person's former self. 557 00:32:49,092 --> 00:32:50,343 That's what I did. 558 00:32:50,426 --> 00:32:54,973 I made a joke about Bruce Jenner the track star 559 00:32:55,056 --> 00:32:58,226 instead of Caitlyn Jenner the race-car driver. 560 00:32:58,309 --> 00:33:00,311 [audience laughing, clapping] 561 00:33:07,276 --> 00:33:10,697 I called her a race-car driver because she killed somebody with her car. 562 00:33:10,780 --> 00:33:12,782 [audience cheering, clapping] 563 00:33:16,744 --> 00:33:19,288 Caitlyn Jenner killed somebody with her car, 564 00:33:19,372 --> 00:33:22,041 and my joke was so bad, America took her side. 565 00:33:22,125 --> 00:33:24,627 [audience laughing] 566 00:33:27,338 --> 00:33:28,715 Did you guys not know that? 567 00:33:28,798 --> 00:33:31,801 Of course you didn't. No one likes to talk about it. 568 00:33:31,884 --> 00:33:34,679 They did a whole Comedy Central Roast about Caitlyn Jenner 569 00:33:34,762 --> 00:33:37,557 and nobody brought up that she killed somebody with her car. 570 00:33:38,349 --> 00:33:41,769 That'd be like if they roasted O.J. and just stuck to football jokes. 571 00:33:41,853 --> 00:33:43,354 [audience laughing] 572 00:33:43,438 --> 00:33:45,940 That's not why we know this motherfucker anymore. 573 00:33:46,024 --> 00:33:48,026 [audience cheering] 574 00:33:49,277 --> 00:33:50,278 [snickers] 575 00:33:51,029 --> 00:33:53,322 They accused me of punching down. 576 00:33:54,365 --> 00:33:57,952 If I can't make fun of rich white women, who can I make fun of? 577 00:33:58,036 --> 00:34:00,038 [audience laughing] 578 00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:04,667 She was the 2015 Woman of the Year. I wasn't even nominated. 579 00:34:06,461 --> 00:34:07,879 How the fuck is she down? 580 00:34:09,922 --> 00:34:13,926 I got in trouble for that one. I learned my lesson too. 581 00:34:14,427 --> 00:34:18,222 From now on, the only pronouns I use is "this nigga" and "that nigga." 582 00:34:18,306 --> 00:34:20,933 [audience laughing, applauding] 583 00:34:25,938 --> 00:34:29,776 As in, that nigga Caitlyn Jenner killed somebody with her car. 584 00:34:29,859 --> 00:34:32,653 [audience laughing, cheering] 585 00:34:32,737 --> 00:34:34,614 And I'll never forget it. 586 00:34:34,697 --> 00:34:36,699 [audience applauding] 587 00:34:39,243 --> 00:34:40,995 I could joke about it now, it's funny. 588 00:34:41,079 --> 00:34:46,417 But at the time, it was not very funny. I was... I was humiliated, embarrassed. 589 00:34:46,501 --> 00:34:51,089 I felt terrible. I felt bad. They was writing articles calling me homophobic. 590 00:34:51,172 --> 00:34:53,382 I have gay friends. I work with gay people. 591 00:34:53,466 --> 00:34:56,844 I don't want that going around. I felt terrible. 592 00:34:57,720 --> 00:35:02,141 But I started to look into myself. Maybe there's something I don't know. 593 00:35:03,810 --> 00:35:05,311 Am I homophobic? 594 00:35:05,853 --> 00:35:07,688 [high-pitched laughter] 595 00:35:07,772 --> 00:35:09,357 [audience laughs] 596 00:35:10,066 --> 00:35:12,652 When you did that laugh, I was like, "That's a gay-ass laugh." 597 00:35:12,735 --> 00:35:16,739 [audience laughing, cheering] 598 00:35:19,826 --> 00:35:23,704 I'm kidding. That was a joke. It was just... I couldn't pass... 599 00:35:29,085 --> 00:35:32,588 I guess I realized how little I understood about homophobia. 600 00:35:32,672 --> 00:35:34,590 Like even on a base level. 601 00:35:35,424 --> 00:35:39,679 I don't even know why gays get a phobia and everybody else gets an "ism." 602 00:35:39,762 --> 00:35:41,973 [audience chuckling] 603 00:35:48,062 --> 00:35:51,107 If you don't like Black people, that's racism. 604 00:35:51,649 --> 00:35:53,734 If you don't like women, that's sexism. 605 00:35:54,360 --> 00:35:57,113 If you don't like poor people, that's classism. 606 00:35:57,196 --> 00:35:59,991 If you don't like gays, homophobia. 