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- Rusty, pick up, come on.
- Hi, did you get him?
- No, no, not yet.
He's about 500 yards up.
This time, we're gonna get him.
You gotta meet me at spit fork right now.
- I'm so happy, I could just kiss you!
- Now that's just wrong.
- Why?
- Because you're my sister.
- Oops, keep forgettin'.
- Yeah, just get on with it.
Meet me up there.
- I'm so excited!
I thought you were Bigfoot!
- Quit you're talking, he's right over there.
- Where?
- Shh.
Go, go, go.
Get going.
- He's not here!
- What do you mean he's not there?
- He got away.
- Oh, no, he got away.
Well, you know what?
Next time we're gonna give him the red carpet treatment.
- The red carpet treatment?
I'm ready for my closeup!
Now find him!
- Get going.
♪ Ho ♪
♪ Ho, huh ♪
♪ Ho, huh, ho ♪
- Hello?
- Hey Penny, it's Dr. Dawn.
- Hi, Dr. Dawn. - How are you?
- I'm doing great, how are you?
- Listen, there's been a bunch of Bigfoot
sightings in the area.
I'm so excited.
And I really think that he's close this time.
So I've been talking to some of the girls from the team,
and I thought what we'd do is we'd get together again.
I really think this time we might find him.
- Oh my God, I just had the craziest dream.
I dreamt Bigfoot was stalking me, and there he was.
- That's kind of an omen.
- I think it is.
- So the girls are all getting ready
to come tomorrow morning.
I've also got an ad on Craigslist for a new girl.
So we'll meet here tomorrow, nine o'clock?
- Okay, that's perfect.
See you then.
- Bye.
- Pull!
Pull!
- You never miss.
Whoa, whoa, easy, easy.
Don't shoot.
- What are you doing here?
- Just though I'd check on my sis.
- Yeah, well, I'm doing just fine.
You can go now.
- Mm, yeah, you seem real fine.
God, you're still so angry.
I mean, Jess, it's been five years.
When are you gonna let this go?
- When are you gonna give a shit that our father's dead?
- You don't think that this kills me every single day, huh?
It was a horrible accident.
He was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
- It was about a bunch of greedy hunters out for Bigfoot.
And again, he got away.
And our father lost his life because of it.
And it's gonna happen to somebody else
unless this damn beast is caught.
- All right, why don't you get him?
- What?
- Come on, Jess.
You're the best shot in this neck of the woods.
If anyone could hunt him down, it's you.
Do it.
Do it for dad.
- I love you, Billy. - Love you too, kiddo.
Now, gear up and go get him.
♪ I'm fine ♪
- Hi!
- Yay, Peggy!
- I haven't seen you for so long!
- Yay!
Yay, Peggy!
The whole team is back together again.
- Oh, I'm so excited.
- Good to see you again. - Hi, Tilly.
- You look great.
- And this is, Daisy.
- Hi!
I'm Daisy May.
- She answered the add in Craigslist,
and I thought she was perfect.
So Daisy's not done this before,
so we're gonna teach her.
- This is my first time, first time.
- And then, Tilly, you're gonna be showing her
how to do the sword and the toys.
- Yes, I am.
- Yeah. - Oh.
Yeah.
- And Penny, you're gonna be showing her how we
use our sensuality to-- - To be sexy.
- Oh, I heard he likes booties.
And I heard Bigfoot likes big titties.
Right?
- So we're gonna seduce him out,
but this time we're gonna find him.
And I even heard that they've had these wolf calls,
like woo, hoo, hoo!
You know, the Bigfoot making noises.
- But like is the local news gonna be here?
Is like CNN?
- Oh, when we get selfies with Bigfoot,
and then when we actually interview him,
oh, we're gonna have so much press.
- But like how long do you think it's gonna be
before we get famous?
- Oh, right away.
- Yeah, it's instant. - Right away.
- Then I'm in, I'm in, I'm in.
- So do you guys have outfits for the hunt?
- I do, I do, I do.
- Yeah, sexy stuff?
Okay, let's change. - Let's do it.
- Okay. - Let's go.
- Hi, my name is Penny Blossom,
and I'm an internet influencer.
I have a lot of people following me,
and I have sponsors that pay me money because they like me.
They think I'm cute.
But the main reason is I get visited from celebrities
that have passed away and they come and see me
because they tell me I'm special.
- Hi, I'm Dr. Dawn.
This is gonna be my third expedition to find Bigfoot.
And this time we're gonna find him.
I'm so excited.
I've actually been an enthusiastic about Bigfoot
since I was a little girl in England,
and I was part of the Girl Guides.
Girl Scouts over here, but that, you know,
we're more hardcore in England.
- I'm Daisy May.
I'm a stripper by trade,
but I'm trying to make a career change
and become a successful famous person.
So what happened was I'm at my strip club,
and I'm talking to one of my regulars.
And his friend comes in and says, "Guess what, Charlie?"
That's my regular.
"There is a Bigfoot out in the woods on the loose."
- My name is Tilly Takahashi.
I'm half-German and half-Japanese.
My mother was German, and she named me Tilly
because I have bravery and strength.
And my father gave me his sword on his deathbed.
So I travel with it wherever I go.
Even in the forest, even when I'm on the bathroom.
You know why?
Because Bigfoot can sneak up on you in the forest.
Even when you're popping a squat!
- Ahoy maties, I'm Jesse James from Bigfoot or Bust.
And I have a plan to come back and prove to everyone
that Bigfoot exists and bring him back alive.
But in my care.
I have a way of taming beasts.
- Hi, I'm Rusty Ready.
I'm Wally's sister.
Well, I used to think we were cousins,
but I found out he's my brother,
which is so strange because also there's a rumor
in our family that we're related to Bigfoot.
