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Downloaded from
YTS.MX
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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX
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It is considered useful
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and enlightening and therapeutic
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to think about death
for a few minutes a day.
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What actually happens
to my physical remains
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is of zero interest to me.
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I don't want anybody seeing
my body, I don't want anybody...
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I don't want a party.
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"Reported dead."
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Unless it could provide
entertainment value to...
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I mean, in a perverse
or subversive way, you know.
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I mean, if you could throw me
into a wood chipper and punt...
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You know, spray me into harrods,
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you know, at, uh,
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you know,
middle of the rush hour,
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that would be pretty epic.
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I wouldn't mind being
remembered in that way.
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♪ One, two, three, four,
five, six ♪
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♪ roadrunner, roadrunner ♪
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♪ going faster miles an hour ♪
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♪ gonna drive past
the stop & shop ♪
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♪ with the radio on ♪
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♪ I'm in love
with Massachusetts ♪
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♪ and the neon
when it's cold outside ♪
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♪ and the highway
when it's late at night ♪
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♪ got the radio on ♪
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♪ I'm like the roadrunner... ♪
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What the fuck am I doing here?
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I shall explain.
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One minute I was standing
next to a deep fryer,
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and the next, I was watching
the sun set over the Sahara.
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♪ I'm in love with
modern moonlight... ♪
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I realized that one thing
led directly to the other.
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Had I not taken
a dead-end dishwashing job,
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I would not have become a cook.
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Had I not become a cook, I
would never have become a chef.
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Had I not become a chef,
I never would've been able
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to fuck up so spectacularly.
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Had I not known what
it was like to really fuck up,
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that obnoxious but wildly
successful memoir I wrote
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wouldn't have been
half as interesting.
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♪ And I say roadrunner once,
roadrunner twice ♪
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♪ I'm in love with
rock and roll ♪
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♪ and I'll be out all night ♪
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♪ roadrunner, that's right... ♪
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And I'm not gonna tell you here
how to live your life.
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I'm just saying, I guess,
that I got very lucky.
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♪ Radio on ♪
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- ♪ I got the am ♪
- ♪ radio on ♪
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♪ got the car, got the am ♪
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♪ radio on ♪
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♪ got the am sound ♪
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- ♪ got the ♪
- ♪ radio on ♪
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♪ got the rockin'
modern neon sound ♪
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♪ radio on ♪
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♪ I got the car
from Massachusetts ♪
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- ♪ got the ♪
- ♪ radio on ♪
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♪ I got the power
of Massachusetts ♪
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♪ when it's late at night ♪
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♪ right ♪
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♪ bye-bye. ♪
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You're probably gonna
find out about it anyway,
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so here's a little
preemptive truth telling.
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There's no happy ending.
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He committed
suicide, the fucking asshole.
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How are you gonna make this?
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Is it... is this gonna... I mean...
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Of course what you want
to talk about,
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that's kind of where the gossip
goes, that's kind of...
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But it's not really
what you want to make.
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No, I want to make a film about
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why he was... who he was.
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You know.
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I don't know.
That's why I'm here.
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Do you know what I mean?
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That's why I'm here.
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Hi. This is Tony at les halles,
411 park Avenue south,
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for delivery Monday please.
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I need one Spanish onion,
one loose carrot,
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two shallot unpeeled,
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one case frozen fava bean
and one case miel de provence.
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That'll do it. Thank you.
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Where is my fucking fish?
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I would never be late.
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My cooks would never be late.
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How can the fish guy be late?
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It's why all chefs are drunks.
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It's because we don't understand
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why the world doesn't work
like our kitchens.
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- Oh, hold on.
- If you guys are hun...
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It's just baba ghanoush. It's...
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I mean, it's not
a very nice display,
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- I know Tony.
- Cool.
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Thanks, baby.
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- What would you like?
- Um...
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- Apple juice.
- Apple juice? Apple juice?
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Or cranberry. I don't care.
Whatever we have more of.
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Happiness is a fresh pack.
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First thing in the morning.
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I mean, before I brush my teeth.
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I mean, I roll out of bed,
light a cigarette,
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stumble into this room,
and, uh, I start,
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uh, I start writing immediately.
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I always use language
to get out of trouble.
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You know,
I found at an early age,
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if I made everybody
in the class laugh,
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that was power.
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I came from a household
with a lot of books.
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In fact, the first book
I remember reading was
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a book called
why Johnny can't read,
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which I stole from my mother.
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She was anticipating
that I would have
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a difficulty reading
because I was already exhibiting
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antisocial tendencies.
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Uh, I pinched the book and,
uh, basically taught myself
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to read, uh, by kindergarten.
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And then, you know,
my early heroes
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were, uh, musicians
and-and writers.
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The idea that you could
have adventures,
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no matter how antisocial,
and then make them
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somehow legitimate by writing
something beautiful about them,
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that concept took
an early hold on me.
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I wasn't serious enough
about anything
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to actually do any writing
until '93.
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But, you know, when I was given
the opportunity, I did it,
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and, you know, kept doing it.
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The whole business
fills me with terror, frankly.
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Hey.
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How are you doing, man?
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- You guys know each other by now.
- Yes.
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Let me see if Rocco's over.
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What was it about Tony
with big knives?
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They were never sharp enough.
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00:07:04,284 --> 00:07:06,619
You know, he's...
He'd just always...
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When he came over
for Thanksgiving, uh,
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I was gonna carve the Turkey,
and then he took over.
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He was very short with me about
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how I wasn't taking care
of my knives.
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- Hey.
- Tony saw you when you were just born.
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Remember that?
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My relationship with Tony
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has always been as a writer.
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He was such a powerful writer
right from the start.
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He was on business in Tokyo
for the first time.
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And he was writing me
a series of emails.
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He was back in his room,
and he-he did
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one of those bursts.
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"The jet lag
wouldn't let me sleep,
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"so I crashed late
and Rose early,
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"plunging blindly down
dark streets at all hours.
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"The streets were unbelievably
dense with pedestrians,
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"people hanging around,
flashing neon,
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"flapping banners,
more screaming signs,
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"pimpy-looking young men in
suits and patent leather shoes
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"surrounded by
dye-blonde Asian women
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"in thigh-high boots
and micro-mini skirts.
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"No one, and I mean no one,
would meet my eye
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"with a direct gaze.
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"I was the quiet American,
the ugly American,
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"the hungry ghost,
searching and searching
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for whatever came next."
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I loved it. I loved it,
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and my wife Karen,
who was a book publisher,
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was in the living room
breastfeeding the baby.
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I printed out the email
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and I went,
"Karen, you have to read this."
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Am I allowed to curse?
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Does anybody curse
when they talk about this?
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I read it and I just went,
"that is fucking awesome."
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I was like, "okay",
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I'm gonna make him an offer
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"basically he can't
fucking refuse."
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He came back
and then we sat down.
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I said, "so Joel tells me,
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you know,
you have a lot of stories."
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And he goes,
"I have so many stories.
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I'm so excited to tell them."
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He said, "I already have
a title for it."
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00:09:01,067 --> 00:09:02,335
I said, "what's the title?"
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00:09:02,368 --> 00:09:03,646
And he said,
"kitchen confidential."
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00:09:03,670 --> 00:09:05,271
And I said,
"I love it. Let's do it."
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00:09:05,305 --> 00:09:07,407
What do you think
about Tony bourdain anyway?
184
00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:09,342
Yeah, what do you
think about that guy?
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00:09:09,375 --> 00:09:10,410
He's cool. Huh?
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It was like,
"will you write this book?"
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"Yes."
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00:09:19,719 --> 00:09:21,087
"Can you write it
in eight months?"
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00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,355
"You're damn right I will."
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00:09:22,388 --> 00:09:24,023
You know, you should talk
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00:09:24,057 --> 00:09:25,391
to Tony's agent,
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00:09:25,425 --> 00:09:27,126
Kim Witherspoon.
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00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:29,596
I don't think
Tony was afraid of failure,
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00:09:29,629 --> 00:09:31,264
and that was hard-wired.
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00:09:31,297 --> 00:09:33,199
He was the kind of person
who thought,
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00:09:33,233 --> 00:09:34,734
"well, you know, what the fuck?
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Let's just try it
and see how it turns out."
198
00:09:36,636 --> 00:09:38,705
Anthony bourdain,
who has worked as a chef
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00:09:38,738 --> 00:09:41,641
for 28 years, reveals
some surprising and disturbing
200
00:09:41,674 --> 00:09:44,777
trade secrets in a new book
called kitchen confidential.
201
00:09:44,811 --> 00:09:46,513
Chef Anthony says the truth
202
00:09:46,546 --> 00:09:48,114
about bread in a restaurant,
203
00:09:48,147 --> 00:09:49,792
how you should prepare
your meat when you order it,
204
00:09:49,816 --> 00:09:51,518
and also the truth about fish
205
00:09:51,551 --> 00:09:53,286
could make you sick.
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00:09:53,319 --> 00:09:55,588
I was in a cranky mood
after my last restaurant closed
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00:09:55,622 --> 00:09:59,192
and, uh, felt no reason
not to tell the truth about
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00:09:59,225 --> 00:10:02,529
a business I both love and,
uh, have mixed emotions about.
209
00:10:03,429 --> 00:10:06,266
Kitchen confidential is a memoir
210
00:10:06,299 --> 00:10:09,669
of Tony's life in the kitchen
and the salty adventures
211
00:10:09,702 --> 00:10:11,638
that he had with his cooks.
212
00:10:11,671 --> 00:10:13,606
It was kind of lawless.
213
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:16,543
You know, a lot was broken,
as Tony used to say.
214
00:10:16,576 --> 00:10:20,413
Mr. Bourdain is the
executive chef at les halles.
215
00:10:20,446 --> 00:10:21,414
He found success
216
00:10:21,447 --> 00:10:24,717
and a full-blown heroin habit
at an early age.
217
00:10:24,751 --> 00:10:28,288
I had a dope problem,
a cocaine problem,
218
00:10:28,321 --> 00:10:31,491
but by '88, I pretty much
cleaned up my act.
219
00:10:34,227 --> 00:10:36,829
The dietary supplement
that every chef needs.
220
00:10:36,863 --> 00:10:38,798
I take around ten
of these a day.
221
00:10:38,831 --> 00:10:41,234
It's an aspirin/tylenol mix.
222
00:10:45,605 --> 00:10:47,240
Call 'em crunchies.
223
00:10:47,273 --> 00:10:49,309
Let me take you
on a notional joyride
224
00:10:49,342 --> 00:10:50,577
through our menu tonight.
225
00:10:50,610 --> 00:10:53,713
We have grilled salmon
with sorrel sauce.
226
00:10:53,746 --> 00:10:55,281
Veal kidneys.
227
00:10:55,315 --> 00:10:57,350
These kidneys are
really good, by the way.
228
00:10:57,383 --> 00:11:00,453
Those of you into water sports
will find much to love.
229
00:11:00,486 --> 00:11:02,722
From the first time
I met him, I remember thinking,
230
00:11:02,755 --> 00:11:05,725
"oh, wow, you're, like, tall
and handsome and funny.
231
00:11:05,758 --> 00:11:07,727
"But you're kind of a big nerd.
232
00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,295
"You're nerding out
on everything,
233
00:11:09,329 --> 00:11:10,597
and you're a little awkward,"
234
00:11:10,630 --> 00:11:13,299
and I love that about him.
235
00:11:14,434 --> 00:11:16,903
"At les halles,
life goes on as always,
236
00:11:16,937 --> 00:11:19,839
"the same crew showing up
on time every day.
237
00:11:19,872 --> 00:11:21,341
"Eddy,
238
00:11:21,374 --> 00:11:23,610
"Carlos and Omar,
isidoro and angel.
239
00:11:23,643 --> 00:11:26,179
"They're still with me,
and I hope they stay with me.
240
00:11:26,212 --> 00:11:28,514
"My bosses, however,
when they read this,
241
00:11:28,548 --> 00:11:30,516
"will really prove themselves
patrons of the arts
242
00:11:30,550 --> 00:11:32,585
if they don't can me
right away."
243
00:11:33,886 --> 00:11:35,254
So you didn't fire him?
244
00:11:35,288 --> 00:11:36,422
I didn't fire him.
245
00:11:36,456 --> 00:11:38,524
I didn't know it
was being written.
246
00:11:38,558 --> 00:11:40,393
I didn't know
it was going to be published.
247
00:11:40,426 --> 00:11:42,328
Uh, one day, I arrived
at the restaurant,
248
00:11:42,362 --> 00:11:44,530
and I just said,
"what happened?"
249
00:11:45,398 --> 00:11:47,533
You're fucking kidding me.
250
00:11:48,534 --> 00:11:52,372
I was told today that on, I
guess, the 12th of this month,
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00:11:52,405 --> 00:11:54,774
it'll be number seven
on the times best seller list.
252
00:11:54,807 --> 00:11:57,644
'Cause it was on 20,
wasn't it? And then, uh...
253
00:11:57,677 --> 00:11:59,379
I mean, I'm getting
congratulatory calls,
254
00:11:59,412 --> 00:12:02,215
and they're telling me
I have a best seller.
255
00:12:02,248 --> 00:12:03,816
Uh, really, it's scary.
256
00:12:03,850 --> 00:12:05,785
No, it's exciting.
It's wonderful.
257
00:12:05,818 --> 00:12:07,955
Yeah, I just...
258
00:12:07,988 --> 00:12:10,189
Anything that happens
beyond that door
259
00:12:10,223 --> 00:12:12,592
I'm suspicious of.
260
00:12:13,693 --> 00:12:15,662
He was always
behind in the rent,
261
00:12:15,695 --> 00:12:17,965
always behind his,
you know, payments
262
00:12:17,998 --> 00:12:21,234
and-and-and living
from paycheck to paycheck,
263
00:12:21,267 --> 00:12:22,735
like in a pressure cooker.
264
00:12:22,769 --> 00:12:25,805
So when there was this
opportunity, he-he was ready.
265
00:12:33,446 --> 00:12:35,348
"By the time I was 43,
266
00:12:35,381 --> 00:12:37,684
"I really thought that I had
had all my great adventures,
267
00:12:37,717 --> 00:12:40,420
"that the entertainment
and excitement segment
268
00:12:40,453 --> 00:12:42,655
of the program was long over."
269
00:12:45,458 --> 00:12:47,560
- What's up?
- Thank you.
270
00:12:49,796 --> 00:12:50,931
That was cool.
271
00:12:50,964 --> 00:12:52,598
"I was comfortably ensconced
272
00:12:52,632 --> 00:12:54,534
"in secure digs with a wife
who still remarkably
273
00:12:54,567 --> 00:12:56,736
found me to be amusing
on occasion."
274
00:12:56,769 --> 00:12:58,939
What? What are you doing?
You're giving interviews?
275
00:12:58,972 --> 00:13:00,373
What are you... you media hoe.
276
00:13:00,406 --> 00:13:01,942
"I had a job I loved in
277
00:13:01,975 --> 00:13:04,253
"a successful restaurant, and
I was alive, for Christ's sakes.
278
00:13:04,277 --> 00:13:06,412
I was still around."
279
00:13:08,982 --> 00:13:10,984
I don't cook at home.
280
00:13:11,018 --> 00:13:13,720
I-I just... I'm too, uh...
I would love to tell you,
281
00:13:13,753 --> 00:13:15,354
you know, I go home and-and cook
282
00:13:15,388 --> 00:13:17,724
fabulous, uh, little snackies
for-for my wife.
283
00:13:17,757 --> 00:13:19,792
I would be lying if I told you that.
284
00:13:19,826 --> 00:13:22,462
It's more like,
"honey, call out for Chinese."
285
00:13:26,632 --> 00:13:28,768
"There are, it turns out,
a million ways
286
00:13:28,801 --> 00:13:29,970
"to say 'suck my dick.'
287
00:13:30,003 --> 00:13:31,637
"and like
all great performances,
288
00:13:31,671 --> 00:13:34,340
"it's about timing,
tone and delivery,
289
00:13:34,373 --> 00:13:35,775
kind of like cooking."
290
00:13:35,808 --> 00:13:38,444
Thanks.
291
00:13:39,645 --> 00:13:42,515
You know, all the TV chefs are
292
00:13:42,548 --> 00:13:44,350
so cuddly and adorable,
you know.
293
00:13:44,383 --> 00:13:45,894
Maybe I'm the... sort of like
the antidote or something.
294
00:13:45,918 --> 00:13:47,787
You know? I don't know.
295
00:13:52,859 --> 00:13:54,560
For me, it happened overnight.
296
00:13:54,594 --> 00:13:56,371
I mean, one minute,
I was a cook at a restaurant,
297
00:13:56,395 --> 00:13:58,498
and not a particularly
great one, and the next,
298
00:13:58,531 --> 00:14:01,068
I was an author,
and it was literally overnight.
299
00:14:01,101 --> 00:14:02,835
It fell in my lap.
300
00:14:18,351 --> 00:14:20,053
Joining me now
is Anthony bourdain,
301
00:14:20,087 --> 00:14:22,055
author of kitchen confidential.
302
00:14:22,089 --> 00:14:23,389
Anthony bourdain...
303
00:14:23,422 --> 00:14:24,524
Chef Anthony bourdain...
304
00:14:24,557 --> 00:14:25,925
Here's Anthony bourdain.
305
00:14:27,627 --> 00:14:29,529
What-what do you think
about these guys
306
00:14:29,562 --> 00:14:32,465
- like emeril lagasse and those guys on the food network?
- Wow.
307
00:14:32,498 --> 00:14:33,800
Y-You're asking me to, you know,
308
00:14:33,833 --> 00:14:35,802
kick Santa claus in the crotch
on television.
309
00:14:35,835 --> 00:14:37,370
I mean...
310
00:14:38,071 --> 00:14:39,672
My life gets
more and more ridiculous.
311
00:14:39,705 --> 00:14:41,550
Apparently, Brad Pitt will be
playing me in a movie.
312
00:14:41,574 --> 00:14:43,342
Yeah, guess what's,
uh, tomorrow.
313
00:14:43,376 --> 00:14:45,812
- What's tomorrow?
- Oprah.
314
00:14:45,845 --> 00:14:47,747
No! You're kidding me!
315
00:14:47,780 --> 00:14:49,515
This is Anthony bourdain.
316
00:14:49,549 --> 00:14:51,350
His book kitchen confidential
317
00:14:51,384 --> 00:14:52,885
is a New York times best seller.
318
00:14:53,820 --> 00:14:55,788
I was born to cook.
319
00:14:55,822 --> 00:14:58,391
I loved satisfying
people's appetites.
320
00:14:58,424 --> 00:15:00,459
Next, I'll be, uh, doing
the lambada with emeril.
321
00:15:00,493 --> 00:15:01,494
Bam! Just a little...
322
00:15:03,997 --> 00:15:05,431
I'd hate myself.
323
00:15:32,159 --> 00:15:33,593
Thanks.
324
00:15:38,664 --> 00:15:41,001
Oh! Whoa!
325
00:15:41,034 --> 00:15:43,603
- Ah.
- Tony bourdain rocks!
326
00:15:43,636 --> 00:15:46,006
What's up, man? Everything good?
327
00:15:46,039 --> 00:15:47,440
- Life is good.
- Yes, yes.
328
00:15:47,473 --> 00:15:48,741
We're celebrating Tony's book.
329
00:15:48,774 --> 00:15:50,509
- Come here, girl. Get in here.
- Hi.
330
00:15:50,543 --> 00:15:51,811
- How you doing?
- Good.
331
00:15:51,844 --> 00:15:53,646
- This is Tony.
- Hi.
332
00:15:53,679 --> 00:15:54,982
- Howdy.
- Oh, congratulations.
333
00:15:55,015 --> 00:15:56,116
We're having a good time.
334
00:15:56,149 --> 00:15:57,583
Oh, oh, the next one?
335
00:15:57,617 --> 00:15:59,485
No, the next one,
I'm doing something called
336
00:15:59,518 --> 00:16:00,753
a cook's tour.
337
00:16:00,786 --> 00:16:02,655
Basically, I'm gonna
travel around the world,
338
00:16:02,688 --> 00:16:04,067
eating exotic food and having
adventures in the far east
339
00:16:04,091 --> 00:16:07,027
and Africa and South America...
340
00:16:07,060 --> 00:16:08,561
With a crew chasing me.
341
00:16:08,594 --> 00:16:10,496
Hey, John, come here.
342
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:14,901
You know, my 15 minutes of
343
00:16:14,935 --> 00:16:17,938
quote, unquote "fame,"
uh, you know, when that's over,
344
00:16:17,971 --> 00:16:20,706
uh, I will be perfectly
comfortable with that,
345
00:16:20,740 --> 00:16:22,109
if not relieved.
346
00:16:22,142 --> 00:16:23,876
I think even relieved
at this point.
347
00:16:23,910 --> 00:16:27,813
When I met him
for the first time,
348
00:16:27,847 --> 00:16:31,184
he had made a splash with
kitchen confidential.
349
00:16:31,218 --> 00:16:33,886
I had read
that he had a contract
350
00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:36,889
to write a second book
called a cook's tour,
351
00:16:36,923 --> 00:16:38,791
and I called him.
352
00:16:39,993 --> 00:16:41,228
- Yes?
- And I said,
353
00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:42,996
- "hey, I'm a producer."
- Doing good.
354
00:16:43,030 --> 00:16:44,530
"Would you ever even consider
355
00:16:44,563 --> 00:16:47,566
making cook's tour
into a series?"
356
00:16:47,600 --> 00:16:49,202
And he, you know,
he was like, you know,
357
00:16:49,236 --> 00:16:50,938
"yeah, uh, whatever."
358
00:16:50,971 --> 00:16:52,638
- You know? "Sure."
- Sure.
359
00:16:52,672 --> 00:16:55,675
He was very nonplussed
about the whole idea
360
00:16:55,708 --> 00:16:57,677
of doing anything in television.
361
00:16:57,710 --> 00:16:59,947
It was not what was on his mind.
362
00:16:59,980 --> 00:17:01,447
Bye-bye.
363
00:17:03,582 --> 00:17:05,085
A week and a half later,
364
00:17:05,118 --> 00:17:06,519
Chris Collins and I
365
00:17:06,552 --> 00:17:09,089
went up to les halles.
366
00:17:09,122 --> 00:17:10,890
We found Tony,
367
00:17:10,923 --> 00:17:13,193
shot a demo with him
368
00:17:13,226 --> 00:17:14,995
and had a conversation with him.
369
00:17:15,028 --> 00:17:19,532
And it became immediately clear
he had never traveled.
370
00:17:19,565 --> 00:17:23,103
Lydia and I were
far greater world travelers
371
00:17:23,136 --> 00:17:24,237
than Tony bourdain.
372
00:17:24,271 --> 00:17:26,706
His travels were in his head.
373
00:17:26,739 --> 00:17:28,976
You know, I want
to go to faraway exotic places
374
00:17:29,009 --> 00:17:31,711
with palm trees and
where teenagers in army uniforms
375
00:17:31,744 --> 00:17:33,579
carry machine guns.
376
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:37,850
Growing up as a kid, you know,
I watched the crimson pirate.
377
00:17:37,883 --> 00:17:40,253
You know,
all pirates and bad guys
378
00:17:40,287 --> 00:17:42,655
having great adventures.
379
00:17:48,561 --> 00:17:50,896
Tony's view of the world
380
00:17:50,931 --> 00:17:54,800
emanated from books
and from films.
