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Downloaded from
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- [Eric] Trying to understand
what mindfulness is.

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It doesn't help with
the term, first of all.

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Official YIFY movies site:
YTS.MX

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- [Manijeh] Usually, I don't
even use the word mindfulness,

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it's not necessary.

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Terminology reduces it.

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- [Eric] But if we go to the root word,

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it really means to remember.

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To stay mindful of something

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is to remember to stay in contact

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or being aware of something.

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(energetic music)

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I remember my brother had an
old GTO that he was rebuilding

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and it had these big, powerful oil brakes

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and he had been changing the brake fluid.

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I took it for a drive,

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he said, "Just be really mindful,

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you're gonna need a lot more time to break

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because there's not
something wrong with it.

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So pushing down of the brake
took a lot more force."

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So as I'm driving along,

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I have to be really aware of
cars and people on streets,

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street signs, stop lights.

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So what am I really doing?

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I'm holding one thing,

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I need to remember not to
forget to brake in enough time

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while managing all this other stuff.

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So mindfulness as a
meditation practice is,

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oh, your attention is
something that is absorbed

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in everything that you're doing

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if you're "paying attention."

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But you're not paying attention

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to how you're paying attention,

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you're not paying attention to your body,

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and you're not paying attention
to the thoughts that you're having,

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that really are running at high speed,

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because you haven't trained
yourself to do that.

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So mindfulness is asking you

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to remember to pay attention to yourself

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in the moments of your life
as you're doing things,

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as you're talking to people,

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as you're making a sandwich,
as you're driving your car.

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Can you be aware of this
beautiful, extraordinary,

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mysterious body and mind
as you're doing things?

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Now to do that, we have to
train informal practices

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to cultivate a part of the mind

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that could observe everything
else that's going on,

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and remember to do it.

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And that's why it's called mindfulness.

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- I grew up in a very religious home.

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We were Southern Baptist.

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And I think it's kind of funny

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because I grew up in Seattle,

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which is pretty much as
North as you can get.

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And my family found the one
Southern Baptist Church.

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But I loved it.

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I loved the ritual and the ceremony.

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I loved the feeling of connectedness

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that I experienced when I
was there, but I'm queer.

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And so when I was 14 or so

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and started to become very aware

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of the fact that I was gay,

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I knew both intuitively and also blatantly

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based off of some of the
teachings that I was hearing

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in my youth group and things like,

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that the God of my
understanding at that time

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did not have a place for me in his home.

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Thankfully, I had a fierce mother

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and a very loving family unit

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that supported me
unconditionally, and I just left.

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And it was oddly enough,
easy for me to cut ties.

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But I will say that

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there was always a space left open,

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almost like an energetic
hole that was created

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when I left that.

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- My childhood and my early
adulthood were very difficult,

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filled with adversity.

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When I was born,

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I was born with a bilateral,
it's called club feet.

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And it's a congenital foot condition

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where your feet are deformed.

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My mom saw that my feet were misshaped.

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And she told the doctor

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and the doctor's like,
"He's going to be fine."

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And at six months or whatever age it was

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for me to start wearing shoes,

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shoes weren't fitting me properly,

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and they just kept falling off of my feet.

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So my mom took me into the
doctor and they're like,

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"Well, let's correct his feet."

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And that's when I had my first
surgery at like six months.

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My earliest memories is of
these casts I had to wear,

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'cause after the surgery,

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then they cast your feet
so that they mold and form

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when they heal properly.

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The day before,

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I would have to go in
and get my foot wrapped,

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the doctor would want the
cast removed off of me

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to just let the incision breathe out,

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heal, get some air.

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So my mom told me that

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she used to have to soak me
in a tub for hours and hours

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to get the dressing off of the cast.

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And I'm just six months old,

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not knowing what's going on, crying.

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Think of how traumatic this is,

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like this is my mom, your caregiver,

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who's doing this to you.

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And yes, her intentions are well

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and to help me,

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but I didn't know that at the time.

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I had no friends.

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Another layer was that
also my home environment

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was also very stressful.

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So that was like another layer on top of

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not only dealing with that,

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but then to a certain extent,

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suffering certain verbal and
physical abuse within the home.

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So whenever I would swear,

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or sometimes when I did something
that my mom didn't like,

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I would get held down

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and I would get my mouth
washed out with soap.

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And as a small kid, having
your parent, your guardian,

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your protector physically hold you down

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and shove something into
your mouth is very traumatic.

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I guess, I started to cope through food.

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It was the only way I knew how.

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I didn't have any coping
skills at the time.

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And eventually, I grew up as a fat kid.

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And then once I did start going to school,

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then I started to get bullied
because of the way I walked.

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And then I had to wear special
shoes because of my feet.

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I also had large male breasts.

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It's a certain medical
condition called gynaecomastia.

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So the trauma just continued
outside of the home.

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For me, there was so much fear

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that I would just hold
my head down and just,

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I was crying on the inside,

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but I wouldn't show it to the bullies,

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but on the inside I was crying,

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but I didn't wanna show that.

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And I would just put my head down

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and walk fast past them.

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I would just come home
and just shove my face

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and just completely numb myself.

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I would eat to the point
of just getting sleepy.

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And then I would just play video games,

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and it's still is tough.

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I'm very cautious around groups of people,

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because I don't know

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or I have this history of
childhood experience of trauma

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of people bullying me, picking on me.

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So I have this view that
the world's a scary place.

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And that's like my natural orientation.

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Mindfulness has really helped me

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overcome many of those issues.

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I wouldn't say cure myself,

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because they're still there,

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as far as some of the
symptoms I experience,

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but I would say that mindfulness
has helped me more healed

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from the past trauma.

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- I had a really interesting introduction,

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and it actually says a lot about

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what the viewer or the
practitioner might consider

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when thinking about,

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this is such a great practice,

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I want to share it with other people.

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So some of the people in my mom's sphere

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were really extraordinary people,

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in that whenever they talked
to me or I'd visit them,

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I felt like I was the most
important person in the world.

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They're focused on me and their
interest in me was palpable.

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And because my mom was
struggling with trauma,

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my father was busy working,

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and my brother was eight
years older than me,

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so he really was more
like a cousin in some ways

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because he was off to the races early.

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Having that kind of attention

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from somebody was really
profoundly nurturing.

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And later on, I found out
these were meditation teachers,

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and they never told me they
were meditation teachers.

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They never said,
"Brian, you should really read this book,

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or you should try this
meditation practice."

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They never said anything.

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What they did was they embodied curiosity,

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they embodied radical compassion,

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they embodied kindness and gentleness,

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all human beings crave that.

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So I was craving it.

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And when I found out who they were,

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it was right about when
I was 25 years old,

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I had gone through my own
dating odysseys and dramas,

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and I found this amazing
girl I was dating.

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And I told her that all
these family friends

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were meditation teachers,

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that have I been wanting to
do meditation for a long time

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but I didn't know how to start.

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And she said, "Well,
you have to do it now,

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this is your time."

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And so I began formal
practice right around,

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just before I turned 26,

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that was 27 years ago.

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- I met a man who taught
mindfulness, who was a teacher,

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but I didn't know he was
a teacher when I met him.

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So we were dating and he
was teaching meditation.

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So just to be with him,

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I would go sit in the meditation classes,

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and I loved what he had to say,

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but the meditation was so hard, oh my God.

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I tell my students so they know
that if it's hard for them,

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yes, it was so difficult,

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that the entire time, whatever
time we sat to meditate,

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I was thinking never
able to feel my breath.

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Maybe in an hour, I was
feeling my breath one time.

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- The pain is actually what
brought me to mindfulness.

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I was going to therapy at
Kaiser, and therapy was helping.

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It was bringing a lot of
understanding to my past,

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but it wasn't bringing much relief to it.

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I still had the symptoms.

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I was aware of my symptoms,

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but I didn't know how to manage them.

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So then finally, they suggested,

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"Well, why don't you try mindfulness?"

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And I thought,

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"Well, me meditate with my
busy, crazy mind, no way."

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But I went to a class

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and I discovered that it
was nothing what I thought,

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that it's not so much
of emptying your mind,

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more it's just noticing
what your mind is stuck on,

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where your mind is at.

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Is it on a thought, what
type of thought is it?

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Is it a negative thought?

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Is it a pleasant thought?

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What is that thought doing to your body?

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What kind of reactions are going on?

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Is it causing your heart to race?

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So that gave me something to
do, like to pay attention to

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while I was meditating,

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it gave me stuff to focus on.

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And once I started to
practice mindfulness,

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I started to be able to learn
how to create some distance

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between my mind and my thoughts.

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- For a long time I thought
maybe I'm not smart enough,

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maybe I'm not educated enough.

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I just knew that I really
wanted to explore meditation.

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I had gone through this process

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where I had just ended

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a stint of being on
television for three years.

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And I made this business investment

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that went south very
quickly, I lost all my money,

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and I was like,

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"I got to try a new path here."

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I was recently sober,

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and I just intuitively
knew that meditation

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was something that was
going to really serve me.

257
00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:47,924
So I started volunteering
at a Buddhist bookstore.

258
00:12:47,990 --> 00:12:51,024
I started taking every opportunity I could

259
00:12:51,090 --> 00:12:54,104
to learn how to meditate to quiet my mind,

260
00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:56,934
learn the practices, learn the discipline.

261
00:12:57,000 --> 00:13:00,264
And out of that arose
a desire to give back,

262
00:13:00,330 --> 00:13:02,544
not only give back to society,

263
00:13:02,610 --> 00:13:04,894
but to give back to my specific community,

264
00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:06,924
the LGBTQ community.

265
00:13:06,990 --> 00:13:09,134
So I came up with an idea

266
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:11,974
to start hosting spiritual services,

267
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:13,764
spiritual events in gay bars.

268
00:13:13,830 --> 00:13:14,914
And that's what I did.

269
00:13:14,980 --> 00:13:19,284
And so in 2010, I got
the keys to a gay bar,

270
00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:22,484
they weren't charging me rent
or anything, Sunday mornings,

271
00:13:22,550 --> 00:13:25,462
and my mentor and I started
doing these services

272
00:13:25,528 --> 00:13:27,504
in gay bars in West Hollywood.

273
00:13:27,570 --> 00:13:29,384
And it just grew and grew and it grew.

274
00:13:29,450 --> 00:13:33,294
And 10 years later, I am
now a licensed minister.

275
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:34,994
I've offered hundreds and hundreds

276
00:13:35,060 --> 00:13:38,504
and hundreds of teaching
on spiritual living.

277
00:13:38,570 --> 00:13:43,504
I lead meditation retreats,
and it was all an accident,

278
00:13:43,570 --> 00:13:44,964
this wasn't the plan,

279
00:13:45,030 --> 00:13:46,924
it wasn't what I was supposed to be doing.

280
00:13:46,990 --> 00:13:51,369
However, as my career in
television continued to grow,

281
00:13:51,435 --> 00:13:54,424
my discomfort dissatisfied.

282
00:13:54,490 --> 00:13:56,374
I was just so bored doing it.

283
00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:58,724
And I felt such vibrancy.

284
00:13:58,790 --> 00:14:02,714
I felt so alive when I
was teaching this work

285
00:14:02,780 --> 00:14:05,524
and dedicating myself deeper and deeper

286
00:14:05,590 --> 00:14:10,154
to my own spiritual practice
that I knew this was it.

287
00:14:10,220 --> 00:14:13,854
- I did not know what
mindfulness was at all.

288
00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,594
I even asked the psychiatrist,
"What is mindfulness?"

289
00:14:16,660 --> 00:14:19,124
And she said, "Well,
it's a meditation class."

290
00:14:19,190 --> 00:14:20,561
And that's when I thought to myself,

291
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:25,170
"Me meditate, yeah, right,
calm my mind, empty it."

292
00:14:25,236 --> 00:14:28,754
But I was desperate, and I
thought I'd give it a shot.