And it's been my dream since I was a little, little, little,
little, little girl to capture Bigfoot, and I'm gon do it.
If I have to entice him any way I can.
- Hi, I'm Wally, and I am a lean, mean killing machine.
- Lean?
- I even got firepower because the number one thing
that's on my plate right now is Bigfoot.
He's mine.
I'm gonna get very large amounts of money for that thing.
Big smelly turd.
By the way, these are my horses.
This is my farm.
You go on my website anytime you want
because I can teach you how to ride one of them horses.
- Okay, ladies, are we locked and loaded and ready to go?
- Yes, we are.
I got my crossbow.
- Ready to shoot.
- Woo! - My darts.
- Now, Daisy, I have an instrument here.
- Okay. - I'm gonna give you this.
This is a tranquilizer gun, right?
Just 'cause it's your first time and everything.
- What does it do?
- If he gets close, you're gonna,
you're gonna shoot him with it.
- Okay, okay, where?
In the butt, right, in the butt?
- I say in the butt. - In the butt, in the butt?
- Oh no, no.
We need to shoot him in the balls.
- In the balls? - Ooh, nasty!
- I mean, if he's not cooperating.
- Like that! - Yeah, exactly.
- And so you know the one action where you.
- Okay. - Yeah, there you go.
There you go. - Like that!
- Right. - And then that.
- And also Penny will cover you.
Hopefully you won't shoot one of us, but if you do.
- I have Narcan in my backpack.
- Oh, well that would help.
- Okay, but if I shoot him in the balls,
how are we gonna do a good interview?
I thought you said there's gonna be
like news crews from all over the world.
- We'll do the selfies first, and if he's not cooperating,
then you shoot him in the balls.
- I don't think this-- - We'll tell you.
We'll tell you when to do it, yeah.
Right, are we ready?
- Yeah. - Are we ready to go?
- Yes. - Yeah, let's do it ladies!
Let's go!
♪ Desire, it's burning ♪
♪ It's fire in your eyes ♪
♪ The heat of the moment ♪
♪ I'm murder in disguise ♪
♪ Can't stop ya, now I've been away ♪
♪ Won't be a fool ♪
♪ Not how you win or lose, it's how you play the round ♪
♪ Get to the point, oh ♪
♪ The point of seduction ♪
- Yeah, what's up, Jess?
- Billy, you're not gonna believe what just happened.
I'm driving my Jeep, and Bigfoot just ran across the road
right in front of my Jeep.
- Did you shoot him?
- I got out, I ran with my gun, but I couldn't catch him.
But can you believe that?
- All right, look, be careful,
regroup and take care of business.
- I'll get him, don't you worry.
All right, keep you posted, bye.
- Is everyone all right?
- Yes. - Yes.
- Okay, good.
What year is it?
- 2022.
- Well, at least it's not 2020.
Where is Bigfoot?
- We're gonna find out.
I see him.
- Let's go that way.
- Yep. - Yeah.
- Let's go.
- Where'd you last see Bigfoot?
- Well, last time he got really close,
but we were watching for the droppings.
We were looking on the ground
to see if we could see any, any...
- You mean the poop?
- Wait, wait, hold it, hold it, guys.
This thing is so heavy.
I just don't know what to do, I can't carry it anymore.
- Yeah, me too, this is really heavy.
- Okay, come on, girls.
Use your brain, put it in your backpack.
- Hey there, sweetheart.
First I got your daddy, and now I got his kin.
Adios, doll.
- Oh my God, did you bitches just hear that?
- That's Bigfoot, it's gotta be Bigfoot!
- That has to be something, that was really big.
- Yes, let's get him!
- Come on, girls, let's go! - Let's do this.
- Oh my God, are you sure?
Okay, I guess I really wanna get famous.
- What is that?
- Someone's hurt!
- Oh!
Oh!
- Oh my God, you guys.
Is she dead?
- Dr. Dawn, you're a doctor.
Is she dead? - It's Jesse.
- Well, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
You're a doctor, you can help her.
- You're a doctor?
She's a doctor. - Are you okay?
- Yeah, she is a doctor.
- Well, I'm not that kind of a doctor.
- Oh!
She's alive.
- What, are you okay?
Are you okay? - Oh my God.
- You've broken something? - You okay?
You need help. - No, no, I'm good.
I'm good.
- You guys, she's alive.
- Jesse, what are you doing here?
- Holy cow.
Some freaking, whatever the hell that was.
- Bigfoot!
- Are you guys looking for Bigfoot too?
- Yes. - Yeah.
- Oh my God. - Are you looking for Bigfoot?
- Yes.
Yes. - Did you find him?
- He snuck up on me.
- Bigfoot threw you off the bridge?
- Was he stinky? - I think so.
- Oh my God, you're so lucky to be alive.
- I know.
- You were so close.
Did you feel him, did you smell him?
- I, I, I could...
I could sense that he was there or something was there.
And then I just saw his.
- I'm amazed, there's not even any blood.
- Here, help her up, help her up.
- We were right, okay. - Can you stand up?
- Oh, I'm fine.
I'm good, I'm good. - You wanna join us?
- I mean, really?
- Yeah, that'd be great. - Yeah.
- I think that would be fricking awesome.
- Woo! - Yay, honey!
- There's not a scratch on you.
- All right, guys.
- Let's go. - Come on, yeah.
- This a-way. - Okay.
- And stay clear of that bridge, for the love of God.
- There's not a scratch on you, bitch.
And you still look good.
- He's gotta be out there somewhere.
- You know, I think it's time for Bigfoot calling.
- Yeah, Tarzan style.
- Oh.
- Is it working?
- Bigfoot!
- Let's try Jane style.
- What's Jane style?
- Like.
- Oh.
- Like a girlie one.
Is he coming?
No.