381
00:17:54,834 --> 00:17:57,270
Almost in an encyclopedic way,
382
00:17:57,304 --> 00:18:00,073
he could grab
all these references.
383
00:18:00,107 --> 00:18:02,742
And I think he was excited
384
00:18:02,775 --> 00:18:04,910
to go on this journey
385
00:18:04,945 --> 00:18:07,747
to see if the reality
386
00:18:07,780 --> 00:18:10,916
actually matched
the imagination.
387
00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:22,295
That moment when we set out
388
00:18:22,329 --> 00:18:26,799
in December of 2000,
it's indelible.
389
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,870
Our first journey
was, um, for six weeks.
390
00:18:30,903 --> 00:18:34,274
And remember,
we'd only spent one...
391
00:18:34,307 --> 00:18:37,177
One day with Tony
leading up to that moment.
392
00:18:42,815 --> 00:18:45,318
The image of Tony,
I mean, it was, I think,
393
00:18:45,352 --> 00:18:47,820
a guy who, at that moment,
was very unsure
394
00:18:47,853 --> 00:18:50,023
of what was about to happen.
395
00:18:51,024 --> 00:18:51,791
This way.
396
00:18:51,824 --> 00:18:53,692
You know, I'm looking at
397
00:18:53,726 --> 00:18:56,096
a strange and, uh,
unpredictable future
398
00:18:56,129 --> 00:18:58,631
in a tough business with rules
399
00:18:58,664 --> 00:19:00,599
that I'm not
com-completely familiar with,
400
00:19:00,633 --> 00:19:03,769
and when I become familiar
with them, I...
401
00:19:03,803 --> 00:19:06,973
You know, I don't know
whether I like them that much.
402
00:19:08,241 --> 00:19:10,643
We hit the road together,
403
00:19:10,676 --> 00:19:12,912
just the three of us.
404
00:19:12,946 --> 00:19:16,216
Lydia and I
had just gotten married.
405
00:19:17,917 --> 00:19:21,221
And then we had Tony,
a guy who we barely knew.
406
00:19:21,254 --> 00:19:23,823
So it was like three idiots
407
00:19:23,856 --> 00:19:25,959
trying to figure each other out.
408
00:19:26,993 --> 00:19:28,962
The first shoot was Japan.
409
00:19:28,995 --> 00:19:30,796
Like, we didn't know
what we were doing.
410
00:19:30,830 --> 00:19:32,731
He definitely didn't know
what he was doing.
411
00:19:32,765 --> 00:19:38,838
And Tony immediately became
uncomfortable and awkward.
412
00:19:39,973 --> 00:19:42,109
What we would find out
very quickly is.
413
00:19:42,142 --> 00:19:45,811
Tony was actually
a very shy human being.
414
00:19:45,845 --> 00:19:50,117
And to get him to make
eye contact or to interact,
415
00:19:50,150 --> 00:19:53,619
it wasn't his natural state.
416
00:19:59,758 --> 00:20:01,794
You know, life
on the road with Tony bourdain
417
00:20:01,827 --> 00:20:03,363
just isn't
all it's cracked up to be.
418
00:20:03,396 --> 00:20:05,031
You know what I mean?
419
00:20:05,065 --> 00:20:09,702
The man can be a royal pain
in the ass sometimes.
420
00:20:09,735 --> 00:20:13,706
In fact, I got this cold sore
on my lip now,
421
00:20:13,739 --> 00:20:16,709
and it's due to stress,
422
00:20:16,742 --> 00:20:21,948
stress over Tony's
lack of communication.
423
00:20:22,815 --> 00:20:24,317
That, compounded by the fact
424
00:20:24,351 --> 00:20:27,287
that we were in Japan
being sort of led into scenes
425
00:20:27,320 --> 00:20:32,292
where there was a lot of,
kind of, formality involved,
426
00:20:32,325 --> 00:20:34,995
you know, all of those
factored into him being
427
00:20:35,028 --> 00:20:36,029
quiet,
428
00:20:36,062 --> 00:20:38,965
which was like
the worst possible thing.
429
00:20:41,201 --> 00:20:43,203
Mmm. Oh, wow.
430
00:20:44,803 --> 00:20:46,705
Spectacular.
431
00:20:46,739 --> 00:20:47,974
I mean, Chris and I went
432
00:20:48,008 --> 00:20:50,043
back to the hotel and basically
433
00:20:50,076 --> 00:20:51,354
looked at each other
and said like...
434
00:20:51,378 --> 00:20:53,313
We're fucked.
435
00:20:58,218 --> 00:21:00,920
Chris, can...
Chris, take a picture of
436
00:21:00,954 --> 00:21:03,756
me and Lydia as we come back
with the sun behind her,
437
00:21:03,789 --> 00:21:06,026
pointing up the mountain
towards the farmhouse
438
00:21:06,059 --> 00:21:09,396
as we walk up past
the yellow triangular sign.
439
00:21:09,429 --> 00:21:11,730
Thank you.
440
00:21:11,764 --> 00:21:13,466
Okay. Here we go.
441
00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:15,035
Okay.
442
00:21:15,068 --> 00:21:17,103
I mean, to be honest,
I'm not totally alone,
443
00:21:17,137 --> 00:21:18,771
'cause clearly somebody is
shooting this.
444
00:21:18,804 --> 00:21:20,349
I always love those,
like, desert scenes,
445
00:21:20,373 --> 00:21:22,108
"I'm alone in the desert."
446
00:21:22,142 --> 00:21:23,876
Yeah, but who else's footprints
are those?
447
00:21:23,909 --> 00:21:27,080
You know, one of those things.
But-but look.
448
00:21:27,113 --> 00:21:30,217
This is pretty cool.
449
00:21:30,250 --> 00:21:32,252
And it does feel pretty cool
to be walking...
450
00:21:32,285 --> 00:21:34,230
Well, I'll tell you this:
I'm having a lot more fun
451
00:21:34,254 --> 00:21:36,489
walking forward than
the cameraperson is
452
00:21:36,523 --> 00:21:38,791
walking backwards, I'm sure.
453
00:21:40,560 --> 00:21:42,062
Was that a groan?
454
00:21:42,095 --> 00:21:43,930
Yes, it was.
455
00:21:43,964 --> 00:21:46,933
We went from Japan to Vietnam.
456
00:21:50,203 --> 00:21:54,873
That's when things started
to kick in to a different gear.
457
00:21:59,546 --> 00:22:01,381
My good friend
Phillipe lajaunie,
458
00:22:01,414 --> 00:22:04,817
uh, pulled in, uh,
semi-unexpectedly last night.
459
00:22:04,850 --> 00:22:07,153
We're ready for, uh,
ready for our adventure?
460
00:22:10,056 --> 00:22:12,025
I joined them
461
00:22:12,058 --> 00:22:15,362
on that first trip in Vietnam,
and he was enjoying himself
462
00:22:15,395 --> 00:22:16,396
and being less cynical.
463
00:22:16,429 --> 00:22:17,530
Hey.
464
00:22:17,564 --> 00:22:19,299
Floating Starbucks over here.
465
00:22:19,332 --> 00:22:23,036
I'll have a double latte,
uh, mochaccino please.
466
00:22:24,271 --> 00:22:25,939
Oh, that's great.
467
00:22:25,972 --> 00:22:27,806
Kicks the shit out of Starbucks.
468
00:22:31,278 --> 00:22:33,146
"I love Vietnam.
469
00:22:33,179 --> 00:22:35,881
"Maybe it's a pheromonic thing,
like when you meet
470
00:22:35,914 --> 00:22:37,584
"the love of your life
for the first time.
471
00:22:37,617 --> 00:22:39,953
"She just, somehow,
472
00:22:39,986 --> 00:22:42,956
"inexplicably smells
and feels right.
473
00:22:42,989 --> 00:22:46,026
"You sense that, given the
opportunity, this is the woman
474
00:22:46,059 --> 00:22:48,395
you want to spend
the rest of your life with."
475
00:22:49,462 --> 00:22:51,965
We had common desire
476
00:22:51,998 --> 00:22:54,467
to spend time in Vietnam,
maybe forever.
477
00:22:54,501 --> 00:22:57,870
That was our secret bond.
478
00:22:59,005 --> 00:23:01,508
And of course, the movie
apocalypse now
479
00:23:01,541 --> 00:23:03,310
was one of his top
480
00:23:03,343 --> 00:23:04,577
three movies in his life,
481
00:23:04,611 --> 00:23:07,347
uh, because it combined
so many things:
482
00:23:07,380 --> 00:23:10,283
Vietnam and the war and-and the
book, the heart of darkness.
483
00:23:11,951 --> 00:23:13,586
We just started doing
484
00:23:13,620 --> 00:23:15,888
all of this
self-indulgent film references,
485
00:23:15,921 --> 00:23:17,624
and I suddenly realized,
"wait a minute.
486
00:23:17,657 --> 00:23:20,193
This-this filmmaking thing
can be fun."
487
00:23:20,226 --> 00:23:23,596
♪ Ah! ♪
488
00:23:23,630 --> 00:23:26,333
You know, it's a big crayon box.
489
00:23:26,366 --> 00:23:27,967
We can actually enjoy this.
490
00:23:28,001 --> 00:23:30,236
Why am I here? Am I insane?
491
00:23:32,639 --> 00:23:34,541
You know, he used to say,
492
00:23:34,574 --> 00:23:36,242
"don't ever let me do TV.
493
00:23:36,276 --> 00:23:39,012
Thing is like, if I ever do TV,
shoot me."
494
00:23:39,045 --> 00:23:42,015
And, you know,
at first, it was awful.
495
00:23:42,048 --> 00:23:43,483
Where do cooks come from?
496
00:23:43,516 --> 00:23:46,919
The answer to this
and other questions to follow.
497
00:23:46,953 --> 00:23:48,355
And then very quickly...
498
00:23:48,388 --> 00:23:50,623
He's such a good student,
he's so freaking smart...
499
00:23:50,657 --> 00:23:52,092
He, like, figured it out.
500
00:23:52,125 --> 00:23:54,361
Chris, Lydia, I love you.
501
00:23:54,394 --> 00:23:55,894
You know that, right?
502
00:23:55,929 --> 00:23:57,931
But I got one night
in Bangkok here, okay?
503
00:23:57,964 --> 00:24:00,100
So not even 24 hours
we're laying over here.
504
00:24:00,133 --> 00:24:03,002
You want to do a whole
goddamn show in 24 hours?
505
00:24:03,036 --> 00:24:04,137
Fine. Okay?
506
00:24:04,170 --> 00:24:06,973
But... forget about
blocking out.
507
00:24:07,006 --> 00:24:09,242
No plan and you better be fast.
508
00:24:09,275 --> 00:24:12,145
I'm gonna have a good time.
We're gonna roll.
509
00:24:13,246 --> 00:24:15,115
And if you don't get it,
you don't get it.
510
00:24:15,148 --> 00:24:18,051
Catch it in editing,
as we like to say.
511
00:24:20,153 --> 00:24:21,654
What started to grow
512
00:24:21,688 --> 00:24:24,023
at that moment
was this understanding,
513
00:24:24,057 --> 00:24:26,925
"Tony, you don't need
to tell us everything.
514
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:28,471
"You need to experience this
and ask questions.
515
00:24:28,495 --> 00:24:30,597
"That's how we're all
gonna learn from this place.
516
00:24:30,630 --> 00:24:33,166
"It's not
you being a travel guide.
517
00:24:33,199 --> 00:24:36,035
It's you being open
to this experience."
518
00:24:37,036 --> 00:24:38,271
Oh, Jesus.
519
00:24:38,304 --> 00:24:39,406
Look at this.
520
00:24:39,439 --> 00:24:40,940
Look at this thing.
521
00:24:40,974 --> 00:24:42,551
Look at the roe
just popping out everywhere.
522
00:24:42,575 --> 00:24:44,144
Just in... whoa! Whoa.
523
00:24:44,177 --> 00:24:45,712
Come back. Come to papa.
524
00:24:45,745 --> 00:24:47,180
If there is any dish
525
00:24:47,213 --> 00:24:49,015
that comes closest
to perfection,
526
00:24:49,048 --> 00:24:50,517
this is it, you know.
527
00:24:50,550 --> 00:24:53,386
This is bumping up right up
against the walls of heaven.
528
00:24:55,755 --> 00:24:57,157
Ah, man.
529
00:24:57,190 --> 00:24:59,426
We've reached the mountaintop.
530
00:25:29,722 --> 00:25:31,458
And trying to think, you know,
531
00:25:31,491 --> 00:25:33,092
"what do I want?"
532
00:25:33,126 --> 00:25:34,461
It would be nice
to buy something
533
00:25:34,494 --> 00:25:37,063
that will fulfill
some hollow part of my soul,
534
00:25:37,096 --> 00:25:39,132
but I can't think of,
you know, anything.
535
00:25:39,165 --> 00:25:41,968
Maybe a car will do it.
I-I don't know.
536
00:25:44,103 --> 00:25:46,072
I mean, shit, my rent is paid.
537
00:25:46,105 --> 00:25:48,575
That alone is spectacular.
538
00:25:50,343 --> 00:25:52,245
I mean, i-i...
539
00:25:52,278 --> 00:25:53,780
I'd like to live
like a normal person.
540
00:25:53,813 --> 00:25:55,524
That was always my thought,
that-that if I get
541
00:25:55,548 --> 00:25:59,018
enough money, I'll be able
to live like a normal person.
542
00:25:59,052 --> 00:26:01,654
But I don't even know
what that is anymore.
543
00:26:04,791 --> 00:26:06,759
I read kitchen confidential
at that time,
544
00:26:06,793 --> 00:26:08,495
and I call him.
545
00:26:08,528 --> 00:26:11,264
And I invite him
to have lunch with me
546
00:26:11,297 --> 00:26:14,033
because I want to meet the man.
547
00:26:14,067 --> 00:26:17,303
And he shows up
with a-a TV crew.
548
00:26:20,106 --> 00:26:22,041
I thought this was a jackpot.
549
00:26:22,075 --> 00:26:23,443
This was one of my idols.
550
00:26:23,476 --> 00:26:26,546
I was just absolutely
freaked out.
551
00:26:28,214 --> 00:26:30,517
Incredibly sophisticated,
refined,
552
00:26:30,550 --> 00:26:33,119
clean, beautiful,
553
00:26:33,152 --> 00:26:35,455
impeccably presented.
554
00:26:35,488 --> 00:26:37,790
Eric's food is like
555
00:26:37,824 --> 00:26:40,627
the craft
performed at its highest level.
556
00:26:43,162 --> 00:26:44,664
When I meet him,
557
00:26:44,697 --> 00:26:47,200
I don't expect him...
558
00:26:47,233 --> 00:26:49,636
To be so articulate.
559
00:26:49,669 --> 00:26:51,137
And he has amazing
560
00:26:51,170 --> 00:26:53,106
good manners at the table.
561
00:26:53,806 --> 00:26:56,309
And I think
at the end of the meal,
562
00:26:56,342 --> 00:26:58,545
we said we should meet again.
563
00:26:58,578 --> 00:27:01,047
And, um, and we did.
564
00:27:10,390 --> 00:27:12,525
Served with foie gras
mousse and notes of...
565
00:27:16,863 --> 00:27:19,299
I think
what was not a struggle...
566
00:27:19,332 --> 00:27:21,167
I don't know if "struggle"
is the right word,
567
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:23,703
but the challenge
was to be real,
568
00:27:23,736 --> 00:27:25,838
stay real, and at the same time,
569
00:27:25,872 --> 00:27:27,840
be the host of a TV show.
570
00:27:27,874 --> 00:27:29,709
You have to
571
00:27:29,742 --> 00:27:31,511
exaggerate a little bit.
572
00:27:31,544 --> 00:27:33,580
This is like
driving a Rolls-Royce naked
573
00:27:33,613 --> 00:27:35,481
in mink underpants.
574
00:27:38,217 --> 00:27:42,722
Just so over-the-top luxurious.
575
00:27:42,755 --> 00:27:44,290
I think the person
576
00:27:44,324 --> 00:27:46,326
that people experienced
on camera was
577
00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:48,428
someone who seemingly had
this incredible ability
578
00:27:48,461 --> 00:27:51,497
to engage with
anybody he came across.
579
00:27:51,531 --> 00:27:53,733
It's like
the UN-muscled James Bond
580
00:27:53,766 --> 00:27:55,735
who could kind of swan
into scenes.
581
00:27:55,768 --> 00:27:59,772
There was that persona
that was created over time.
582
00:27:59,806 --> 00:28:01,808
I am looking for
583
00:28:01,841 --> 00:28:04,344
extremes of emotion
and experience.
584
00:28:04,377 --> 00:28:06,746
I'll try anything.
I'll risk everything.
585
00:28:06,779 --> 00:28:09,215
I have nothing to lose.
586
00:28:09,950 --> 00:28:11,284
The story was a cook's tour
587
00:28:11,317 --> 00:28:12,752
was about a guy
who smoke and drank
588
00:28:12,785 --> 00:28:14,220
and ate his way
around the world.
589
00:28:14,253 --> 00:28:15,655
That was true.
590
00:28:15,688 --> 00:28:17,223
Part of the pitch was,
591
00:28:17,256 --> 00:28:19,659
"and he's gonna eat
really weird shit, too."
592
00:28:20,860 --> 00:28:23,229
Let's-let's do the nasty.
593
00:28:23,262 --> 00:28:25,365
They don't seem to have
their mise en place together.
594
00:28:25,398 --> 00:28:26,642
I have my mise en place together
595
00:28:26,666 --> 00:28:28,267
when I'm making steak frites.
596
00:28:28,301 --> 00:28:29,745
It seems to me, you know,
when you're making live cobra,
597
00:28:29,769 --> 00:28:32,238
you know, you should have
your operating stuff laid out.
598
00:28:32,271 --> 00:28:34,374
You know, where's the
cutting board, the knife?
599
00:28:35,608 --> 00:28:36,643
Scissors?
600
00:28:36,676 --> 00:28:38,344
You know, eating
601
00:28:38,378 --> 00:28:41,214
those kind of things was
for camera, was for network,
602
00:28:41,247 --> 00:28:43,182
was for all the reasons
people do that.
603
00:28:43,216 --> 00:28:44,283
It's like, you know,
604
00:28:44,317 --> 00:28:45,585
it's a little salacious,
605
00:28:45,618 --> 00:28:47,687
like he's eating
a live, beating cobra heart.
606
00:28:49,288 --> 00:28:50,523
Cheers, folks.
607
00:28:54,594 --> 00:28:55,428
Feels strong.
608
00:28:55,461 --> 00:28:57,463
It kind of pumps
on its way down, too.
609
00:28:57,497 --> 00:28:59,298
And I think that persona
610
00:28:59,332 --> 00:29:02,468
followed him for a number
of years, but over time,
611
00:29:02,502 --> 00:29:05,638
that burned off
and it became Tony.
612
00:29:16,349 --> 00:29:17,817
Going back
to the ancestral homeland,
613
00:29:17,850 --> 00:29:20,586
and maybe we'll discover
some things along the way.
614
00:29:20,620 --> 00:29:24,490
So this is my father
and a little friend in France
615
00:29:24,524 --> 00:29:26,426
in a little oyster village
in the gironde.
616
00:29:26,459 --> 00:29:28,294
This is one of
my favorite pictures, also.
617
00:29:28,327 --> 00:29:32,231
Uh, my brother and I
in the same spot.
618
00:29:33,433 --> 00:29:36,302
We didn't do a lot of travel
619
00:29:36,335 --> 00:29:38,404
when we were kids 'cause
my parents were not rich.
620
00:29:38,438 --> 00:29:39,848
We did go to France
a couple of times
621
00:29:39,872 --> 00:29:41,340
because my dad
had relatives there.
622
00:29:44,011 --> 00:29:46,446
I'm nervous.
623
00:29:46,479 --> 00:29:48,548
Whoever thought
we'd do something this goofy?
624
00:29:48,581 --> 00:29:49,582
This isn't goofy.
625
00:29:50,650 --> 00:29:52,852
Our childhood as American kids,
626
00:29:52,885 --> 00:29:54,420
we really got into tintin books,
627
00:29:54,454 --> 00:29:56,889
which Americans say "tin-tin."
628
00:29:56,923 --> 00:30:00,393
This was a graphic novel
about this young reporter
629
00:30:00,426 --> 00:30:02,662
who travels all around the world
630
00:30:02,695 --> 00:30:05,765
and ends up with all of these
amazing adventures.
631
00:30:07,034 --> 00:30:08,343
I think it was actually,
in some ways,
632
00:30:08,367 --> 00:30:09,478
an inspiration for Tony's life.
633
00:30:09,502 --> 00:30:11,337
This is an oyster boat
634
00:30:11,370 --> 00:30:14,741
similar to the one
on which I had my first oyster.
635
00:30:14,774 --> 00:30:16,642
"I blame my first oyster
636
00:30:16,676 --> 00:30:18,644
"for everything I did after:
My thrill-seeking,
637
00:30:18,678 --> 00:30:21,347
all my hideous screwups
in pursuit of pleasure."
638
00:30:23,016 --> 00:30:26,352
"I was miserable and angry."
639
00:30:26,385 --> 00:30:28,064
Damn! We didn't get
those when we were kids.
640
00:30:28,088 --> 00:30:29,455
- No, no.
- He-he!
641
00:30:29,489 --> 00:30:31,457
"I bridled bitterly at
642
00:30:31,491 --> 00:30:34,293
"the smothering chokehold of
love and normalcy in my house.
643
00:30:34,327 --> 00:30:36,629
"Call it a character flaw,
of which drugs
644
00:30:36,662 --> 00:30:38,331
were simply a manifestation."
645
00:30:38,364 --> 00:30:40,600
- Outstanding, corporal!
- Most excellent.
646
00:30:40,633 --> 00:30:42,335
"A petulant 'fuck you'
647
00:30:42,368 --> 00:30:44,637
"to my bourgeois parents,
who'd committed
648
00:30:44,670 --> 00:30:47,740
the unpardonable sin
of loving me."
649
00:30:48,908 --> 00:30:51,410
- I'm really glad we got a chance to do this.
- Me, too.
650
00:30:52,545 --> 00:30:55,782
We're older and more mature now.
651
00:31:01,955 --> 00:31:03,556
- Yeah.
- Okay.
652
00:31:03,589 --> 00:31:05,424
Yeah, let's do another one.
653
00:31:05,458 --> 00:31:06,425
- Yeah.
- Okay.
654
00:31:06,459 --> 00:31:08,561
All right, um, take two.
655
00:31:10,429 --> 00:31:12,899
"Two years ago, frequent flyer
miles meant nothing to me.
656
00:31:12,933 --> 00:31:16,469
Today, miles earned are the
pathetic milestones of my..."
657
00:31:16,502 --> 00:31:17,679
- Top?
- Yeah, start at the top.
658
00:31:17,703 --> 00:31:19,072
All right, take three.
659
00:31:19,106 --> 00:31:20,673
We would write the voice-over
660
00:31:20,706 --> 00:31:21,674
in the beginning.
661
00:31:21,707 --> 00:31:23,944
Like, we need context
for what we're seeing.
662
00:31:23,977 --> 00:31:25,012
We need
663
00:31:25,045 --> 00:31:27,547
some summary of the scene.