607 00:36:00,908 --> 00:36:04,036 I thought that was for clowns and spiders and shit. 608 00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:06,747 [audience laughing, applauding] 609 00:36:11,335 --> 00:36:14,839 I looked it up, what a phobia was. You know what it is? 610 00:36:14,922 --> 00:36:18,176 It's an extreme or irrational fear of something. 611 00:36:18,676 --> 00:36:20,344 I'm like, "Okay, that makes sense. 612 00:36:20,428 --> 00:36:23,598 If you're afraid of gay people, that's extreme and irrational." 613 00:36:24,348 --> 00:36:27,268 If you're afraid of Black people, that's extreme. 614 00:36:28,019 --> 00:36:30,021 [audience laughing] 615 00:36:35,359 --> 00:36:36,777 It's not irrational. 616 00:36:40,281 --> 00:36:43,326 If you're at a ATM late at night and a Black dude run up behind you 617 00:36:43,409 --> 00:36:46,078 and you freak out, that's an extreme reaction. 618 00:36:46,704 --> 00:36:48,247 It's not irrational. 619 00:36:48,331 --> 00:36:49,916 [audience laughing] 620 00:36:49,999 --> 00:36:52,543 Look, I'm Black. If a nigga run up on me, I'll be like, 621 00:36:52,627 --> 00:36:54,420 "Please be gay. Please. 622 00:36:55,171 --> 00:36:57,340 Please have a lisp or something." 623 00:36:57,423 --> 00:37:00,092 [audience applauding] 624 00:37:04,430 --> 00:37:05,932 It's not irrational. 625 00:37:06,432 --> 00:37:08,392 Why wouldn't you be afraid of Black people? 626 00:37:08,476 --> 00:37:12,063 All they do is tell you to be afraid of us. Everybody is. 627 00:37:12,980 --> 00:37:14,315 Cops are afraid of us. 628 00:37:14,398 --> 00:37:17,818 These motherfuckers we pay to protect us, they the most afraid of us. 629 00:37:18,819 --> 00:37:23,407 Cops are so afraid of Black people that I'm starting to believe in myself. 630 00:37:23,491 --> 00:37:25,493 [audience laughing] 631 00:37:27,119 --> 00:37:29,789 They think we magical or some shit. 632 00:37:29,872 --> 00:37:32,750 We could be holding anything, they' be like, "Put that gun down." 633 00:37:32,833 --> 00:37:35,461 I'm like, "These are flowers. What the fuck?" 634 00:37:36,504 --> 00:37:38,381 "Yeah, they're flowers now. 635 00:37:40,549 --> 00:37:42,218 You niggas are tricky." 636 00:37:44,553 --> 00:37:47,556 I'm like, "Can I kill this nigga with flowers? What the fuck? 637 00:37:47,640 --> 00:37:49,892 What does he know that I don't know?" 638 00:37:51,978 --> 00:37:53,688 Do you know how that feels? 639 00:37:53,771 --> 00:37:56,857 For a motherfucker to believe in you so much 640 00:37:56,941 --> 00:38:01,279 that you actually believe what they believe you to be? 641 00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,992 I had an ex-girlfriend like that. She was jealous. 642 00:38:06,492 --> 00:38:09,370 Super jealous. She used to always think I was cheating on her. 643 00:38:09,453 --> 00:38:10,871 Even when I wasn't. 644 00:38:10,955 --> 00:38:12,957 [audience laughing] 645 00:38:17,670 --> 00:38:21,215 I'm not saying it's her fault I ended up cheating on her, but she... 646 00:38:22,049 --> 00:38:24,427 She gave me the confidence I needed... 647 00:38:24,510 --> 00:38:26,721 [audience laughing] 648 00:38:30,725 --> 00:38:32,393 ...to meet other people. 649 00:38:34,353 --> 00:38:35,938 I could introduce her to anybody. 650 00:38:36,647 --> 00:38:37,773 Models. 651 00:38:38,441 --> 00:38:40,985 Women I could not fuck if I wanted to. 652 00:38:41,902 --> 00:38:44,989 She was like, "You fucking her, ain't you?" I'm like, "I can't." 653 00:38:45,072 --> 00:38:47,074 [audience laughing] 654 00:38:48,659 --> 00:38:51,579 She'd go, "I see the way she looks at you." 655 00:38:51,662 --> 00:38:53,914 I go, "She do be looking? Oh, my God." 656 00:38:53,998 --> 00:38:56,000 [audience laughing] 657 00:38:58,878 --> 00:38:59,962 [chuckles] 658 00:39:01,422 --> 00:39:03,007 That's a stupid joke. 659 00:39:03,090 --> 00:39:04,800 [audience laughs] 660 00:39:05,843 --> 00:39:07,011 It's true, though. 