Let's try ape style, like.
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah, put with it.
Like put it in.
- Maybe we need to try something else.
- Try this one.
- Okay.
- No, no, you need to be louder than that, Penny.
Like this.
- Okay, let me try.
- No, no, like this one.
- Okay.
- Okay, that has gotta do it.
- That has to do it.
Do you see him yet?
- No.
We need some like real sound system.
- Yeah, maybe we can try and find a real sound system,
and that would work. - Yeah.
- I bet that would work.
- There's gotta be one round here somewhere.
- Yeah.
- Do you think he's close?
- I think I smell him.
- Yeah.
We are real close, I smell him too.
All right, team.
We need to remember why we are here.
- But why are we here?
- Yeah, why are we here?
- To get Bigfoot's droppings.
- You mean we're here looking for shit?
- Yeah.
No, I mean, for medicinal purposes,
we need his droppings.
Team.
In 2050, Bigfoot droppings are worth trillions
and trillions. - Wow.
- All we need is just two or three of those big babies,
and we'll be trillionaires.
- That is great, oh my God!
- Get it together, let's go.
- Droppings, shit.
- This is gonna be the third time that I've done this.
The call me Dr. Dawn because I'm a doctor.
I have a PhD from Oxford in chemical engineering.
Actually it was a little, little college down the road
from the regular Oxford.
And it's actually in paranormal science.
But you know, I don't tell the girls that.
I'm a little on the edge, and I'm not sure that,
you know, they all really appreciate that.
- I had an Elvis sighting,
and he asked me if he can help me.
And I go, "Yeah, sure.
"But you're not really Elvis, are you?"
He goes, "No, I'm Elvis.
"No one can see me, but you because you're special.
"And I'm making an appearance."
I said, "Can I get a selfie?"
So I took a selfie, and I turned around to finish
putting the gas on, he just disappeared into thin air.
- And this particular Bigfoot is
really attracted to white girls with big booties.
Like mine.
- You might wonder why I joined this expedition.
Well, I felt like the girls could use my help
because I have sword skills!
I think I'm very strong.
And I don't think Bigfoot is gonna stand a chance
against me, even though I'm much smaller than him.
It doesn't matter, I've got brains too.
And he's just a big oaf.
What is he doing wandering around the forest all the time?
- Wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Look, look, look.
- Is that an animal?
- It's a clue, it looks...
- Oh my God. - Oh no, it looks like.
- It stinks. - What is that stench?
Ew!
Ew, ew, ew. - It smells.
- Ew, ew, ew.
- Does it smell like him? - What is it?
- Oh. - I don't wanna smell it.
I can smell it from here, don't get closer, no!
- You can see the skin underneath if you look.
- Oh no, it's fresh.
- It came from his butt?
- Well, this looks like where the legs would be.
- Maybe he's hurt. - Yeah, maybe he's hurt.
Maybe somebody cut him.
- Well, he hurt me, good for him.
- So wait a second.
Does this mean we're one more step
closer to finding Bigfoot?
So we're one step closer to getting famous?
- No, I think what happened was he--
- Oh my God, I'm so excited.
- He's gotta be close.
- Okay, let's go find him. - Yeah.
- Okay, find him. - This is my moment.
I'm getting famous.
I'm brave.
Here we go!
- Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Guys, unless that's a mirage, that is a trampoline!
- A what? - Trampoline.
- Are you sure? - I'm positive.
- Just like that? - Let's go check it out!
- Let's go jump on it!
Trampoline! - God, freaking awesome.
- Oh my God, I love trampolines.
Oh, I am so excited!
I love trampolines. - Who's gonna go first?
- Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, I'm always last.
I'm going first.
No, I'm always fucking last.
I'm going first, bitches, I go first.
- Wait.
Did you know there's actually scientific evidence
that squeaky springs are gonna excite Bigfoot?
- Really? - Wow.
- So if we jump really high, we could get him all excited,
and he could come down to us.
- I'm really good at making beds squeak.
So let me see what I can do.
- Okay. - Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Just, just, guys, be careful though, because you know,
if he does appear, you got, you got, you know.
- Are we ready? - We're ready.
- Oh my God, I'm so excited!
♪ Come on, yo, yo, yo ♪
- I need to be free!
Free the boobies, free the boobies!