664
00:31:27,580 --> 00:31:29,849
"Later, I'm on another swing
through Southeast Asia
665
00:31:29,882 --> 00:31:31,118
"with layovers here and there.
666
00:31:31,151 --> 00:31:32,718
"First stop, Singapore.
667
00:31:32,752 --> 00:31:35,721
A quick business dinner with
my editor, ilangoh t..."
668
00:31:35,755 --> 00:31:38,691
"Tanalaban"? "Tanadab..."
"Tana..." Is it... no.
669
00:31:38,724 --> 00:31:40,693
- Thanabalan.
- Thanabalan. Okay.
670
00:31:40,726 --> 00:31:42,095
"Later, I'm on a..."
671
00:31:42,129 --> 00:31:43,529
Tony would
come to the narration,
672
00:31:43,563 --> 00:31:45,464
and he'd be like,
"what is the shit?"
673
00:31:45,498 --> 00:31:46,967
You know what I mean? And so...
674
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:48,701
He would start
scratching things out.
675
00:31:48,734 --> 00:31:51,571
And, you know, first it started
with a word or two here
676
00:31:51,604 --> 00:31:53,706
or a sentence or two here.
677
00:31:53,739 --> 00:31:55,051
You know,
and then he became, like,
678
00:31:55,075 --> 00:31:56,776
maniacal about it.
679
00:31:56,809 --> 00:32:00,580
"Book tours, the TV show,
I travel for a living.
680
00:32:00,613 --> 00:32:03,583
"I've committed to memory
the skymall magazine.
681
00:32:03,616 --> 00:32:06,086
"The electronic
watering timer, $49.99.
682
00:32:06,119 --> 00:32:07,587
"Duty-free restrictions:
683
00:32:07,620 --> 00:32:09,622
One liter alcohol,
two cartons of smokes."
684
00:32:09,655 --> 00:32:12,725
"Cobbler for dessert?
I don't think so.
685
00:32:12,758 --> 00:32:15,996
"Airport to airport,
city to city,
686
00:32:16,029 --> 00:32:19,765
"I'm starting to feel like
a modern-day Willy loman.
687
00:32:19,799 --> 00:32:23,402
"Time zone to time zone,
country to country,
688
00:32:23,436 --> 00:32:26,439
this, it appears, is my life."
689
00:32:26,472 --> 00:32:28,141
He really understood, like,
690
00:32:28,175 --> 00:32:29,876
"this is an extension of me.
691
00:32:29,909 --> 00:32:33,512
"This is an extension
of my writing.
692
00:32:33,546 --> 00:32:36,816
"I better write in my voice.
693
00:32:36,849 --> 00:32:38,760
"You know, otherwise this is
gonna sound... I'm gonna sound
694
00:32:38,784 --> 00:32:43,923
like a tr-travel television host
rather than a writer."
695
00:32:46,193 --> 00:32:47,995
"Making TV was becoming
696
00:32:48,028 --> 00:32:50,529
"creatively satisfying.
697
00:32:50,563 --> 00:32:53,934
"I wrote the book
and yet continued filming.
698
00:32:53,967 --> 00:32:56,602
"The tail now wagged the dog."
699
00:32:56,636 --> 00:32:59,572
"I was hooked on travel,
on seeing the world,"
700
00:32:59,605 --> 00:33:01,975
"and on the terms
I was seeing it."
701
00:33:04,777 --> 00:33:06,913
"I was on the road for
the better part of two years,
702
00:33:06,947 --> 00:33:10,650
"during which time
everything in my life changed.
703
00:33:10,683 --> 00:33:14,187
"I stopped working as a chef,
a job whose daily routines
704
00:33:14,221 --> 00:33:16,056
"have always been the only thing
705
00:33:16,089 --> 00:33:19,525
"that stood between me
and chaos.
706
00:33:20,660 --> 00:33:23,964
My first marriage
began to fall apart."
707
00:33:25,564 --> 00:33:28,534
They were together
almost 30 years.
708
00:33:28,567 --> 00:33:30,137
You know, he was
709
00:33:30,170 --> 00:33:32,973
a traditional romantic.
710
00:33:33,006 --> 00:33:35,075
He believed that you could
711
00:33:35,108 --> 00:33:36,809
meet your high school sweetheart
712
00:33:36,842 --> 00:33:39,947
and spend the rest
of your life with them.
713
00:33:42,182 --> 00:33:43,916
They were like, you know,
714
00:33:43,951 --> 00:33:45,718
sid and Nancy.
715
00:33:45,751 --> 00:33:48,956
They were like two people
conspiring against the world.
716
00:33:48,989 --> 00:33:53,659
It was a love born out
of youth and rebellion.
717
00:33:54,928 --> 00:33:56,196
Great.
718
00:33:56,229 --> 00:33:57,663
Nancy, I hope
your divorce lawyer
719
00:33:57,697 --> 00:34:00,100
is paying close attention
to this footage.
720
00:34:00,133 --> 00:34:03,971
Feel free to depose anyone
on this crew at any time.
721
00:34:07,740 --> 00:34:11,044
This, too, of course, is part
of life's glorious mosaic.
722
00:34:12,112 --> 00:34:13,981
Nancy had no interest in fame
723
00:34:14,014 --> 00:34:17,084
or being tied to fame,
but it just
724
00:34:17,117 --> 00:34:18,651
was like a rebirth for Tony.
725
00:34:18,684 --> 00:34:20,553
It was like he died
and-and was reborn.
726
00:34:20,586 --> 00:34:22,990
I mean, this was a new person
with a new life.
727
00:34:24,623 --> 00:34:26,126
"I wrote a crime novel
728
00:34:26,159 --> 00:34:28,261
"around that time in which
the characters' yearnings
729
00:34:28,295 --> 00:34:31,932
"for a white-picket-fence
kind of a life reflect my own
730
00:34:31,965 --> 00:34:36,036
"far more truthfully than any
nonfiction I've ever written.
731
00:34:36,069 --> 00:34:39,672
"Shortly after that,
I cruelly burned down
732
00:34:39,705 --> 00:34:42,708
my previous life
in its entirety."
733
00:35:06,366 --> 00:35:08,868
That dying glow
in the background is, uh,
734
00:35:08,901 --> 00:35:10,903
I think the fuel depot
from the airport...
735
00:35:10,937 --> 00:35:13,340
There we are
on the balcony in my room,
736
00:35:13,373 --> 00:35:15,908
nervously emptying out
the minibar, uh,
737
00:35:15,942 --> 00:35:19,612
watching jet fuel
cook off at the airport.
738
00:35:20,713 --> 00:35:23,649
We had gone there
to shoot a show
739
00:35:23,682 --> 00:35:26,719
for the travel channel
about how Beirut was
740
00:35:26,752 --> 00:35:30,723
this renaissance of thought,
feeling and energy,
741
00:35:30,756 --> 00:35:32,325
and we shot two scenes,
742
00:35:32,359 --> 00:35:35,861
and then shit went south
really fast.
743
00:35:36,829 --> 00:35:39,099
There was
a border incident with Israel.
744
00:35:39,132 --> 00:35:42,668
Hezbollah had kidnapped
some Israeli soldiers,
745
00:35:42,701 --> 00:35:45,838
and basically, uh,
we got caught up in a war.
746
00:35:48,674 --> 00:35:50,944
Hold on. Let me, uh...
747
00:35:50,977 --> 00:35:53,679
Todd, exactly how disgusted
and anxious are you?
748
00:35:53,712 --> 00:35:55,982
We're damn lucky to be here.
749
00:35:56,016 --> 00:35:57,917
We're spending all
this time at the pool,
750
00:35:57,951 --> 00:36:00,653
watching helicopters
come in and out.
751
00:36:00,686 --> 00:36:03,856
It was just
a waiting game for us.
752
00:36:03,889 --> 00:36:05,092
We had to go in the basement
753
00:36:05,125 --> 00:36:07,194
because there was
a lot of bombs by us.
754
00:36:07,227 --> 00:36:09,029
They knocked down our house.
755
00:36:10,330 --> 00:36:11,932
You know, look at us
in those scenes.
756
00:36:11,965 --> 00:36:13,376
You know,
we're sitting around the pool,
757
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:15,235
getting tan,
758
00:36:15,268 --> 00:36:17,770
you know, watching a war.
759
00:36:19,206 --> 00:36:23,043
If there's a single metaphor
in this entire experience,
760
00:36:23,076 --> 00:36:24,777
that...
761
00:36:24,810 --> 00:36:27,013
You know, that's probably it.
762
00:36:28,281 --> 00:36:30,050
Not a flattering one.
763
00:36:41,861 --> 00:36:43,130
When they arrived back,
764
00:36:43,163 --> 00:36:45,664
the first thing he said was,
765
00:36:45,698 --> 00:36:47,267
"we cannot make a show
out of this.
766
00:36:47,300 --> 00:36:51,037
I refuse to exploit
this experience in that way."
767
00:36:51,071 --> 00:36:53,639
Needless to say,
the network saw it differently.
768
00:36:54,874 --> 00:36:57,410
There's just no neat sum-up
to the story.
769
00:36:57,444 --> 00:37:00,880
He stopped doing the...
770
00:37:00,913 --> 00:37:04,683
Rosy sum-up of what we just saw.
771
00:37:04,717 --> 00:37:05,918
He just stopped.
772
00:37:07,020 --> 00:37:08,131
In the few years
since I've started
773
00:37:08,155 --> 00:37:11,757
to travel this world,
I'd found myself changing.
774
00:37:11,790 --> 00:37:14,294
I'd begun to believe
that the dinner table was
775
00:37:14,327 --> 00:37:16,296
the great leveler.
776
00:37:16,329 --> 00:37:18,831
Now I'm not so sure.
777
00:37:18,864 --> 00:37:21,168
Maybe the world's
not like that at all.
778
00:37:21,201 --> 00:37:24,404
Maybe in the real world,
the one without cameras
779
00:37:24,437 --> 00:37:26,006
and happy food and travel shows,
780
00:37:26,039 --> 00:37:29,775
everybody, the good
and the bad together,
781
00:37:29,808 --> 00:37:33,046
are all crushed
under the same terrible wheel.
782
00:37:33,079 --> 00:37:34,381
I hope...
783
00:37:34,414 --> 00:37:37,150
I really hope
I'm wrong about that.
784
00:37:41,421 --> 00:37:42,922
That ambiguity,
785
00:37:42,956 --> 00:37:45,091
that's what he embraced.
786
00:37:45,125 --> 00:37:48,861
Fucking open-endedness
is where the answers are.
787
00:37:50,497 --> 00:37:52,933
It was
an embittering experience.
788
00:37:52,966 --> 00:37:55,502
It got all of us
thinking about, you know,
789
00:37:55,535 --> 00:37:57,703
what's important in life.
790
00:38:00,006 --> 00:38:02,075
Oh, it's recording.
791
00:38:02,108 --> 00:38:03,343
Oh, my god.
792
00:38:03,376 --> 00:38:05,811
You look like an idiot.
793
00:38:07,247 --> 00:38:10,217
Come on, say something,
Mr. Anthony bourdain.
794
00:38:10,250 --> 00:38:12,052
This is, uh, our vacation video,
795
00:38:12,085 --> 00:38:13,429
and we're gonna show this
to our children.
796
00:38:13,453 --> 00:38:14,820
Welcome to my video.
797
00:38:14,853 --> 00:38:17,524
Welcome to my first
independent film.
798
00:38:17,557 --> 00:38:20,093
My spring vacation.
799
00:38:22,128 --> 00:38:23,363
Ow, ow, ow!
800
00:38:23,396 --> 00:38:25,098
Come on, I'm driving.
801
00:38:25,131 --> 00:38:27,133
How do you say that in English?
802
00:38:27,167 --> 00:38:28,368
Is this a bad thing?
803
00:38:30,003 --> 00:38:31,504
Tony was single,
804
00:38:31,538 --> 00:38:33,273
and ottavia worked for me.
805
00:38:33,306 --> 00:38:35,976
Tony called me and he-he said,
"who is this girl, ottavia?"
806
00:38:36,009 --> 00:38:37,978
And I said, "well, have fun."
807
00:38:38,011 --> 00:38:40,913
You know,
don't take it seriously."
808
00:38:40,947 --> 00:38:43,049
Eric thought, you know,
809
00:38:43,083 --> 00:38:46,386
we were the perfect match
for those
810
00:38:46,419 --> 00:38:50,257
occasional,
you know, rendezvous.
811
00:38:50,290 --> 00:38:52,858
You drive like grandma.
812
00:38:52,891 --> 00:38:54,537
What do you mean?
Does grandma drive like this?
813
00:38:54,561 --> 00:38:55,996
Oh, here, look, no hands.
814
00:38:56,029 --> 00:38:58,098
Oh, yeah.
815
00:38:58,131 --> 00:39:00,000
I thought he was gonna be this
816
00:39:00,033 --> 00:39:03,136
bad boy, a little bit arrogant,
817
00:39:03,169 --> 00:39:07,240
and not what I was expecting
but endearing nonetheless.
818
00:39:09,042 --> 00:39:10,277
Perfetto.
819
00:39:10,310 --> 00:39:12,012
But you know
what the show's about?
820
00:39:12,045 --> 00:39:14,080
- No.
- It's about a,
821
00:39:14,114 --> 00:39:16,549
about a existential crossroads
in my life.
822
00:39:16,583 --> 00:39:18,118
You look bored already.
823
00:39:18,151 --> 00:39:19,852
I am.
824
00:39:19,885 --> 00:39:21,288
You saw
they were pretty smitten.
825
00:39:21,321 --> 00:39:22,555
I mean, he always has
826
00:39:22,589 --> 00:39:25,959
really appreciated
very strong women.
827
00:39:25,992 --> 00:39:27,893
She would cut him no slack.
828
00:39:27,926 --> 00:39:29,562
This is a load of.
829
00:39:29,596 --> 00:39:31,464
What are the chances
this scene is gonna end up
830
00:39:31,498 --> 00:39:33,466
- on the cutting room floor?
- Zero.
831
00:39:33,500 --> 00:39:35,035
Even if we fight.
832
00:39:35,068 --> 00:39:37,003
Now, that would be
good television, see?
833
00:39:37,037 --> 00:39:39,072
We should fight.
834
00:39:39,105 --> 00:39:41,041
A couple of months later,
835
00:39:41,074 --> 00:39:42,942
we are in a restaurant,
and she's toasting him
836
00:39:42,976 --> 00:39:46,912
at the table,
and I see tears in his eyes.
837
00:39:46,946 --> 00:39:48,381
Real tears.
838
00:39:48,415 --> 00:39:51,117
And we're like,
"oh, my god, he's in love."
839
00:39:52,352 --> 00:39:54,287
Okay, let's do
some romantic thing.
840
00:39:54,321 --> 00:39:55,422
What, like... no.
841
00:39:55,455 --> 00:39:57,324
Get that...
842
00:39:57,357 --> 00:40:00,026
Tony was like the teenagers,
843
00:40:00,060 --> 00:40:01,995
like, falling in love
for the first time.
844
00:40:02,028 --> 00:40:04,064
They changed their clothes
and the music
845
00:40:04,097 --> 00:40:06,865
that they're listening to, and
pieces of him that you thought
846
00:40:06,899 --> 00:40:10,203
you knew were... shifting.
847
00:40:13,006 --> 00:40:15,475
Were you shocked
when Tony had a kid?
848
00:40:15,508 --> 00:40:16,943
I was shocked.
849
00:40:16,976 --> 00:40:18,411
I had asked him
850
00:40:18,445 --> 00:40:20,947
how come he didn't have kids,
and he's like...
851
00:40:22,115 --> 00:40:25,851
"It's just not something
I ever see myself doing, ever."
852
00:40:26,919 --> 00:40:28,655
For most of my life,
853
00:40:28,688 --> 00:40:30,623
I wouldn't have been
a good father.
854
00:40:30,657 --> 00:40:33,626
Too self-involved,
too messed-up on drugs.
855
00:40:33,660 --> 00:40:36,329
And also afraid.
856
00:40:36,363 --> 00:40:38,965
The thought of being
frightened for a child,
857
00:40:38,998 --> 00:40:42,936
you know, I was not
up to that kind of fear.
858
00:40:44,304 --> 00:40:48,108
Any doubts I might have had
kind of dissipated
859
00:40:48,141 --> 00:40:53,113
when I realized how happy,
how happy, excited he was
860
00:40:53,146 --> 00:40:56,015
that he was gonna
become a father.
861
00:40:57,016 --> 00:41:00,253
- No phone.
- No phone?
862
00:41:02,422 --> 00:41:05,024
Okay. Okay. That's okay.
863
00:41:05,058 --> 00:41:07,694
- That's okay?
- That's okay.
864
00:41:07,727 --> 00:41:10,663
- Yeah? It's okay, dada?
- Come on. Come on.
865
00:41:10,697 --> 00:41:13,066
- Okay, a little hug?
- Come on.
866
00:41:13,099 --> 00:41:16,002
Come on, now. Okay, okay.
867
00:41:16,035 --> 00:41:18,538
- Okay, okay.
- Okay.
868
00:41:18,571 --> 00:41:21,307
Come on. Come on, appa.
869
00:41:21,341 --> 00:41:23,610
- Appa.
- Appa? What about your appa?
870
00:41:28,548 --> 00:41:30,150
One, two, three.
871
00:41:30,183 --> 00:41:32,018
♪ You know we're talking ♪
872
00:41:32,051 --> 00:41:33,295
- Come on, come on.
- ♪ 'bout the doctor. ♪
873
00:41:33,319 --> 00:41:35,688
But what does
the doctor look like?
874
00:41:38,024 --> 00:41:40,126
Well, hello. I'm Dr. Tony.
875
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:41,494
What seems to be
the problem here?
876
00:41:42,729 --> 00:41:44,731
I'm here to help you
get all better.
877
00:41:44,764 --> 00:41:46,366
- Hooray!
- Yeah!
878
00:41:46,399 --> 00:41:48,468
We should help all people
when they need help.
879
00:41:48,501 --> 00:41:51,171
Hey, that reminds me,
I have to get back.
880
00:41:51,204 --> 00:41:54,441
Bye.
881
00:41:54,474 --> 00:41:55,708
This is my life.
882
00:41:55,742 --> 00:41:57,544
I wake up.
883
00:41:57,577 --> 00:41:58,645
I walk my daughter
884
00:41:58,678 --> 00:42:01,047
to her summer camp.
885
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:03,383
You know, I have a few minutes
of normal family life,
886
00:42:03,416 --> 00:42:05,185
then I, like, take
the elevator downstairs,
887
00:42:05,218 --> 00:42:06,619
and there's yet another...
888
00:42:06,653 --> 00:42:08,555
Yo, Anthony!
How you doing, boss?
889
00:42:08,588 --> 00:42:10,323
Hey, what's up, man?
890
00:42:13,393 --> 00:42:15,462
Are you on the job?
891
00:42:15,495 --> 00:42:18,598
Yo, this guy's got
the best show on TV.
892
00:42:20,233 --> 00:42:22,702
Tony got really famous.
893
00:42:22,735 --> 00:42:24,771
Like, every two minutes,
it seemed,
894
00:42:24,804 --> 00:42:26,706
someone's going up to him.
895
00:42:26,739 --> 00:42:28,208
"Hey."
896
00:42:28,241 --> 00:42:29,776
You know, "Tony, I'm a huge fan."
897
00:42:29,809 --> 00:42:31,744
"Can I take a photo?
898
00:42:31,778 --> 00:42:33,446
"Can you talk to me?
899
00:42:33,480 --> 00:42:35,224
What are, what-what are
some travel tips? Would I..."
900
00:42:35,248 --> 00:42:38,685
It-it was just incessant,
nonstop barrage.
901
00:42:44,724 --> 00:42:48,761
He got a kid and he wanted
to be a good husband to ottavia,
902
00:42:48,795 --> 00:42:51,631
and... everything changed, man.
903
00:42:51,664 --> 00:42:53,266
For him.
904
00:42:53,299 --> 00:42:55,101
I'm food bad boy Tony bourdain.
905
00:42:55,134 --> 00:42:57,604
There's nowhere I won't go
and nothing I won't eat,
906
00:42:57,637 --> 00:43:00,273
as long as I'm paid in emeralds
and my hotel room has
907
00:43:00,306 --> 00:43:02,242
a bidet that shoots
warm champagne.
908
00:43:02,275 --> 00:43:05,678
Ladies and
gentlemen, Anthony bourdain.
909
00:43:20,426 --> 00:43:22,562
And that's when I was like,
910
00:43:22,595 --> 00:43:25,265
"Tony, like, what the fuck, man?
911
00:43:25,298 --> 00:43:27,534
"Like, how do you
maintain your cool
912
00:43:27,567 --> 00:43:30,503
and your composure
and you're nice?"
913
00:43:30,537 --> 00:43:32,472
I'll never forget this.
He's like, "listen.
914
00:43:32,505 --> 00:43:35,408
"Me being nice to someone
and being gracious to them,
915
00:43:35,441 --> 00:43:39,546
"if that's my job,
it certainly beats
916
00:43:39,579 --> 00:43:44,150
being middling line cook
at a struggling restaurant."
917
00:43:46,452 --> 00:43:49,389
Do you have anything
resembling a normal life?
918
00:43:49,422 --> 00:43:50,390
No.
919
00:43:50,423 --> 00:43:53,426
I'm asking this 'cause
the answer for me is no.
920
00:43:53,459 --> 00:43:57,163
I want to say no, 'cause
I just visited my friends.
921
00:43:57,196 --> 00:43:59,799
I haven't seen them
in many years.
922
00:43:59,832 --> 00:44:01,568
- Right.
- And I felt I just...
923
00:44:01,601 --> 00:44:03,136
I couldn't relate.
924
00:44:03,169 --> 00:44:04,580
- I mean, it's like...
- I know, I know.
925
00:44:04,604 --> 00:44:07,473
And I-I understand those,
but-but, but... yeah.
926
00:44:07,507 --> 00:44:09,342
I'm a freak.
927
00:44:09,375 --> 00:44:11,144
- They only...
- Fucking hell. Jesus.
928
00:44:11,177 --> 00:44:12,712
Oh, is this so interesting?
929
00:44:12,745 --> 00:44:14,447
What are we waiting for?
930
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:15,848
Is there...
931
00:44:15,882 --> 00:44:17,584
We're always at the ready.
932
00:44:17,617 --> 00:44:20,486
I'm about to give birth
to a big fucking alien baby
933
00:44:20,520 --> 00:44:21,487
at any moment.
934
00:44:21,521 --> 00:44:23,189
It's-it's gonna be huge.
935
00:44:23,222 --> 00:44:24,733
All right,
why don't we take five, then.
936
00:44:24,757 --> 00:44:27,760
- Take five.
- Holy crap. Jesus.
937
00:44:27,794 --> 00:44:29,362
And you're...
938
00:44:29,395 --> 00:44:31,798
How many days of
straight shooting you have?
939
00:44:33,633 --> 00:44:35,301
Don't ask me that.
940
00:45:22,649 --> 00:45:24,550
The international
narco trafficker
941
00:45:24,584 --> 00:45:27,253
Tom vitale was arrested
in Amsterdam just recently.
942
00:45:27,286 --> 00:45:29,322
On examination
at the local precinct,
943
00:45:29,355 --> 00:45:30,657
they found he'd swallowed
944
00:45:30,690 --> 00:45:33,559
a record-breaking
90 bolitas of cocaine.