293
00:14:28,820 --> 00:14:30,294
What I learned was that

294
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:32,624
it's not about emptying your mind at all,

295
00:14:32,690 --> 00:14:36,672
instead, it's just noticing
where your mind is,

296
00:14:36,738 --> 00:14:41,014
what it's focusing on,
what its habits are.

297
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:42,926
And when I understood that,

298
00:14:42,992 --> 00:14:47,992
that gave me things to do as
I was practicing mindfulness.

299
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:52,054
Now there are times where,

300
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:53,844
as I'm practicing mindfulness,

301
00:14:53,910 --> 00:14:56,094
my mind completely goes silent.

302
00:14:56,160 --> 00:14:57,954
And that's wonderful when that happens.

303
00:14:58,020 --> 00:14:59,645
And I enjoy those times.

304
00:14:59,711 --> 00:15:03,954
But in the beginning, I
primarily use mindfulness

305
00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:07,774
just as a way of escaping my busy head,

306
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:09,244
they're called ANTs,

307
00:15:09,310 --> 00:15:11,984
it's called automatic negative thinking.

308
00:15:12,050 --> 00:15:15,254
And these are just our automatic
thoughts that automate.

309
00:15:15,320 --> 00:15:17,194
We have a negativity bias.

310
00:15:17,260 --> 00:15:19,664
What the bias is, is that
at the end of the day,

311
00:15:19,730 --> 00:15:22,209
we tend to think about all
the things that go wrong,

312
00:15:22,275 --> 00:15:24,564
or if we're involved in a project,

313
00:15:24,630 --> 00:15:26,944
or if we have a job interview,

314
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:29,647
even if we receive a 95%,

315
00:15:29,713 --> 00:15:33,694
we focus on that 5% that we didn't get.

316
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:38,760
Mindfulness helped me
identify my negativity bias.

317
00:15:39,190 --> 00:15:41,333
And once I became aware of it,

318
00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:45,411
I was able to start questioning it

319
00:15:45,477 --> 00:15:50,254
and questioning the validity
of it and how accurate it is.

320
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,014
- The people I started studying with

321
00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:53,564
were people who were practicing

322
00:15:53,630 --> 00:15:55,254
something called the Fourth Way,

323
00:15:55,320 --> 00:15:58,794
which is not derived from
Buddhism as mindfulness is,

324
00:15:58,860 --> 00:16:03,174
it's an embodied practice
of awareness attention

325
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,564
and self-discovery,

326
00:16:05,630 --> 00:16:08,784
that has its origins in
the Transcaucasus region

327
00:16:08,850 --> 00:16:10,744
and the areas around India,

328
00:16:10,810 --> 00:16:13,234
it was brought to the West
by a man named Gurdjieff.

329
00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:14,348
At that time,

330
00:16:14,414 --> 00:16:17,174
mindfulness was not something
that I was aware of.

331
00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:18,914
There was something
called mindfulness-based

332
00:16:18,980 --> 00:16:21,874
stress reduction that was
being studied in universities

333
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:22,952
and hospital settings,

334
00:16:23,018 --> 00:16:25,674
dealing with chronic
pain and chronic stress,

335
00:16:25,740 --> 00:16:28,169
but it really hadn't reached anything

336
00:16:28,235 --> 00:16:30,834
in terms of the common knowledge.

337
00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:32,374
There was lots of Buddhism was around,

338
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:34,224
there was lots of meditation Taoism,

339
00:16:34,290 --> 00:16:35,434
other kinds of practices,

340
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,414
but mindfulness as we understand it now

341
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:38,834
as a secular practice

342
00:16:38,900 --> 00:16:42,484
extracted from Buddhist
training was not around at all.

343
00:16:42,550 --> 00:16:43,843
One of the things that was remarkable

344
00:16:43,909 --> 00:16:46,504
was that all these people

345
00:16:46,570 --> 00:16:47,989
who invited me to practice with them

346
00:16:48,055 --> 00:16:52,384
had waited for me to be
hungry and seek something,

347
00:16:52,450 --> 00:16:54,354
rather than just see that I was struggling

348
00:16:54,420 --> 00:16:56,484
with something and
suggest here's a solution.

349
00:16:56,550 --> 00:16:58,192
So they had this interesting wisdom about,

350
00:16:58,258 --> 00:17:02,024
when you really are ready
for something, you seek it,

351
00:17:02,090 --> 00:17:05,144
and you're more willing
to take on the challenge.

352
00:17:05,210 --> 00:17:08,284
- Mindfulness is a contemplative practice.

353
00:17:08,350 --> 00:17:12,114
Contemplative practices have
existed cross-culturally

354
00:17:12,180 --> 00:17:13,874
for thousands of years.

355
00:17:13,940 --> 00:17:16,604
Mindfulness is from Eastern.

356
00:17:16,670 --> 00:17:21,670
What it means is Vipassana
or insight meditation.

357
00:17:21,860 --> 00:17:24,295
The reason why it's
gaining so much momentum

358
00:17:24,361 --> 00:17:29,084
is now science is starting to
validate that it's beneficial.

359
00:17:29,150 --> 00:17:33,361
There is a, his name is Dr.Jon Kabat-Zinn,

360
00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:36,004
he is a psychologist.

361
00:17:36,070 --> 00:17:39,844
He broke down mindfulness
into an eight-week program,

362
00:17:39,910 --> 00:17:41,484
because what we first need to do

363
00:17:41,550 --> 00:17:44,614
is we need to break down
things into numbers.

364
00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,334
We need to have a program,

365
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,266
we need to see how long the program is,

366
00:17:48,332 --> 00:17:50,805
and then we need to
measure people's results

367
00:17:50,871 --> 00:17:53,964
before and after they've
received the program.

368
00:17:54,030 --> 00:17:55,574
So his program was working.

369
00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,675
He noticed that people
dealing with chronic pain

370
00:17:58,741 --> 00:18:01,675
weren't really benefiting much,

371
00:18:01,741 --> 00:18:05,393
that pain medication had its limitations,

372
00:18:07,625 --> 00:18:10,017
that medicine has its limitations.

373
00:18:10,083 --> 00:18:13,744
And once we hit those
limitations, then what do we do,

374
00:18:13,810 --> 00:18:15,593
'cause the person is still in pain.

375
00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:21,447
So he found tremendous benefits
in Buddhist philosophy.

376
00:18:21,513 --> 00:18:24,324
So what he did was he stripped the,

377
00:18:24,390 --> 00:18:27,129
like the religious aspects out of it,

378
00:18:27,195 --> 00:18:30,572
and he came up with just
practical techniques

379
00:18:30,638 --> 00:18:34,124
as far as noticing
thoughts, noticing emotions.

380
00:18:34,190 --> 00:18:36,054
And he came up with the program.

381
00:18:36,120 --> 00:18:37,924
And what this program did was it allowed

382
00:18:37,990 --> 00:18:41,524
for people to measure the
effectiveness of mindfulness.

383
00:18:41,590 --> 00:18:46,590
He found that people
reported not only less pain,

384
00:18:46,970 --> 00:18:51,113
but also that people reported
better qualities of life.

385
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,033
- No, I didn't.

386
00:18:54,010 --> 00:18:58,634
That's why I have a lot of
compassion for my students.

387
00:18:58,700 --> 00:19:02,334
I stuck with it because of my boyfriend,

388
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:06,354
who was a teacher, and because
of the teaching service,

389
00:19:06,420 --> 00:19:11,420
the teachings were so high-level,
so kind and so logical.

390
00:19:13,110 --> 00:19:16,328
I didn't have to believe in something,

391
00:19:16,394 --> 00:19:19,624
I could verify for myself,

392
00:19:19,690 --> 00:19:21,804
there was no judgment in it.

393
00:19:21,870 --> 00:19:24,704
So that's what kept me actually,

394
00:19:24,770 --> 00:19:27,754
not the practice of meditation.

395
00:19:27,820 --> 00:19:32,024
When we talk about mindfulness meditation,

396
00:19:32,090 --> 00:19:34,494
which kind of distinguishes it

397
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:36,094
from other types of meditation,

398
00:19:36,160 --> 00:19:39,274
there are literally hundreds
of types of meditation

399
00:19:39,340 --> 00:19:41,324
that come from different traditions,

400
00:19:41,390 --> 00:19:44,994
religions, or philosophies or systems,

401
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:49,083
and each one have their
own structure and outcome.

402
00:19:50,412 --> 00:19:54,204
Meditation is a specific
type of meditation,

403
00:19:54,270 --> 00:19:57,994
but mindfulness, as a space of mind

404
00:19:58,060 --> 00:20:00,718
is not particular to anybody.

405
00:20:00,784 --> 00:20:04,544
For example, let's say you went somewhere

406
00:20:04,610 --> 00:20:08,314
and had a meal and this
was a brand new dish,

407
00:20:08,380 --> 00:20:11,144
you never had experienced it before.

408
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,411
So you become more in tune like,

409
00:20:13,477 --> 00:20:15,684
"Let me see, wow."

410
00:20:15,750 --> 00:20:20,124
You take your bite and you
really about this thing.

411
00:20:20,190 --> 00:20:22,181
And before your mind comes and says,

412
00:20:22,247 --> 00:20:24,804
"Oh yeah, it tastes like this
and it tastes like that,"

413
00:20:24,870 --> 00:20:27,674
you have a moment of no opinion,

414
00:20:27,740 --> 00:20:31,754
just experiencing and watching, "Wow."

415
00:20:31,820 --> 00:20:33,513
Just like I told my,

416
00:20:34,750 --> 00:20:39,214
I teach ADD mindfulness
for people with ADHD.

417
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,821
And so I told them that,

418
00:20:40,887 --> 00:20:44,316
"Okay, it's like we have these templates

419
00:20:44,382 --> 00:20:47,364
of the ways we think.

420
00:20:47,430 --> 00:20:50,844
When you are in that space of mindfulness,

421
00:20:50,910 --> 00:20:53,694
you are detached from that template."

422
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:54,994
- I would say that mindfulness

423
00:20:55,060 --> 00:20:57,214
addresses the human condition.

424
00:20:57,280 --> 00:21:00,644
There are many wisdom
traditions, religious traditions,

425
00:21:00,710 --> 00:21:02,024
philosophical traditions

426
00:21:02,090 --> 00:21:04,640
that recognize and question
the nature of the mind.

427
00:21:05,700 --> 00:21:06,524
It just so happens

428
00:21:06,590 --> 00:21:11,504
that Buddhist cultures
committed themselves culturally

429
00:21:11,570 --> 00:21:16,074
to a systematic description
of what ails the mind

430
00:21:16,140 --> 00:21:19,294
in a systematic practice
to rebalance the mind.

431
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,430
But really, they're not
inventing anything new.

432
00:21:21,496 --> 00:21:23,624
The reason why it affects everybody

433
00:21:23,690 --> 00:21:25,489
is because everyone has a body,

434
00:21:25,555 --> 00:21:28,838
everyone feels pleasure and discomfort,

435
00:21:28,904 --> 00:21:31,034
wellness and disease,

436
00:21:31,100 --> 00:21:33,624
everyone has a mind that can remember

437
00:21:33,690 --> 00:21:35,464
or imagine that the future,

438
00:21:35,530 --> 00:21:37,324
and everyone wants to feel connected

439
00:21:37,390 --> 00:21:38,594
and want to have a sense of purpose,

440
00:21:38,660 --> 00:21:40,174
and wants to have some sense of agency

441
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:41,461
over what happens to them.

442
00:21:41,527 --> 00:21:44,127
And mindfulness addresses
all those things directly.

443
00:21:45,560 --> 00:21:48,814
- I think mindfulness
is bigger than insight.

444
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:52,164
Insight arises within mindfulness.

445
00:21:52,230 --> 00:21:55,205
The mindfulness space
has to be there first

446
00:21:55,271 --> 00:21:59,294
for the real reliable insight,

447
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:02,224
'cause sometimes you could
be thinking that is insight,

448
00:22:02,290 --> 00:22:03,057
and it's really not,

449
00:22:03,123 --> 00:22:08,020
for a reliable aha moment
or realization to happen.