♪ Don't blame me if you sat on the bench at your prom ♪
♪ What a joke that you're broke and you live with your mom ♪
♪ I bet your man watching me and you lay there and sob ♪
♪ He hasn't touched you in years ♪
♪ 'Cause you're a fuckin' bachelor ♪
♪ So bam, you think I'm such a disgrace ♪
♪ Bam, get out of my face ♪
♪ So bam, could give a shit what you say ♪
♪ So bam, sounds to me like you need to get laid ♪
♪ Bam, I'm fucking smoking them all ♪
♪ Bam, you're giving head at last call, oh my ♪
♪ Bam, you hatin' 'cause you don't shine ♪
♪ So bam, get a life and stay the fuck outta mine ♪
♪ You're sad your tits are hanging down to your knees ♪
♪ You fuckin' wish you were my smokin' 34 double Ds ♪
♪ You got nothing else to do but take it all out on me ♪
♪ You know you trippin', fuckin' trippin' ♪
♪ On what you wish you could be ♪
♪ Plus your acne's so bad that it left you with scars ♪
♪ Is that what's behind how fuckin' jealous you are ♪
♪ We each lose control the destiny ♪
♪ Yo, where we goin' how far ♪
♪ Want sweet revenge 'cause in the end ♪
♪ You know damn well who's a star ♪
♪ So bam, you think I'm such a disgrace ♪
♪ Bam, get out of my face ♪
♪ Bam, I could give a fuck what you say ♪
♪ So bam, sounds to me like you need to get laid ♪
♪ Bam, I'm fuckin' smokin' them all ♪
♪ Bam, you're giving head at last call ♪
♪ Bam, you hatin' 'cause you don't shine ♪
♪ So bam, get a life and stay the fuck outta mine ♪
♪ Now I know y'all get them haters that hate ya ♪
♪ But you gotta know they jealous ♪
♪ Or mad they can't date you ♪
♪ So let them talk they smack, go ahead and berate you ♪
♪ 'Cause what's killing them the most ♪
♪ Is they know that they ain't you ♪
♪ Yo, homie did you get a wife ♪
♪ I bet you're alone, hitting the pipe ♪
♪ And I'm here with Rocky spittin' on the mic ♪
♪ I bet you wish now that you had my life ♪
♪ All the hell I was put through by you ♪
♪ You went to jack my ass everyday after school ♪
♪ I realize now you're an insecure fool ♪
♪ Wishing you was the one making all the boys drool ♪
♪ Man, they all drooling over you girl ♪
♪ So bam, you think I'm such a disgrace ♪
♪ Bam, get out of my face ♪
♪ Bam, I could give a fuck what you say ♪
♪ So bam, sounds to me like you need to get laid ♪
♪ Bam, I'm fucking smoking them all ♪
♪ Bam, you're giving head at last call, ooh ♪
♪ Bam, you hating 'cause you don't shine ♪
♪ So bam, get a life and stay the fuck outta mine ♪
♪ You gotta make your mark before the years roll by ♪
♪ You can't blame someone else because you didn't try ♪
♪ You shoulda hit the gym, use the wrinkle cream ♪
♪ Got off your lazy ass, followed your dream ♪
♪ And when the fog clears up maybe then you'll see ♪
♪ That it's you you fuckin' hate, it was never me ♪
♪ So bam ♪
- Ugh, we've been traveling over an hour.
I'm getting tired.
- I know, me too, I'm tired.
- Oh, come on, girls buck up.
- Hey, I got an idea.
Why don't we do our number?
- You mean the one we rehearsed to attract the creature?
- Yeah, our dance.
- I can't believe it,
but I think you two have finally come up with a great idea.
I think it's time to do the port-a-Johnny.
♪ It's all through ♪
♪ I don't want you ♪
♪ The hell you put me through ♪
♪ I don't like you ♪
♪ Ooh, I found someone new ♪
♪ And I'm done with you ♪
♪ So don't come knockin' on my back door ♪
♪ With the same old stuff I heard before ♪
♪ I had enough, I don't want no more ♪
♪ And don't come knockin' on my back door ♪
♪ You don't own me ♪
♪ You can't buy me ♪
♪ Tried to control me ♪
♪ Just wanted you to hold me ♪
♪ Ooh, you said you'd die for me ♪
♪ But all you did was lie to me ♪
♪ So don't come knockin' on my back door ♪
♪ With the same old stuff I heard before ♪
♪ I had enough, I don't want no more ♪
♪ Don't come knockin' on my back door ♪
♪ You got the best of me ♪
♪ There ain't much left of me ♪
♪ Leave me alone ♪
♪ These are the rules from now on ♪
♪ And these are the rules from now on ♪
♪ So get out of my life and move on ♪
♪ And don't come knockin' on my back door ♪
♪ With the same old stuff I heard before ♪
♪ I had enough, I don't want no more ♪
♪ Don't come knockin' on my back door ♪
♪ You got the best of me ♪
♪ There ain't much left of me ♪
♪ Leave me alone ♪
♪ And don't you come knockin' ♪
♪ Don't you come knockin' ♪
♪ On my back door, wow ♪
- Where's that coming from?
- I heard it too.
- I think over there. - Over there.
- Yeah, I kinda hear it from over there.
- I can't tell which direction it's coming from.
- Why don't we just split up then?
- You wanna split up?
- Jesse and I will go this way.
You three go that way,
and we'll meet up around the other side.
- So we're gonna split up?
- Yeah, we're gonna split up.
- Okay, go with God, bitches.
Go with God.
- How you feeling, Jesse?
- I'm good.
You know, Sox went down.
Henry's Burger Grill closed.
They just shot the final season of Schitt's Creek,
which sucks.
Which really sucks.
Although it kind of feels like we are in Schitt's Creek.
But that red M&M, I'm so excited they bought back.
They're making it by the bag full, and that's good.
- Jesse, I'm being serious.
You took quite a fall.
Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm good.
No worries.
- I am worried.
I'm a doctor, it's my job to be worried.
- I thought you were some sort of paranormal doctor?
- I am, but I'm also a doctor of internal medicine as well.
- Oh, that's quite impressive.
- Let's take off your shirt, let me examine you.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, I just met you.
You're not gonna at least buy me a drink or something?
- So silly, let me just take your shirt.
- Oh, man.
- Okay, I need to look at your neck and your spine.
I'm a bit concerned.
Does it hurt right there? - Ow, yes!
- I'm sorry, that's a hematoma.
- What the hell is that?
- Well, that's not another that
that's where blood is collected
under the skin where the injury was.
Are you feeling dizzy?
- Yeah, a little, yeah.
- Yeah, I'm a little concerned you've got a concussion.
Just don't go to sleep.
Don't take a nap for at least six hours.
- Why is that?
- Because you might not wake up.
- Did you hear that?
- What?
- Nothing.
- Put your shirt on, we should go catch up with the girls.
- Okay.
You go ahead, and I'll catch up.
- He's gotta be close.
I mean, those sounds are getting louder and the tracks.
You know, you're lucky when he came up behind you
on the bridge that he didn't hurt you.
Jesse?
Jesse, where'd you go?
Jesse?
- It's so hot.
I don't think we went the right way.
- No. - I don't know.
I wish there was some way we could cool off.