945
00:45:34,962 --> 00:45:38,264
What made it into the shows was,
946
00:45:38,297 --> 00:45:40,800
as far as I was concerned,
the least interesting...
947
00:45:40,833 --> 00:45:42,802
Parts of the trip.
948
00:45:42,835 --> 00:45:46,773
Welcome to another episode
of 24-hour fuck-over.
949
00:45:51,411 --> 00:45:53,880
He was a control freak
in a lot of ways.
950
00:45:53,913 --> 00:45:56,416
You couldn't win
an argument with him.
951
00:45:56,449 --> 00:45:59,485
Just because there was an idea,
he would challenge it.
952
00:45:59,519 --> 00:46:00,920
Do you have any lines for me?
953
00:46:00,954 --> 00:46:02,588
Maybe you can feed me something.
954
00:46:03,556 --> 00:46:05,858
Rome at dusk. There's really
no place like it, is there?
955
00:46:05,892 --> 00:46:08,261
Uh, romance is in the air.
956
00:46:08,294 --> 00:46:09,438
- Who says that?
- We're here for two days.
957
00:46:09,462 --> 00:46:10,998
When?
When at any point in my life
958
00:46:11,031 --> 00:46:12,632
have I ever said that?
959
00:46:12,665 --> 00:46:14,935
Occasionally you feel inspired
and you say something
960
00:46:14,968 --> 00:46:17,971
really nice
that makes me tear up.
961
00:46:18,005 --> 00:46:20,406
Not today, I guess.
962
00:46:23,309 --> 00:46:24,711
Well, I would say his barometer
963
00:46:24,744 --> 00:46:26,455
for bullshit in general
was extremely sensitive.
964
00:46:26,479 --> 00:46:28,414
But if he felt
we were bullshitting,
965
00:46:28,448 --> 00:46:30,717
I mean, that's like kind of
the ultimate sin, right?
966
00:46:30,750 --> 00:46:32,719
You're gonna walk down
along the canal...
967
00:46:32,752 --> 00:46:34,253
You'd have to sort of
968
00:46:34,287 --> 00:46:36,289
lead from behind with him.
969
00:46:36,322 --> 00:46:39,258
What kind of
fascist regime is this?
970
00:46:39,292 --> 00:46:41,327
Because when Tony
wanted to leave,
971
00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:42,729
Tony would leave.
972
00:46:42,762 --> 00:46:45,465
I mean, stopping him
had to be physical.
973
00:46:45,498 --> 00:46:49,469
Like putting my body in between
him and the escape route.
974
00:46:49,502 --> 00:46:51,871
Keep him away from me.
975
00:46:51,904 --> 00:46:53,840
No, no, no.
976
00:47:02,315 --> 00:47:03,883
Yeah, I've had enough, man.
977
00:47:03,916 --> 00:47:06,352
Too, too fucked-up.
978
00:47:07,453 --> 00:47:09,722
Well, my day's ruined.
979
00:47:13,026 --> 00:47:14,694
- Really?
- No.
980
00:47:14,727 --> 00:47:16,371
- All right. Goodbye.
- I'm gonna burst into tears.
981
00:47:16,395 --> 00:47:17,697
Yeah, that's pretty good, huh?
982
00:47:17,730 --> 00:47:19,499
In the beginning, it was just.
983
00:47:19,532 --> 00:47:21,501
Chris and Lydia
shooting with him.
984
00:47:21,534 --> 00:47:24,370
They did that for several years
985
00:47:24,403 --> 00:47:26,639
and then brought in
a whole team of people,
986
00:47:26,672 --> 00:47:29,876
many of them
who stuck around to the end.
987
00:47:29,909 --> 00:47:31,344
This is for you.
988
00:47:31,377 --> 00:47:32,678
Oh!
989
00:47:32,712 --> 00:47:34,982
- You might need this later.
- Oh, I will.
990
00:47:35,015 --> 00:47:37,350
It was pretty much
991
00:47:37,383 --> 00:47:39,819
the most formative years
of my life.
992
00:47:39,852 --> 00:47:42,455
There will be blood.
993
00:47:42,488 --> 00:47:43,957
There were these battling
994
00:47:43,991 --> 00:47:45,324
sort of teams on the show.
995
00:47:45,358 --> 00:47:46,793
- Hi, Diane.
- Diane.
996
00:47:46,826 --> 00:47:49,029
Hey! Hey!
997
00:47:49,062 --> 00:47:50,797
Zach introduced
a little something
998
00:47:50,830 --> 00:47:53,066
called the-the lens change.
999
00:47:53,100 --> 00:47:54,400
I think Tony liked me
1000
00:47:54,433 --> 00:47:55,835
for a couple reasons.
1001
00:47:55,868 --> 00:47:57,908
One was that, you know,
I enjoyed fucking with Tony.
1002
00:47:57,938 --> 00:47:59,405
You know? I mean, it was...
1003
00:47:59,438 --> 00:48:01,416
Uh, we all sort of fucked
with him in our own ways.
1004
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:03,810
You know,
it was very competitive,
1005
00:48:03,843 --> 00:48:04,945
and so the bar got pushed
1006
00:48:04,978 --> 00:48:06,379
every single episode.
1007
00:48:06,412 --> 00:48:07,814
Tony was in on everything.
1008
00:48:07,847 --> 00:48:10,516
Every show was something
that was important.
1009
00:48:10,550 --> 00:48:13,086
Every show had his care in it.
1010
00:48:13,120 --> 00:48:16,355
Every show potentially
had his wrath.
1011
00:48:18,724 --> 00:48:20,860
I mean, how many emails I got,
1012
00:48:20,893 --> 00:48:23,596
"tell editor to UN-fuck itself."
1013
00:48:24,497 --> 00:48:26,632
And I had to translate that
to the editor.
1014
00:48:26,666 --> 00:48:31,370
He would say that
the greatest sin is mediocrity.
1015
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:35,142
"Aspiring to mediocrity.
1016
00:48:35,175 --> 00:48:36,642
"There is a grim, inevitable
1017
00:48:36,676 --> 00:48:39,478
"and all too predictable
trajectory
1018
00:48:39,512 --> 00:48:41,982
"to the passage of
a good episode of television.
1019
00:48:42,015 --> 00:48:44,650
"People aren't as stupid
as your minions clearly believe.
1020
00:48:44,684 --> 00:48:46,452
"They don't need the truth
1021
00:48:46,485 --> 00:48:47,997
"pounded home
with meaningless platitudes
1022
00:48:48,021 --> 00:48:50,023
"or bland, generic sum-ups.
1023
00:48:50,057 --> 00:48:51,724
They'll get it."
1024
00:48:51,757 --> 00:48:54,560
And it goes on
for several pages.
1025
00:48:54,594 --> 00:48:57,530
"Don't empower
these squirrel-balled nerds
1026
00:48:57,563 --> 00:49:00,533
"by letting them get their way.
1027
00:49:00,566 --> 00:49:02,869
"They will then nibble
this show to death
1028
00:49:02,902 --> 00:49:04,904
"like hungry ducks.
1029
00:49:05,905 --> 00:49:09,508
As always, best wishes
and respect, Tony."
1030
00:49:09,542 --> 00:49:11,477
And this was written to somebody
1031
00:49:11,510 --> 00:49:14,413
he truly liked and respected.
1032
00:49:17,917 --> 00:49:20,820
It bothered him
if everyone liked the show.
1033
00:49:20,853 --> 00:49:24,091
He was like, "it should
create conversation."
1034
00:49:24,124 --> 00:49:25,524
How old is he?
1035
00:49:25,558 --> 00:49:27,760
D-Does he even
remember the planes?
1036
00:49:27,793 --> 00:49:29,562
He was a child.
1037
00:49:30,796 --> 00:49:32,498
He doesn't remember.
1038
00:49:32,531 --> 00:49:34,034
Doesn't remember.
All these years...
1039
00:49:34,067 --> 00:49:36,103
He was a shockingly
countercultural voice.
1040
00:49:36,136 --> 00:49:39,605
I mean, so many of the countries
I worked in with him
1041
00:49:39,639 --> 00:49:41,607
were still dealing with
the fallout
1042
00:49:41,641 --> 00:49:44,610
from whatever america had done.
1043
00:49:44,644 --> 00:49:46,846
For him, it's losing everything,
1044
00:49:46,879 --> 00:49:48,181
uh, because he's the...
1045
00:49:48,215 --> 00:49:51,118
The head of the family,
feeding the family.
1046
00:49:51,151 --> 00:49:53,452
Um, so after losing
1047
00:49:53,486 --> 00:49:55,655
his arms and his legs,
1048
00:49:55,688 --> 00:49:59,159
uh, it's-it's a great disaster
for his life.
1049
00:50:02,029 --> 00:50:03,863
Uh, he wants to know if you are afraid
1050
00:50:03,896 --> 00:50:06,699
of seeing the-the reality.
1051
00:50:06,732 --> 00:50:09,036
Ah. Afraid?
1052
00:50:09,069 --> 00:50:11,204
Um, uh, no.
1053
00:50:11,238 --> 00:50:14,874
It-it hurts, but I think
that's appropriate.
1054
00:50:14,907 --> 00:50:16,909
You know, it should.
I think Americans...
1055
00:50:16,944 --> 00:50:21,547
Every American should see
the results of war.
1056
00:50:22,282 --> 00:50:24,850
I think it's, uh...
1057
00:50:25,953 --> 00:50:31,158
the least I can do is to-to
see the world with open eyes.
1058
00:50:43,703 --> 00:50:45,805
You'll notice that, in general,
1059
00:50:45,838 --> 00:50:47,473
I'm not myself.
1060
00:50:48,141 --> 00:50:49,842
Where's the snark, the attitude?
1061
00:50:49,875 --> 00:50:53,512
Well, what do you say to this?
1062
00:50:56,149 --> 00:50:58,651
I honestly don't know.
1063
00:51:02,222 --> 00:51:04,857
People are not statistics.
1064
00:51:04,890 --> 00:51:08,694
Surely there's value in-in
showing the little things.
1065
00:51:10,964 --> 00:51:14,001
How's business for her?
Uh, can you ask her?
1066
00:51:15,168 --> 00:51:16,970
Not re...
Not really good this time.
1067
00:51:17,004 --> 00:51:18,138
- Not good?
- No.
1068
00:51:18,171 --> 00:51:19,672
I mean, the country's situation,
1069
00:51:19,705 --> 00:51:21,707
people don't have
any income, any money,
1070
00:51:21,741 --> 00:51:23,944
so they can't
buy food in the street.
1071
00:51:23,977 --> 00:51:25,145
So you can imagine that.
1072
00:51:25,178 --> 00:51:27,314
That, see...
That why you see a lot of
1073
00:51:27,347 --> 00:51:28,982
guys here begging, you know.
1074
00:51:29,016 --> 00:51:30,759
"Can you buy me some food?
Can you give me something?"
1075
00:51:30,783 --> 00:51:32,618
The biggest issue
1076
00:51:32,651 --> 00:51:36,223
that we dealt with
was trying to be,
1077
00:51:36,256 --> 00:51:39,658
you know, the fly on the wall
and-and going into a place
1078
00:51:39,692 --> 00:51:41,894
and not having an effect.
1079
00:51:41,927 --> 00:51:46,699
Like, this episode is a prime
example of just trying to help,
1080
00:51:46,732 --> 00:51:49,036
and it rearing its ugly head.
1081
00:51:50,736 --> 00:51:52,172
We have all this leftover food.
1082
00:51:52,205 --> 00:51:55,708
Tony's like, "let's just
give it to the people here."
1083
00:51:57,944 --> 00:52:03,050
You know, they're hungry,
and of course mayhem ensued.
1084
00:52:05,718 --> 00:52:07,988
Larger kids were just, like,
throwing younger kids
1085
00:52:08,021 --> 00:52:13,360
out of the line,
and it was a very ugly scenario.
1086
00:52:24,904 --> 00:52:27,706
I think Tony ultimately saw that
1087
00:52:27,740 --> 00:52:29,209
it wasn't just food.
1088
00:52:29,242 --> 00:52:30,643
There's suffering in this world,
1089
00:52:30,676 --> 00:52:33,980
and that seems to be
omnipresent.
1090
00:52:34,014 --> 00:52:36,349
How do you spend time
with people
1091
00:52:36,383 --> 00:52:39,352
and-and-and you empathize
with their plight...
1092
00:52:39,386 --> 00:52:41,988
How does that not
change you fundamentally?
1093
00:52:42,022 --> 00:52:45,658
Whee. Whee.
1094
00:52:45,691 --> 00:52:47,160
You going to outer space?
1095
00:52:47,194 --> 00:52:48,861
Yes.
1096
00:52:50,663 --> 00:52:51,897
Going higher.
1097
00:52:51,932 --> 00:52:55,701
He was traveling
250 days a year,
1098
00:52:55,734 --> 00:52:57,080
and, you know,
when you come back home,
1099
00:52:57,104 --> 00:52:59,172
you have to be a husband,
you have to be a father.
1100
00:53:01,774 --> 00:53:03,776
With the little time he had,
1101
00:53:03,809 --> 00:53:06,879
he was very attentive.
1102
00:53:08,048 --> 00:53:10,984
Sandcastles on the beach,
all day long.
1103
00:53:18,757 --> 00:53:20,926
I think it was a surprise
1104
00:53:20,961 --> 00:53:23,863
and shock for him,
that late in life,
1105
00:53:23,896 --> 00:53:26,399
to experience that kind of love.
1106
00:53:26,433 --> 00:53:28,401
Can I use this hand?
1107
00:53:28,435 --> 00:53:30,036
That's okay. Use that hand.
1108
00:53:30,070 --> 00:53:31,914
We'll pull that out and use
that hand for the crumbs.
1109
00:53:31,938 --> 00:53:33,006
It's okay.
1110
00:53:33,039 --> 00:53:36,009
It moved him to his core.
1111
00:53:36,042 --> 00:53:38,744
And I think
he was constantly aware
1112
00:53:38,777 --> 00:53:41,780
of, like, not wanting
to screw it up.
1113
00:53:42,915 --> 00:53:44,893
Are you really in this country
right now, or is this a mirage?
1114
00:53:44,917 --> 00:53:47,954
I-I am my stunt double.
1115
00:53:47,988 --> 00:53:49,722
Couldn't you get
someone better-looking?
1116
00:53:49,755 --> 00:53:52,025
Yeah. Oh!
1117
00:53:52,058 --> 00:53:54,161
Fans of the show think he had
1118
00:53:54,194 --> 00:53:56,930
the greatest job in the world,
but it was one that
1119
00:53:56,963 --> 00:53:59,099
there was no way
to ever escape from.
1120
00:53:59,132 --> 00:54:01,334
Couldn't really go home
for a day and not be
1121
00:54:01,368 --> 00:54:02,936
Anthony bourdain.
1122
00:54:02,969 --> 00:54:04,770
What kind are you making?
1123
00:54:04,803 --> 00:54:06,173
Cookie. What's the best kind?
1124
00:54:06,206 --> 00:54:09,176
I don't know. Uh, are you
observing child labor laws?
1125
00:54:10,776 --> 00:54:12,811
His daughter
used to do this joke
1126
00:54:12,845 --> 00:54:14,323
where she would get up and say,
"I'm Anthony bourdain."
1127
00:54:14,347 --> 00:54:16,016
Hi. My name's Anthony bourdain.
1128
00:54:16,049 --> 00:54:18,451
"You may know me
from such TV shows as..."
1129
00:54:18,485 --> 00:54:21,820
Maybe you know me
from such shows as, uh...
1130
00:54:21,854 --> 00:54:24,324
She knew that her father
1131
00:54:24,357 --> 00:54:28,694
and Anthony bourdain
were very separate entities.
1132
00:54:31,131 --> 00:54:32,898
You're picking that nose
1133
00:54:32,933 --> 00:54:34,301
pretty hard there, young lady.
1134
00:54:36,203 --> 00:54:38,771
Oh! God!
1135
00:54:38,804 --> 00:54:40,207
"I'm through being cool.
1136
00:54:40,240 --> 00:54:42,008
"Or, more accurately,
I'm through
1137
00:54:42,042 --> 00:54:43,944
"entertaining the notion
that anybody could even
1138
00:54:43,977 --> 00:54:47,080
"consider the possibility
of coolness emanating from
1139
00:54:47,113 --> 00:54:49,382
or residing anywhere near me."
1140
00:54:49,416 --> 00:54:52,118
Everybody kick to the camera.
1141
00:54:52,152 --> 00:54:54,487
Hi-yah!
1142
00:54:54,521 --> 00:54:57,157
"The essence of cool, after all,
1143
00:54:57,190 --> 00:54:58,959
"is not giving a fuck.
1144
00:54:58,992 --> 00:55:02,828
And let's face it, I most
definitely give a fuck now."
1145
00:55:04,564 --> 00:55:06,266
You know, my whole life,
1146
00:55:06,299 --> 00:55:08,501
I was like a kid with my nose
pressed against the glass,
1147
00:55:08,535 --> 00:55:10,836
like, wondering, you know,
"what must it be like to, like,
1148
00:55:10,869 --> 00:55:14,174
"have a kid and, you know,
a normal family
1149
00:55:14,207 --> 00:55:16,809
"and-and stand in the backyard
with this silly apron,
1150
00:55:16,842 --> 00:55:18,911
you know, barbecuing burgers?"
1151
00:55:18,945 --> 00:55:20,389
- And so when I find...
- Can I get a picture of that?
1152
00:55:20,413 --> 00:55:22,048
When I find myself
1153
00:55:22,082 --> 00:55:26,253
doing that, I am, like,
ridiculously, stupid happy.
1154
00:55:26,286 --> 00:55:28,421
Like, I do a lot of
pretty cool shit now.
1155
00:55:28,455 --> 00:55:30,399
I travel all over the world,
I see all these amazing things,
1156
00:55:30,423 --> 00:55:34,294
but I'm never happier than when
I'm standing in-in the backyard
1157
00:55:34,327 --> 00:55:38,365
being, like, TV dad, because...
1158
00:55:38,398 --> 00:55:39,933
I-I feel normal.
1159
00:55:39,966 --> 00:55:41,277
You know?
Whatever the hell that means.
1160
00:55:41,301 --> 00:55:42,402
Yeah, what does that mean?
1161
00:55:44,571 --> 00:55:47,007
I live a very strange life.
1162
00:55:47,040 --> 00:55:49,309
I try to make up for it
when I go home
1163
00:55:49,342 --> 00:55:51,011
by cooking aggressively.
1164
00:55:51,044 --> 00:55:53,046
Like, I try to kill people
around me with food.
1165
00:55:53,079 --> 00:55:55,081
You know, like,
"eat, eat, you know.
1166
00:55:55,115 --> 00:55:57,017
Why aren't you eating?
Don't you love me?"
1167
00:55:58,251 --> 00:56:00,420
He straddled the world of
1168
00:56:00,453 --> 00:56:02,155
being the domestic guy,
1169
00:56:02,188 --> 00:56:06,092
but that pull for
the experience outside...
1170
00:56:06,126 --> 00:56:08,561
You know, like as if
it was gonna slip away
1171
00:56:08,595 --> 00:56:12,332
if he wasn't there...
Was equally as great.
1172
00:56:15,435 --> 00:56:17,937
He was always rushing.
1173
00:56:17,971 --> 00:56:19,905
He was rushing everywhere.
1174
00:56:19,939 --> 00:56:21,840
He was rushing
to get into the scene.
1175
00:56:21,874 --> 00:56:23,977
He was rushing to get
out of the scene.
1176
00:56:24,010 --> 00:56:26,046
Rushing to get
out of the country.
1177
00:56:26,079 --> 00:56:30,984
Rushing to go somewhere next,
even if he had nowhere to go.
1178
00:56:43,229 --> 00:56:45,632
♪ Making time... ♪
1179
00:56:45,665 --> 00:56:47,334
Traveling the earth alone
1180
00:56:47,367 --> 00:56:49,402
is what I'm accustomed to
being on a tour.
1181
00:56:49,436 --> 00:56:53,239
And as fathers,
we bonded over that feeling
1182
00:56:53,273 --> 00:56:55,075
and feeling like,
1183
00:56:55,108 --> 00:56:57,077
"I'm here to give
a piece of myself away."
1184
00:56:57,110 --> 00:56:59,579
And, um, as the years go on,
that can be difficult.
1185
00:56:59,612 --> 00:57:01,880
♪ Everybody leaving... ♪
1186
00:57:01,914 --> 00:57:03,483
- Close.
- The wind. That was the wind.
1187
00:57:03,516 --> 00:57:07,087
Right. We got to, we got to,
you know, factor that in.
1188
00:57:07,687 --> 00:57:09,089
There we go.
1189
00:57:09,122 --> 00:57:10,490
And we just hit it off.
1190
00:57:10,523 --> 00:57:12,559
What do you call
an eternal optimist?
1191
00:57:12,592 --> 00:57:14,361
An accordion player
with a beeper.
1192
00:57:16,096 --> 00:57:18,631
It's hard to make friends.
1193
00:57:18,665 --> 00:57:20,100
To be at the tip of the spear,
1194
00:57:20,133 --> 00:57:22,335
it's like asking for loneliness.
1195
00:57:22,369 --> 00:57:23,636
Oh!
1196
00:57:24,704 --> 00:57:26,039
Oh, yeah.
1197
00:57:26,072 --> 00:57:27,574
That motherfucker
bled out already.
1198
00:57:28,942 --> 00:57:30,377
Straight to the jugular.
1199
00:57:30,410 --> 00:57:32,011
♪ Closing your eyes ♪
1200
00:57:32,045 --> 00:57:36,082
♪ making more excuses ♪
1201
00:57:36,116 --> 00:57:37,384
♪ pulling the wool... ♪
1202
00:57:37,417 --> 00:57:39,285
- Yeah.
- Can you make it three?
1203
00:57:41,454 --> 00:57:43,490
- Well, cheers to that.
- Cheers.
1204
00:57:43,523 --> 00:57:47,394
I always think of, "yo, ho, ho,
a pirate's life for me."
1205
00:57:47,427 --> 00:57:48,561
That's-that's what I think.
1206
00:57:48,595 --> 00:57:50,063
I mean, that's...
1207
00:57:50,096 --> 00:57:51,998
But you've been,
you've been touring for...?
1208
00:57:52,031 --> 00:57:54,134
Since I was 18, yeah.
1209
00:57:54,167 --> 00:57:54,968
You know?
1210
00:57:55,001 --> 00:57:56,369
You know, but it's weird.
1211
00:57:56,403 --> 00:57:59,105
I-I'm home for... i'm
ridiculously happy for a week,
1212
00:57:59,139 --> 00:58:00,483
and then I start getting,
like, crazy,
1213
00:58:00,507 --> 00:58:02,041
like I should be
doing something.
1214
00:58:02,075 --> 00:58:03,676
I call it the bittersweet curse.
1215
00:58:03,710 --> 00:58:06,413
Nothing feels better
than going home.
1216
00:58:06,446 --> 00:58:08,581
And nothing feels better
than leaving home.
1217
00:58:10,216 --> 00:58:12,485
- Yeah, you got a point.
- You know?
1218
00:58:21,261 --> 00:58:23,229
I loved watching him
pick up influence
1219
00:58:23,263 --> 00:58:25,465
as he went along through life.
1220
00:58:27,467 --> 00:58:29,702
He's a great
American storyteller,
1221
00:58:29,736 --> 00:58:32,172
and he started off as a voyeur.