450
00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:13,482
- I became so fascinated by my thoughts,

451
00:22:13,548 --> 00:22:17,134
more so, how my thoughts were dictating

452
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:20,094
the world I was experiencing.

453
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,524
And I think that's when you really know

454
00:22:22,590 --> 00:22:24,094
you've tapped into your passion

455
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:26,614
when it's all you want to talk about.

456
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:30,324
And I would just go through
books after books, after books,

457
00:22:30,390 --> 00:22:33,044
I was like, I would say I
was like a mad scientist,

458
00:22:33,110 --> 00:22:36,304
just tearing through documents
and doing different practices

459
00:22:36,370 --> 00:22:38,084
and trying everything,

460
00:22:38,150 --> 00:22:39,894
all to just become more aware

461
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,444
of the thoughts I was thinking,

462
00:22:41,510 --> 00:22:44,104
the patterns that were active in my life,

463
00:22:44,170 --> 00:22:48,664
the belief systems that were
both conscious and unconscious

464
00:22:48,730 --> 00:22:51,024
that were creating the
patterns in my life,

465
00:22:51,090 --> 00:22:55,034
the experiences that I kept
having over and over again.

466
00:22:55,100 --> 00:22:57,915
I think the first step in transformation

467
00:22:57,981 --> 00:23:00,424
is the awareness that you're no longer

468
00:23:00,490 --> 00:23:03,384
interested in experiencing
what you're experiencing.

469
00:23:03,450 --> 00:23:05,404
There's real beauty in contrast.

470
00:23:05,470 --> 00:23:08,664
So you become aware that,
"I don't like this anymore.

471
00:23:08,730 --> 00:23:11,214
There's gotta be a different way."

472
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,514
And in your willingness
to try a new approach,

473
00:23:13,580 --> 00:23:15,554
I truly believe the path is shown.

474
00:23:15,620 --> 00:23:18,534
So the second step in
transformation is willingness.

475
00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:22,644
I am willing to try a new
approach, and in that,

476
00:23:22,710 --> 00:23:24,964
something opens up in your consciousness,

477
00:23:25,030 --> 00:23:27,754
a door opens or at least cracked open.

478
00:23:27,820 --> 00:23:29,944
And the next step is always shown

479
00:23:30,010 --> 00:23:31,164
and the next step is always shown.

480
00:23:31,230 --> 00:23:34,744
Now, our job is to continue
to cultivate the willingness,

481
00:23:34,810 --> 00:23:35,804
to take the next step,

482
00:23:35,870 --> 00:23:37,894
the courage to take the next step,

483
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:41,144
the willingness to get
out of our comfort zone,

484
00:23:41,210 --> 00:23:45,194
the willingness to explore
and look at the beliefs,

485
00:23:45,260 --> 00:23:46,834
both known and unknown,

486
00:23:46,900 --> 00:23:50,274
that are creating your
experience in the world.

487
00:23:50,340 --> 00:23:53,044
I think right now,

488
00:23:53,110 --> 00:23:55,634
socially is a gorgeous time for everybody

489
00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:58,654
to look at the subconscious programming

490
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:02,294
that has created your belief systems

491
00:24:02,360 --> 00:24:04,144
and how you move in the culture.

492
00:24:04,210 --> 00:24:08,464
I am someone who remains willing.

493
00:24:08,530 --> 00:24:12,784
And in fact, I love looking at the blocks

494
00:24:12,850 --> 00:24:15,387
that I don't even realize are there

495
00:24:15,453 --> 00:24:18,474
until they're pointed out to me,

496
00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:21,064
and often times pointed out
to me through meditation,

497
00:24:21,130 --> 00:24:22,600
and sometimes pointed out to me

498
00:24:22,666 --> 00:24:26,042
in something that feels
like big slap in the face.

499
00:24:26,108 --> 00:24:28,654
And I think right now, culturally,

500
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:32,944
is an opportunity for us all
to hold ourselves accountable

501
00:24:33,010 --> 00:24:36,773
so that a greater sense of
unity can express itself.

502
00:24:37,620 --> 00:24:38,474
And if you're not willing

503
00:24:38,540 --> 00:24:41,667
to look at your own limited beliefs,

504
00:24:41,733 --> 00:24:43,244
then what are you even doing?

505
00:24:43,310 --> 00:24:44,194
- The beauty of it was that

506
00:24:44,260 --> 00:24:49,260
there is surrounding teachings
about kindness, compassion,

507
00:24:49,456 --> 00:24:54,456
and little by little,
that would impact me.

508
00:24:56,400 --> 00:25:00,914
Now, there is a meditation
called loving-kindness meditation

509
00:25:00,980 --> 00:25:04,796
that is also very paralleled
with mindfulness meditation.

510
00:25:04,862 --> 00:25:08,204
I would not give into it,

511
00:25:08,270 --> 00:25:12,954
because I believe that, "Oh
my God, I'm kind enough.

512
00:25:13,020 --> 00:25:15,204
I cannot be any more kind,

513
00:25:15,270 --> 00:25:16,664
I cannot give anymore."

514
00:25:16,730 --> 00:25:20,833
I felt like kindness was
what I knew before this.

515
00:25:20,899 --> 00:25:24,814
So I would resist, "Oh,
it's for these other people,

516
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:26,044
it's not for me."

517
00:25:26,110 --> 00:25:29,104
And then one day I came to sit,

518
00:25:29,170 --> 00:25:32,204
I decided I'm gonna go sit and meditate.

519
00:25:32,270 --> 00:25:36,121
When I sat to meditate, my mind said,

520
00:25:36,187 --> 00:25:41,187
"Hmm, I'm gonna send
loving-kindness to all the people"

521
00:25:42,750 --> 00:25:46,744
"who have harmed me on my
life just organically."

522
00:25:46,810 --> 00:25:51,304
So I sat there, we had a Sheetz dog, Oreo.

523
00:25:51,370 --> 00:25:53,714
He sat with me meditating.

524
00:25:53,780 --> 00:25:58,144
I close my eyes and I
had like three phrases,

525
00:25:58,210 --> 00:25:59,174
may you be safe,

526
00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:00,804
may you be healthy and strong,

527
00:26:00,870 --> 00:26:04,047
may you be at ease, free from suffering.

528
00:26:04,113 --> 00:26:08,204
I couldn't finish saying

529
00:26:08,270 --> 00:26:11,784
one series of these phrases for somebody

530
00:26:11,850 --> 00:26:13,544
who came fast enough

531
00:26:13,610 --> 00:26:16,054
until somebody else come to my mind.

532
00:26:16,120 --> 00:26:17,234
Oh my goodness.

533
00:26:17,300 --> 00:26:21,224
And at the time I had divorced
from my ex-husband too,

534
00:26:21,290 --> 00:26:24,754
so he would come in-between.

535
00:26:24,820 --> 00:26:27,014
So he got most of it really.

536
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:28,214
It was incredible.

537
00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:30,604
It took about 40 minutes.

538
00:26:30,670 --> 00:26:32,291
I just sat there.

539
00:26:32,357 --> 00:26:34,241
And these people came to my mind,

540
00:26:34,307 --> 00:26:39,236
and I remembered why I didn't like them

541
00:26:39,302 --> 00:26:42,184
or what they did to me or something.

542
00:26:42,250 --> 00:26:46,964
And I would send these
kind thoughts to them,

543
00:26:47,030 --> 00:26:49,704
and my stomach would
be like yucky feeling.

544
00:26:49,770 --> 00:26:52,454
It was just like remembering all that.

545
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:57,520
And so I took a deep breath
and organically it stopped.

546
00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,004
I got up, I said, "Okay, let's go, Oreo."

547
00:27:00,070 --> 00:27:02,574
I got up and went and washed my hands,

548
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:05,344
and went on with my day.

549
00:27:05,410 --> 00:27:06,994
And next day,

550
00:27:07,060 --> 00:27:11,189
I went for a hike with my
friend who is a therapist.

551
00:27:11,255 --> 00:27:13,444
We both went through schooling.

552
00:27:13,510 --> 00:27:17,074
I went to the routes of
organization development,

553
00:27:17,140 --> 00:27:18,554
she went and became a therapist.

554
00:27:18,620 --> 00:27:20,194
So we were hiking,

555
00:27:20,260 --> 00:27:22,934
and I told her about this
experience, I said...

556
00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,611
We were talking about my
ex-husband, off course,

557
00:27:25,677 --> 00:27:28,234
"Oh yeah, can imagine he came

558
00:27:28,300 --> 00:27:29,604
and we've seen all these people,

559
00:27:29,670 --> 00:27:30,894
and this is what's happened."

560
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:32,144
"So she said, 'What happened?"

561
00:27:32,210 --> 00:27:33,534
"So I told her,"

562
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:34,874
Oh, I went and washed my...

563
00:27:34,940 --> 00:27:39,044
She said, 'What, wait, you
went and washed your hand?

564
00:27:39,110 --> 00:27:42,500
"Do you always wash your
hands after meditation?"

565
00:27:42,566 --> 00:27:44,137
I said, "No."

566
00:27:45,357 --> 00:27:49,294
"Huh, oh my God."

567
00:27:49,360 --> 00:27:52,094
She smiled so beautifully.

568
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:57,133
She said, "It's like symbolically
you washed your hands,

569
00:27:58,120 --> 00:28:00,234
off these people, it's done."

570
00:28:00,300 --> 00:28:05,300
It was just that realization.

571
00:28:05,940 --> 00:28:08,574
It probably would have worked the same,

572
00:28:08,640 --> 00:28:11,251
but that realization helps me feel like,

573
00:28:11,317 --> 00:28:16,317
"Oh my God, yeah, it's done."

574
00:28:16,762 --> 00:28:19,764
Just that experience alone,

575
00:28:19,830 --> 00:28:24,830
I believe sets me on a journey of healing

576
00:28:25,810 --> 00:28:29,523
that was so fundamentally powerful.

577
00:28:30,800 --> 00:28:34,588
- Moments of mindfulness often
bring powerful discoveries,

578
00:28:34,654 --> 00:28:37,624
and some of them are not flattering.

579
00:28:37,690 --> 00:28:39,864
I remember I was on a retreat
once in upstate New York,

580
00:28:39,930 --> 00:28:42,474
it was right after 9/11,
I think it was 2002.

581
00:28:42,540 --> 00:28:45,374
This retreat involved a
lot of working meditation.

582
00:28:45,440 --> 00:28:48,084
So there were sitting meditation
and moving meditation,

583
00:28:48,150 --> 00:28:49,464
but also working meditation.

584
00:28:49,530 --> 00:28:52,185
So we were assigned to different teams

585
00:28:52,251 --> 00:28:53,954
to do different kinds of work.

586
00:28:54,020 --> 00:28:56,004
Some people were cooking,
some people are cleaning,

587
00:28:56,070 --> 00:28:57,544
some people doing landscaping.

588
00:28:57,610 --> 00:29:00,311
I happened to be assigned
to a small building

589
00:29:00,377 --> 00:29:02,204
in this very rural area

590
00:29:02,270 --> 00:29:05,694
that we had to take off
all the roofing tiles.

591
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:07,871
And so the idea here in the practice is,

592
00:29:07,937 --> 00:29:11,284
"How do I stay mindful
as I'm climbing a ladder

593
00:29:11,350 --> 00:29:14,284
and bringing up tools and
working with a team of people,

594
00:29:14,350 --> 00:29:17,144
and staying safe and not
falling, and doing the job well,

595
00:29:17,210 --> 00:29:18,874
and it's in the hot side of summer?"

596
00:29:18,940 --> 00:29:20,184
This is one of those things

597
00:29:20,250 --> 00:29:23,254
where you're humbled by the practice.

598
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:25,454
It was after 9/11, there
was a lot of tension,

599
00:29:25,520 --> 00:29:28,014
a lot of anxiety, a lot of distrust,

600
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,214
a lot of tribalism going on.

601
00:29:30,280 --> 00:29:31,774
And one of my colleagues

602
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:35,514
who I'd never met on this
roof, this particular moment

603
00:29:35,580 --> 00:29:37,994
was a young man from Pakistan.