- I put my hair up.
It's not helping. - It's getting hotter.
- Yeah, I don't know what to do.
- Well, I'm a stripper, so I'm gonna start stripping.
- Oh, that sounds like a good idea.
- Hey, I don't know. - You know what?
- It's not a party until we all do it.
- Don't we have water bottles in our backpacks.
- I've got some water.
- I know what you're thinking.
♪ All of the boys thought it was a dream ♪
- Ta-da!
♪ So many faces, don't know what's real ♪
♪ Screaming in the night ♪
♪ How can I know what's wrong or right ♪
♪ Caught in the middle of love ♪
- Much better.
♪ Living in love ♪
♪ Caught in the middle of love ♪
- Touch the booty, touch the booty.
The booty gets hot too.
♪ Turn to the left, put up a fight ♪
♪ I'm upside down, you know it's not right ♪
- This feel so much better, oh my God.
- Ow!
♪ Which way to turn ♪
♪ Caught in the middle of love ♪
♪ Living in love, caught in the middle of love ♪
- Hi, I'm Director Jim Wynorski,
and I'm stopping this film right now.
There's just too much gratuitous sex.
- Jesse?
Jesse!
- Freeze!
- Who are you?
- Who the hell are you?
- I'm Dr. Dawn from the Dr. Dawn Show!
- Dr. Dawn.
- Who's that?
- The Dr. Dawn Show was canceled 20 years ago.
- Well, who are you, where are you from?
- We're from 2050, and we're here hunting Bigfoot.
- We were here first, we're hunting Bigfoot.
- We're the ones that are gonna hunt Bigfoot
because we need his crap.
- Oh no, you're not.
- Yeah, and it's worth trillions.
- You're telling me that you are collecting his poop?
- We're getting his poop.
- Bigfoot is passing gold bars?
- Practically, and we're gonna be rich!
- Yes! - That's right.
- I'm a scientist, this is fascinating.
What are you gonna do with it?
- Doesn't matter what you think
because we have the big guns.
- Oh yeah, well look at these guns.
- She's got pretty big guns.
- Wow. - Yeah.
- Those are...
big guns.
Well, what about yours?
- We got big guns too. - Mm-hmm.
- So you are out.
- You're not gonna hurt him with those guns, are you?
- No, we're just gonna scare the poop out of him.
- What do you do in the future?
What is this poop gonna be for?
I need to know about this, I need to know about everything.
- All right, enough of this.
- Well, tell me about the future.
What is it about?
- I'm gonna zap her.
All right, that's good, let's go.
- Okay.
- Jesse?
Jesse!
Jesse?
- Whoo! - Whoo hoo!
- Hey, let's try some Bigfoot calling!
- Oh yeah, let's do that.
- Let's try it.
- Bigfoot!
Whoo! - Whoo!
Come out, come out, Bigfoot!
Okay, that one again, that one again.
Okay, let's try that one, see what that one does.
That should do it.
Come out, come out, Bigfoot.
- Yeah, where's Bigfoot, come on.
- Okay, try the first one again.
Try that one, that was a good one.
Whoo!
That was very loud!
Let's put the volume up, whoo!
Whoo!
Guys, guys! - What happened?
- Where's Jesse?
- I don't know, Jesse's gone.
- What happened? - I don't know.
I mean, I look around and she's just not there anymore.
Don't know where she went.
- Oh my God.
- Did Bigfoot come back for her?
- He came back for her! - Oh my God.
- I think so, I don't know.
I don't know anything!
- Where did it happen? - You didn't see anything?
- Look, we've got two hours of daylight left.
We gotta find her.
- We gotta hurry, come on.
- Oh my God.
So are we still gonna be famous
even if we don't find the bitch?
♪ Woke up today, I saw the look in your eyes ♪
♪ It's something wrong, won't be your partner in crime ♪
♪ Sent a letter, wanting the kids down the block ♪
♪ One dose of your lethal injection ♪
♪ Guarantees you zero ejection for the sense ♪
- Oh my God, today sucked.
- I'm so worried about Jesse.
- Yeah, we looked all day long.
If we didn't find her, I mean, there's not much chance.
- No, don't think that way.
- She's probably dead.
- No, she made it once.
Wait, wait, what if they found her and she's on the news?
What if it's on the news?
- Bitch, we can't watch no news.
There's no power.
We're lucky to have these itty bitty flashlights.
- I don't wanna give up.
- So what if she's out there dead and bloody.
Shouldn't we call Dateline?
- No! - No, we can't tell Dateline.
- Like, they'd be interested.
This would be a scoop.
- You would never be famous.
- Dateline isn't gonna make me famous?
- No, we're gonna get in big trouble.
You can't call the TV.
- They're gonna send a crew out.
They're gonna find her.
And you'll never get to be famous
'cause we didn't find her!
- What was that?
- Jesse!
- Oh my God.
- She's alive.
- What happened?
- Oh my God, when I left you, I went down the hill.
- We were so worried.
- I was walking around for a bit,
and I like saw Bigfoot in the distance.
- Again?
- Just all of a sudden it made a beeline for me.
And I was like kinda behind rocks.
And he started chasing me.
And then he came close to me,
and he was trying to pull my bra off.
- Oh my God.
Wait, that's nothing.
He actually physically...
Tried to take my bra off.
- He's a pervert, first and foremost.
Just saying.
- Guys, listen, he's not just after me.
He's about a block away.
He's on my tail.
- He's coming, he's coming to the house?
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Aren't we trying to find this mother fucker?
- Okay, but you can't fight him off with flashlights.
You guys need to be armed.
- Oh my God, weapons, weapons, weapons!
- Go get 'em.
- Let's get the weapons. - Let's get the weapons.
- Weapons!
- Do y'all see anything?