1222
00:58:35,308 --> 00:58:39,078
He's watching these
and detailing these great tales
1223
00:58:39,112 --> 00:58:40,613
of what you're seeing.
1224
00:58:40,647 --> 00:58:42,982
And then, all of a sudden,
he's starting to live
1225
00:58:43,016 --> 00:58:45,251
those stories that he's telling.
1226
00:58:45,285 --> 00:58:47,987
He's starting to look inside.
1227
00:58:59,365 --> 00:59:01,100
"I think I said earlier"
1228
00:59:01,134 --> 00:59:03,703
"that I was gonna
tell you the truth."
1229
00:59:03,736 --> 00:59:05,405
"This is part of it."
1230
00:59:07,740 --> 00:59:11,211
"I was unqualified for the job.
1231
00:59:11,244 --> 00:59:14,981
"I was in deep waters
and fast-flowing ones at that.
1232
00:59:16,382 --> 00:59:19,519
The currents could change
at any time without warning."
1233
00:59:21,588 --> 00:59:24,123
"Like a lot of travelers,
I started to turn inward
1234
00:59:24,157 --> 00:59:25,492
"from the view out the window,
1235
00:59:25,525 --> 00:59:27,727
"started to see
what was going on out there
1236
00:59:27,760 --> 00:59:30,129
through an ever-narrowing lens."
1237
00:59:32,232 --> 00:59:34,234
It is written
that I should be loyal
1238
00:59:34,267 --> 00:59:36,503
to the nightmare of my choice.
1239
00:59:36,536 --> 00:59:39,372
I think I now understand
what that means.
1240
00:59:44,410 --> 00:59:46,479
You want to be my pilot?
1241
00:59:46,513 --> 00:59:48,047
Yeah.
1242
00:59:48,081 --> 00:59:49,649
I don't see what the problem is.
1243
00:59:49,682 --> 00:59:51,551
Weather looks fine to me.
1244
00:59:53,486 --> 00:59:55,655
I'm sure we'll be fine.
1245
00:59:57,824 --> 01:00:00,226
Wow. Nice.
1246
01:00:00,260 --> 01:00:03,563
Security situation good,
weather not so good.
1247
01:00:03,596 --> 01:00:05,431
Are you frightened, by the way?
1248
01:00:05,465 --> 01:00:07,734
Yeah, look at him. Look at him.
He's scared shitless.
1249
01:00:07,767 --> 01:00:09,235
I don't like flying.
1250
01:00:16,376 --> 01:00:18,678
I think that the Congo was,
1251
01:00:18,711 --> 01:00:20,446
without question,
1252
01:00:20,480 --> 01:00:24,150
the most dangerous place
we ever made the show.
1253
01:00:24,183 --> 01:00:26,319
It was something
that couldn't be done.
1254
01:00:26,352 --> 01:00:28,597
That was a big part of it, and
we're always gonna figure out
1255
01:00:28,621 --> 01:00:31,424
a way to do something
that couldn't be done.
1256
01:00:32,492 --> 01:00:35,828
Everyone gets
everything he wants.
1257
01:00:35,862 --> 01:00:38,298
I wanted to see the Congo.
1258
01:00:38,331 --> 01:00:41,234
And for my sins, they let me.
1259
01:00:42,368 --> 01:00:45,104
This is a place
I read about as a boy.
1260
01:00:45,138 --> 01:00:48,508
In heart of darkness,
Conrad described it as
1261
01:00:48,541 --> 01:00:50,643
a twisting snake with its head
in the Atlantic ocean
1262
01:00:50,677 --> 01:00:54,380
and its tail buried deep
in Africa's heart.
1263
01:00:55,248 --> 01:00:56,683
Congo was a fulfillment
1264
01:00:56,716 --> 01:00:58,451
of an enormous dream.
1265
01:00:58,484 --> 01:01:00,720
In our little fantasy,
we were having
1266
01:01:00,753 --> 01:01:03,089
our apocalypse now moment.
1267
01:01:03,823 --> 01:01:06,326
We've rented a trusty vessel,
1268
01:01:06,359 --> 01:01:09,429
and I shall dub thee
the captain Willard.
1269
01:01:12,465 --> 01:01:14,467
Tony was finding ways
1270
01:01:14,500 --> 01:01:18,671
to push himself towards his not
just understanding of the world
1271
01:01:18,705 --> 01:01:20,673
but understanding of himself.
1272
01:01:20,707 --> 01:01:22,809
Are you an assassin?
1273
01:01:22,842 --> 01:01:25,178
I'm a soldier.
1274
01:01:25,211 --> 01:01:27,580
It's like, which character is he
1275
01:01:27,614 --> 01:01:29,182
in that film?
1276
01:01:29,215 --> 01:01:31,818
They say my methods are unsound.
1277
01:01:31,851 --> 01:01:34,420
Are my methods unsound?
1278
01:01:35,321 --> 01:01:36,665
Do you think
my methods are unsound?
1279
01:01:36,689 --> 01:01:39,626
I haven't seen
any method at all, colonel.
1280
01:01:39,659 --> 01:01:41,628
In Congo, he got to be someone
1281
01:01:41,661 --> 01:01:45,698
who has pushed himself into
the lunacy of a world
1282
01:01:45,732 --> 01:01:47,233
without law,
1283
01:01:47,266 --> 01:01:48,635
without order,
without structure.
1284
01:01:49,802 --> 01:01:51,771
He got to stand there
1285
01:01:51,804 --> 01:01:53,506
with a three-foot machete
1286
01:01:53,539 --> 01:01:55,742
and direct the assassination
of chickens.
1287
01:02:01,481 --> 01:02:04,684
When you get
really deep into travel,
1288
01:02:04,717 --> 01:02:06,428
I think there's an itch
that you want to scratch
1289
01:02:06,452 --> 01:02:08,956
that is out on the edge
of that envelope,
1290
01:02:08,989 --> 01:02:11,424
where chaos rules.
1291
01:02:12,558 --> 01:02:17,397
Because it strips away all of
the functional artifice of
1292
01:02:17,430 --> 01:02:19,465
how we go through our life,
1293
01:02:19,499 --> 01:02:23,903
and it leaves you with
just the sensory experience.
1294
01:02:46,994 --> 01:02:48,561
Anthony bourdain,
1295
01:02:48,594 --> 01:02:50,396
the renowned chef
and best-selling author,
1296
01:02:50,430 --> 01:02:52,966
has a new program,
parts unknown,
1297
01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:54,867
and it showcases bourdain's gift
1298
01:02:54,901 --> 01:02:58,371
for finding the essence
of a country or a culture.
1299
01:02:58,404 --> 01:03:00,907
Is it about the journalism,
1300
01:03:00,941 --> 01:03:02,742
or is it about the tourism?
1301
01:03:02,775 --> 01:03:05,311
Is it about the people?
Is it about the food?
1302
01:03:05,344 --> 01:03:07,014
It's a strange combination of
1303
01:03:07,047 --> 01:03:08,581
food, politics
1304
01:03:08,614 --> 01:03:10,850
and a decisively personal
point of view.
1305
01:03:10,883 --> 01:03:13,753
His reports from Israel,
the Palestinian Territories,
1306
01:03:13,786 --> 01:03:16,622
Mexico and Lyon, France,
were simply superb.
1307
01:03:16,656 --> 01:03:18,558
He's traveled roughly
1308
01:03:18,591 --> 01:03:21,962
662,000 miles...
1309
01:03:21,995 --> 01:03:23,997
Around the globe
1310
01:03:24,031 --> 01:03:26,532
26 times.
1311
01:03:26,566 --> 01:03:27,743
Uh, you know, I actually
went to tangier
1312
01:03:27,767 --> 01:03:28,969
because you had gone there.
1313
01:03:29,002 --> 01:03:30,737
And you've had
a big impact on me.
1314
01:03:32,371 --> 01:03:34,574
Tony was very aware
1315
01:03:34,607 --> 01:03:39,479
of his own ability to promote
other people's voices.
1316
01:03:39,512 --> 01:03:41,048
But I do think that,
1317
01:03:41,081 --> 01:03:42,515
even though we moved to CNN,
1318
01:03:42,548 --> 01:03:45,752
he won a peabody
and several emmys,
1319
01:03:45,785 --> 01:03:50,523
he began to question who was
benefiting from these shows.
1320
01:04:03,402 --> 01:04:06,372
Okay, so we're just gonna
set up a shot with the TV.
1321
01:04:06,405 --> 01:04:07,975
Me laying on the bed,
watching CNN.
1322
01:04:08,008 --> 01:04:10,810
- Okay.
- Libya news.
1323
01:04:13,679 --> 01:04:15,381
This is CNN.
1324
01:04:15,414 --> 01:04:16,916
It is Friday, January the 25th.
1325
01:04:16,950 --> 01:04:18,518
I'm kristie lu stout. This is...
1326
01:04:18,551 --> 01:04:19,886
I'm not a news fan.
1327
01:04:19,919 --> 01:04:21,654
I'm not a journalist.
1328
01:04:21,687 --> 01:04:24,390
I'm not an advocate.
I'm not an educator.
1329
01:04:24,423 --> 01:04:27,426
I'm not looking
to inspire or, uh...
1330
01:04:27,460 --> 01:04:28,828
I don't have a political agenda.
1331
01:04:28,861 --> 01:04:30,696
If anything, I like very much
going to a place
1332
01:04:30,730 --> 01:04:32,933
thinking one thing
and being completely wrong
1333
01:04:32,966 --> 01:04:34,767
about all of it.
1334
01:04:45,045 --> 01:04:48,848
He was a journalist
and he was political,
1335
01:04:48,881 --> 01:04:50,817
but he was a storyteller.
1336
01:04:51,717 --> 01:04:54,353
And he didn't realize, I think,
1337
01:04:54,387 --> 01:04:56,589
how political he was.
1338
01:04:58,992 --> 01:05:00,827
We tend to see places
1339
01:05:00,860 --> 01:05:04,597
in the middle east and Africa
in particular...
1340
01:05:04,630 --> 01:05:07,466
We only see them
when bad things happen.
1341
01:05:11,537 --> 01:05:13,873
If you just follow the news,
you'll be reminded about
1342
01:05:13,906 --> 01:05:17,010
kidnappings in Algeria,
unrest in Tunisia,
1343
01:05:17,044 --> 01:05:20,913
terrorist cells to the south,
deadly riots in Egypt,
1344
01:05:20,948 --> 01:05:24,417
and of course islamic extremist
attacks in Benghazi
1345
01:05:24,450 --> 01:05:26,652
that killed the U.S. ambassador.
1346
01:05:27,820 --> 01:05:31,657
All those things
are very real concerns.
1347
01:05:31,691 --> 01:05:33,860
But if you only look
at what's on the news,
1348
01:05:33,893 --> 01:05:36,997
you can miss maybe
what's a bigger picture.
1349
01:05:53,679 --> 01:05:55,615
You can literally see it
1350
01:05:55,648 --> 01:05:58,885
as he goes and travels
more and more and more.
1351
01:05:58,918 --> 01:06:01,554
It was almost never
about food, you know?
1352
01:06:01,587 --> 01:06:02,990
I think it was about Tony
1353
01:06:03,023 --> 01:06:05,458
learning how to be
a better person.
1354
01:06:07,660 --> 01:06:09,662
You know, I try
to emulate Christ
1355
01:06:09,695 --> 01:06:10,931
in small ways every day.
1356
01:06:10,964 --> 01:06:12,632
You do?
1357
01:06:12,665 --> 01:06:14,467
Yeah.
1358
01:06:14,500 --> 01:06:16,103
Can't you tell?
1359
01:06:16,136 --> 01:06:17,603
And I mean that in a,
1360
01:06:17,637 --> 01:06:19,048
in a completely
non-disrespectful way.
1361
01:06:19,072 --> 01:06:21,041
No, no, I can imagine.
1362
01:06:21,074 --> 01:06:23,210
I mean, you're trying.
1363
01:06:23,243 --> 01:06:25,444
You are inspiring
so many people with the show.
1364
01:06:25,478 --> 01:06:27,047
You have a good Karma.
1365
01:06:27,080 --> 01:06:28,547
Can't believe you say that.
1366
01:06:28,581 --> 01:06:30,050
- Yeah.
- Good Karma?
1367
01:06:30,083 --> 01:06:31,751
I think so.
1368
01:06:32,785 --> 01:06:33,786
Well...
1369
01:06:35,755 --> 01:06:37,924
- Doesn't this concern you...
- This is a good Karma.
1370
01:06:37,958 --> 01:06:39,192
As a Buddhist?
1371
01:06:39,226 --> 01:06:41,061
- Look we're sitting here in provence.
- Yeah.
1372
01:06:41,094 --> 01:06:42,595
- So?
- Wait a minute.
1373
01:06:42,628 --> 01:06:44,007
- We just had this fantastic meal.
- Yeah.
1374
01:06:44,031 --> 01:06:47,833
We're moving on
to the 2011 after the 2010.
1375
01:06:47,867 --> 01:06:50,636
Life, admittedly for you,
has been pretty sweet.
1376
01:06:50,670 --> 01:06:51,437
Yeah.
1377
01:06:51,470 --> 01:06:53,974
- Isn't that worrying to you?
- No.
1378
01:06:54,007 --> 01:06:55,884
We're sitting in provence.
It's like a wine label.
1379
01:06:55,908 --> 01:06:58,611
The next life cannot possibly
be better than this.
1380
01:06:58,644 --> 01:07:00,613
It's probably gonna suck.
1381
01:07:00,646 --> 01:07:02,782
Enjoy every minute
of this now, Eric.
1382
01:07:02,815 --> 01:07:03,683
And pray.
1383
01:07:03,716 --> 01:07:05,718
Pray, pray that this is it,
1384
01:07:05,751 --> 01:07:07,687
because if you're right
and there is a next life,
1385
01:07:07,720 --> 01:07:09,689
we are fucked, my friend.
1386
01:07:09,722 --> 01:07:11,791
I may come back
as a sea cucumber,
1387
01:07:11,824 --> 01:07:14,560
but you're coming back
as, like, a yorkie.
1388
01:07:14,593 --> 01:07:15,963
Or, you know, if you're lucky.
1389
01:07:17,297 --> 01:07:19,032
I'll take the yorkie.
1390
01:07:19,066 --> 01:07:22,269
At the end of the day,
Tony's dark as fuck, man.
1391
01:07:22,302 --> 01:07:23,971
Give you an example.
1392
01:07:24,004 --> 01:07:26,572
Like, everyone asked
Tony's fucking favorite music,
1393
01:07:26,605 --> 01:07:28,808
and he would always give
the same bullshit answers,
1394
01:07:28,841 --> 01:07:32,645
like, uh, uh, "96 mysterios"
or that fucking song.
1395
01:07:32,678 --> 01:07:34,081
- He loved that song.
- "96 tears."
1396
01:07:34,114 --> 01:07:35,514
"96 tears."
1397
01:07:35,548 --> 01:07:37,683
And he loved, um, "super fly"
1398
01:07:37,717 --> 01:07:40,753
and, um, and Curtis Mayfield's
soundtrack.
1399
01:07:40,786 --> 01:07:43,622
There's no downers
in the fucking bunch.
1400
01:07:44,924 --> 01:07:49,829
This was what Tony told me
was his favorite song.
1401
01:07:59,139 --> 01:08:01,041
He loved this fucking song.
1402
01:08:19,326 --> 01:08:21,128
It's a great song.
1403
01:08:21,161 --> 01:08:23,163
But it's heroin music.
1404
01:08:30,303 --> 01:08:32,039
In the early '70s,
1405
01:08:32,072 --> 01:08:33,606
this is where I lived.
1406
01:08:33,639 --> 01:08:36,043
You know, back then,
if you brought us heroin,
1407
01:08:36,076 --> 01:08:37,743
we would've said, "ah, cool.
1408
01:08:37,777 --> 01:08:40,080
I'll totally... I would like
to try some of that."
1409
01:08:40,113 --> 01:08:43,316
It wasn't like I fell into it
or accidentally got addicted
1410
01:08:43,350 --> 01:08:44,927
or, you know,
"oh, really, it's addicting?
1411
01:08:44,951 --> 01:08:47,154
Gee, how'd that happen?"
No, I knew.
1412
01:08:48,021 --> 01:08:49,822
He never really dealt with
1413
01:08:49,855 --> 01:08:51,757
the insecurity
and all the issues
1414
01:08:51,791 --> 01:08:54,727
that put him
down that road to begin with.
1415
01:08:56,296 --> 01:08:57,663
You know, it's a lot easier
1416
01:08:57,696 --> 01:08:59,099
when you talk to choe
about this,
1417
01:08:59,132 --> 01:09:01,334
'cause, like,
that motherfucker is so dark.
1418
01:09:01,368 --> 01:09:03,103
♪ Flying over my head... ♪
1419
01:09:03,136 --> 01:09:05,871
People forget
Anthony bourdain was a junkie.
1420
01:09:05,905 --> 01:09:07,307
Like, he's a drug addict,
1421
01:09:07,340 --> 01:09:08,741
and I'm also a junkie.
1422
01:09:08,774 --> 01:09:10,743
I don't do drugs, but
I do everything else.
1423
01:09:11,677 --> 01:09:13,122
Overeaters anonymous,
debtors anonymous,
1424
01:09:13,146 --> 01:09:15,315
gamblers anonymous,
sex addicts anonymous,
1425
01:09:15,348 --> 01:09:17,117
sex and love addicts anonymous.
1426
01:09:17,150 --> 01:09:18,884
Uh, I-I go to all the meetings.
1427
01:09:18,918 --> 01:09:20,886
I'll tell you something
1428
01:09:20,920 --> 01:09:23,090
really shameful about myself.
1429
01:09:23,123 --> 01:09:24,690
The first time I shot up,
1430
01:09:24,723 --> 01:09:26,960
I looked at myself
in the mirror with a big grin.
1431
01:09:26,993 --> 01:09:29,895
You know,
something was missing in me.
1432
01:09:29,930 --> 01:09:31,965
Some part of me
wanted to be a dope fiend.
1433
01:09:31,998 --> 01:09:34,700
My whole life was
leading up to that point.
1434
01:09:34,733 --> 01:09:36,103
In my mind,
1435
01:09:36,136 --> 01:09:40,739
it was my first step
towards being an artist.
1436
01:09:41,740 --> 01:09:43,776
Do you think a-a certain level
of dissatisfaction
1437
01:09:43,809 --> 01:09:45,278
or unhappiness
is an integral part
1438
01:09:45,312 --> 01:09:46,947
of the creative process?
1439
01:09:46,980 --> 01:09:48,848
I think
even great art can be created
1440
01:09:48,881 --> 01:09:52,252
when you're happy, but I think
the best art in the universe
1441
01:09:52,285 --> 01:09:56,389
is created through
intense suffering.
1442
01:09:56,423 --> 01:09:59,359
So then, do you put yourself
in a situation
1443
01:09:59,392 --> 01:10:02,028
where you're constantly in pain?
1444
01:10:03,296 --> 01:10:05,698
And the answer
to that question is yes.
1445
01:10:05,731 --> 01:10:07,700
That's just about
everybody I know.
1446
01:10:07,733 --> 01:10:09,869
I don't know
what this says about me.
1447
01:10:13,039 --> 01:10:14,773
I think it was one of
1448
01:10:14,807 --> 01:10:16,219
the first conversations
I ever had with him.
1449
01:10:16,243 --> 01:10:17,954
"I was like," hey, I know
I'm just meeting you,
1450
01:10:17,978 --> 01:10:20,013
"but I-I don't know
one heroin addict
1451
01:10:20,046 --> 01:10:22,815
"that has quit
cold Turkey besides you.
1452
01:10:22,848 --> 01:10:25,051
Tell me how you did it."
1453
01:10:26,286 --> 01:10:29,322
I got through, but,
you know, my case, it was like
1454
01:10:29,356 --> 01:10:32,392
I looked in a mirror and I...
1455
01:10:32,425 --> 01:10:34,894
I saw somebody worth saving, um,
1456
01:10:34,927 --> 01:10:38,198
or that I wanted to at least
try real hard and save.
1457
01:10:38,231 --> 01:10:40,733
Um...
1458
01:10:40,766 --> 01:10:43,303
You know, nobody...
1459
01:10:43,336 --> 01:10:45,272
Nobody saved me.
1460
01:10:46,339 --> 01:10:48,874
And he goes, "you just work."
1461
01:10:50,210 --> 01:10:52,312
When he told me that,
I bought into it
1462
01:10:52,345 --> 01:10:53,980
when I first met him.
1463
01:10:54,014 --> 01:10:57,484
And then
as I got to know him more,
1464
01:10:57,517 --> 01:10:59,319
I realized it jumped.
1465
01:10:59,352 --> 01:11:00,353
The addiction jumped.
1466
01:11:08,128 --> 01:11:11,198
When he threw himself
into something,
1467
01:11:11,231 --> 01:11:14,134
he threw himself completely.
1468
01:11:15,268 --> 01:11:16,835
Jujitsu was a good one
1469
01:11:16,869 --> 01:11:18,804
because he got super healthy.
1470
01:11:18,837 --> 01:11:20,507
He looked great.
He stopped smoking.
1471
01:11:20,540 --> 01:11:22,209
He felt energized.
1472
01:11:22,242 --> 01:11:23,842
He felt powerful.
1473
01:11:24,810 --> 01:11:26,479
Oh.
1474
01:11:26,513 --> 01:11:28,348
Abort.
1475
01:11:28,381 --> 01:11:30,083
I started at 58.
1476
01:11:30,116 --> 01:11:32,352
My wife is
a fairly high-level competitor
1477
01:11:32,385 --> 01:11:33,786
and, uh, trains every...
1478
01:11:33,819 --> 01:11:35,288
Higher level than you are?
1479
01:11:35,322 --> 01:11:36,822
W-way, way beyond
1480
01:11:36,855 --> 01:11:38,358
- where I'll ever be.
- Yeah.
1481
01:11:38,391 --> 01:11:40,227
Ottavia wanted to be able
1482
01:11:40,260 --> 01:11:43,330
to kill anyone
who came at their daughter.
1483
01:11:45,898 --> 01:11:48,001
So that's where
the initial jujitsu interest
1484
01:11:48,034 --> 01:11:51,371
in that family came from,
and it was a good thing for Tony
1485
01:11:51,404 --> 01:11:52,939
to be obsessed with for a while.
1486
01:11:54,341 --> 01:11:57,377
There is this aspect
of problem-solving
1487
01:11:57,410 --> 01:12:01,348
under pressure that it was
really appealing to him.
1488
01:12:01,381 --> 01:12:03,049
Step over!
1489
01:12:03,083 --> 01:12:04,783
But anyone who gets into jujitsu
1490
01:12:04,817 --> 01:12:06,128
becomes, like, impossible
to be around.
1491
01:12:06,152 --> 01:12:09,990
I know because...
From experience.
1492
01:12:10,023 --> 01:12:12,092
At a certain point, you're like,
1493
01:12:12,125 --> 01:12:14,860
"dude, come on, stop talking
about fucking jujitsu."
1494
01:12:14,893 --> 01:12:16,829
I don't know anything
about jujitsu.
1495
01:12:16,862 --> 01:12:19,065
Like, I can't have
this conversation,
1496
01:12:19,099 --> 01:12:23,869
and yet I'm on like hour 150
talking to you about jujitsu.