661 00:39:08,179 --> 00:39:12,058 We'd fight all the time. We'd fight over stupid shit. 662 00:39:12,141 --> 00:39:14,477 Just because I didn't know. Stuff I didn't know. 663 00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:17,355 I always hated that she assumed that I would know things 664 00:39:17,438 --> 00:39:19,440 that I couldn't possibly know. 665 00:39:19,523 --> 00:39:21,817 I didn't know periods weren't fun. 666 00:39:23,402 --> 00:39:25,404 It looks fun in the commercial. 667 00:39:25,488 --> 00:39:27,490 [audience laughing] 668 00:39:30,951 --> 00:39:34,789 I have sisters. They'd get their periods. 669 00:39:35,289 --> 00:39:36,999 They didn't even call it a period. 670 00:39:37,083 --> 00:39:38,751 They'd be like, "It's my time of the month." 671 00:39:38,834 --> 00:39:40,836 And I'd be like, "Okay, have a good time. 672 00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:42,922 [audience laughing] 673 00:39:45,091 --> 00:39:47,760 Can't wait till I grow up and get some time for myself." 674 00:39:50,679 --> 00:39:54,266 And that's all they'd say about it. Nobody talked about it. 675 00:39:54,350 --> 00:39:57,311 They didn't talk about it the way I would if I got a period. 676 00:39:57,853 --> 00:40:01,107 If I got a period, it'd be all I talked about. 677 00:40:01,190 --> 00:40:04,819 It'd be my excuse for everything. Like, "Che, you're three hours late for work." 678 00:40:04,902 --> 00:40:06,404 "Nigga, I got my period." 679 00:40:06,487 --> 00:40:08,489 [audience laughing] 680 00:40:11,075 --> 00:40:11,992 "We understand that, 681 00:40:12,076 --> 00:40:14,829 but it's the third time this month you've used that excuse." 682 00:40:15,830 --> 00:40:18,207 "I played sports in high school, my shit's irregular. 683 00:40:18,290 --> 00:40:19,583 What you want from me, man?" 684 00:40:21,585 --> 00:40:23,045 I'm all bloated and shit. 685 00:40:27,299 --> 00:40:28,717 My girl get her period, man, 686 00:40:28,801 --> 00:40:30,928 and she wouldn't even say nothing about it. 687 00:40:31,679 --> 00:40:34,056 She would just be suffering. I would feel so bad. 688 00:40:34,140 --> 00:40:35,891 I know she didn't wanna talk about it, 689 00:40:35,975 --> 00:40:38,352 maybe she thought she couldn't talk to me about it. 690 00:40:38,436 --> 00:40:41,439 So I would try to say something to let her know she could talk to me 691 00:40:41,522 --> 00:40:44,400 if she wanted to talk to me about it, like I'd ask her, I'd say, 692 00:40:44,483 --> 00:40:46,735 "Hey, what are you, on your period or something?" 693 00:40:46,819 --> 00:40:48,821 [audience laughing] 694 00:40:49,822 --> 00:40:50,865 And she-- 695 00:40:52,032 --> 00:40:53,701 Yeah, that's not how you do that. 696 00:40:55,327 --> 00:40:58,330 She would get so mad. "Why the fuck would you ask me that?" 697 00:40:59,415 --> 00:41:00,958 "'Cause you're miserable? 698 00:41:01,041 --> 00:41:03,461 And I would be too if I was stuffed with cotton." 699 00:41:03,544 --> 00:41:05,921 [audience laughing] 700 00:41:09,258 --> 00:41:11,177 She made it seem like it was a dumb guess. 701 00:41:11,260 --> 00:41:12,720 Like, it was a good guess. 702 00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:16,807 She had her period for a week every month. 703 00:41:18,434 --> 00:41:22,354 It's like a one-in-four chance I'm right any time I ask that question. 704 00:41:22,438 --> 00:41:23,689 [audience clapping] 705 00:41:23,772 --> 00:41:25,399 It's not a stupid question. 706 00:41:26,233 --> 00:41:29,195 If you knew that I smoke crack for one week every month... 707 00:41:30,029 --> 00:41:32,490 and then you see me outside butt-naked in Timberlands, 708 00:41:32,573 --> 00:41:34,533 trying to sell a refrigerator door... 709 00:41:34,617 --> 00:41:37,411 [audience laughing, clapping] 710 00:41:37,495 --> 00:41:39,413 "Che, are you smoking crack this week?" 711 00:41:39,497 --> 00:41:40,915 "Why would you ask me that? 712 00:41:42,833 --> 00:41:44,251 It's dismissive." 713 00:41:44,335 --> 00:41:46,337 [audience laughing] 714 00:41:52,176 --> 00:41:53,552 She called me toxic. 715 00:41:55,179 --> 00:41:57,348 That's a rotten thing to call somebody, right? 