- Nope. - No.
- Wait a second, where's Jesse?
Did we lose her again?
- Do you think Bigfoot got her?
- Nah, she's just in the room changing.
- It's been a stressful day.
- What do we do?
- We need to change up the mood.
- You know the best way to de-stress?
Put on some good tunes and shake some ass.
- Yeah, let's do it.
Yeah! - Lets do it!
♪ I wanna strip, I wanna strut ♪
♪ I wanna get messed up ♪
♪ Load up my cauldron on the bar and act like a slut ♪
♪ Tell dirty jokes, do lines of coke ♪
♪ Crank up my heart and race ♪
♪ If a cop pulls me over, I'll punch him right in the face ♪
♪ Yeah, I wanna be a bad girl for one night ♪
♪ You with me, yeah ♪
♪ It's gonna be the best time of my life, hell yeah ♪
♪ I wanna flirt, I wanna cheat, I wanna bone my ex ♪
♪ I'll keep you guessing, boys, and not return your texts ♪
♪ Do body shots, flash my top, back up and hop on a plane ♪
♪ I'm talking Vegas, girls, it's gonna be insane ♪
♪ Hey, I wanna be a bad girl for one night ♪
♪ You with me, yeah ♪
♪ It's gonna be the best time of my life, hell yeah ♪
♪ I wanna be a bad girl for one night ♪
♪ Are you with me, yeah ♪
♪ It's gonna be the best time of my life ♪
♪ Come on, girls ♪
♪ I wanna be a bad girl for one night ♪
♪ You with me, yeah ♪
♪ It's gonna be the best time of my life, hell yeah ♪
♪ I wanna be a bad girl for one night ♪
♪ You with me, yeah ♪
♪ It's gonna be the best time of my life ♪
♪ I wanna be a bad girl for one night ♪
♪ Are you with me, yeah ♪
♪ It's gonna be the best time of my life ♪
♪ Come on, girls ♪
♪ I wanna be a bad girl for one night ♪
♪ You with me, yeah ♪
♪ It's gonna be the best time of my life, hell yeah ♪
♪ I wanna be a bad girl for one night ♪
♪ You with me, yeah ♪
♪ It's gonna be the best time of my life ♪
♪ I wanna be a bad girl for one night ♪
♪ It's gonna be the best time of my life, hell yeah ♪
- What a perfect day for a hunt.
- Oh, it's absolutely beautiful.
- We should look for tracks first.
- Yeah.
- You girls got your weapons?
- Yep, locked and loaded.
Hey, isn't someone missing?
- Oh yeah, the brunettes.
- Jesse, Tilly, while we're young!
- She's gone!
Jesse's disappeared again.
- What do you mean?
- I looked for her everywhere.
In the bathrooms, the bedrooms, the garage, poof!
- What? - Yeah.
- Something stinks in Denmark.
And I'll tell you why.
Do you guys remember yesterday
she "supposedly" fell off a bridge onto a big rock?
Bitch didn't have a scratch on her.
And then she showed up at the house last night,
face on point.
- That was weird.
- Hair did.
- What are you saying?
Are you saying that...
That she made this up?
That Bigfoot really didn't attack her?
- Yeah, I mean, you know what, with all that fur,
that's probably the fur that we found.
She went back and got it when she disappeared.
- And that thing about the bra strap.
I mean, that was weird.
I didn't believe that. - She's crazy.
- And last night she said the fool was like a block away
and coming right for us.
Dude never showed up.
- And we were dancing all sexy and everything.
I mean, if he was out there,
he would've for sure come and got us.
- Let's go look for him, her and Bigfoot.
- Yeah, let's track 'em both.
- Can we call Dateline?
- So I have been practicing at home, which my boyfriend,
Roger, didn't really like it 'cause I was doing that...
You know, getting my Catgirl on.
And doing my paw licking stuff.
- And people think I'm hallucinating,
but I know it was the real Elvis
'cause he told me and he assured me.
- So I said, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
I've been trying to get out of the stripping business
for a minute now, trying to find a new career.
And I really wanna get famous.
- I don't do dog stuff 'cause I'm a cat, right?
So we're all gonna be getting our spirit guide animal,
getting the animalistic thing.
And that's really gonna bring out the feminine pheromones
in all of us, but our animalistic kind.
- My sponsorship has been going down a little.
So what I did...
- I decided to get into the...
- Was I said, I'm gonna go find Bigfoot.
- Looking for Bigfoot business.
- I'm gonna get a selfie with Bigfoot.
- So I'm very excited.
You know, we got a bunch of girls here.
We're all gonna be getting our furry on.
- And hopefully there is a Bigfoot out there somewhere,
and if there is...
- And we're gonna find him, and we're gonna get him.
We're gonna empower him with our femininity.
- I'm gonna find him.
- We're gonna interact with him.
We're gonna find out about his thoughts and his feelings
and his inner self, and why he's been
hiding out all these years.
- I would bet on me.
If you're a betting person, Vegas odds have it,
that we're 50 to one, whatever that means.
I'm not a betting person.
- So I met some other girls along the way,
and they are out to do the same thing.
Five girls together?
Now come on guys, you can't beat that.
We're gonna get him.
♪ I'm not the beast ya think I am ♪
♪ Been hunted down since time began ♪
♪ For years and years, I ran and ran ♪
♪ I think it's time I made a plan ♪
♪ I don't wanna be Bigfoot no more ♪
♪ I wanna be wild and sore ♪
- Hey, baby.