604
00:29:38,060 --> 00:29:40,732
It was a hot, hot day and we
were pulling off roof tiles,

605
00:29:40,798 --> 00:29:41,724
and the idea is that

606
00:29:41,790 --> 00:29:42,864
we're supposed to stay
aware of each other,

607
00:29:42,930 --> 00:29:44,734
but we're not supposed to have anything

608
00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:45,644
but the functional speech.

609
00:29:45,710 --> 00:29:47,504
So we're not gonna talk about the Dodgers.

610
00:29:47,570 --> 00:29:48,481
We're going to just talk about,

611
00:29:48,547 --> 00:29:50,694
"Oh, what kind of tools
do we need for this job,"

612
00:29:50,760 --> 00:29:51,724
and then it's silence.

613
00:29:51,790 --> 00:29:54,554
And then you focus on being
aware of the technique,

614
00:29:54,620 --> 00:29:56,072
yourself and the other person.

615
00:29:56,138 --> 00:29:59,234
And I became aware that I forgot my water,

616
00:29:59,300 --> 00:30:00,563
and it was really hot.

617
00:30:01,688 --> 00:30:04,574
What I noticed as I saw
his bottle of water,

618
00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:06,674
and I had a whole association,

619
00:30:06,740 --> 00:30:10,684
my mind just went on a story
about who this guy was.

620
00:30:10,750 --> 00:30:12,924
And I could see that
he was colored by 9/11,

621
00:30:12,990 --> 00:30:14,424
because he was from Pakistan.

622
00:30:14,490 --> 00:30:17,098
I saw this kind of prejudicial thinking

623
00:30:17,164 --> 00:30:20,054
that projected identity onto him.

624
00:30:20,120 --> 00:30:21,896
And just as I was thinking that,

625
00:30:21,962 --> 00:30:23,784
he turned and grabbed the bottle of water,

626
00:30:23,850 --> 00:30:24,924
and when he was about
to raise it to his face,

627
00:30:24,990 --> 00:30:25,951
he looked at me, he said,

628
00:30:26,017 --> 00:30:29,024
"You look so thirsty, you have to drink."

629
00:30:29,090 --> 00:30:34,090
And he pierced the
bubble of that projection

630
00:30:34,230 --> 00:30:36,364
of his identity in that moment.

631
00:30:36,430 --> 00:30:38,464
And I was just shocked.

632
00:30:38,530 --> 00:30:40,894
I was shocked at the, first of all,

633
00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:42,464
I had to react to him,

634
00:30:42,530 --> 00:30:44,434
and I took it and drank some cold water,

635
00:30:44,500 --> 00:30:46,254
and was so grateful and thanked him.

636
00:30:46,320 --> 00:30:49,460
But also, I had this digestion of,

637
00:30:49,526 --> 00:30:50,954
"Oh, that's how prejudice starts,

638
00:30:51,020 --> 00:30:53,744
is these projections of belief on someone

639
00:30:53,810 --> 00:30:55,936
based on tiny bits of information

640
00:30:56,002 --> 00:30:58,536
and conditioned experience."

641
00:30:58,602 --> 00:31:00,744
And that this practice allowed my heart

642
00:31:00,810 --> 00:31:01,816
to open to him immediately,

643
00:31:01,882 --> 00:31:03,864
and seeing my own sleep around that,

644
00:31:03,930 --> 00:31:07,084
my own dreamlike state of

645
00:31:07,150 --> 00:31:09,548
not knowing who the person
is and thinking you do.

646
00:31:09,614 --> 00:31:12,125
So that was a profound experience.

647
00:31:12,191 --> 00:31:14,864
It became part of a
practice of just noticing.

648
00:31:14,930 --> 00:31:18,474
I would see myself at a
cafe or at a Starbucks,

649
00:31:18,540 --> 00:31:19,794
and just practice noticing,

650
00:31:19,860 --> 00:31:21,871
watching my own mind as
I'm drinking my coffee

651
00:31:21,937 --> 00:31:24,592
with the newspaper to kind
of make it less weird.

652
00:31:24,658 --> 00:31:26,294
And I would just look at people's faces

653
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:29,934
and just notice how my brain
sizes them up as my tribe,

654
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:31,024
not my tribe.

655
00:31:31,090 --> 00:31:33,974
And it's an automatic
function of the brain.

656
00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:38,144
That part of the brain is not my fault.

657
00:31:38,210 --> 00:31:41,661
It forms from the evolutionary,
a natural selection pressure

658
00:31:41,727 --> 00:31:44,904
because it served a
purpose back in the days

659
00:31:44,970 --> 00:31:48,424
when there was more
tribal fighting happening.

660
00:31:48,490 --> 00:31:49,684
But it's my responsibility

661
00:31:49,750 --> 00:31:54,195
not to let that automatic
functioning be the end game,

662
00:31:54,261 --> 00:31:56,334
I have to take responsibility
for that functioning.

663
00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:58,883
And so I practiced with that all the time.

664
00:32:00,410 --> 00:32:02,903
- I lost my son three years ago.

665
00:32:03,786 --> 00:32:08,786
An incredible, incredible,
incredible tough pain,

666
00:32:12,290 --> 00:32:14,624
that every time

667
00:32:14,690 --> 00:32:18,541
that I got hit with the tsunamis of grief,

668
00:32:18,607 --> 00:32:20,701
the first thing in my mind was,

669
00:32:20,767 --> 00:32:23,604
"May no being ever experience this."

670
00:32:23,670 --> 00:32:26,693
Because the extent of pain.

671
00:32:28,050 --> 00:32:30,854
For the first 35 days,

672
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:35,413
I fainted every day, because
my brain couldn't handle it.

673
00:32:35,479 --> 00:32:37,634
With my practice, with awareness,

674
00:32:37,700 --> 00:32:39,754
with compassion, with all that,

675
00:32:39,820 --> 00:32:43,834
more and more and more,
when an emotion comes up,

676
00:32:43,900 --> 00:32:45,694
that is grief,

677
00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:50,760
that it comes up because my
eye caught a picture of him

678
00:32:51,150 --> 00:32:53,594
or a thought came about him,

679
00:32:53,660 --> 00:32:55,864
and that he's no longer here,

680
00:32:55,930 --> 00:32:59,427
the brain produces the emotion of grief

681
00:32:59,493 --> 00:33:03,444
to respond to that stimuli,

682
00:33:03,510 --> 00:33:06,134
'cause the brain is predicting constantly

683
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:07,014
what do I need to do,

684
00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:09,004
what do I need to do?
What's next, what's next?

685
00:33:09,070 --> 00:33:11,484
And it's 10 steps ahead of us too.

686
00:33:11,550 --> 00:33:14,731
But with my awareness, I can notice,

687
00:33:14,797 --> 00:33:17,370
"Oh this emotion is present.

688
00:33:17,436 --> 00:33:20,034
Is it necessary?

689
00:33:20,100 --> 00:33:21,542
Is it useful?

690
00:33:21,608 --> 00:33:24,354
Is it conducive to my happiness?"

691
00:33:24,420 --> 00:33:29,284
No, I don't have to
entertain that emotion.

692
00:33:29,350 --> 00:33:32,094
Knowledge, practice, understanding,

693
00:33:32,160 --> 00:33:35,740
experience and capability,

694
00:33:35,806 --> 00:33:40,806
that I'm not stuck with
millions of mothers,

695
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:42,854
like millions of others around the world

696
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:47,503
for 20 years or 30 years for
the rest of my life being done.

697
00:33:48,983 --> 00:33:51,614
When a child dies, a mother or father,

698
00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:54,103
most often they're done,

699
00:33:54,940 --> 00:33:56,664
they're stuck in that emotion,

700
00:33:56,730 --> 00:33:59,924
because the brain produces that emotion

701
00:33:59,990 --> 00:34:02,124
and the person doesn't
know what to do with it,

702
00:34:02,190 --> 00:34:04,034
believes it and goes with it.

703
00:34:04,100 --> 00:34:08,824
But now I can say, no, it
doesn't mean I love my dear,

704
00:34:08,890 --> 00:34:13,890
oh my goodness, my dear son
less, but why should I suffer?

705
00:34:16,550 --> 00:34:20,134
It's not necessary to
suffer to prove love.

706
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:20,967
- And when we hear this

707
00:34:21,033 --> 00:34:25,104
from our Eastern wisdom traditions,

708
00:34:25,170 --> 00:34:27,484
that my enemy is my friend,

709
00:34:27,550 --> 00:34:30,204
or that adversity is my opportunity,

710
00:34:30,270 --> 00:34:31,374
and we just don't want that,

711
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:32,207
especially in the West,

712
00:34:32,273 --> 00:34:34,084
we want something that's
gonna be quick and easy,

713
00:34:34,150 --> 00:34:36,274
efficient and get me to
the place I wanna go.

714
00:34:36,340 --> 00:34:39,171
And I don't wanna deal with
all that disturbing crap.

715
00:34:39,237 --> 00:34:44,237
But actually, it's during
crises, during difficult moments

716
00:34:44,528 --> 00:34:48,704
that the software that's running my life,

717
00:34:48,770 --> 00:34:51,834
that I didn't design becomes visible,

718
00:34:51,900 --> 00:34:53,204
because it's not functioning that well,

719
00:34:53,270 --> 00:34:55,364
there's some dissonance,
there's some suffering,

720
00:34:55,430 --> 00:34:57,311
and that's my opportunity
to see the functioning

721
00:34:57,377 --> 00:35:00,894
and to decide, how can I notice that,

722
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:03,104
and not fully believe it all the time,

723
00:35:03,170 --> 00:35:07,054
so that I can begin to participate
in evolving my own mind.

724
00:35:07,120 --> 00:35:10,014
I was at a meditation retreat practice,

725
00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:11,644
where I was part of the serving team.

726
00:35:11,710 --> 00:35:13,875
At the end of the retreat,
there was a dinner,

727
00:35:13,941 --> 00:35:16,264
and I was part of serving
the meal and cleaning up.

728
00:35:16,330 --> 00:35:17,584
And at the very end of the night,

729
00:35:17,650 --> 00:35:20,254
people did a meditation, so it was quiet,

730
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,574
the dining halls cleaned
up, everything's put away.

731
00:35:22,640 --> 00:35:25,174
And after the meditation was over,

732
00:35:25,240 --> 00:35:26,354
and people were hugging

733
00:35:26,420 --> 00:35:28,854
and kind of talking
about their experience.

734
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:29,687
I was part of a team,

735
00:35:29,753 --> 00:35:32,814
but what I noticed as I
sat there in my chairs,

736
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:34,425
no one came to me,

737
00:35:34,491 --> 00:35:35,364
and all of a sudden

738
00:35:35,430 --> 00:35:39,034
I became profoundly
aware of this narrative

739
00:35:39,100 --> 00:35:41,987
that I have had all my
life, that I'm alone,

740
00:35:42,053 --> 00:35:45,904
and that I'm not really part
of other people's groups.

741
00:35:45,970 --> 00:35:47,454
I had that ever since I was a kid.

742
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:49,114
I had to work hard to let go of it.

743
00:35:49,180 --> 00:35:50,502
But at this particular juncture,

744
00:35:50,568 --> 00:35:52,672
fairly young in my practice,

745
00:35:52,738 --> 00:35:56,644
it was really painful to sit
there and not be included.

746
00:35:56,710 --> 00:35:58,104
And it's a classic thing.

747
00:35:58,170 --> 00:35:59,276
Now, as a psychotherapist,

748
00:35:59,342 --> 00:36:01,924
I know that people who have social anxiety

749
00:36:01,990 --> 00:36:04,304
and who tend to feel lonely,

750
00:36:04,370 --> 00:36:05,234
they're also reticent

751
00:36:05,300 --> 00:36:07,214
to make the step that
could solve that problem

752
00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:08,644
by just getting up

753
00:36:08,710 --> 00:36:09,811
and patting someone on
the back and saying,

754
00:36:09,877 --> 00:36:11,004
"Hey, that was amazing experience.