716 00:42:01,393 --> 00:42:02,937 Especially if it's true. 717 00:42:03,020 --> 00:42:05,105 [audience laughs] 718 00:42:05,189 --> 00:42:08,901 She left me and I don't-- I miss her-- I don't miss her. 719 00:42:08,984 --> 00:42:10,194 I miss... 720 00:42:10,277 --> 00:42:12,613 [audience chuckling] 721 00:42:12,696 --> 00:42:13,864 I miss... 722 00:42:14,740 --> 00:42:18,035 I miss all the work that I put into the relationship... 723 00:42:19,787 --> 00:42:22,164 and now it's non-transferable. 724 00:42:22,248 --> 00:42:24,333 [audience laughing] 725 00:42:24,416 --> 00:42:25,709 You know what I mean? 726 00:42:26,210 --> 00:42:29,505 Like when I date someone new, she's like, "You never take me anywhere," 727 00:42:29,588 --> 00:42:34,343 I can't be like, "What about that time I took my ex to her sister's wedding?" 728 00:42:34,426 --> 00:42:36,428 [audience laughing] 729 00:42:39,014 --> 00:42:40,641 I gotta start all over again. 730 00:42:41,809 --> 00:42:43,060 I'm not gonna. 731 00:42:45,104 --> 00:42:47,314 I'm not gonna start all over again. I quit. 732 00:42:47,398 --> 00:42:49,942 I'm just gonna be single for the rest of my life. 733 00:42:50,025 --> 00:42:51,360 I really am. 734 00:42:51,443 --> 00:42:53,404 [audience applauding] 735 00:42:53,487 --> 00:42:55,823 Just gonna grow old by myself. 736 00:42:55,906 --> 00:42:58,576 I just bought a house from a couple of lesbians. 737 00:43:00,828 --> 00:43:02,746 I said that wrong. Can we do it again? 738 00:43:03,831 --> 00:43:06,041 I just bought a house from a lesbian couple. 739 00:43:06,125 --> 00:43:08,127 [audience laughing] 740 00:43:11,213 --> 00:43:12,339 We'll fix it. 741 00:43:15,551 --> 00:43:19,847 It's a beautiful house upstate. It's in the country. Upstate New York. 742 00:43:19,930 --> 00:43:21,890 I'm really excited about it, man. 743 00:43:21,974 --> 00:43:26,020 It's too white, though. It's like the town is very fucking white. 744 00:43:26,103 --> 00:43:27,980 It's so white. It's like... 745 00:43:28,063 --> 00:43:30,774 me and one black bear, and that's... 746 00:43:30,858 --> 00:43:32,067 [audience laughing] 747 00:43:32,151 --> 00:43:33,527 That's it. 748 00:43:36,238 --> 00:43:37,740 That is all. 749 00:43:37,823 --> 00:43:40,743 I can't wait to meet this motherfucker, to be honest with you. 750 00:43:41,744 --> 00:43:43,871 Finally. Somebody I can talk to. 751 00:43:44,413 --> 00:43:46,999 Somebody that's not gonna cross the street when I... 752 00:43:48,459 --> 00:43:49,710 He's gonna be so surprised. 753 00:43:49,793 --> 00:43:53,255 Imagine when he sees me, he's like, "Oh, shit, when did you get here? 754 00:43:54,256 --> 00:43:55,799 Where's your fur? 755 00:43:57,217 --> 00:43:58,802 This nigga got alopecia." 756 00:43:58,886 --> 00:44:00,888 [audience chuckling] 757 00:44:04,975 --> 00:44:07,895 I didn't know black bear was a species. 758 00:44:08,896 --> 00:44:11,607 I had no idea that that was a real fucking species. 759 00:44:11,690 --> 00:44:13,192 Because we had a town meeting, 760 00:44:13,275 --> 00:44:16,195 they said, "There was a black bear sighting in the neighborhood." 761 00:44:16,278 --> 00:44:19,114 "Just say bear. You don't gotta be nasty about this shit." 762 00:44:19,198 --> 00:44:21,200 [audience laughing] 763 00:44:22,284 --> 00:44:24,495 They judge the motherfucker for being black. 764 00:44:28,499 --> 00:44:30,084 [chuckles] 765 00:44:32,461 --> 00:44:35,589 I was scared when I found out there's a black bear in my neighborhood. 766 00:44:35,673 --> 00:44:37,966 I never seen no black bear. I'm from New York City. 767 00:44:38,050 --> 00:44:39,426 You ever seen a bear? 768 00:44:39,510 --> 00:44:42,304 "Do I have to shoot this motherfucker? What do I gotta do?" 769 00:44:43,263 --> 00:44:44,515 But I found out what to do. 770 00:44:44,598 --> 00:44:46,809 You know what to do if you ever encounter a bear? 771 00:44:46,892 --> 00:44:51,271 You have to make yourself really big, and you gotta make a lot of noise. 