♪ All of the ladies for sure ♪
♪ I don't wanna be Bigfoot no more ♪
♪ All I am is just a myth ♪
♪ Till someone proves that I exist ♪
♪ But no one seems to get the gist ♪
♪ To be free is all I wish ♪
♪ Oh, whoa, whoa, I don't wanna be Bigfoot no more ♪
♪ I wanna be wild and sore ♪
♪ Dance with all of the ladies for sure ♪
♪ I don't wanna be Bigfoot no more, hey ♪
♪ All right now ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Oh, whoa, whoa, I don't wanna be Bigfoot no more ♪
♪ Dance with all of the ladies for sure ♪
♪ I don't wanna be Bigfoot, oh, whoa, whoa ♪
♪ I don't wanna be Bigfoot no more ♪
♪ I wanna be wild and sore ♪
♪ Dance with all of the ladies for sure ♪
♪ I don't wanna be Bigfoot ♪
♪ I don't wanna be Bigfoot no more ♪
- Wait, I'm getting a signal.
It's detecting something right here.
- Do you see anything?
- What is it?
- Someone fell here recently.
- Who?
- Wait a minute, wait a minute, I'm getting it.
There's some hot chicks.
- What? - Wait.
Are they hotter than, than us?
- No. - No way.
- No.
But it means that there's a lot of them.
- No way.
- And they're also hunting Bigfoot.
It just means that we're gonna have to be hotter,
faster, sexier and...
- Bustier!
- Yes. - Bustier, that's it.
Now I know what we're gonna have to do.
We're gonna have to use this press-ta-digitizer,
and we're gonna need to transport out of here
to a better location.
We can do this. - Yes.
- Ready? - I'm ready.
- All right and...
- Bubba, you are getting rid of that ugly TV
if it is the last thing you do.
I don't care if it's got a built in VHS.
- It's battery operated!
- You stole it from the thrift store.
And how much do you think you're gonna get for it now?
- Oh, come on, sis.
You got it so easy.
I'm trying to pay for college here, all right?
- Oh, pfft, I take care of your ass.
Here, it's $2, take it.
What I owe you, 10 more?
Now, Bubba, you cannot get caught stealing again, all right?
You're not gonna be able to go to college
because you're gonna go to the pokey!
You remember that time that you got caught
flashing those nuns in public?
- Yeah.
- Well, you stole those prescription drugs
from that store after hours?
- Oh my God.
Yeah, I remember that.
- Bubba, you're old enough now you are
gonna go to the big house.
- What, really?
- I'm gonna go on down just right past this crick,
and you're gonna get this thing outta here.
Do you understand?
Now git!
Go, go, go!
- It's battery-operated, come on.
- Attaboy.
Get in.
- All right, let's go.
- I'm proud of you, Bubba.
Let's go get some ice cream.
- Hello, I'm Screens.
I work as a monitoring system for Robo Sports Action Now.
- Oh, I can't believe I'm actually afraid of a penis.
Who would've thought?
- A blue one at that.
- I don't wanna die!
- No, no!
- It's the Dr. Dawn Show in 3D.
With your host, Dr. Dawn.
Tonight's special guest, Penny Blossom.
And tonight's topic is none other than Bigfoot as usual.
Hello, Dr. Gail.
- Hi, I'm Dr. Dawn, doctor of parapsychology,
doctor of internal medicine and sometimes surgery.
And I'm here with my very special guest, Penny Blossom.
- Hi!
- And tonight we're gonna be talking about Bigfoot.
- Yay.
- So Penny, you think you actually so Bigfoot?
- Oh, I know I saw him.
My friends doubted me, but I was up near Sacramento.
I was panning for gold 'cause you know,
I'm a golddigger.
And there he was in the distance, and my friend said,
"No, that's not Bigfoot."
And I said, "It is, I know it's Bigfoot."
He's a big and handsome, young looking ape and...
I didn't know what to do, and then he disappeared.
- Oh, was he handsome?
Was he really handsome?
Was he really hairy chest and everything?
Oh! - Oh my God.
- My viewers know that I wrote a bestseller.
It's called Bigfoot and Dr. - The True Love Story.
And we have been communicating, telepathically.
He's been coming every night in my dreams.
And so we're going to be going and finding him.
So are you excited to be on this expedition with us, Penny?
- I am so excited.
Be still my beating heart.
- We've had a few expeditions before,
and some of the girls didn't make it, unfortunately.
Last time we had a bear incident.
But this time's gonna be really good
'cause we have our guns locked and loaded and ready to go.
Yes? - I have my crossbow.
And I don't wanna kill Bigfoot,
but I, we need to be protected.
- Oh no, we're not gonna kill him.
No, no, no, we're gonna, we're gonna find him.
We're gonna lure him in.
We're gonna seduce him.
And we're gonna have a relationship, right?
- That's right.
- I'm gonna finish my fantasy book about him
because, oh wow.
He's so big and handsome.
And, oh, I can't wait to just to meet him
and have him hold me in his arms,
and his big, hairy, his big hairy chest against mine.
Oh, just to make out and kiss with him and ooh, ooh!
Ooh!
♪ You know you never told me ♪
♪ Driving me crazy in a living hell ♪
♪ I don't wanna think about it, but I just can't resist ♪
♪ Without you, without you ♪
♪ I fall from grace ♪
♪ Without you, without you ♪
♪ Don't even know my face ♪
♪ Without you ♪
♪ Without you, without you ♪
♪ My silence ♪
- Where are we now?
- Two kilometers from where we were last.
- North, West, South, what?
- I don't know.
- Well, let's just take a look around.
- What is this?
- Holy moth balls!
That looks like a piece of crap!
- Bigfoot's crap!
- Oh God, what are we gonna do?
We can't touch it. - Okay, I got an idea.
Let's put our energy together,
and transport it forward to 2050.
- That's it, that's it.
- Beyond ho, away we go.
Beyond ho, away we go.
- Holy crap, we're gonna be trillionaires!
- I love it!
- Oh my God, that was a big one!
- Oh my God.