755
00:36:11,070 --> 00:36:12,314
How was your experience?"

756
00:36:12,380 --> 00:36:16,524
Terrified to do that because
the belief is, no one wants me,

757
00:36:16,590 --> 00:36:18,044
that's why they're not coming to me.

758
00:36:18,110 --> 00:36:20,060
Why would they want me to go to them?

759
00:36:20,126 --> 00:36:21,534
So I remember though,

760
00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,804
some instructions from one of my teachers,

761
00:36:23,870 --> 00:36:25,104
that when we're feeling

762
00:36:25,170 --> 00:36:27,764
this extraordinarily effective suffering,

763
00:36:27,830 --> 00:36:29,394
so my body is tight,

764
00:36:29,460 --> 00:36:32,604
and it feels flooded with cortisol

765
00:36:32,670 --> 00:36:34,584
and other chemicals of stress,

766
00:36:34,650 --> 00:36:38,334
and my mind is telling
me, "I don't belong here."

767
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:39,191
I remember the practice,

768
00:36:39,257 --> 00:36:41,564
and the practice is just to simply

769
00:36:41,630 --> 00:36:43,914
question the truth of that thought

770
00:36:43,980 --> 00:36:46,964
and open my entire attention

771
00:36:47,030 --> 00:36:49,155
to all the difficult sensations,

772
00:36:49,221 --> 00:36:52,924
to noticing my mind wants
to pull me out of presence,

773
00:36:52,990 --> 00:36:54,834
come back to presence, stay with the body,

774
00:36:54,900 --> 00:36:56,097
feel the discomfort,

775
00:36:56,163 --> 00:37:01,163
open to it and let it sort of
sizzle and cure me as it were,

776
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:04,067
and rest and watch this duration.

777
00:37:04,133 --> 00:37:07,854
And it stayed for some time,
maybe two or three minutes.

778
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,794
And then I was able to just notice

779
00:37:10,860 --> 00:37:14,904
that this is a habit of
mind and not the truth.

780
00:37:14,970 --> 00:37:17,894
And I was able to get up and
just say hello to a few people

781
00:37:17,960 --> 00:37:21,354
and walk away feeling totally different.

782
00:37:21,420 --> 00:37:23,554
This methodology is used now

783
00:37:23,620 --> 00:37:25,334
in all kinds of forms of therapy,

784
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:27,907
like mindfulness-based relapse prevention,

785
00:37:27,973 --> 00:37:29,964
mindfulness-based cognitive therapy,

786
00:37:30,030 --> 00:37:33,396
and it's helping people,
millions of people deal
with anxiety and depression.

787
00:37:33,462 --> 00:37:35,194
But I discovered it right there,

788
00:37:35,260 --> 00:37:36,944
before I knew about any of those things,

789
00:37:37,010 --> 00:37:38,604
just by applying the practice

790
00:37:38,670 --> 00:37:40,724
right when I wanted to
just get up and leave

791
00:37:40,790 --> 00:37:42,024
and run out of the room,

792
00:37:42,090 --> 00:37:43,684
but staying in the fire,

793
00:37:43,750 --> 00:37:45,804
sitting in the fire with compassion

794
00:37:45,870 --> 00:37:48,194
and letting it transform my mind.

795
00:37:48,260 --> 00:37:52,204
- I often say that your
life is your practice,

796
00:37:52,270 --> 00:37:54,484
my life is my practice.

797
00:37:54,550 --> 00:37:57,612
And that became very true for me

798
00:37:57,678 --> 00:38:00,944
when I moved through the grieving process

799
00:38:01,010 --> 00:38:04,724
after my son passed away unexpectedly,

800
00:38:04,790 --> 00:38:07,424
he was eight months old,

801
00:38:07,490 --> 00:38:10,938
and just a beautiful, healthy little boy.

802
00:38:11,004 --> 00:38:14,214
And he got a stomach bug,

803
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:17,334
and he just didn't seem to get better.

804
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,304
And I would go to the doctor,
they would send us home.

805
00:38:20,370 --> 00:38:21,774
I took him to the emergency room,

806
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:25,774
they sent us home, and
finally after one night,

807
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:27,391
he wasn't keeping anything down,

808
00:38:27,457 --> 00:38:28,754
he was so upset.

809
00:38:28,820 --> 00:38:31,761
I took him back to the
emergency room and said,

810
00:38:31,827 --> 00:38:33,094
"You gotta look at him.

811
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:34,994
Something's not right here."

812
00:38:35,060 --> 00:38:36,994
And he looked a little dehydrated.

813
00:38:37,060 --> 00:38:39,089
So they brought him in
and they were gonna get him on liquids.

814
00:38:39,155 --> 00:38:44,155
And then everything began
to get out of control.

815
00:38:46,847 --> 00:38:48,374
It felt like it was out of control.

816
00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:50,844
It almost was like I was watching a movie,

817
00:38:50,910 --> 00:38:52,214
those experiences in your life

818
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:56,034
when you really are just the observer.

819
00:38:56,100 --> 00:39:01,100
And I will always have that
memory of looking down at him,

820
00:39:01,643 --> 00:39:05,314
and he just starts taking
these kinds of gulps of breath.

821
00:39:05,380 --> 00:39:08,064
And I asked the nurse, I'm
like, "What is he doing?"

822
00:39:08,130 --> 00:39:10,824
And then she just said,
"This does not look good."

823
00:39:10,890 --> 00:39:13,140
And suddenly there was
10 people in the room.

824
00:39:16,070 --> 00:39:17,814
They placed a mask on him.

825
00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:19,794
They were pumping air into his lungs,

826
00:39:19,860 --> 00:39:24,580
and they revived him and I
called my husband at work.

827
00:39:26,100 --> 00:39:28,384
And he was glad I was going
to the emergency room,

828
00:39:28,450 --> 00:39:30,244
because he thought it would help me,

829
00:39:30,310 --> 00:39:31,954
'cause he knew I was
going to be at home alone

830
00:39:32,020 --> 00:39:34,554
and he didn't want me to be stressed out.

831
00:39:34,620 --> 00:39:37,634
And he knew I was worrying about our son

832
00:39:37,700 --> 00:39:39,904
even though we thought he just had a bug.

833
00:39:39,970 --> 00:39:41,851
And I just remember telling him, I'm like,

834
00:39:41,917 --> 00:39:44,224
"Leave, get here now."

835
00:39:44,290 --> 00:39:49,290
And he walked out of work
and just came straight away.

836
00:39:49,634 --> 00:39:51,944
And he said, he knew something was wrong

837
00:39:52,010 --> 00:39:55,334
when a social worker
greeted him at the hospital.

838
00:39:55,400 --> 00:39:58,313
Within two hours, our son
passed away of cardiac arrest.

839
00:40:02,803 --> 00:40:05,970
It was an undiagnosed heart condition,

840
00:40:06,930 --> 00:40:09,994
it's very rare, called Kawasaki disease.

841
00:40:10,060 --> 00:40:13,414
He had gotten sick about
a month and a half before

842
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:16,054
and turns out that was
the initial symptoms

843
00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:18,753
of the disease expressing
itself in his body.

844
00:40:18,819 --> 00:40:23,819
And the doctors had thought
it was something else,

845
00:40:23,930 --> 00:40:25,334
they thought it was just a virus.

846
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:26,834
Had it been detected then,

847
00:40:26,900 --> 00:40:28,794
there could have been something that

848
00:40:28,860 --> 00:40:30,814
they could have done, but
the symptoms went away,

849
00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:32,484
he seemed totally fine.

850
00:40:32,550 --> 00:40:37,044
And what had happened was the
disease attacks the heart.

851
00:40:37,110 --> 00:40:39,374
And though he gotten a stomach virus,

852
00:40:39,440 --> 00:40:42,654
his heart couldn't handle
the virus going through that,

853
00:40:42,720 --> 00:40:44,794
and his heart gave out.

854
00:40:44,860 --> 00:40:47,544
I like to say that he was just

855
00:40:47,610 --> 00:40:51,664
enveloped in so much love,
his little heart burst.

856
00:40:51,730 --> 00:40:54,504
But there was just this experience

857
00:40:54,570 --> 00:40:57,954
of just watching people come in and out.

858
00:40:58,020 --> 00:41:00,534
I'd say probably 30 people all in all,

859
00:41:00,600 --> 00:41:02,664
entered the room and left the
room trying to revive him,

860
00:41:02,730 --> 00:41:07,730
trying to get him to just stay alive.

861
00:41:08,020 --> 00:41:09,904
What a lot of people don't tell you

862
00:41:09,970 --> 00:41:13,074
is that after a baby dies,

863
00:41:13,140 --> 00:41:15,794
they wrap the baby in a blank
and they hand them to you.

864
00:41:15,860 --> 00:41:20,574
And I think that this is a way
for the parents to transition

865
00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:24,664
into the experience of letting go.

866
00:41:24,730 --> 00:41:27,044
And they give you a
hospital room for four hours

867
00:41:27,110 --> 00:41:28,510
so you can be with the baby.

868
00:41:29,420 --> 00:41:33,052
And I just remember having to call my mom

869
00:41:33,118 --> 00:41:38,118
and I'm feeling that experience.

870
00:41:38,570 --> 00:41:40,744
When I go back and I live the experience,

871
00:41:40,810 --> 00:41:44,464
I get emotional because
it's just like reliving it.

872
00:41:44,530 --> 00:41:48,094
But you should know that
my heart is so full of love

873
00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:51,584
for my son, for the experience.

874
00:41:51,650 --> 00:41:55,834
And for being able to move
through this experience

875
00:41:55,900 --> 00:41:59,173
and be present to what was
enfolding when it was unfolding.

876
00:42:00,150 --> 00:42:02,004
I just remember seeing my mom come

877
00:42:02,070 --> 00:42:06,634
and her legs gave out on
her, and my sister was there,

878
00:42:06,700 --> 00:42:09,084
and a few of our friends
came to say goodbye.

879
00:42:09,150 --> 00:42:11,253
And we just kissed him goodbye.

880
00:42:12,230 --> 00:42:14,064
We wrapped him in a blanket

881
00:42:14,130 --> 00:42:17,614
that my mother-in-law had made for him.

882
00:42:17,680 --> 00:42:18,704
And they took him away.

883
00:42:18,770 --> 00:42:21,514
We put them in that
because it just felt like,

884
00:42:21,580 --> 00:42:23,574
it looked more like him.

885
00:42:23,640 --> 00:42:28,640
I knew intuitively that it
was time to pay attention.

886
00:42:29,440 --> 00:42:31,174
I wanted to be present

887
00:42:31,240 --> 00:42:35,094
for what was about to unfold in my life

888
00:42:35,160 --> 00:42:37,124
and our lives collectively.

889
00:42:37,190 --> 00:42:41,314
What unfolded in the months following

890
00:42:41,380 --> 00:42:43,984
was this experience in which

891
00:42:44,050 --> 00:42:49,050
I was fully present to
the feelings of loss,

892
00:42:50,870 --> 00:42:55,664
the feelings of grief, the
feelings of agony, of sadness.

893
00:42:55,730 --> 00:42:59,124
And instead of trying to push them away

894
00:42:59,190 --> 00:43:01,224
or trying to get through it quickly,

895
00:43:01,290 --> 00:43:04,704
I just allowed them to have residency.

896
00:43:04,770 --> 00:43:06,974
So whatever needed to arise,

897
00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:12,040
I just allowed it to come
up and have its time.

898
00:43:12,530 --> 00:43:17,530
And what I learned in that
was sadness can be beautiful

899
00:43:18,908 --> 00:43:21,204
and it can be healing,

900
00:43:21,270 --> 00:43:26,270
and allowing yourself to have
a layered human experience

901
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:31,564
is so powerful and meaningful.

902
00:43:31,630 --> 00:43:34,874
And because I'm open to it,

903
00:43:34,940 --> 00:43:39,940
I had little miracles that
would unfold along the way.