1497
01:12:25,171 --> 01:12:27,073
I mean, his attention and focus
1498
01:12:27,107 --> 01:12:31,444
was so strong,
but there was always a timeline.
1499
01:12:32,412 --> 01:12:34,414
I don't think there was
anything that would have
1500
01:12:34,447 --> 01:12:37,017
lasted forever in his world.
1501
01:12:37,050 --> 01:12:40,487
No person, place,
thing, interest.
1502
01:12:42,022 --> 01:12:43,856
I have to show you first.
1503
01:12:43,889 --> 01:12:45,891
Can-can I show you once? Okay.
1504
01:12:47,027 --> 01:12:48,561
Then you skip one
and you go down.
1505
01:12:49,928 --> 01:12:51,264
Then you skip one
and you go down.
1506
01:12:52,432 --> 01:12:53,866
Then you come back up and...
1507
01:12:55,935 --> 01:12:59,306
It always seemed like
what he wanted was,
1508
01:12:59,339 --> 01:13:03,842
you know, this, uh, idyllic
picture of, like, you know,
1509
01:13:03,876 --> 01:13:07,113
a family and ordinary life.
1510
01:13:07,147 --> 01:13:09,049
- No.
- Come on, you were doing it...
1511
01:13:09,082 --> 01:13:12,319
But then when he got it,
1512
01:13:12,352 --> 01:13:15,488
I don't know if it was...
1513
01:13:15,522 --> 01:13:16,956
I don't know.
1514
01:13:16,990 --> 01:13:18,358
Yeah.
1515
01:13:18,391 --> 01:13:21,261
After a while, maybe
that wasn't enough anymore.
1516
01:13:25,065 --> 01:13:27,233
You devoted your book to family.
1517
01:13:27,267 --> 01:13:28,468
Yep.
1518
01:13:28,501 --> 01:13:29,902
The joys of being normal.
1519
01:13:29,936 --> 01:13:31,438
And now you've-you've split.
1520
01:13:31,471 --> 01:13:32,605
- Yep.
- So I just, like...
1521
01:13:32,639 --> 01:13:34,474
Are you rethinking about
being normal
1522
01:13:34,507 --> 01:13:36,385
- or where's your...
- Well, I mean, what is normal?
1523
01:13:36,409 --> 01:13:38,911
I think, you know, what does
the American family look like?
1524
01:13:38,945 --> 01:13:41,348
I mean, I travel
250 days a year.
1525
01:13:41,381 --> 01:13:44,384
You know, how normal
could I ever hope to be?
1526
01:13:54,661 --> 01:13:57,896
Tony and I had been pretty much
1527
01:13:57,931 --> 01:14:01,568
living separate
under the same roof for...
1528
01:14:01,601 --> 01:14:03,236
For quite some time.
1529
01:14:06,606 --> 01:14:08,907
You know,
even if we didn't work out
1530
01:14:08,942 --> 01:14:10,643
as a married couple, you know,
1531
01:14:10,677 --> 01:14:15,014
we're still really good friends
and our focus was ariane.
1532
01:14:17,717 --> 01:14:21,654
That romantic love
kind of dissipated
1533
01:14:21,688 --> 01:14:25,392
after he started
traveling so intensely,
1534
01:14:25,425 --> 01:14:27,293
and then we couldn't follow him.
1535
01:14:34,734 --> 01:14:37,404
It flowers once
every five years.
1536
01:14:37,437 --> 01:14:38,505
That's all.
1537
01:14:40,073 --> 01:14:44,077
I'll be back
before it flowers again.
1538
01:14:45,011 --> 01:14:46,413
Cross my heart.
1539
01:14:52,252 --> 01:14:54,554
He was devastated.
1540
01:14:54,587 --> 01:14:56,423
He was losing his home base.
1541
01:14:56,456 --> 01:15:00,527
And it left him
incredibly vulnerable.
1542
01:15:08,535 --> 01:15:11,337
I think Tony did blame himself.
1543
01:15:11,371 --> 01:15:13,973
And I think
it also left him wondering
1544
01:15:14,007 --> 01:15:16,309
whether or not he was lovable.
1545
01:15:25,618 --> 01:15:27,520
Is it worse
to be some place awful
1546
01:15:27,554 --> 01:15:32,125
when you're by yourself
or some place really nice
1547
01:15:32,158 --> 01:15:34,194
that you can't share
with anyone?
1548
01:15:40,099 --> 01:15:42,035
I mean,
I have an email that he sent me
1549
01:15:42,068 --> 01:15:43,570
that-that haunts me
1550
01:15:43,603 --> 01:15:46,473
that was just straight-up...
1551
01:15:46,506 --> 01:15:48,274
You know, out of the blue.
1552
01:15:49,509 --> 01:15:52,679
"David, this is
a crazy thing to ask..."
1553
01:15:52,712 --> 01:15:54,247
"...but I'm curious
1554
01:15:54,280 --> 01:15:57,250
and my life
is sort of shit now."
1555
01:15:58,418 --> 01:16:02,388
"You are successful
and I am successful.
1556
01:16:02,422 --> 01:16:04,691
"And I'm wondering:
1557
01:16:04,724 --> 01:16:06,693
Are you happy?"
1558
01:16:14,167 --> 01:16:16,736
I know how hard
that must've been for him
1559
01:16:16,769 --> 01:16:18,238
to even write that email.
1560
01:16:18,271 --> 01:16:19,782
To-to reach out to someone
and be like,
1561
01:16:19,806 --> 01:16:21,374
"hey, man, I'm not doing well."
1562
01:16:32,418 --> 01:16:34,821
The era of his life with
1563
01:16:34,854 --> 01:16:37,190
his child and ottavia...
1564
01:16:38,324 --> 01:16:42,095
I think it was sort of an
interruption of his trajectory.
1565
01:16:48,334 --> 01:16:51,170
Did he change course
in the last two years?
1566
01:16:51,204 --> 01:16:52,672
No, he got back on track,
1567
01:16:52,705 --> 01:16:55,141
which was not
the greatest track.
1568
01:16:57,844 --> 01:16:59,812
Hi, Tony. How are you?
1569
01:16:59,846 --> 01:17:01,548
I'm all right. Here?
1570
01:17:01,581 --> 01:17:02,582
Outstanding. Good.
1571
01:17:02,615 --> 01:17:04,250
That's awesome.
1572
01:17:04,284 --> 01:17:06,119
I even brought a note...
1573
01:17:06,152 --> 01:17:07,687
I took notes.
1574
01:17:07,720 --> 01:17:09,689
I was thinking of all my...
1575
01:17:09,722 --> 01:17:12,325
All of my ailments and problems.
1576
01:17:13,626 --> 01:17:15,361
I haven't done this since
1577
01:17:15,395 --> 01:17:17,564
I was, um...
1578
01:17:17,597 --> 01:17:19,799
Uh, I was a teenager.
1579
01:17:19,832 --> 01:17:21,367
My parents caught me with drugs,
1580
01:17:21,401 --> 01:17:26,272
and as part of the deal,
I saw a therapist briefly.
1581
01:17:27,373 --> 01:17:29,709
And what did you feel about it?
1582
01:17:29,742 --> 01:17:30,710
It's-it's exhausting.
1583
01:17:30,743 --> 01:17:32,845
I mean, I do tend to have
1584
01:17:32,879 --> 01:17:35,181
a sort of a manic personality.
1585
01:17:35,214 --> 01:17:37,216
Everything is going
really, really great
1586
01:17:37,250 --> 01:17:39,385
or it's not going great.
1587
01:17:39,419 --> 01:17:41,354
It can happen at any time.
It's a random thing.
1588
01:17:41,387 --> 01:17:44,457
One minute, I'm okay,
everything's going all right,
1589
01:17:44,490 --> 01:17:46,492
and then suddenly it's...
One little thing
1590
01:17:46,526 --> 01:17:49,228
just sort of sets me off,
and then I find myself,
1591
01:17:49,262 --> 01:17:52,165
uh, you know,
increasingly, uh, thinking...
1592
01:17:52,198 --> 01:17:54,567
I do, I do, I do,
I think about, like,
1593
01:17:54,601 --> 01:17:58,638
momentary fantasies of harming
other people or myself.
1594
01:17:58,671 --> 01:18:00,873
Like I want to kill somebody
or choke them
1595
01:18:00,907 --> 01:18:02,742
or break their arms.
1596
01:18:02,775 --> 01:18:05,612
Uh, I think about that a lot.
1597
01:18:05,645 --> 01:18:07,447
I'd like to be happier.
1598
01:18:07,480 --> 01:18:09,349
I'd like to be able
to be calmer.
1599
01:18:09,382 --> 01:18:11,284
I'd like to be able to relax.
1600
01:18:11,317 --> 01:18:13,753
I'd like to be able to,
you know, look out the window
1601
01:18:13,786 --> 01:18:16,155
and say, "yay, life is good."
1602
01:18:16,189 --> 01:18:18,358
- And you don't?
- No.
1603
01:18:20,526 --> 01:18:22,729
Never?
1604
01:18:24,230 --> 01:18:26,799
Uh, maybe a few seconds
here and there.
1605
01:18:26,833 --> 01:18:29,235
There is a line
1606
01:18:29,268 --> 01:18:32,905
during your life of loneliness
1607
01:18:32,940 --> 01:18:35,675
or-or feeling like
"I want to kill somebody."
1608
01:18:35,708 --> 01:18:39,912
I think that maybe
you should start thinking,
1609
01:18:39,947 --> 01:18:43,549
"do you really want
to change anything?"
1610
01:18:50,356 --> 01:18:52,525
Do you really want to-to change
1611
01:18:52,558 --> 01:18:54,560
the way you feel?
1612
01:18:58,698 --> 01:19:00,700
I suspect it's too late.
1613
01:19:05,905 --> 01:19:09,977
♪ I can settle down ♪
1614
01:19:10,010 --> 01:19:14,414
♪ and be doing just fine ♪
1615
01:19:14,447 --> 01:19:17,417
♪ till I hear an old train... ♪
1616
01:19:17,450 --> 01:19:19,419
I love this car.
1617
01:19:19,452 --> 01:19:21,955
I'm having car envy.
1618
01:19:21,989 --> 01:19:23,690
We were both, like,
1619
01:19:23,723 --> 01:19:26,626
constantly talking about
that movie vanishing point.
1620
01:19:27,760 --> 01:19:28,962
He liked fast cars, as well.
1621
01:19:28,996 --> 01:19:30,430
I love fast cars.
1622
01:19:30,463 --> 01:19:32,966
And then we became pen
pals really for years
1623
01:19:33,000 --> 01:19:35,501
and, um, talked
about everything.
1624
01:19:38,304 --> 01:19:40,273
His whole entire personality
1625
01:19:40,306 --> 01:19:42,508
was that of a searcher.
1626
01:19:42,542 --> 01:19:44,644
I just know that he was
definitely searching
1627
01:19:44,677 --> 01:19:46,746
for something, and-and...
1628
01:19:46,779 --> 01:19:48,949
♪ But you gotta understand ♪
1629
01:19:48,982 --> 01:19:50,850
it was kind of agony for him.
1630
01:19:50,883 --> 01:19:55,588
♪ When the lord made me ♪
1631
01:19:55,621 --> 01:19:59,592
♪ he made a ramblin' man... ♪
1632
01:19:59,625 --> 01:20:01,728
It's this relentless instinct
1633
01:20:01,761 --> 01:20:03,296
to fuck up a good thing.
1634
01:20:03,329 --> 01:20:05,598
I think it's something
that people on TV,
1635
01:20:05,631 --> 01:20:08,868
people who write,
people who cook, share.
1636
01:20:08,901 --> 01:20:12,438
This difficulty in giving love
and receiving love...
1637
01:20:12,472 --> 01:20:15,608
They just don't quite know
how to do it.
1638
01:20:16,609 --> 01:20:19,378
A lot of people loved him a lot.
1639
01:20:19,412 --> 01:20:21,814
I don't know if he believed it.
1640
01:20:23,951 --> 01:20:25,518
So, what do you think?
1641
01:20:25,551 --> 01:20:27,854
I mean, in a metaphysical way,
1642
01:20:27,887 --> 01:20:30,456
- when you look back on your life...
- Yeah.
1643
01:20:30,490 --> 01:20:31,891
For me, I always feel
1644
01:20:31,924 --> 01:20:33,760
this little unease,
like, you know...
1645
01:20:33,793 --> 01:20:35,695
You feel you haven't
suffered enough yet
1646
01:20:35,728 --> 01:20:37,040
- or you haven't done enough...
- How the fuck did this happen?
1647
01:20:37,064 --> 01:20:38,531
- Or yeah.
- You know?
1648
01:20:38,564 --> 01:20:39,775
- How-how'd this happen, you know?
- No.
1649
01:20:39,799 --> 01:20:40,934
No, I know.
1650
01:20:40,968 --> 01:20:42,335
I'm still curious.
1651
01:20:42,368 --> 01:20:43,803
You seem like a curious person.
1652
01:20:43,836 --> 01:20:45,772
- It's my only virtue.
- You're... there you go.
1653
01:20:45,805 --> 01:20:46,839
All right.
1654
01:20:46,873 --> 01:20:48,307
Curious is a good thing to be.
1655
01:20:49,943 --> 01:20:52,378
Given your life...
1656
01:20:52,411 --> 01:20:53,679
What thrills you?
1657
01:20:54,580 --> 01:20:57,416
What just thrills the shit
out of you now?
1658
01:20:57,450 --> 01:21:01,654
Uh, this is very embarrassing,
but... it's really embar...
1659
01:21:01,687 --> 01:21:05,691
Being loved
and actually appreciating
1660
01:21:05,725 --> 01:21:08,361
the people that are
giving that to me.
1661
01:21:18,138 --> 01:21:19,672
Whenever you guys are ready,
1662
01:21:19,705 --> 01:21:20,950
- the cameras are rolling.
- All right.
1663
01:21:20,974 --> 01:21:22,608
We're ready to go.
1664
01:21:24,978 --> 01:21:27,014
All right, you're up?
1665
01:21:27,047 --> 01:21:28,581
So, uh, where are we?
1666
01:21:28,614 --> 01:21:30,126
But don't mention
the name of the place.
1667
01:21:30,150 --> 01:21:31,827
- I mean, turning the napkin over...
- No. Why?
1668
01:21:31,851 --> 01:21:33,362
Well, we don't... you don't want
to blow this place up.
1669
01:21:33,386 --> 01:21:34,687
I don't give a shit.
1670
01:21:34,720 --> 01:21:36,065
I mean, you've been
eating here for how long?
1671
01:21:36,089 --> 01:21:37,991
Since I was a,
since I was a kid.
1672
01:21:38,025 --> 01:21:41,094
So you would come in here
and see nothing but Americans?
1673
01:21:41,128 --> 01:21:42,562
Nothing but?
1674
01:21:42,595 --> 01:21:43,830
- Nothing but?
- Well, yeah.
1675
01:21:43,863 --> 01:21:45,464
- I mean, just an army of...
- Well, yes,
1676
01:21:45,498 --> 01:21:47,034
so nobody busts my balls.
1677
01:21:47,067 --> 01:21:48,969
Okay, then. We are at the...
1678
01:21:49,002 --> 01:21:50,503
So, giving up on that.
1679
01:21:50,536 --> 01:21:52,505
Okay. There we go.
1680
01:21:52,538 --> 01:21:55,042
H-How many generations
of filmmakers in your family?
1681
01:21:55,075 --> 01:21:56,977
Mm, a lot.
1682
01:21:57,010 --> 01:21:58,511
Cheers.
1683
01:21:58,544 --> 01:22:00,613
When Tony met Asia, he's like,
1684
01:22:00,646 --> 01:22:02,715
"she's the best.
Oh, my god, she's so great."
1685
01:22:02,748 --> 01:22:05,518
You know, and, like,
when you were in high school
1686
01:22:05,551 --> 01:22:07,462
and you got laid for
the first time or something.
1687
01:22:07,486 --> 01:22:09,455
You know,
I'm happiest when life is
1688
01:22:09,488 --> 01:22:11,124
kind of like a film.
1689
01:22:11,158 --> 01:22:14,027
So, y-you're happy
in the illusion.
1690
01:22:14,061 --> 01:22:15,928
- 'Cause film is an illusion.
- Yes.
1691
01:22:15,963 --> 01:22:17,496
Yeah, I am.
1692
01:22:17,530 --> 01:22:19,899
No, me, too. I-I understand you.
1693
01:22:21,168 --> 01:22:23,903
He seemed really happy with her.
1694
01:22:25,905 --> 01:22:27,540
You know, I was like, well,
1695
01:22:27,573 --> 01:22:29,977
he found someone
he wants to be with.
1696
01:22:30,010 --> 01:22:31,711
You know, I'm happy for him.
1697
01:22:33,613 --> 01:22:35,882
He told me
that she was very insecure
1698
01:22:35,915 --> 01:22:39,186
about their relationship,
so he just asked me
1699
01:22:39,219 --> 01:22:43,589
to stop posting pictures of us
on social media.
1700
01:22:43,623 --> 01:22:45,625
And-and I think
he really thought
1701
01:22:45,658 --> 01:22:47,760
he was doing the right thing
1702
01:22:47,793 --> 01:22:51,497
to make sure that the person
he loved felt secure.
1703
01:22:52,531 --> 01:22:53,833
Is that a normal urge?
1704
01:22:53,866 --> 01:22:55,701
- For humans?
- I want to be normal?
1705
01:22:55,735 --> 01:22:57,503
I want to be
like everybody else?
1706
01:22:57,536 --> 01:22:59,082
I kind of wanted to be
like everybody else
1707
01:22:59,106 --> 01:23:00,640
when I was a kid,
at least for a while.
1708
01:23:00,673 --> 01:23:02,118
I-I didn't understand
why I couldn't be.
1709
01:23:02,142 --> 01:23:04,177
I think people are happier
1710
01:23:04,211 --> 01:23:05,878
when they feel like
they belong somewhere.
1711
01:23:05,912 --> 01:23:08,048
- I just, i-i...
- That's why I'm never happy
1712
01:23:08,081 --> 01:23:10,616
because I feel I never belong.
1713
01:23:15,721 --> 01:23:17,490
I knew who she was,
1714
01:23:17,523 --> 01:23:19,059
but he never would use her name.
1715
01:23:19,092 --> 01:23:23,196
He would say "crazy Italian
actress" in all the emails.
1716
01:23:23,230 --> 01:23:25,631
All I know is that
he wrote to me a few times
1717
01:23:25,665 --> 01:23:28,035
and said that it was
gonna end very, very badly,
1718
01:23:28,068 --> 01:23:30,436
and that was way back.
1719
01:23:31,038 --> 01:23:32,605
Um, he knew it.
1720
01:23:32,638 --> 01:23:34,241
Oh!
1721
01:23:38,644 --> 01:23:40,546
I bring you to the best places.
1722
01:23:41,881 --> 01:23:44,117
Fuck michelin.
1723
01:23:44,151 --> 01:23:46,519
Michelin?
1724
01:23:46,552 --> 01:23:48,121
His last relationship,
1725
01:23:48,155 --> 01:23:52,259
I guess when you look at it,
it's not that surprising.
1726
01:23:55,195 --> 01:23:57,596
In many ways,
it feels elliptical
1727
01:23:57,630 --> 01:24:00,000
from the-the very beginning.
1728
01:24:02,269 --> 01:24:04,271
Now, some of you might ask,
1729
01:24:04,304 --> 01:24:06,806
"how is this food-related?"
Fuck if I know.
1730
01:24:06,839 --> 01:24:08,808
I guess if I crushed
my skull on a rock,
1731
01:24:08,841 --> 01:24:11,711
parts of me will become
part of the food chain.
1732
01:24:13,879 --> 01:24:15,715
It was one that had,
1733
01:24:15,748 --> 01:24:19,485
at its center, um, extremes.
1734
01:24:20,820 --> 01:24:24,992
It's as if he can't feel
in the mid-zone.
1735
01:24:28,761 --> 01:24:30,297
You know, life is about
1736
01:24:30,330 --> 01:24:32,498
finding a cliff
worth jumping off.
1737
01:24:33,967 --> 01:24:35,601
I felt he was like,
1738
01:24:35,634 --> 01:24:38,071
"I'm gonna look for something
feral and wild."
1739
01:24:40,639 --> 01:24:42,541
Perhaps that is
something to do with age
1740
01:24:42,575 --> 01:24:44,744
and all of a sudden
finding yourself alone.
1741
01:24:51,218 --> 01:24:52,818
This is called, um...
1742
01:24:52,852 --> 01:24:55,621
- Are you guys up?
- Why are you filming me?
1743
01:24:55,654 --> 01:24:56,756
This is called
1744
01:24:56,789 --> 01:24:58,624
"our wolf lady of
the wolf flowers."
1745
01:24:58,657 --> 01:25:00,027
Ah, that's great.
1746
01:25:00,060 --> 01:25:02,928
You know, I have
a-a John lurie over my bed.
1747
01:25:02,963 --> 01:25:04,630
I saw. No, you posted it.
1748
01:25:04,663 --> 01:25:06,166
That was nice
that you posted that.
1749
01:25:06,199 --> 01:25:09,236
No, I love it.
It makes me very, very happy.
1750
01:25:09,269 --> 01:25:11,871
- Does it?
- Yes, it does.
1751
01:25:13,373 --> 01:25:15,908
So he had a dark sense of humor.
1752
01:25:15,942 --> 01:25:18,345
He wasn't Edgar Allan poe.
You know what I mean? He...
1753
01:25:18,378 --> 01:25:19,980
There was
a lot of light around him.
1754
01:25:20,013 --> 01:25:21,014
There really was.
1755
01:25:21,048 --> 01:25:22,648
Bring another one.
1756
01:25:22,681 --> 01:25:24,793
No. I mean, especially, like,
I'm away and I come back
1757
01:25:24,817 --> 01:25:26,762
- and I walk into my room...
- There it is, yeah, yeah.
1758
01:25:26,786 --> 01:25:29,722
I-It feels...
The room vibrates at a frequency
1759
01:25:29,755 --> 01:25:32,059
that makes me comfortable
and-and happy.
1760
01:25:32,092 --> 01:25:33,692
That's cool.
1761
01:25:39,665 --> 01:25:41,667
Thank you.
Eggs, the perfect food.
1762
01:25:41,700 --> 01:25:43,669
- Thank you, sir.
- Eat that.
1763
01:25:43,702 --> 01:25:45,805
We were supposed to have lunch.
1764
01:25:45,838 --> 01:25:47,807
And I said,
"I want to go somewhere quiet
1765
01:25:47,840 --> 01:25:49,242
where nobody knows us."
1766
01:25:49,276 --> 01:25:51,344
And he just sort of stopped
in his tracks and said,
1767
01:25:51,378 --> 01:25:53,380
"I'm becoming agoraphobic."
1768
01:25:55,949 --> 01:25:58,952
And then I saw
the pain in his face.
1769
01:26:02,422 --> 01:26:05,724
Maybe he needed some time away
from it all to reflect a minute
1770
01:26:05,758 --> 01:26:07,893
and then start again
kind of thing, you know?
1771
01:26:07,927 --> 01:26:09,096
I don't...
1772
01:26:09,129 --> 01:26:11,998
It seemed like he was about
to go on to something else.
1773
01:26:17,137 --> 01:26:19,805
His life started
to feel smaller and smaller.