772 00:44:51,355 --> 00:44:54,274 Because a bear won't eat you if they think you're retarded. 773 00:44:54,358 --> 00:44:56,026 -[audience laughing] -They would-- 774 00:44:59,238 --> 00:45:00,572 [chuckles] 775 00:45:07,121 --> 00:45:08,414 [chuckles] 776 00:45:09,289 --> 00:45:10,874 What if that's true? 777 00:45:11,667 --> 00:45:15,045 What if you do that and the bear's like, "Chill. Chill. Not him. Not him. 778 00:45:15,129 --> 00:45:17,172 [audience laughing] 779 00:45:17,256 --> 00:45:19,883 I'm not hungry no more. 780 00:45:19,967 --> 00:45:22,636 Let's just eat some berries, man. Leave him alone." 781 00:45:26,098 --> 00:45:28,600 That's not a nice word to say, I know. Uh... 782 00:45:28,684 --> 00:45:31,395 But I only said it 'cause I thought it would make you laugh. 783 00:45:31,478 --> 00:45:32,938 [audience laughs] 784 00:45:33,021 --> 00:45:35,315 And it did. That's why I did it in Oakland. 785 00:45:35,399 --> 00:45:37,943 [audience laughing, cheering] 786 00:45:38,026 --> 00:45:40,988 'Cause you guys wanna be woke, but you don't know how. 787 00:45:44,366 --> 00:45:46,910 I'm trying not-- I don't like to use that word. 788 00:45:46,994 --> 00:45:48,912 I literally did it for a joke. 789 00:45:50,414 --> 00:45:52,916 I don't like-- I don't like that word as much anymore. 790 00:45:53,000 --> 00:45:54,042 I'm learning a lot. 791 00:45:55,669 --> 00:45:58,172 I got a nephew who's just diagnosed with autism. 792 00:45:58,255 --> 00:46:00,048 I'm really excited about it. 793 00:46:00,132 --> 00:46:02,134 [audience chuckling] 794 00:46:03,510 --> 00:46:07,014 I'm excited about it 'cause I didn't know that Black kids could get it. 795 00:46:07,097 --> 00:46:09,308 [audience laughing] 796 00:46:10,184 --> 00:46:12,561 Did you? I had no fucking... 797 00:46:14,646 --> 00:46:18,275 They don't really diagnose Black kids' mental health, historically. 798 00:46:18,358 --> 00:46:20,068 I don't know if you realized that. 799 00:46:20,152 --> 00:46:21,653 They don't really diagnose us. 800 00:46:21,737 --> 00:46:24,656 When I was growing up, there were two diagnoses of mental health. 801 00:46:24,740 --> 00:46:26,283 We had "crazy"... 802 00:46:27,075 --> 00:46:29,495 and we had "Ain't nothing wrong with that nigga." 803 00:46:29,578 --> 00:46:31,580 [audience laughing] 804 00:46:33,790 --> 00:46:37,085 And now we got autism, and I think that's progress. 805 00:46:38,378 --> 00:46:41,006 They're finally checking in on Black mental health. 806 00:46:41,089 --> 00:46:43,258 I'm sure I grew up with kids that had autism, 807 00:46:43,342 --> 00:46:44,593 but nobody called it that. 808 00:46:44,676 --> 00:46:47,012 "Ain't nothing wrong with that nigga, he just like to count." 809 00:46:47,095 --> 00:46:48,096 "Uh... 810 00:46:48,180 --> 00:46:50,098 [audience laughing] 811 00:46:50,182 --> 00:46:52,309 I don't know if that's the whole story. 812 00:46:54,102 --> 00:46:55,854 He's blinking an awful lot." 813 00:46:58,649 --> 00:47:02,444 Black people know I'm not lying. They don't diagnose Black kids with shit. 814 00:47:02,528 --> 00:47:06,031 I got an uncle who's deaf, we didn't know until he was 27 years old. 815 00:47:06,114 --> 00:47:07,449 [audience laughing] 816 00:47:07,533 --> 00:47:10,869 My grandmother's like, "Ain't nothing wrong with that nigga, he hear you." 817 00:47:10,953 --> 00:47:13,914 I was like, "I don't-- I don't think he does. 818 00:47:14,831 --> 00:47:16,208 He didn't flinch." 819 00:47:20,671 --> 00:47:23,882 Of course I know Black people have mental-health issues. 820 00:47:24,841 --> 00:47:27,970 You know how many Black girls I dated that's clearly bipolar? 821 00:47:28,053 --> 00:47:29,638 [audience laughing] 822 00:47:29,721 --> 00:47:32,641 Walking around like, "Ain't nothing wrong me. I'm just a Gemini." 823 00:47:32,724 --> 00:47:34,101 You're like, "Uh-uh. 824 00:47:34,184 --> 00:47:36,562 [audience laughing, applauding] 825 00:47:36,645 --> 00:47:38,647 You need medicine, Keisha. 