904
00:43:41,180 --> 00:43:45,734
And now I think the
greatest gift my son gave me

905
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:49,984
was he walked me over the
bridge from faith to knowing.

906
00:43:50,050 --> 00:43:54,674
So there are certain things
that I now know about life

907
00:43:54,740 --> 00:43:55,634
that I would not

908
00:43:55,700 --> 00:43:59,744
have been able to stand
in authority and say,

909
00:43:59,810 --> 00:44:00,874
I know this to be true,

910
00:44:00,940 --> 00:44:03,034
had that not occurred.

911
00:44:03,100 --> 00:44:05,064
Did it happen the way I wanted it to?

912
00:44:05,130 --> 00:44:07,548
Absolutely not, but it happened.

913
00:44:07,614 --> 00:44:10,531
I remember somebody said to me,

914
00:44:10,597 --> 00:44:13,464
"No parent should go through this."

915
00:44:13,530 --> 00:44:16,644
And I just found that to
be so unhelpful for me,

916
00:44:16,710 --> 00:44:19,164
because I was going through this.

917
00:44:19,230 --> 00:44:24,230
And one thing that we must learn to do,

918
00:44:24,650 --> 00:44:28,274
if we are going to experience peace

919
00:44:28,340 --> 00:44:32,243
is accept what is unfolding before us.

920
00:44:33,110 --> 00:44:36,554
- The process is, I
liken it to log rolling.

921
00:44:36,620 --> 00:44:38,164
It's just really hard for us,

922
00:44:38,230 --> 00:44:39,864
just falling in the water,
falling in the water.

923
00:44:39,930 --> 00:44:41,374
If the water is your thoughts,

924
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:44,884
and being on the log is
being in your senses,

925
00:44:44,950 --> 00:44:46,144
you're constantly just falling,

926
00:44:46,210 --> 00:44:48,894
and you have to be totally
okay with that and embrace it.

927
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:49,884
Why?

928
00:44:49,950 --> 00:44:51,084
Well, first of all, it's a new skill,

929
00:44:51,150 --> 00:44:53,074
you're not supposed to be great at it yet.

930
00:44:53,140 --> 00:44:56,538
But second of all,
it also shows you about
the nature of mind.

931
00:44:56,604 --> 00:44:58,044
Falling into the water

932
00:44:58,110 --> 00:44:59,704
when you're trying to experience a log,

933
00:44:59,770 --> 00:45:00,734
tells you about water,

934
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:02,284
and tells you about balance, buoyancy,

935
00:45:02,350 --> 00:45:03,117
all those things.

936
00:45:03,183 --> 00:45:06,179
You're learning things, even
as you "get distracted."

937
00:45:06,245 --> 00:45:08,944
So you're never not benefiting from it.

938
00:45:09,010 --> 00:45:12,341
And you always want to
embrace that experience of,

939
00:45:12,407 --> 00:45:15,928
"Oh this is not simple, and it's not easy,

940
00:45:15,994 --> 00:45:18,784
but each moment I can try again."

941
00:45:18,850 --> 00:45:21,134
And the ability to begin again,

942
00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:23,854
and that spirit of what
we call in neuroscience,

943
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:26,504
we call it the courage of repetition.

944
00:45:26,570 --> 00:45:31,254
I had to keep embracing
a thousand repetitions

945
00:45:31,320 --> 00:45:33,154
as the yes to the experience.

946
00:45:33,220 --> 00:45:36,200
But also, if you play
a musical instrument,

947
00:45:36,266 --> 00:45:41,164
if you play sports, if you paint or write,

948
00:45:41,230 --> 00:45:44,102
you know what it's like to
not think the technique.

949
00:45:44,168 --> 00:45:47,644
In the beginning, if you're
learning a tennis swing,

950
00:45:47,710 --> 00:45:48,924
the coach is telling you to make sure

951
00:45:48,990 --> 00:45:51,594
to have your racket face
outward a little bit,

952
00:45:51,660 --> 00:45:54,074
and the backswing has to
be parallel to the cord

953
00:45:54,140 --> 00:45:56,461
and your left hand should be
forward if you're right-handed.

954
00:45:56,527 --> 00:45:57,294
"Okay, I gotta to think
about all these things.

955
00:45:57,360 --> 00:46:00,084
And then I try and think
of, and I can't do it."

956
00:46:00,150 --> 00:46:02,674
But gradually, I start experimenting,

957
00:46:02,740 --> 00:46:05,334
and my body and my mind are communicating,

958
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:07,674
and something becomes embodied,

959
00:46:07,740 --> 00:46:08,644
when it's embodied,

960
00:46:08,710 --> 00:46:09,960
I don't need to think it.

961
00:46:11,130 --> 00:46:12,754
I mean, you put on shoes today.

962
00:46:12,820 --> 00:46:13,587
I guarantee you,

963
00:46:13,653 --> 00:46:15,584
you did not think about
how to tie your shoelaces.

964
00:46:15,650 --> 00:46:18,704
You were thinking about
something else, because you can,

965
00:46:18,770 --> 00:46:20,524
because your body knows.

966
00:46:20,590 --> 00:46:24,024
So in the same way, as you practice this

967
00:46:24,090 --> 00:46:25,334
and you begin to distinguish

968
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:30,234
between thinking breath
versus feeling breath,

969
00:46:30,300 --> 00:46:34,064
thinking wash the dishes versus
actually sensing the plate,

970
00:46:34,130 --> 00:46:36,723
feeling the wet sponge,
hearing the scrub sound,

971
00:46:37,670 --> 00:46:39,634
those are all immediate
radical experiences

972
00:46:39,700 --> 00:46:44,642
that don't need explanation
or any kind of elaboration.

973
00:46:44,708 --> 00:46:47,184
But the mind is used to
talking all the time,

974
00:46:47,250 --> 00:46:50,154
and narrating our experience,
which is a wonderful thing.

975
00:46:50,220 --> 00:46:51,284
The only way I can have
this interview with you

976
00:46:51,350 --> 00:46:52,652
is 'cause I can do that.

977
00:46:52,718 --> 00:46:57,360
However, that's not the only
experience that's possible.

978
00:46:57,426 --> 00:47:00,914
And quite often, our internal
narrative is not that pleasant

979
00:47:00,980 --> 00:47:05,004
especially given cultural upheavals

980
00:47:05,070 --> 00:47:08,152
and global health threats
and contentious elections.

981
00:47:08,218 --> 00:47:10,984
So it's helpful to have a choice

982
00:47:11,050 --> 00:47:14,724
to let that sort of
shift to the background,

983
00:47:14,790 --> 00:47:18,024
and that my actual lived
experience being the foreground.

984
00:47:18,090 --> 00:47:21,033
So there's a great payoff
to those thousand reps.

985
00:47:22,640 --> 00:47:27,154
- The journey, there
was an initial benefit

986
00:47:27,220 --> 00:47:29,064
once I started to practice,

987
00:47:29,130 --> 00:47:31,024
of just relief,

988
00:47:31,090 --> 00:47:36,090
relief from my over active,
busy, unable to settle down,

989
00:47:37,270 --> 00:47:39,004
easily frustrated mind.

990
00:47:39,070 --> 00:47:42,364
That was great.
And I didn't have to drink any alcohol,

991
00:47:42,430 --> 00:47:44,814
I didn't have to binge on any food.

992
00:47:44,880 --> 00:47:47,891
This was just a skill
and a tool to practice.

993
00:47:47,957 --> 00:47:49,904
And I didn't have to be anywhere

994
00:47:49,970 --> 00:47:51,384
or be with anybody to do it.

995
00:47:51,450 --> 00:47:53,944
That was the initial benefits.

996
00:47:54,010 --> 00:47:59,010
And then about six months into
my practicing mindfulness,

997
00:48:00,240 --> 00:48:01,722
I was in my backyard,

998
00:48:01,788 --> 00:48:03,674
I had just finished yoga,

999
00:48:03,740 --> 00:48:05,904
so I was completely exhausted.

1000
00:48:05,970 --> 00:48:09,434
And then I started my breath practice,

1001
00:48:09,500 --> 00:48:12,954
where I'm bringing my
attention to my breath,

1002
00:48:13,020 --> 00:48:15,244
following it as it's coming in,

1003
00:48:15,310 --> 00:48:17,794
noticing little space in-between,

1004
00:48:17,860 --> 00:48:20,304
and then following my breath as I go out.

1005
00:48:20,370 --> 00:48:23,254
But I also count, so I do a count of five.

1006
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:27,774
So as I'm breathing in, I do
one, two, three, four, five.

1007
00:48:27,840 --> 00:48:32,054
And as I exhale, I count
one, two, three, four, five,

1008
00:48:32,120 --> 00:48:37,120
it just adds more stimulus or
more information for my brain,

1009
00:48:37,440 --> 00:48:39,754
my hyperactive brain to focus on.

1010
00:48:39,820 --> 00:48:41,414
But while I was doing that,

1011
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:45,684
all of a sudden I had this experience

1012
00:48:45,750 --> 00:48:49,054
where my thoughts completely shut off.

1013
00:48:49,120 --> 00:48:52,034
When I also practice
mindfulness, I close my eyes,

1014
00:48:52,100 --> 00:48:53,034
and when I close my eyes,

1015
00:48:53,100 --> 00:48:55,154
I see a little light in front of me.

1016
00:48:55,220 --> 00:48:57,004
And I focus on that light.

1017
00:48:57,070 --> 00:49:00,564
And while I was focusing on
this light in front of me,

1018
00:49:00,630 --> 00:49:03,064
eventually the light kept getting

1019
00:49:03,130 --> 00:49:06,694
bigger and bigger and bigger.

1020
00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:09,133
Eventually, I became the light.

1021
00:49:10,397 --> 00:49:14,614
That saying, I saw the
light, I am the light,

1022
00:49:14,680 --> 00:49:17,894
I felt it flow through me.

1023
00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:21,274
It was an experience that's indescribable.

1024
00:49:21,340 --> 00:49:25,564
I'll do my best, but
just in my descriptions,

1025
00:49:25,630 --> 00:49:27,914
they're just like street
signs, street signs,

1026
00:49:27,980 --> 00:49:29,394
they're not the street.

1027
00:49:29,460 --> 00:49:30,714
While I felt it,

1028
00:49:30,780 --> 00:49:34,282
I felt just pure peace,

1029
00:49:34,348 --> 00:49:39,348
just unbelievable
calmness, peace, and joy,

1030
00:49:42,750 --> 00:49:44,964
and then it stopped.

1031
00:49:45,030 --> 00:49:48,314
And then I was like,
my mind kicked back on.

1032
00:49:48,380 --> 00:49:50,141
My first thought was,

1033
00:49:50,207 --> 00:49:52,504
"Holy shit has just happened,"

1034
00:49:52,570 --> 00:49:53,824
because I had been reading

1035
00:49:53,890 --> 00:49:56,604
about this experience
for many, many years.

1036
00:49:56,670 --> 00:49:59,382
The first time I had this experience,

1037
00:49:59,448 --> 00:50:04,448
I was in a car accident
in the summer of '97.

1038
00:50:05,290 --> 00:50:08,284
I was actually ejected out of the vehicle,

1039
00:50:08,350 --> 00:50:10,004
my seatbelt ripped.

1040
00:50:10,070 --> 00:50:13,564
And I was, according to the police report,

1041
00:50:13,630 --> 00:50:16,614
thrown a hundred feet
from the point of impact

1042
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:19,214
to where my body landed on the ground.

1043
00:50:19,280 --> 00:50:21,154
I don't remember the impact.

1044
00:50:21,220 --> 00:50:22,544
I remember certain points,

1045
00:50:22,610 --> 00:50:24,954
my consciousness just
kept coming in and out.

1046
00:50:25,020 --> 00:50:27,824
And then since we were so
far away from a hospital,

1047
00:50:27,890 --> 00:50:31,754
they send a helicopter out
to lift me air ambulance

1048
00:50:31,820 --> 00:50:34,024
to Holy Cross Medical
Center in Mission Hills.