1774
01:26:19,839 --> 01:26:21,874
He couldn't go as many places.
1775
01:26:21,907 --> 01:26:24,810
He couldn't be
out in public as much.
1776
01:26:24,844 --> 01:26:27,147
I could see him whittle away.
1777
01:26:29,915 --> 01:26:32,252
So, places like
the empty quarter
1778
01:26:32,285 --> 01:26:36,789
of the arabian desert started
to really resonate for him.
1779
01:26:36,822 --> 01:26:40,659
To just sit on the edge of
1780
01:26:40,693 --> 01:26:46,133
the largest sand desert in the
world and stare out into it...
1781
01:26:47,400 --> 01:26:49,136
feeling like it's something
1782
01:26:49,169 --> 01:26:53,173
that's bigger than him
and not about him.
1783
01:26:55,774 --> 01:26:57,743
He often talked about how,
1784
01:26:57,776 --> 01:26:59,912
in an ideal world,
he wouldn't be in the show.
1785
01:26:59,946 --> 01:27:01,914
Uh, it would be
his point of view,
1786
01:27:01,948 --> 01:27:04,417
like a camera
moving through space,
1787
01:27:04,451 --> 01:27:07,320
without having
to see him at all.
1788
01:27:24,803 --> 01:27:27,307
"Travel isn't always pretty."
1789
01:27:27,340 --> 01:27:30,177
"You go away. You learn."
1790
01:27:30,210 --> 01:27:33,879
"You get scarred, marked,
changed in the process."
1791
01:27:36,349 --> 01:27:37,917
"It even breaks your heart."
1792
01:28:02,943 --> 01:28:05,011
He was very stressed
1793
01:28:05,045 --> 01:28:07,780
and very weary
and very exhausted.
1794
01:28:09,449 --> 01:28:11,952
He did talk about quitting.
1795
01:28:11,985 --> 01:28:14,120
It happened like
a couple of years ago.
1796
01:28:15,854 --> 01:28:19,925
He asked to see
Chris and I at a bar.
1797
01:28:19,960 --> 01:28:21,894
It was very dramatic.
1798
01:28:21,927 --> 01:28:24,965
He was like, "I can't live
my life like this anymore."
1799
01:28:24,998 --> 01:28:28,368
"I'm done. I'm done with this.
I'm done with you people.
1800
01:28:28,401 --> 01:28:30,103
"Every band comes to an end.
1801
01:28:30,136 --> 01:28:31,981
It's time for us to break up
and go our separate ways."
1802
01:28:32,005 --> 01:28:35,075
"You know,
I've broken one family.
1803
01:28:35,108 --> 01:28:38,378
"I'm in this other relationship
that I care very deeply about
1804
01:28:38,411 --> 01:28:40,813
and I want to make it work."
1805
01:28:40,846 --> 01:28:42,449
And Lydia looked
at Tony and said,
1806
01:28:42,482 --> 01:28:44,517
"then go do it.
1807
01:28:44,551 --> 01:28:46,553
"Go do it.
1808
01:28:46,586 --> 01:28:49,922
"Don't sit here
and talk about it and whine.
1809
01:28:50,889 --> 01:28:53,526
"Get up and go. Leave.
1810
01:28:53,560 --> 01:28:55,228
"Move to Italy, set up.
1811
01:28:55,262 --> 01:28:58,198
We will support you.
We will be your friend. Go."
1812
01:28:58,231 --> 01:29:00,133
"Like, if you're done with this,
1813
01:29:00,166 --> 01:29:01,968
it's okay."
1814
01:29:02,002 --> 01:29:04,437
I don't know. Maybe he was
expecting us to, like,
1815
01:29:04,471 --> 01:29:07,407
grab him and say like,
"no, don't go.
1816
01:29:07,440 --> 01:29:09,842
It's not over. What can we do?"
1817
01:29:10,477 --> 01:29:12,878
He couldn't move.
1818
01:29:14,314 --> 01:29:16,316
It's really kind of sad.
1819
01:29:17,284 --> 01:29:19,052
It's like,
1820
01:29:19,085 --> 01:29:22,188
"then sit the fuck down and
let's talk this thing through."
1821
01:29:23,189 --> 01:29:25,824
And we said, "we'll figure out
a way to make this thing work,
1822
01:29:25,858 --> 01:29:28,061
you know, so it's good for you."
1823
01:29:33,466 --> 01:29:36,369
Okay. Here we go.
1824
01:29:36,403 --> 01:29:38,104
"Hong Kong.
1825
01:29:38,138 --> 01:29:39,872
To fall in love with Asia..."
1826
01:29:39,905 --> 01:29:41,941
Oof, Asia.
1827
01:29:41,975 --> 01:29:44,978
"To fall in love with Asia
is one thing.
1828
01:29:45,011 --> 01:29:47,514
"To fall in love in Asia
is another.
1829
01:29:47,547 --> 01:29:49,182
"Both have happened to me.
1830
01:29:49,215 --> 01:29:52,885
"It's a gift, a dream, a curse,
1831
01:29:52,918 --> 01:29:55,155
"the best thing,
the happiest thing,
1832
01:29:55,188 --> 01:29:58,258
"yet also the loneliest thing
in the world.
1833
01:29:58,291 --> 01:30:00,859
"I've been to Hong Kong
many times before,
1834
01:30:00,893 --> 01:30:03,063
but not like this."
1835
01:30:03,963 --> 01:30:06,933
If I die before
I'm 40 years old,
1836
01:30:06,966 --> 01:30:08,644
that shoot probably had
something to do with it.
1837
01:30:08,668 --> 01:30:10,937
At the last second,
1838
01:30:10,970 --> 01:30:12,605
the director gets sick.
1839
01:30:12,639 --> 01:30:14,107
I had my gallbladder removed.
1840
01:30:14,140 --> 01:30:15,484
Michael's gallbladder,
I swear to god.
1841
01:30:15,508 --> 01:30:18,478
So, obviously I can't go,
and then Tony immediately,
1842
01:30:18,511 --> 01:30:20,613
like, sees an in.
1843
01:30:20,647 --> 01:30:24,951
He gets them to all agree
that Asia should direct this.
1844
01:30:25,518 --> 01:30:27,554
W-Well, like, okay.
1845
01:30:27,587 --> 01:30:30,190
In-in man... in some ways,
on this side,
1846
01:30:30,223 --> 01:30:34,961
this is giving him some kind
of, like, intense resurgence
1847
01:30:34,994 --> 01:30:37,464
of, like, creative energy.
1848
01:30:37,497 --> 01:30:40,100
And so we-we ran with that.
1849
01:30:40,133 --> 01:30:41,468
- Asia?
- I think...
1850
01:30:41,501 --> 01:30:43,036
Back in one sec.
1851
01:30:43,069 --> 01:30:44,604
We're getting too much
good stuff...
1852
01:30:44,637 --> 01:30:45,972
I know, but...
1853
01:30:46,005 --> 01:30:47,283
in too short a period of time.
1854
01:30:47,307 --> 01:30:49,008
Let's mo... let's move
and-and move. Yeah.
1855
01:30:49,042 --> 01:30:50,119
And w-we're getting too much.
1856
01:30:50,143 --> 01:30:51,511
It's like, I mean,
1857
01:30:51,544 --> 01:30:53,155
at this point, it's like,
to everybody, I'm thinking,
1858
01:30:53,179 --> 01:30:54,457
"stop saying
so much great stuff."
1859
01:30:54,481 --> 01:30:55,648
- Oh, my god.
- So happy.
1860
01:30:55,682 --> 01:30:57,384
Food's ready.
1861
01:30:57,417 --> 01:30:58,985
Asia, the food's ready.
1862
01:31:00,653 --> 01:31:03,189
It seemed like
so many years of us
1863
01:31:03,223 --> 01:31:07,427
shaping and creating this thing,
all of a sudden,
1864
01:31:07,460 --> 01:31:09,062
was thrown out the window,
1865
01:31:09,095 --> 01:31:12,465
and it was just, you know,
anything goes.
1866
01:31:12,499 --> 01:31:14,434
So what is your...
1867
01:31:15,635 --> 01:31:17,270
what is your hope?
1868
01:31:17,303 --> 01:31:20,140
What do you hope will happen
to change your situation?
1869
01:31:20,173 --> 01:31:23,309
To-to be honest, um,
I'm not big fan of hope.
1870
01:31:23,343 --> 01:31:25,412
Um, hope is...
1871
01:31:25,445 --> 01:31:26,646
Hold on one second.
1872
01:31:26,679 --> 01:31:28,448
Let me reset.
1873
01:31:28,481 --> 01:31:30,417
In the middle
of this heartfelt scene
1874
01:31:30,450 --> 01:31:33,019
with these two asylum seekers,
we're stopping...
1875
01:31:33,052 --> 01:31:35,021
I hold my hand
or h-hold the thought?
1876
01:31:35,054 --> 01:31:36,589
And telling them to hold
1877
01:31:36,623 --> 01:31:38,224
their thought
and to, like, redo it,
1878
01:31:38,258 --> 01:31:39,568
as if we're filming
a movie or something.
1879
01:31:39,592 --> 01:31:41,728
- Uh, add one.
- Three.
1880
01:31:41,761 --> 01:31:44,531
35 milli... uh, centimeters.
1881
01:31:49,369 --> 01:31:52,038
You know, breaking the natural,
1882
01:31:52,071 --> 01:31:53,440
heartfelt conversations
1883
01:31:53,473 --> 01:31:56,109
that are not
easy conversations to have,
1884
01:31:56,142 --> 01:31:59,345
he would have
never, ever done that.
1885
01:32:01,147 --> 01:32:03,082
Let's go. Ready to go.
1886
01:32:03,116 --> 01:32:04,451
I'm sorry, do it again.
1887
01:32:07,520 --> 01:32:09,189
Asia?
1888
01:32:12,392 --> 01:32:14,994
What happened in Hong Kong
1889
01:32:15,028 --> 01:32:16,729
was... listen.
1890
01:32:19,799 --> 01:32:23,703
We-we were trying
to help our friend.
1891
01:32:23,736 --> 01:32:26,606
And if that meant...
1892
01:32:26,639 --> 01:32:28,741
Um...
1893
01:32:28,775 --> 01:32:31,177
Doing... yeah.
1894
01:32:37,684 --> 01:32:39,486
Of everything I've done
1895
01:32:39,519 --> 01:32:42,789
in my life, this was probably
the professional highlight.
1896
01:32:42,822 --> 01:32:45,425
Between, uh, Asia argento
as the director
1897
01:32:45,458 --> 01:32:48,094
and Christopher Doyle as
the director of photography...
1898
01:32:48,127 --> 01:32:50,497
- You're gonna give me a camera?
- Hell yeah.
1899
01:32:50,530 --> 01:32:53,132
We really did something special.
1900
01:32:54,400 --> 01:32:57,403
All right,
proceed to smoke weed.
1901
01:33:02,609 --> 01:33:04,544
I think I'm happy.
1902
01:33:08,114 --> 01:33:10,783
Why? It's so peaceful?
1903
01:33:10,817 --> 01:33:12,652
Yeah.
1904
01:33:13,553 --> 01:33:16,089
This is the best shot
in the movie, by the way.
1905
01:33:16,122 --> 01:33:18,525
Wow, this is fucking beautiful.
1906
01:33:18,558 --> 01:33:20,293
Wait.
1907
01:33:20,326 --> 01:33:22,262
I don't smile a lot
on this show, by the way,
1908
01:33:22,295 --> 01:33:25,031
but I'm smiling now.
1909
01:33:26,132 --> 01:33:28,134
I want to shoot you guys.
1910
01:33:28,167 --> 01:33:32,038
So, tell us about your team.
1911
01:33:32,705 --> 01:33:35,508
Zach, 12-year veteran.
1912
01:33:38,244 --> 01:33:40,346
Zach had made parts unknown
1913
01:33:40,380 --> 01:33:42,582
one of the most beautiful shows
on television.
1914
01:33:45,685 --> 01:33:47,787
Tony's admiration for Zach
1915
01:33:47,820 --> 01:33:50,523
was just kind of mind-blowing.
1916
01:33:50,557 --> 01:33:52,225
In Hong Kong,
1917
01:33:52,258 --> 01:33:55,595
Zach had
a differing opinion from Asia
1918
01:33:55,628 --> 01:33:57,196
on what they were shooting.
1919
01:33:57,230 --> 01:33:59,699
And despite having
a huge history
1920
01:33:59,732 --> 01:34:02,468
and love and friendship,
he was gone.
1921
01:34:03,336 --> 01:34:05,572
When Tony fired Zach,
1922
01:34:05,605 --> 01:34:08,841
it was a huge red flag,
because it was like,
1923
01:34:08,875 --> 01:34:11,411
if he's gonna do that
to someone like him,
1924
01:34:11,444 --> 01:34:15,715
I mean, anyone
on the inner circle is
1925
01:34:15,748 --> 01:34:19,152
essentially,
you know, disposable.
1926
01:34:36,502 --> 01:34:38,705
Cheers.
1927
01:34:41,608 --> 01:34:44,410
There was
a very sort of manic nature
1928
01:34:44,444 --> 01:34:46,913
to what was going on
in that last year,
1929
01:34:46,947 --> 01:34:50,216
where the highs
were very, very high.
1930
01:34:50,249 --> 01:34:55,089
And the lows were very ugly.
1931
01:35:00,793 --> 01:35:03,896
He was not the same person.
1932
01:35:03,930 --> 01:35:08,434
Something changed
and became really heavy.
1933
01:35:08,468 --> 01:35:12,905
But he started going to therapy
at a certain point,
1934
01:35:12,940 --> 01:35:15,174
and I thought,
1935
01:35:15,208 --> 01:35:16,409
"I can take a step back.
1936
01:35:16,442 --> 01:35:18,344
"I don't have to be,
like, you know,
1937
01:35:18,378 --> 01:35:20,647
always so, uh, worried
about him."
1938
01:35:20,680 --> 01:35:22,415
And, uh...
1939
01:35:26,486 --> 01:35:29,222
And I feel like that's
something that I will always,
1940
01:35:29,255 --> 01:35:31,724
you know, felt like...
1941
01:35:32,825 --> 01:35:36,796
I should have kept an eye
on him more, you know?
1942
01:36:01,587 --> 01:36:05,324
He came by less and less.
1943
01:36:05,358 --> 01:36:08,795
And we would see him
once a month, if we were lucky.
1944
01:36:11,330 --> 01:36:13,499
You know,
he said some shit to me
1945
01:36:13,533 --> 01:36:15,702
that was really...
Fucking pissed me off.
1946
01:36:15,735 --> 01:36:17,603
Um...
1947
01:36:18,604 --> 01:36:19,639
You know, fuck it.
1948
01:36:19,672 --> 01:36:23,476
You know, Tony said
I would never be a good dad.
1949
01:36:30,717 --> 01:36:32,618
That fucking hurt.
1950
01:36:36,957 --> 01:36:41,594
And I know he wasn't
trying to be mean, but...
1951
01:36:44,031 --> 01:36:45,966
- Was he projecting?
- Yeah.
1952
01:36:45,999 --> 01:36:48,735
Of course he was projecting.
1953
01:36:48,768 --> 01:36:53,406
He did everything
he could to be the... a dad.
1954
01:36:55,641 --> 01:36:58,011
I think it broke his heart
that he couldn't be
1955
01:36:58,045 --> 01:36:59,579
the fucking dad
he thought he could be,
1956
01:36:59,612 --> 01:37:02,448
the romantic version of a dad.
1957
01:37:04,517 --> 01:37:06,619
He was such a romantic
about life,
1958
01:37:06,652 --> 01:37:11,290
about anything, about families,
about life as a whole.
1959
01:37:12,525 --> 01:37:16,329
Life was a romantic idea,
and reality was never gonna
1960
01:37:16,362 --> 01:37:18,865
live up to exactly
how he pictured it.
1961
01:37:21,334 --> 01:37:22,502
He was always gonna sort of
1962
01:37:22,535 --> 01:37:23,855
set himself up
for disappointment.
1963
01:37:33,679 --> 01:37:35,448
Wow.
1964
01:37:35,481 --> 01:37:37,050
There's a sense of, um,
1965
01:37:37,084 --> 01:37:41,354
vastness that I'm not used to.
1966
01:37:41,387 --> 01:37:43,790
Does this remind you
of your cowboy movies?
1967
01:37:43,823 --> 01:37:46,359
- Uh, a little bit.
- Yeah.
1968
01:37:46,392 --> 01:37:47,669
Yes, the lone gunman
out for vengeance
1969
01:37:47,693 --> 01:37:49,963
would be riding
in a long shot over there.
1970
01:37:51,597 --> 01:37:53,066
At that point, I think
1971
01:37:53,100 --> 01:37:56,569
he thought his relationship
with Asia
1972
01:37:56,602 --> 01:37:58,771
could provide him
with an answer.
1973
01:37:58,805 --> 01:38:01,407
- But anyway...
- You're right, you're right.
1974
01:38:01,440 --> 01:38:02,943
You know? His love for her
1975
01:38:02,976 --> 01:38:06,079
was completely pure and safe
1976
01:38:06,113 --> 01:38:08,748
and helpful and supportive.
1977
01:38:08,781 --> 01:38:12,318
Which is essentially what
he was looking for from her.
1978
01:38:13,452 --> 01:38:16,856
And I think
that Tony concluded that
1979
01:38:16,889 --> 01:38:19,692
the way to earn her trust
1980
01:38:19,725 --> 01:38:23,830
was just to go in
with his whole heart.
1981
01:38:23,863 --> 01:38:25,832
Please welcome Anthony bourdain!
1982
01:38:30,870 --> 01:38:33,974
One of the more painful and-and.
1983
01:38:34,007 --> 01:38:35,976
I-I would think
interesting journeys
1984
01:38:36,009 --> 01:38:38,411
you've taken on your life
happened just very recently
1985
01:38:38,444 --> 01:38:39,879
with regards to
the me too movement.
1986
01:38:39,912 --> 01:38:42,715
I started speaking about it
out of a sense of real rage.
1987
01:38:42,748 --> 01:38:46,652
I mean, I'd like to say
that I'm... I-I arrived at...
1988
01:38:46,686 --> 01:38:49,056
I was always enlightened
in some way
1989
01:38:49,089 --> 01:38:52,025
or that I am an activist
or virtuous.
1990
01:38:52,059 --> 01:38:54,995
But, in fact, uh, you know,
I have to be honest with myself.
1991
01:38:55,028 --> 01:38:57,630
I met one extraordinary woman
1992
01:38:57,663 --> 01:39:00,867
with an extraordinary
and painful story.
1993
01:39:00,900 --> 01:39:02,169
Uh, suddenly it was personal.
1994
01:39:02,202 --> 01:39:03,836
I think it surprised
a lot of people.
1995
01:39:03,870 --> 01:39:06,173
He had never really
wanted to stick himself
1996
01:39:06,206 --> 01:39:09,508
out there for a cause.
1997
01:39:09,542 --> 01:39:12,478
But Tony was like,
"I'm going to make a stand."
1998
01:39:14,914 --> 01:39:17,017
A nuclear bomb is gonna fall
1999
01:39:17,050 --> 01:39:18,818
on one of my worst enemies.
2000
01:39:18,851 --> 01:39:21,654
Everybody's been defending him,
2001
01:39:21,687 --> 01:39:23,756
but now he's going fucking down.
2002
01:39:23,789 --> 01:39:26,626
He's going down
big-fucking-time.
2003
01:39:27,727 --> 01:39:32,765
In 1997, I was raped
by Harvey weinstein
2004
01:39:32,798 --> 01:39:34,567
here at cannes.
2005
01:39:34,600 --> 01:39:37,904
And even tonight,
sitting among you,
2006
01:39:37,938 --> 01:39:41,674
there are those who still
have to be held accountable
2007
01:39:41,707 --> 01:39:44,577
for their conduct against women.
2008
01:39:45,778 --> 01:39:48,181
Argento later posting this photo
2009
01:39:48,215 --> 01:39:49,691
on Instagram
with her fist in the air,
2010
01:39:49,715 --> 01:39:51,550
the caption in French
translated,
2011
01:39:51,584 --> 01:39:53,653
"the battle of women continues."
2012
01:39:57,790 --> 01:39:59,926
Asia had just come from cannes.
2013
01:39:59,960 --> 01:40:02,795
And then we're in
the uffizi gallery
2014
01:40:02,828 --> 01:40:04,797
looking at
the beheading of holofernes,
2015
01:40:04,830 --> 01:40:06,565
which is literally
2016
01:40:06,599 --> 01:40:08,201
the beheading of her rapist,
2017
01:40:08,235 --> 01:40:12,105
and it's happening the day
that weinstein gets arrested.
2018
01:40:12,139 --> 01:40:13,873
Weinstein has repeatedly
2019
01:40:13,906 --> 01:40:15,875
denied all allegations.
2020
01:40:18,211 --> 01:40:19,779
It was extraordinary.
2021
01:40:41,801 --> 01:40:47,007
Everybody takes medusa
as the symbol of the evil woman
2022
01:40:47,040 --> 01:40:49,977
with snakes in her head,
but, uh,
2023
01:40:50,010 --> 01:40:52,545
she was, uh, a rape victim.
2024
01:40:52,578 --> 01:40:54,948
And she had to protect herself.
2025
01:40:54,982 --> 01:40:57,985
You know, powerful,
inconvenient women who
2026
01:40:58,018 --> 01:41:02,222
piss people off are inevitably
caricatured as medusa.
2027
01:41:02,255 --> 01:41:03,991
Yeah.
2028
01:41:04,024 --> 01:41:05,591
I'm-I'm next.
2029
01:41:05,624 --> 01:41:06,859
I wasn't gonna say it.
2030
01:41:06,892 --> 01:41:09,862
- It's only a matter of time.
- Hmm.
2031
01:41:10,830 --> 01:41:12,631
It's incredible.
2032
01:41:12,665 --> 01:41:14,234
Me too!
2033
01:41:14,267 --> 01:41:15,969
Our stories are true!
2034
01:41:16,003 --> 01:41:17,204
We say me too!
2035
01:41:17,237 --> 01:41:19,006
I mean, at first it was, like,
2036
01:41:19,039 --> 01:41:20,606
very noble of him, you know?
2037
01:41:20,639 --> 01:41:22,742
And it was a good cause.
2038
01:41:22,775 --> 01:41:24,710
But then he became...
2039
01:41:24,744 --> 01:41:26,679
Yeah, he became
obsessed with it.
2040
01:41:26,712 --> 01:41:29,648
You're talking about it in
a way that many people wouldn't.
2041
01:41:29,682 --> 01:41:31,684
To the point where
2042
01:41:31,717 --> 01:41:33,619
if a friend said something
2043
01:41:33,652 --> 01:41:37,290
five years ago
that would maybe...
2044
01:41:37,324 --> 01:41:39,625
Might be offensive
to the me too cause,
2045
01:41:39,658 --> 01:41:43,163
he would just, like,
cut them out of his life.
2046
01:41:43,196 --> 01:41:45,798
I'm pretty much
ming the merciless
2047
01:41:45,831 --> 01:41:47,600
- on this issue right now.
- Right.
2048
01:41:47,633 --> 01:41:49,635
Friends and creative partners...
2049
01:41:49,668 --> 01:41:51,637
He threw them
under the bus without
2050
01:41:51,670 --> 01:41:54,740
any sort of consultation
or anything.