826 00:47:39,856 --> 00:47:42,568 This ain't got shit to do with the moon. You bit me." 827 00:47:42,651 --> 00:47:44,653 [audience laughing] 828 00:47:51,910 --> 00:47:54,121 Now we know about mental health. 829 00:47:55,038 --> 00:47:56,707 That's why it makes me happy. 830 00:47:57,249 --> 00:47:59,334 But it also makes me sad. 831 00:48:00,127 --> 00:48:02,212 I'm like, "You know how many niggas we could've helped 832 00:48:02,296 --> 00:48:04,381 if we knew about mental health sooner?" 833 00:48:05,215 --> 00:48:09,219 DMX was barking like a dog for 25 years. Nobody said shit. 834 00:48:09,303 --> 00:48:11,722 [audience laughing] 835 00:48:12,598 --> 00:48:15,559 "Ain't nothing wrong with that nigga, nigga just like dogs a lot." 836 00:48:20,564 --> 00:48:23,150 Flavor Flav is 60 years old. 837 00:48:24,443 --> 00:48:28,780 He wears a Viking helmet and a clock every day. 838 00:48:30,782 --> 00:48:31,992 That's not nothing. 839 00:48:32,075 --> 00:48:34,494 [audience cheering, laughing] 840 00:48:43,128 --> 00:48:45,130 You know where I learned about mental health? 841 00:48:45,213 --> 00:48:47,716 I realized this conversation was open for everybody. 842 00:48:47,799 --> 00:48:50,677 You know where I learned about mental health? Sesame Street. 843 00:48:50,761 --> 00:48:52,346 [audience applauding, cheering] 844 00:48:52,429 --> 00:48:53,388 Yeah. 845 00:48:54,222 --> 00:48:56,391 I did an episode of Sesame Street. 846 00:48:56,475 --> 00:49:00,854 And when you do Sesame Street, they give you a tour of Sesame Street. 847 00:49:00,937 --> 00:49:03,148 I was excited. I was raised on Sesame Street. 848 00:49:03,231 --> 00:49:05,901 Sesame Street almost taught me how to read. 849 00:49:05,984 --> 00:49:07,361 [audience laughs] 850 00:49:07,444 --> 00:49:09,363 When I get there, the lady says, 851 00:49:09,446 --> 00:49:12,783 "We have a lot of diverse puppets now on Sesame Street." 852 00:49:12,866 --> 00:49:16,953 I was like, "Yeah, I know, you have Big Bird, a hairy elephant-- I get it." 853 00:49:18,455 --> 00:49:19,956 She said, "No. 854 00:49:20,916 --> 00:49:23,377 We have an African-American puppet. 855 00:49:24,419 --> 00:49:26,129 We have a Latina puppet. 856 00:49:27,130 --> 00:49:29,591 We have an HIV-positive puppet." 857 00:49:31,009 --> 00:49:32,844 Yeah, I don't know how he got it either. 858 00:49:32,928 --> 00:49:34,930 [audience laughing] 859 00:49:35,013 --> 00:49:35,847 See-- 860 00:49:37,766 --> 00:49:41,103 Seems like a very strange and avoidable thing to give to a puppet. 861 00:49:42,521 --> 00:49:43,897 I didn't ask any questions. 862 00:49:43,980 --> 00:49:47,734 But the whole time I was thinking, "Who the fuck is raw-dogging puppets 863 00:49:48,527 --> 00:49:50,278 on Sesame Street... 864 00:49:51,405 --> 00:49:53,031 getting these niggas sick? 865 00:49:54,825 --> 00:49:56,618 We gotta catch this motherfucker." 866 00:49:56,702 --> 00:49:58,704 [audience laughing] 867 00:50:04,543 --> 00:50:10,507 Then she goes, "And we have our first autistic puppet." 868 00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:13,176 I was like, "First?" 869 00:50:14,219 --> 00:50:16,221 [audience laughing] 870 00:50:18,557 --> 00:50:20,600 Well, "first autistic puppet" 871 00:50:20,684 --> 00:50:24,730 implies that all the other puppets are fine. 872 00:50:24,813 --> 00:50:26,648 [audience chuckles] 873 00:50:27,524 --> 00:50:29,443 I don't know if you remember Sesame Street, 874 00:50:29,526 --> 00:50:31,445 they got this one nigga named the Count. 875 00:50:31,528 --> 00:50:33,613 [audience laughing] 876 00:50:36,742 --> 00:50:38,618 He dresses up like a vampire 877 00:50:38,702 --> 00:50:41,580 and just counts all the shit in his apartment. 878 00:50:41,663 --> 00:50:43,665 [audience laughing] 879 00:50:45,000 --> 00:50:47,002 [audience applauding] 880 00:50:52,257 --> 00:50:53,550 I'm not a doctor... 881 00:50:55,427 --> 00:50:56,386 but I'm pretty sure 882 00:50:56,470 --> 00:50:58,597 he shouldn't be allowed to touch the stove. 