1049
00:50:34,090 --> 00:50:36,024
I was on the helicopter,

1050
00:50:36,090 --> 00:50:37,274
while I'm on the helicopter,

1051
00:50:37,340 --> 00:50:39,714
my consciousness is coming in and out,

1052
00:50:39,780 --> 00:50:40,682
one moment I'm there,

1053
00:50:40,748 --> 00:50:42,431
everyone's telling me to calm down,

1054
00:50:42,497 --> 00:50:44,064
it was just an accident.

1055
00:50:44,130 --> 00:50:47,858
I'm fighting people because
I'm in such a state of shock,

1056
00:50:47,924 --> 00:50:48,934
I don't know what's going on.

1057
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:50,464
I get to the hospital,

1058
00:50:50,530 --> 00:50:52,144
they rolled me into the emergency room,

1059
00:50:52,210 --> 00:50:53,324
I'm coming in and out,

1060
00:50:53,390 --> 00:50:54,564
I'm fighting the nurses,

1061
00:50:54,630 --> 00:50:56,544
the nurses are telling me to calm down.

1062
00:50:56,610 --> 00:50:59,374
So while I was in the emergency room,

1063
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:01,944
and all this chaos was going on,

1064
00:51:02,010 --> 00:51:03,926
and they're sticking a catheter in me

1065
00:51:03,992 --> 00:51:07,144
and breathing tubes down my throat,

1066
00:51:07,210 --> 00:51:12,210
I felt my awareness or my
consciousness leave my body.

1067
00:51:13,220 --> 00:51:17,584
I actually felt like my,

1068
00:51:17,650 --> 00:51:18,832
I don't know

1069
00:51:18,898 --> 00:51:21,037
if you want to call it
spirit awareness conscious,

1070
00:51:21,103 --> 00:51:22,984
whatever you wanna call it,

1071
00:51:23,050 --> 00:51:26,994
actually leave my physical presence.

1072
00:51:27,060 --> 00:51:29,836
And I was able to actually look at myself

1073
00:51:29,902 --> 00:51:32,224
while I was in the room,

1074
00:51:32,290 --> 00:51:34,604
while I was lying down on the hospital,

1075
00:51:34,670 --> 00:51:37,774
while people were frantically
working around me,

1076
00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:39,104
shoving breathing tubes,

1077
00:51:39,170 --> 00:51:41,404
giving me injections, holding me down,

1078
00:51:41,470 --> 00:51:46,440
but I felt completely calm
and peaceful out of my body.

1079
00:51:46,506 --> 00:51:50,994
And I even saw this white light

1080
00:51:51,060 --> 00:51:53,054
out of like the corner of my eye.

1081
00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:54,484
And then when I went towards it,

1082
00:51:54,550 --> 00:51:57,071
then I just kind of blacked out.

1083
00:51:57,137 --> 00:52:00,354
And then I woke up in
ICU three days later,

1084
00:52:00,420 --> 00:52:01,254
and then that's when everybody

1085
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:02,754
explained to me what happened.

1086
00:52:02,820 --> 00:52:04,894
That was my first experience

1087
00:52:04,960 --> 00:52:07,784
of having, was that near death experience.

1088
00:52:07,850 --> 00:52:10,934
And then about six months
practicing mindfulness,

1089
00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:13,193
I experienced it again.

1090
00:52:14,220 --> 00:52:16,299
And that really

1091
00:52:16,365 --> 00:52:19,063
has completely changed
my life ever since then.

1092
00:52:20,350 --> 00:52:22,054
- Owing back to some of the things

1093
00:52:22,120 --> 00:52:23,624
that we know from science,

1094
00:52:23,690 --> 00:52:24,934
so we know that first of all,

1095
00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:29,294
I can take care of this
marvelous, mysterious organism,

1096
00:52:29,360 --> 00:52:33,174
I can learn more about when I'm stressing

1097
00:52:33,240 --> 00:52:34,024
and what to do about it,

1098
00:52:34,090 --> 00:52:35,814
because I'm paying much more attention

1099
00:52:35,880 --> 00:52:37,134
to that throughout the day,

1100
00:52:37,200 --> 00:52:39,309
not just occasionally,
not just on a retreat,

1101
00:52:39,375 --> 00:52:41,285
not just on a spa day,

1102
00:52:41,351 --> 00:52:44,204
but daily, I'm monitoring my body,

1103
00:52:44,270 --> 00:52:47,594
learning how the interaction
with the world creates stress

1104
00:52:47,660 --> 00:52:49,034
and what I can do about it.

1105
00:52:49,100 --> 00:52:51,701
I'm monitoring my mind to see,

1106
00:52:51,767 --> 00:52:54,584
"Oh, where are their thoughts and beliefs,

1107
00:52:54,650 --> 00:52:56,264
that project a reality into the world

1108
00:52:56,330 --> 00:52:58,584
that needs to be verified?"

1109
00:52:58,650 --> 00:53:01,034
So I'm constantly doing fact-checking.

1110
00:53:01,100 --> 00:53:03,484
So I might believe certain things about

1111
00:53:03,550 --> 00:53:05,804
police officers or black lives matter

1112
00:53:05,870 --> 00:53:06,774
or whatever it might be.

1113
00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:07,904
How do I know?

1114
00:53:07,970 --> 00:53:09,204
Is that based on one article I read,

1115
00:53:09,270 --> 00:53:10,407
one interview I watched?

1116
00:53:10,473 --> 00:53:11,894
I need to really

1117
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:14,124
start to bring my mindfulness into a place

1118
00:53:14,190 --> 00:53:16,534
where I'm taking on the responsibility

1119
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:19,474
for verifying what's actual.

1120
00:53:19,540 --> 00:53:21,972
And instead of going into
black and white thinking,

1121
00:53:22,038 --> 00:53:24,334
which just oversimplifies things,

1122
00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:27,774
I have to seek the
gray, if I see the gray,

1123
00:53:27,840 --> 00:53:31,344
it's inconvenient, because
I have to work for it.

1124
00:53:31,410 --> 00:53:33,017
I have to read more articles,

1125
00:53:33,083 --> 00:53:38,083
I have to do that with my
adult discount of discernment.

1126
00:53:38,170 --> 00:53:39,714
I have to talk to people of all kinds

1127
00:53:39,780 --> 00:53:41,024
and disagree with them sometimes.

1128
00:53:41,090 --> 00:53:42,014
How do I do that skillfully?

1129
00:53:42,080 --> 00:53:43,664
Well, that altruism

1130
00:53:43,730 --> 00:53:45,834
that we talked about
mindfulness cultivating,

1131
00:53:45,900 --> 00:53:48,964
which is compassion, curiosity, openness,

1132
00:53:49,030 --> 00:53:51,864
willingness, recognizing our connection,

1133
00:53:51,930 --> 00:53:53,254
not just our differences,

1134
00:53:53,320 --> 00:53:55,194
that will help me have those
difficult conversations

1135
00:53:55,260 --> 00:53:56,854
that can shape culture.

1136
00:53:56,920 --> 00:53:59,734
So mindfulness is the tool,

1137
00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:03,403
the light by which I
could see myself as I am,

1138
00:54:03,469 --> 00:54:05,344
as my body is,

1139
00:54:05,410 --> 00:54:07,004
as my mind functions,

1140
00:54:07,070 --> 00:54:09,684
as my affect animates me,

1141
00:54:09,750 --> 00:54:11,515
and take responsibility for it,

1142
00:54:11,581 --> 00:54:12,994
to try and find out

1143
00:54:13,060 --> 00:54:16,091
what's to the best of
my knowledge today true,

1144
00:54:16,157 --> 00:54:17,474
what is the good in front of me

1145
00:54:17,540 --> 00:54:20,404
that I could do for myself, for others.

1146
00:54:20,470 --> 00:54:22,324
And how well am I doing that?

1147
00:54:22,390 --> 00:54:25,933
Mindfulness is the light that
shines on that intention,

1148
00:54:25,999 --> 00:54:28,693
that methodology and those outcomes.

1149
00:54:31,230 --> 00:54:34,194
- It was like a drug when I
didn't achieve it, I was like

1150
00:54:34,260 --> 00:54:35,920
"What the hell am I doing wrong?"

1151
00:54:35,986 --> 00:54:39,254
And I didn't realize like,
"Well, that's not mindfulness."

1152
00:54:39,320 --> 00:54:40,670
Mindfulness is just noticing,

1153
00:54:40,736 --> 00:54:43,710
if that other thing happens, that's great.

1154
00:54:43,776 --> 00:54:48,776
But it's really just noticing
wherever your mind is at.

1155
00:54:49,340 --> 00:54:50,107
The reason why

1156
00:54:50,173 --> 00:54:51,664
you don't wanna set that up as a standard

1157
00:54:51,730 --> 00:54:53,974
is because whenever you don't achieve that

1158
00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:55,880
when you sit down and
meditate or practice,

1159
00:54:55,946 --> 00:54:57,984
then you're gonna get upset.

1160
00:54:58,050 --> 00:54:59,364
Or you're gonna think that

1161
00:54:59,430 --> 00:55:02,754
you're doing it wrong or
incorrectly, and you're not.

1162
00:55:02,820 --> 00:55:04,811
When I have bouts of
hyperactivity, I was like,

1163
00:55:04,877 --> 00:55:06,784
"I'm not doing it right."

1164
00:55:06,850 --> 00:55:09,164
And it's not that I was,
I was doing it right,

1165
00:55:09,230 --> 00:55:13,039
it's just that I had this reference point,

1166
00:55:13,105 --> 00:55:15,474
I was like, "Oh, well, that's
what I want to achieve.

1167
00:55:15,540 --> 00:55:18,704
I'm not calm, or I'm not
having this experience,

1168
00:55:18,770 --> 00:55:20,144
therefore I'm doing it wrong."

1169
00:55:20,210 --> 00:55:21,634
There is no right and wrong.

1170
00:55:21,700 --> 00:55:25,462
That's one of the biggest
misconceptions in mindfulness,

1171
00:55:25,528 --> 00:55:28,584
is that you practice just to practice.

1172
00:55:28,650 --> 00:55:29,944
There's no right way to practice

1173
00:55:30,010 --> 00:55:31,891
or there's no wrong way to practice.

1174
00:55:31,957 --> 00:55:33,564
And that while you're practicing,

1175
00:55:33,630 --> 00:55:36,204
whatever comes up just shows up,

1176
00:55:36,270 --> 00:55:41,004
and you greet it with a
cup of tea and as a friend,

1177
00:55:41,070 --> 00:55:43,803
and with curiosity and investigation.

1178
00:55:44,750 --> 00:55:47,524
- When I teach a group of 25 people

1179
00:55:47,590 --> 00:55:49,353
in one of my UCLA classes,

1180
00:55:49,419 --> 00:55:53,724
I really right away invite skepticism.

1181
00:55:53,790 --> 00:55:56,403
I invite you to challenge me,

1182
00:55:57,286 --> 00:55:59,404
please do it with respect,

1183
00:55:59,470 --> 00:56:01,162
because it's a couple of people

1184
00:56:01,228 --> 00:56:03,984
to have disrespectful conversation.

1185
00:56:04,050 --> 00:56:05,004
But I expect doubt,

1186
00:56:05,070 --> 00:56:06,664
and I expect skepticism,

1187
00:56:06,730 --> 00:56:09,744
don't believe it because
I say it, try it on.

1188
00:56:09,810 --> 00:56:11,774
And so this is where

1189
00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:14,524
we get really interesting
conversations about things.

1190
00:56:14,590 --> 00:56:17,904
Part of the challenge is mindfulness,

1191
00:56:17,970 --> 00:56:21,101
because it has to be in a
marketplace, has to be advertised.

1192
00:56:21,167 --> 00:56:23,804
And in the advertising itself,

1193
00:56:23,870 --> 00:56:25,954
it's gonna naturally select some people

1194
00:56:26,020 --> 00:56:29,243
and other people will read it
and say, "That's poppycock."

1195
00:56:30,580 --> 00:56:31,347
That's (indistinct).