2051
01:41:54,774 --> 01:41:56,309
I mean, there was
not much nuance
2052
01:41:56,343 --> 01:41:58,711
when it got to that point
of his life.
2053
01:42:00,679 --> 01:42:02,983
What I saw was him turn
2054
01:42:03,016 --> 01:42:06,186
what was a lifelong
addictive personality
2055
01:42:06,219 --> 01:42:07,686
to another person.
2056
01:42:07,720 --> 01:42:11,058
And that was
extremely dangerous.
2057
01:42:15,928 --> 01:42:18,731
He was acting like a kid
who didn't understand
2058
01:42:18,764 --> 01:42:20,800
that you're gonna
drive someone away
2059
01:42:20,833 --> 01:42:22,936
if you just pile on
and pile on and pile on.
2060
01:42:22,969 --> 01:42:24,713
- Yes. But-but what I...
- Really, the top ten
2061
01:42:24,737 --> 01:42:27,941
hottest things you've ever done
is park in Rome.
2062
01:42:27,974 --> 01:42:32,345
What, like... she was like,
"you could park here now,
2063
01:42:32,379 --> 01:42:34,123
- "but in an hour you can't park here."
- Yeah.
2064
01:42:34,147 --> 01:42:35,714
"We can get away with this now."
2065
01:42:35,748 --> 01:42:37,393
I thought, "this is
the fucking coolest thing."
2066
01:42:37,417 --> 01:42:39,618
He won't stop
fucking talking about
2067
01:42:39,652 --> 01:42:41,787
her ability to park.
2068
01:42:41,821 --> 01:42:43,232
It's like,
"you're such a good Parker.
2069
01:42:43,256 --> 01:42:44,333
"Y-You park so well.
You park so well.
2070
01:42:44,357 --> 01:42:45,925
You parallel park so well."
2071
01:42:45,959 --> 01:42:47,403
And she's like,
"dude, I don't want to be known
2072
01:42:47,427 --> 01:42:48,928
for my parking skills."
2073
01:42:48,962 --> 01:42:51,331
Like, you can see her
pulling back,
2074
01:42:51,364 --> 01:42:53,300
and he just won't stop.
2075
01:42:58,138 --> 01:42:59,839
We're having so much fun.
2076
01:43:00,873 --> 01:43:01,841
Done.
2077
01:43:01,874 --> 01:43:03,376
And it was genius, bro.
2078
01:43:03,410 --> 01:43:05,845
I'm telling you,
see you at the oscars, yo.
2079
01:43:05,878 --> 01:43:07,981
Saying goodbye to him
2080
01:43:08,014 --> 01:43:11,851
is the happiest I felt like
I had ever seen him.
2081
01:43:11,884 --> 01:43:13,253
Huge hugs.
2082
01:43:13,286 --> 01:43:14,753
He was like, "I love you."
2083
01:43:14,787 --> 01:43:16,822
"I love working with you.
We got years ahead of us.
2084
01:43:16,856 --> 01:43:19,226
I'm looking forward to it."
2085
01:43:31,737 --> 01:43:33,440
You don't want his legacy
2086
01:43:33,473 --> 01:43:36,675
to come off as, like,
somebody who...
2087
01:43:36,709 --> 01:43:40,213
Succumbed to, like, this...
2088
01:43:43,416 --> 01:43:45,684
darkness.
2089
01:43:47,187 --> 01:43:48,888
That wasn't him.
2090
01:43:48,921 --> 01:43:52,058
Like, he created something
that was so important.
2091
01:43:52,092 --> 01:43:55,962
And I want... that really
needs to be, like...
2092
01:43:56,963 --> 01:44:00,000
That is the legacy of his life.
2093
01:44:00,033 --> 01:44:05,138
Not this stupid bullshit act
that he did at the end.
2094
01:44:09,476 --> 01:44:12,811
How do we come to terms with...
2095
01:44:14,114 --> 01:44:15,048
what happened?
2096
01:44:15,081 --> 01:44:18,251
Hmm. That's something
I don't speak about.
2097
01:44:24,991 --> 01:44:27,194
What happened in France.
2098
01:44:27,227 --> 01:44:29,262
Um, where to start?
2099
01:44:29,296 --> 01:44:33,400
The kind of scenes that we had
and what kind of shoot it was...
2100
01:44:33,433 --> 01:44:35,834
You know, it was, like,
Tony and Eric.
2101
01:44:35,868 --> 01:44:37,304
Lighthearted, funny.
2102
01:44:37,337 --> 01:44:38,972
Um...
2103
01:44:39,005 --> 01:44:41,274
Wow. Wow.
2104
01:44:41,308 --> 01:44:44,044
- Listen, man. Listen.
- And you mocked me.
2105
01:44:44,077 --> 01:44:46,346
We're probably
like four days in.
2106
01:44:46,379 --> 01:44:50,083
Tony arrives, and he is just...
2107
01:44:50,116 --> 01:44:52,851
Palpably sort of like
just angry.
2108
01:44:53,486 --> 01:44:55,121
And...
2109
01:44:55,155 --> 01:44:58,091
The scene sort of...
It takes a dark turn.
2110
01:44:58,124 --> 01:45:00,293
Uh, they're talking about dying,
2111
01:45:00,327 --> 01:45:02,996
choking on a hot dog
or something like that.
2112
01:45:03,029 --> 01:45:06,266
He kind of looks back at me,
2113
01:45:06,299 --> 01:45:08,068
and we kind of make eye contact.
2114
01:45:08,101 --> 01:45:12,239
In-in my memory now,
it's very desperate.
2115
01:45:17,310 --> 01:45:18,877
I called Helen,
2116
01:45:18,911 --> 01:45:20,380
and this tabloid shit's come out
2117
01:45:20,413 --> 01:45:23,749
about Asia
and this other person.
2118
01:45:26,486 --> 01:45:28,854
Tony goes over
to this balcony again,
2119
01:45:28,887 --> 01:45:30,856
looking over this valley,
and he's, like, smoking,
2120
01:45:30,889 --> 01:45:33,426
and he's kind of alone.
2121
01:45:33,460 --> 01:45:36,296
I go out there, and I'm like,
2122
01:45:36,329 --> 01:45:38,465
"hey, man, how are you doing?
2123
01:45:38,498 --> 01:45:40,543
"You know, is this just, like...
Are these just tabloid people,
2124
01:45:40,567 --> 01:45:42,002
"like, fucking with you guys?
2125
01:45:42,035 --> 01:45:43,079
Like how, you know...
What's happening?"
2126
01:45:43,103 --> 01:45:44,223
And then, like, he pauses...
2127
01:45:46,006 --> 01:45:50,210
and he just says,
"a little fucking discretion."
2128
01:45:50,243 --> 01:45:53,413
Right? And I was like,
"hey, man, I'm just..."
2129
01:45:53,446 --> 01:45:55,881
He's like, "no, man, not you."
2130
01:45:55,914 --> 01:45:57,916
It's like, "I don't want
to have to fucking deal
2131
01:45:57,951 --> 01:45:59,452
with this... these fucking..."
2132
01:45:59,486 --> 01:46:02,355
You know,
he's talking about Asia.
2133
01:46:05,125 --> 01:46:07,093
He didn't even look at me.
2134
01:46:07,127 --> 01:46:09,462
You know, he's just kind of,
like, just, you know, smoking
2135
01:46:09,496 --> 01:46:13,033
and just sort of looking out
and just like, "fuck."
2136
01:46:13,933 --> 01:46:18,338
I wish I had said more
to him in that moment.
2137
01:46:19,939 --> 01:46:22,175
You know,
Tony hasn't been all right
2138
01:46:22,208 --> 01:46:23,909
for a long time.
2139
01:46:23,943 --> 01:46:28,014
The amount that he joked about
the end of his life and...
2140
01:46:28,048 --> 01:46:30,016
He's been chasing
that shit forever.
2141
01:46:30,050 --> 01:46:32,185
Potato chips are stale.
2142
01:46:32,218 --> 01:46:36,189
So depressed right now,
I feel like killing myself.
2143
01:46:36,222 --> 01:46:37,856
He's a fucking runner.
2144
01:46:37,890 --> 01:46:39,326
I mean, he ran for a long time,
2145
01:46:39,359 --> 01:46:43,530
but you're not gonna
outsmart pain.
2146
01:46:43,563 --> 01:46:44,964
I'm pretty sure that pole
2147
01:46:44,998 --> 01:46:46,499
will support my body weight.
2148
01:46:46,533 --> 01:46:50,203
- What?
- If I fucking hang myself.
2149
01:46:52,605 --> 01:46:54,307
I think it pops into
2150
01:46:54,341 --> 01:46:56,875
a lot of people's heads,
and it's just like,
2151
01:46:56,909 --> 01:46:59,878
since he knew how to do it...
2152
01:46:59,912 --> 01:47:01,614
I mean, I don't know.
2153
01:47:01,648 --> 01:47:03,950
He's a storyteller
for one thing.
2154
01:47:03,983 --> 01:47:07,287
How does a storyteller check out
without leaving a note?
2155
01:47:08,921 --> 01:47:10,957
But I think, in some regard,
2156
01:47:10,990 --> 01:47:15,061
he was gonna write his end,
which is what he did.
2157
01:47:15,095 --> 01:47:17,230
If you look at
his last Instagram story,
2158
01:47:17,263 --> 01:47:21,634
he played the title sequence
music from this '70s film
2159
01:47:21,668 --> 01:47:23,636
violent city.
2160
01:47:23,670 --> 01:47:24,971
And if you've seen the film,
2161
01:47:25,004 --> 01:47:26,373
you know that the beginning is
2162
01:47:26,406 --> 01:47:30,944
a series of paparazzi photos
of this couple.
2163
01:47:30,977 --> 01:47:32,645
I mean, it's a revenge film.
2164
01:47:32,679 --> 01:47:36,649
It's about this woman
who betrays him
2165
01:47:36,683 --> 01:47:38,485
and him seeking revenge.
2166
01:47:53,967 --> 01:47:57,003
I mean, it's-it's all there.
2167
01:47:59,439 --> 01:48:01,141
I'm very cautious
2168
01:48:01,174 --> 01:48:03,219
to be like, uh, blame the woman
for, like, you know...
2169
01:48:03,243 --> 01:48:05,678
Or blame the lover
or blame the husband.
2170
01:48:05,712 --> 01:48:09,182
You know, Tony killed himself.
2171
01:48:09,215 --> 01:48:11,184
Tony did it.
2172
01:48:17,290 --> 01:48:19,259
My brother committed suicide.
2173
01:48:19,292 --> 01:48:21,294
I think if somebody else
had been in his room,
2174
01:48:21,327 --> 01:48:23,129
it might've been a murder
and not a suicide.
2175
01:48:23,163 --> 01:48:24,998
I think he was just
in an explosive anger
2176
01:48:25,031 --> 01:48:27,367
and-and this was
the only way out.
2177
01:48:29,102 --> 01:48:32,405
When you choose
to hang yourself,
2178
01:48:32,439 --> 01:48:33,673
it's a torture.
2179
01:48:33,706 --> 01:48:37,143
Self-imposed torture.
2180
01:48:38,711 --> 01:48:40,346
If he was fucking drunk,
2181
01:48:40,380 --> 01:48:42,248
it'd be a lot easier
to understand.
2182
01:48:42,282 --> 01:48:47,187
The toxicology report was
he's clean and sober.
2183
01:48:47,220 --> 01:48:50,056
I think it was a clear decision.
2184
01:48:52,091 --> 01:48:53,593
It was a momentary lapse,
2185
01:48:53,626 --> 01:48:56,396
and I don't think
he weighed the pros and cons.
2186
01:48:58,097 --> 01:49:01,067
If he had just made it through
that night, you know?
2187
01:49:03,203 --> 01:49:05,205
We're trying
so hard to understand,
2188
01:49:05,238 --> 01:49:07,207
because we think
if we can understand it,
2189
01:49:07,240 --> 01:49:08,741
then we'll be okay with it.
2190
01:49:08,775 --> 01:49:11,711
And the fact
of the matter is, no,
2191
01:49:11,744 --> 01:49:13,713
I don't think we get to know.
2192
01:49:13,746 --> 01:49:15,615
We don't get to know.
2193
01:49:15,648 --> 01:49:17,584
That's tough.
2194
01:49:24,424 --> 01:49:26,626
Well, I don't know where he is
2195
01:49:26,659 --> 01:49:28,595
right now, but...
2196
01:49:28,628 --> 01:49:30,463
He let me down.
2197
01:49:30,497 --> 01:49:32,465
He...
2198
01:49:36,169 --> 01:49:38,404
I don't think
he was cruel, you know?
2199
01:49:38,438 --> 01:49:41,341
And there's, like,
a cruelty to that.
2200
01:49:44,110 --> 01:49:46,813
What the hell is everyone
supposed to do?
2201
01:50:15,475 --> 01:50:18,111
It's been over two years
2202
01:50:18,144 --> 01:50:20,547
since he took his own life,
2203
01:50:20,580 --> 01:50:23,683
and I still experience
a range of emotions.
2204
01:50:23,716 --> 01:50:25,552
Um...
2205
01:50:28,755 --> 01:50:30,557
God.
2206
01:50:37,497 --> 01:50:39,098
It's like...
2207
01:50:39,132 --> 01:50:40,809
I haven't fucking cut my hair
since he died.
2208
01:50:40,833 --> 01:50:44,437
Like, i-i...
2209
01:50:44,470 --> 01:50:46,272
I just miss him.
2210
01:50:47,206 --> 01:50:50,710
I miss a friend, a dear friend.
2211
01:50:50,743 --> 01:50:57,083
I think about a lot of
happy moments we had together.
2212
01:51:00,620 --> 01:51:02,855
Mostly, yeah.
2213
01:51:06,326 --> 01:51:10,430
I was in Vietnam
on a beautiful day.
2214
01:51:10,463 --> 01:51:14,734
I looked at my phone,
and there was the news.
2215
01:51:14,767 --> 01:51:18,471
And, uh, that's when I decided
to move to Vietnam for good.
2216
01:51:19,439 --> 01:51:22,308
That was the...
It was not even a thought.
2217
01:51:22,342 --> 01:51:26,346
It was the door opened
and I had to go through it
2218
01:51:26,379 --> 01:51:30,650
and start doing something new.
2219
01:51:32,251 --> 01:51:34,520
I was listening to this record
2220
01:51:34,554 --> 01:51:36,723
that brought me to tears
thinking of him.
2221
01:51:36,756 --> 01:51:39,525
And, um, both my kids
2222
01:51:39,559 --> 01:51:41,894
sort of embraced me.
2223
01:51:41,928 --> 01:51:45,131
My son, he's like,
"how did Tony die?"
2224
01:51:47,266 --> 01:51:49,636
And I was like,
"uh, I... we don't know."
2225
01:51:49,669 --> 01:51:51,671
Right?
2226
01:51:51,704 --> 01:51:55,408
About 20 seconds pass, and
he looked at me and he's like,
2227
01:51:55,441 --> 01:51:57,477
"I really would like to know
how Tony died."
2228
01:51:57,510 --> 01:52:01,648
I have this like hour-long
conversation about
2229
01:52:01,681 --> 01:52:04,217
Tony to my fucking
seven-year-old kid.
2230
01:52:04,250 --> 01:52:08,287
And I said,
"I think Tony, at the end,
2231
01:52:08,321 --> 01:52:13,192
"felt alone and felt
he couldn't talk to anybody
2232
01:52:13,226 --> 01:52:16,396
about the pain that was
going on inside of him."
2233
01:52:16,429 --> 01:52:20,700
And I said, "you know
you always have someone
2234
01:52:20,733 --> 01:52:23,803
to turn to and talk to."
2235
01:52:23,836 --> 01:52:26,406
That's the lesson in it for me.
2236
01:52:30,476 --> 01:52:33,279
It's plenty
to just say I'm hurt.
2237
01:52:33,981 --> 01:52:36,582
I haven't worked
for two years now.
2238
01:52:36,616 --> 01:52:41,521
Really close to the end,
we talked, and I said,
2239
01:52:41,554 --> 01:52:44,290
"got to take our girls
and lighten the load
2240
01:52:44,323 --> 01:52:46,559
"and show them the world,
show them who we are,
2241
01:52:46,592 --> 01:52:48,394
not just when
you come home, but..."
2242
01:52:48,428 --> 01:52:51,597
And-and we were both excited
about this prospect.
2243
01:52:57,938 --> 01:52:59,706
Fuck.
2244
01:52:59,739 --> 01:53:01,774
One, two, three.
2245
01:53:04,477 --> 01:53:06,446
When I get angry
is when I think about
2246
01:53:06,479 --> 01:53:10,650
leaving behind a brilliant...
2247
01:53:10,683 --> 01:53:12,819
Daughter.
2248
01:53:14,487 --> 01:53:15,822
You know.
2249
01:53:17,356 --> 01:53:20,961
He would have loved to be
around now, to see her now.
2250
01:53:20,994 --> 01:53:22,729
He'd be so proud of her.
2251
01:53:29,970 --> 01:53:31,871
I'm so lucky
2252
01:53:31,904 --> 01:53:36,609
'cause she's the best daughter
I-I could hope for.
2253
01:53:36,642 --> 01:53:39,980
And I will always be grateful
that, you know,
2254
01:53:40,013 --> 01:53:42,782
Tony gave her to me, you know?
2255
01:53:47,520 --> 01:53:49,555
I mean, I think this is
2256
01:53:49,589 --> 01:53:52,492
the last time I'll ever
talk publicly about it,
2257
01:53:52,525 --> 01:53:55,996
because I... that's not the way
I want to remember him.
2258
01:53:56,029 --> 01:53:57,830
I want to remember him
2259
01:53:57,864 --> 01:54:01,501
when we were together, all the
amazing things that we'd done
2260
01:54:01,534 --> 01:54:04,270
and the amazing person
that he was.
2261
01:54:08,908 --> 01:54:11,511
After Tony died,
2262
01:54:11,544 --> 01:54:15,414
the restaurant, les halles,
it just became this shrine.
2263
01:54:16,682 --> 01:54:20,988
We didn't realize he meant
so much to so many people.
2264
01:54:21,955 --> 01:54:24,824
"You inspired me
to get out of my comfort zone
2265
01:54:24,857 --> 01:54:28,361
and fearlessly immerse myself
in the richness of life."
2266
01:54:29,529 --> 01:54:30,806
"Advocate for
the working classes,
2267
01:54:30,830 --> 01:54:32,032
"the immigrants, the poor.
2268
01:54:32,065 --> 01:54:34,300
This world didn't deserve you."
2269
01:54:38,038 --> 01:54:39,705
And then a few people
left poems.
2270
01:54:39,739 --> 01:54:42,842
"One said," everyone forgets
that icarus also flew.
2271
01:54:42,875 --> 01:54:46,579
"I believe icarus
was not failing as he fell
2272
01:54:46,612 --> 01:54:49,682
but just coming to the end
of his triumph."
2273
01:55:10,636 --> 01:55:12,705
You know, I was
an angry young man.
2274
01:55:12,738 --> 01:55:14,407
I-I, uh...
2275
01:55:15,608 --> 01:55:18,979
I forget what I was angry about,
especially looking at this.
2276
01:55:19,012 --> 01:55:20,847
What the hell
was I so angry about?
2277
01:55:20,880 --> 01:55:23,382
This was, you know...
2278
01:55:24,985 --> 01:55:26,752
paradise.
2279
01:55:42,602 --> 01:55:44,370
Sorry.
2280
01:55:45,571 --> 01:55:47,740
Can I say something?
2281
01:55:47,773 --> 01:55:49,609
To have him
walking down a beach,
2282
01:55:49,642 --> 01:55:51,144
it resonates, it's sweet.
2283
01:55:51,178 --> 01:55:53,713
And I go, you know,
as-as I was upstairs
2284
01:55:53,746 --> 01:55:56,449
using the restroom,
I was like...
2285
01:55:56,482 --> 01:55:57,884
"He would fucking hate that."
2286
01:56:03,823 --> 01:56:07,927
Going out in a Blaze of glory
was so fucking lame.
2287
01:56:08,996 --> 01:56:12,665
But we live in this society
where every great artist
2288
01:56:12,698 --> 01:56:15,168
who kills themselves
is on murals
2289
01:56:15,202 --> 01:56:17,170
and they're talked about
like gods.
2290
01:56:17,204 --> 01:56:18,771
- Tony's on murals.
- Yeah. That's...
2291
01:56:18,804 --> 01:56:20,806
Around town,
there are a couple of them.
2292
01:56:20,840 --> 01:56:22,642
I should go deface them.
2293
01:56:22,675 --> 01:56:24,543
He would love it if I did that.
2294
01:56:24,577 --> 01:56:28,547
♪ I got
your written invitation ♪
2295
01:56:28,581 --> 01:56:31,118
♪ a beautiful stick in the eye ♪
2296
01:56:31,151 --> 01:56:33,020
♪ I get the message ♪
2297
01:56:33,053 --> 01:56:34,520
♪ you been sending ♪
2298
01:56:34,553 --> 01:56:37,657
♪ ain't no good in goodbye ♪
2299
01:56:37,690 --> 01:56:40,459
♪ throw everything away ♪
2300
01:56:41,594 --> 01:56:43,596
♪ anything can be replaced ♪
2301
01:56:43,629 --> 01:56:47,900
♪ black and blue
is the best I can do... ♪
2302
01:56:50,736 --> 01:56:52,205
Ooh.
2303
01:56:52,239 --> 01:56:53,941
Yeah.
2304
01:56:56,143 --> 01:56:57,810
♪ Want to? ♪
2305
01:56:58,711 --> 01:57:01,480
♪ Oh, what a pain in the asp ♪
2306
01:57:01,514 --> 01:57:05,618
♪ endless love and devotion ♪
2307
01:57:05,651 --> 01:57:07,820
♪ Indian gifts of the past ♪
2308
01:57:07,853 --> 01:57:10,656
♪ just another drop
on the ocean ♪
2309
01:57:10,690 --> 01:57:13,994
♪ empty space, empty heart ♪
2310
01:57:14,027 --> 01:57:17,164
♪ where the love ♪
2311
01:57:17,197 --> 01:57:20,167
♪ is not anymore ♪
2312
01:57:20,200 --> 01:57:23,136
♪ so ♪
2313
01:58:16,056 --> 01:58:17,257
♪ Living in limbo ♪
2314
01:58:17,290 --> 01:58:18,924
♪ kisses akimbo ♪
2315
01:58:18,959 --> 01:58:23,030
♪ every single bridge
is on fire ♪
2316
01:58:23,063 --> 01:58:24,164
♪ hold me together? ♪
2317
01:58:24,197 --> 01:58:25,698
♪ No way, never ♪
2318
01:58:25,731 --> 01:58:28,567
♪ due date done expired ♪
2319
01:58:28,601 --> 01:58:32,272
♪ second chances are a waste ♪
2320
01:58:32,305 --> 01:58:35,308
♪ I'm gonna bend until I break ♪
2321
01:58:35,342 --> 01:58:38,911
♪ black and blue
is the best I can do ♪
2322
01:58:41,348 --> 01:58:45,218
♪ yeah, black and blue
and broken in two ♪
2323
01:58:45,252 --> 01:58:46,786
♪ whoa, whoa ♪
2324
01:58:46,819 --> 01:58:48,788
♪ want to? ♪