883 00:50:58,680 --> 00:51:00,891 [audience laughing] 884 00:51:05,353 --> 00:51:08,648 Is it a good sign when the audience is covering their face during a show? 885 00:51:08,732 --> 00:51:10,484 [audience laughs] 886 00:51:11,193 --> 00:51:14,362 I didn't know about mental health. I'm learning about it now. 887 00:51:14,446 --> 00:51:15,989 I know about crazy. 888 00:51:16,072 --> 00:51:19,201 Now, crazy, I grew up with crazy. I've seen crazy, growing up. 889 00:51:19,284 --> 00:51:20,786 But crazy is different. 890 00:51:21,286 --> 00:51:23,371 'Cause there ain't no medicine for crazy. 891 00:51:23,997 --> 00:51:26,291 Ain't no compassion for crazy. 892 00:51:26,374 --> 00:51:28,043 You know what you get for crazy? 893 00:51:28,126 --> 00:51:29,169 A nickname. 894 00:51:30,629 --> 00:51:33,048 And that nickname's whatever your name already is 895 00:51:33,131 --> 00:51:34,883 with the word "crazy" in front of it. 896 00:51:34,966 --> 00:51:36,927 [audience laughing, clapping] 897 00:51:37,010 --> 00:51:39,888 If your name is Joe, you're Crazy Joe. 898 00:51:40,972 --> 00:51:43,642 That shit is not to help you, it's to warn others. 899 00:51:46,144 --> 00:51:48,146 "Crazy Joe's wearing his trench coat in July. 900 00:51:48,230 --> 00:51:49,815 Maybe we should cross the street." 901 00:51:54,486 --> 00:51:57,948 In fact, the only time I heard the phrase "mental health" 902 00:51:58,657 --> 00:52:01,409 is when a white guy does something fucking crazy. 903 00:52:02,410 --> 00:52:05,956 Then you hear all about mental health. I don't care how crazy that shit is. 904 00:52:06,039 --> 00:52:08,333 A white guy could shoot up a whole office building, 905 00:52:08,416 --> 00:52:11,419 the first thing they ask on the news, "What was his mental health?" 906 00:52:12,003 --> 00:52:13,839 Bad! I'm gonna say bad. 907 00:52:13,922 --> 00:52:15,215 [audience laughing] 908 00:52:15,298 --> 00:52:16,258 Put the puzzle away. 909 00:52:16,341 --> 00:52:19,344 This motherfucker shot up an office he don't work at. 910 00:52:24,391 --> 00:52:26,184 All the shootings and violence 911 00:52:26,268 --> 00:52:28,520 that you hear about in Black neighborhoods... 912 00:52:29,354 --> 00:52:31,231 that make you so afraid of us... 913 00:52:31,773 --> 00:52:35,443 you've never heard anybody ask anything about mental health. 914 00:52:36,486 --> 00:52:37,946 You've never heard... 915 00:52:38,029 --> 00:52:39,489 [audience applauding] 916 00:52:39,573 --> 00:52:40,490 It's true. 917 00:52:45,245 --> 00:52:48,540 You never heard them on the news say, "Two Crips shoot up a liquor store 918 00:52:48,623 --> 00:52:51,042 after a long battle with OCD." 919 00:52:51,126 --> 00:52:53,128 [audience laughing] 920 00:52:55,463 --> 00:52:56,840 It's not supposed to be funny, 921 00:52:56,923 --> 00:52:59,259 that's just what I think a Crip would have, is OCD. 922 00:53:00,218 --> 00:53:03,471 It's a grown-ass man who refuses to wear anything that's not blue. 923 00:53:03,555 --> 00:53:05,557 [audience laughing] 924 00:53:06,725 --> 00:53:09,728 "Ain't nothing wrong with that nigga, nigga just hate red. 925 00:53:09,811 --> 00:53:11,313 Don't like his ears touched." 926 00:53:17,736 --> 00:53:20,196 But now, they're looking into Black mental health. 927 00:53:20,822 --> 00:53:22,324 It's a fucking different day. 928 00:53:23,450 --> 00:53:26,411 There was a tennis player, Naomi Osaka, right? 929 00:53:26,494 --> 00:53:29,122 [audience cheering, applauding] 930 00:53:31,958 --> 00:53:35,003 She took a mental health break from the French Open. 931 00:53:35,086 --> 00:53:36,630 That's fucking crazy. 932 00:53:36,713 --> 00:53:38,006 I never heard of that. 933 00:53:39,424 --> 00:53:42,969 Simone Biles took a mental health break from the Olympics. 934 00:53:43,053 --> 00:53:45,680 [audience cheering, applauding] 935 00:53:48,016 --> 00:53:52,854 I know you're clapping, but do you realize how progressive that shit actually is? 936 00:53:52,938 --> 00:53:54,940 [audience cheering] 937 00:53:55,982 --> 00:53:59,361 You can't even take a mental health break from the Special Olympics. 