- Oh wow. - What is that?
It's a hoof print.
Looks like I'm finally gonna get my selfie.
- It's so big.
And you know what they say about men with big feet?
- My ex-boyfriend had big feet, definitely worth it.
- This monster probably has pretty big hands too.
- He's close by.
- Let's go find him.
Let's get that selfie for you.
- Let's get the selfie.
- Let's go get this fool, ladies.
- I think she's definitely from the loony bin.
- Oh yeah, that's plausible.
- You know what, we set out to find Bigfoot.
Let's just go look for him.
We'll find her on the way.
- Ladies, I think at this point
we really gotta accept there ain't no Bigfoot!
- We may never see that girl again.
- Yeah. - She's lost forever probably.
- She may be gone for good.
- Jesse!
Where have you been?
- Don't give me that look, I know that look.
- Bitch! - I know, I know, I know.
I got up early this morning, and I was inspired.
And I always like to write when I'm inspired.
And I wrote a song for our quest to get Bigfoot.
- For what? - We were worried about you.
- I wrote a song.
I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but you'll love the song.
- So you wrote a song?
- Of course, it's about all of us.
- All right.
- Actually. - Can we hear the song?
- I wanna hear it. - Yeah.
- You ready? - Yeah.
- Now I wrote it with like a Western spaghetti,
Southern twang kind of a feel to it.
Like kind of a like, you know,
my relative's Mr. Jesse James.
- Oh, that's cool. - Love it.
♪ Oh, it's Bigfoot or bust, we're gonna get you with lust ♪
♪ No turning back, it's a must ♪
♪ There's just no giving up ♪
♪ Five girls with big guns that will take that as it comes ♪
♪ We came here to have fun and get the job done ♪
♪ We're gonna scour these woods and stay hot on your trail ♪
♪ Get sexy, lure you to us, and we're not gonna fail ♪
♪ Oh, it's Bigfoot or bust, we're gonna get you with lust ♪
♪ No turning back, it's a must ♪
♪ There's just no giving up ♪
♪ Five girls with big guns, and I'll take that as it comes ♪
♪ We came here to have fun and get the job done ♪
♪ We're gonna scour these woods ♪
♪ And be hot on your trail ♪
♪ Get sexy, lure you too us ♪
♪ We're not gonna fail, come on ♪
♪ Oh, Bigfoot or bust, get you with lust ♪
♪ No turning back, it's a must ♪
♪ There's just no giving up ♪
- Bigfoot or Bust!
- Yeah!
- Jesse, love it!
- We did it.
Mission accomplished.
- Yeah, it's time to go back to the future.
- Back to 2050.
- Hey, we can't go like this.
We need to change.
- You're right.
You're first, go.
Right there, and ready?
- Awesome.
- No, okay.
It's getting better. - Yeah.
- Maybe a little bit, you know?
- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.
Oh yeah, uh huh. - Beautiful.
- Looking fabulous, you're next.
Go on in there.
Ready? - Mm-hmm, yeah.
- And.
Nah, one more.
Ready?
Oh yeah.
Perfect!
Now me.
What do you think?
We're ready.
All right, team, we did it.
We're looking great.
Time for 2050.
- Whoa, check out the red carpet.
What is this, the Academy Awards?
I thought we were hunting Bigfoot.
You really didn't have to.
- What was that?
That was something big in there.
- It sure sounded big.
- That's Bigfoot, that's Bigfoot!
- Fuck, I wanna be famous!
- Did you get an alert? - Yes, we did.
He's up on the overlook.
That critter's up there right now, let's go, move it.
Here you go, let's go.
Come on, move it, go, go, go, go.
- There he is! - Go, go, go!
Go, go, go!
- Got you. - Go!
- Don't you move.
- Stop, stop, don't hurt him.
- Oh my God, this is really happening.
- Oh!
- Damn, he's kinda hot.
- Oh, Bigfoot, I've looked for you my entire life.
You're so amazing.
- You've never hurt anyone, have you?
- Oh.
- You poor thing, I'm so sorry.
Go!
- Go. - Go, go, Bigfoot!
Go, Bigfoot! - Go.
- Go, Bigfoot! - Go, just go.
- I love you Bigfoot.
- Hey ladies, what do you have cornered up there?
- Nothing.
- Ain't nothin' to see here.
- Oh, sure hell, let's go, go.
Sorry to bug you, ladies.
Let's go. - Told you so.
- I didn't do it.
I'm innocent.
♪ If I could make a wish, go back in time ♪
♪ I'd try to change it up, commit a crime ♪
♪ Knowing hindsight is 20-20 ♪
♪ Filled with lust ♪
♪ Had I known I'd still be alive ♪
♪ A animal, hunt you down like a cannibal ♪
♪ You got me running ♪
♪ Animal, big, strong, so incredible ♪
♪ I'm tired of doing the same old things day after day ♪
♪ Try to run, try to hide my fears ♪
♪ But the world's turned gray ♪
♪ The scary madness I've come to like ♪
♪ Wandering through a maze ♪
♪ Help me get out, wake up, fly away ♪
♪ Animal, hunt you down like a cannibal ♪
♪ You got me running ♪
♪ Animal, big, strong, so incredible ♪
♪ And I'm coming ♪
♪ Animal, call me crazy, think you're beautiful, oh ♪
♪ You're just an animal ♪
♪ Round and round and round again ♪
♪ But I can make no promises ♪
♪ Now I'm looking carefully for footprints up a pass ♪
♪ Animal, hunt you down like a cannibal ♪
♪ You got me running ♪
♪ Animal, big, strong, so incredible ♪
♪ And I'm coming ♪
♪ Animal, might be crazy, think you're beautiful ♪
♪ You're such an animal, animal ♪
♪ Just an animal, animal ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Animal ♪