938 00:53:59,444 --> 00:54:01,446 [audience laughing] 939 00:54:16,044 --> 00:54:20,090 Niggas get mental health breaks now. This is fucking awesome news. 940 00:54:20,173 --> 00:54:22,425 Not just mental health, for anything. 941 00:54:22,509 --> 00:54:24,260 We could be bipolar... 942 00:54:25,345 --> 00:54:27,430 Didn't Kanye say he's bipolar? 943 00:54:28,682 --> 00:54:32,102 He doesn't have to worry about being attacked by a bear any time soon. 944 00:54:32,185 --> 00:54:34,187 [audience laughing] 945 00:54:40,568 --> 00:54:42,529 Niggas have anxiety now. 946 00:54:44,114 --> 00:54:47,283 You know how white a lady you had to be to get anxiety before? 947 00:54:47,367 --> 00:54:49,369 [audience laughing] 948 00:54:50,870 --> 00:54:53,415 Now I could get it too. Thanks, Obama. 949 00:54:53,498 --> 00:54:57,544 [audience laughing, applauding] 950 00:54:59,379 --> 00:55:01,214 This is an incredible time. 951 00:55:01,965 --> 00:55:05,093 I know a nigga diagnosed with depression. I'm so proud of him. 952 00:55:05,176 --> 00:55:07,470 [audience laughing] 953 00:55:07,554 --> 00:55:09,889 That's the most privileged disease of all. 954 00:55:11,599 --> 00:55:13,685 White people hate when I say that shit. 955 00:55:14,894 --> 00:55:17,147 I say depression is a privileged disease 956 00:55:17,230 --> 00:55:19,607 because it implies your life is good enough 957 00:55:19,691 --> 00:55:21,359 that you shouldn't be sad. 958 00:55:21,443 --> 00:55:23,445 [audience laughing] 959 00:55:26,031 --> 00:55:28,658 [audience applauding, cheering] 960 00:55:30,994 --> 00:55:33,496 That's not something Black people could claim for years. 961 00:55:33,580 --> 00:55:35,540 I don't know if you guys are history buffs. 962 00:55:36,875 --> 00:55:38,585 Imagine two slaves in a cotton field, 963 00:55:38,668 --> 00:55:41,212 and one of them was like, "Hey, man, what's wrong? 964 00:55:41,296 --> 00:55:43,298 [audience laughing] 965 00:55:45,467 --> 00:55:47,010 You seem down." 966 00:55:52,932 --> 00:55:56,102 "Yeah, master says I got seasonal depression. 967 00:55:56,186 --> 00:55:58,813 [audience laughing, clapping] 968 00:56:01,399 --> 00:56:04,861 He said these pills are gonna take my cotton-picking blues away." 969 00:56:12,827 --> 00:56:14,204 Imagine that. Right? 970 00:56:15,205 --> 00:56:20,668 All these years in this fucking country, 400 years of bullshit. 971 00:56:21,711 --> 00:56:23,421 And Black people... 972 00:56:24,130 --> 00:56:27,175 finally have mental health issues. 973 00:56:28,635 --> 00:56:30,345 What a coincidence. 974 00:56:31,638 --> 00:56:35,850 You know why I think they don't like to diagnose Black mental health? 975 00:56:36,643 --> 00:56:38,937 'Cause then they'd have to tell us 976 00:56:39,020 --> 00:56:41,731 what's making us so fucking sick in the first place. 977 00:56:42,273 --> 00:56:44,901 [audience cheering, applauding] 978 00:56:49,572 --> 00:56:51,825 I don't want this show to end sad. 979 00:56:53,159 --> 00:56:55,203 Don't you hate when comedy ends sad? 980 00:56:55,286 --> 00:56:56,579 [audience cheers] 981 00:56:56,663 --> 00:56:59,332 Feel like a fucking Lizzo post or something. 982 00:56:59,415 --> 00:57:01,835 [audience laughing] 983 00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:05,922 [audience applauding] 984 00:57:07,549 --> 00:57:11,386 I remember my ex told me something-- This is the last time I'll bring her up. 985 00:57:11,469 --> 00:57:13,263 [audience laughs] 986 00:57:14,222 --> 00:57:19,435 One time she said, "I can't expect the thing that's making me sick 987 00:57:19,519 --> 00:57:21,020 to make me better." 988 00:57:23,857 --> 00:57:26,067 And, uh, I said... 989 00:57:26,151 --> 00:57:27,944 "What are you, on your period or something?" 990 00:57:28,027 --> 00:57:30,655 [audience laughing, clapping] 991 00:57:34,993 --> 00:57:37,036 All right. Let's cut it. Good night. 992 00:57:37,120 --> 00:57:39,747 [audience cheering, applauding] 993 00:57:42,542 --> 00:57:45,170 [cheering, applause continues]