1196
00:56:31,413 --> 00:56:32,180
I'm not good at that thing.

1197
00:56:32,246 --> 00:56:34,164
"That's for those kind of people."

1198
00:56:34,230 --> 00:56:35,661
So it doesn't attract

1199
00:56:35,727 --> 00:56:37,494
the people who might be really valuable

1200
00:56:37,560 --> 00:56:39,354
and having a conversation about.

1201
00:56:39,420 --> 00:56:42,414
However, I do have a special population

1202
00:56:42,480 --> 00:56:44,984
for whom I am a mindfulness teacher,

1203
00:56:45,050 --> 00:56:47,164
and that is law enforcement and the FBI.

1204
00:56:47,230 --> 00:56:50,854
There, we have a very,
very skeptical audience.

1205
00:56:50,920 --> 00:56:52,154
And it's very extemporaneous.

1206
00:56:52,220 --> 00:56:54,874
We have a loose outline,
but it's very alive.

1207
00:56:54,940 --> 00:56:56,984
And we invite all the descent.

1208
00:56:57,050 --> 00:56:59,074
And one of the things that
we know about mindfulness,

1209
00:56:59,140 --> 00:57:02,916
which is, again, reflecting
back to my introduction to it,

1210
00:57:02,982 --> 00:57:05,494
you cannot force people into mindfulness

1211
00:57:05,560 --> 00:57:08,636
or demand that they do it,
or even suggest they do it

1212
00:57:08,702 --> 00:57:13,004
without them asking for
something, seeking something.

1213
00:57:13,070 --> 00:57:15,420
And so we had one bad experience

1214
00:57:15,486 --> 00:57:18,111
where Northern California city,

1215
00:57:18,177 --> 00:57:20,631
their chief went through
one of our programs,

1216
00:57:20,697 --> 00:57:22,304
blew his mind open.

1217
00:57:22,370 --> 00:57:24,614
He went to the city, got finances,

1218
00:57:24,680 --> 00:57:25,697
had the entire department

1219
00:57:25,763 --> 00:57:28,694
trained in mindfulness
in our in our program.

1220
00:57:28,760 --> 00:57:30,414
And many of them were resentful,

1221
00:57:30,480 --> 00:57:32,314
because they weren't given a choice.

1222
00:57:32,380 --> 00:57:33,326
And when we found that out,

1223
00:57:33,392 --> 00:57:34,707
no one told us that.

1224
00:57:34,773 --> 00:57:36,891
And they kind of rebelled in the classroom

1225
00:57:36,957 --> 00:57:38,554
during the retreat,

1226
00:57:38,620 --> 00:57:40,581
and we apologized to them and said,

1227
00:57:40,647 --> 00:57:42,334
"It should never be mandatory.

1228
00:57:42,400 --> 00:57:44,679
The beer is stocked,
go have some fun leave.

1229
00:57:44,745 --> 00:57:45,748
If you want to,

1230
00:57:45,814 --> 00:57:49,534
no negative reports to
your superiors, all good."

1231
00:57:49,600 --> 00:57:51,684
And most of them left except for five.

1232
00:57:51,750 --> 00:57:53,500
And those who stayed, we went deep.

1233
00:57:55,251 --> 00:57:56,684
This is really important.

1234
00:57:56,750 --> 00:57:59,274
This is not for everybody at all times.

1235
00:57:59,340 --> 00:58:02,154
This is a voluntary self-introspection.

1236
00:58:02,220 --> 00:58:03,564
And we really respect that.

1237
00:58:03,630 --> 00:58:04,614
We have to respect that.

1238
00:58:04,680 --> 00:58:05,861
And the other thing is that,

1239
00:58:05,927 --> 00:58:08,603
there's always a sense
of self being developed,

1240
00:58:10,278 --> 00:58:11,564
"I've had my first mindfulness class.

1241
00:58:11,630 --> 00:58:13,227
I love mindfulness.

1242
00:58:13,293 --> 00:58:14,060
I want to tell everybody about it."

1243
00:58:14,126 --> 00:58:15,690
And that's natural exuberance.

1244
00:58:15,756 --> 00:58:17,264
You take a few more classes

1245
00:58:17,330 --> 00:58:18,804
and you start to see
your friends struggle.

1246
00:58:18,870 --> 00:58:20,174
And maybe you see some struggles

1247
00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:22,174
or here's some struggles
that you went through

1248
00:58:22,240 --> 00:58:24,024
but now you kind of
have a better angle on,

1249
00:58:24,090 --> 00:58:26,982
and now you kind of like,
"Oh, I'm mindful and they're not."

1250
00:58:27,048 --> 00:58:29,504
And so it's very easy to see

1251
00:58:29,570 --> 00:58:32,054
how I can inflate my sense of self,

1252
00:58:32,120 --> 00:58:33,994
which mindfulness is
actually aiming to notice

1253
00:58:34,060 --> 00:58:36,674
that the sense of self is
not what you think it is.

1254
00:58:36,740 --> 00:58:38,587
And certainly, that you're
not better than me people.

1255
00:58:38,653 --> 00:58:40,774
But we can kind of go there.

1256
00:58:40,840 --> 00:58:43,944
I do some mindfulness training
for political activists

1257
00:58:44,010 --> 00:58:45,064
who are canvassing the neighbors,

1258
00:58:45,130 --> 00:58:47,422
trying to get people to sign up and vote.

1259
00:58:47,488 --> 00:58:49,404
I tell them from the very beginning,

1260
00:58:49,470 --> 00:58:54,470
this is a non-sectarian
egalitarian practice.

1261
00:58:54,730 --> 00:58:56,194
And if we're not careful,

1262
00:58:56,260 --> 00:58:58,554
it will be associated
with only being a Democrat

1263
00:58:58,620 --> 00:59:01,163
or being a Liberal, and it's not true.

1264
00:59:02,130 --> 00:59:04,634
You can be a diehard Trump supporter

1265
00:59:04,700 --> 00:59:06,261
and practice mindfulness.

1266
00:59:06,327 --> 00:59:09,284
There might be all kinds of
experiences that you might have

1267
00:59:09,350 --> 00:59:11,474
if you're working earnestly,

1268
00:59:11,540 --> 00:59:16,540
but it's not a club that you
have join with an affiliation,

1269
00:59:16,850 --> 00:59:20,204
it's a human quality of
paying attention, being aware.

1270
00:59:20,270 --> 00:59:23,014
And we all have delusions and illusions

1271
00:59:23,080 --> 00:59:25,330
about the nature of
reality and nature of self.

1272
00:59:25,396 --> 00:59:26,803
No one is free from that.

1273
00:59:28,170 --> 00:59:30,874
- I don't know if mindfulness
is different for me.

1274
00:59:30,940 --> 00:59:35,564
Now, my experience and
introduction of meditation

1275
00:59:35,630 --> 00:59:37,064
was through Buddhism,

1276
00:59:37,130 --> 00:59:40,784
and mindfulness grew out
of the Buddhist philosophy,

1277
00:59:40,850 --> 00:59:41,617
that practice,

1278
00:59:41,683 --> 00:59:43,725
and what I became to realize,

1279
00:59:43,791 --> 00:59:47,634
the more my practice
matured was the meditation,

1280
00:59:47,700 --> 00:59:51,144
I practiced was mindfulness meditation,

1281
00:59:51,210 --> 00:59:54,924
which was simply sitting in stillness

1282
00:59:54,990 --> 00:59:57,983
and allowing generally my
breath to be an anchor,

1283
00:59:58,049 --> 01:00:01,734
allowing my attention to
gently fall on my breath,

1284
01:00:01,800 --> 01:00:05,014
and then just being aware of what arose

1285
01:00:05,080 --> 01:00:08,444
during the experience
of sitting in meditation without judgment.

1286
01:00:08,510 --> 01:00:10,514
Again, I really have leaned

1287
01:00:10,580 --> 01:00:14,164
into this idea of playful curiosity,

1288
01:00:14,230 --> 01:00:15,314
because I feel like

1289
01:00:15,380 --> 01:00:19,004
that is sort of a wonderful goal to embody

1290
01:00:19,070 --> 01:00:20,363
with anything in life.

1291
01:00:21,520 --> 01:00:23,834
If you're driving in your car in traffic

1292
01:00:23,900 --> 01:00:26,974
and somebody cuts you off
and you're becoming raged,

1293
01:00:27,040 --> 01:00:31,680
can you playfully be curious
be like, "Why is rage?"

1294
01:00:33,731 --> 01:00:36,144
Do I really feel like that
person isn't valuing me?

1295
01:00:36,210 --> 01:00:38,074
"What's a story I really have here."

1296
01:00:38,140 --> 01:00:40,284
And if we can just be
playful in all of it,

1297
01:00:40,350 --> 01:00:42,794
I really do think that's a key to it.

1298
01:00:42,860 --> 01:00:45,004
Again, if we're not laughing,

1299
01:00:45,070 --> 01:00:46,584
especially at ourselves,

1300
01:00:46,650 --> 01:00:48,624
then I think we're missing a point.

1301
01:00:48,690 --> 01:00:52,219
- In my experience of people
who have taken mindfulness,

1302
01:00:52,285 --> 01:00:54,854
there's usually two effects.

1303
01:00:54,920 --> 01:00:57,034
Daniel Goldman and Richie Davidson

1304
01:00:57,100 --> 01:00:59,604
in the book "Altered Traits"
discuss this beautifully.

1305
01:00:59,670 --> 01:01:02,404
It's the wide narrow path.

1306
01:01:02,470 --> 01:01:05,494
And then there's the deep
path that's not so wide.

1307
01:01:05,560 --> 01:01:07,224
What I mean by this is that

1308
01:01:07,290 --> 01:01:09,884
there's a lot of people that
get relaxation out of it.

1309
01:01:09,950 --> 01:01:11,884
That's what brought me to it.

1310
01:01:11,950 --> 01:01:13,734
They just get a break from that

1311
01:01:13,800 --> 01:01:17,944
automatic thinking mind
that doesn't shut off.

1312
01:01:18,010 --> 01:01:21,444
We get about 60 to 90,000 thoughts a day,

1313
01:01:21,510 --> 01:01:24,454
and we don't do 60 to 90,000 things a day.

1314
01:01:24,520 --> 01:01:27,224
So it's just our mind constantly going.

1315
01:01:27,290 --> 01:01:30,755
So most people when they first
start practicing mindfulness,

1316
01:01:30,821 --> 01:01:34,274
they report a relief from a break

1317
01:01:34,340 --> 01:01:36,683
from just that mind
that they can't escape.

1318
01:01:38,790 --> 01:01:40,054
And then there's that other paths

1319
01:01:40,120 --> 01:01:41,804
where the people that do have

1320
01:01:41,870 --> 01:01:45,574
an actual spiritual
experience practicing it.

1321
01:01:45,640 --> 01:01:47,294
And that's what I experienced.

1322
01:01:47,360 --> 01:01:50,534
It's a switch from, this is something I do

1323
01:01:50,600 --> 01:01:52,684
as something to relax

1324
01:01:52,750 --> 01:01:55,854
to this is now who I am.

1325
01:01:55,920 --> 01:01:59,774
This mindfulness now is just a part of me.

1326
01:01:59,840 --> 01:02:04,097
- I have many teenage clients
in my psychotherapy practice.

1327
01:02:04,163 --> 01:02:07,891
And one of the ways I get
buy-in from them as I ask them,

1328
01:02:07,957 --> 01:02:10,464
"So what's it like kind of
being like forced labor?"

1329
01:02:10,530 --> 01:02:12,604
And they look at me like,
"What are you talking about?"

1330
01:02:12,670 --> 01:02:14,934
And I say, "Well, you kind
of have to go to school,

1331
01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:17,074
it's not your choice.
You don't have a choice about it."

1332
01:02:17,140 --> 01:02:19,149
And quite often,
you don't have a choice
of what school you go.

1333
01:02:19,215 --> 01:02:21,112
And certainly have not a choice
of classes most of the time.

1334
01:02:21,178 --> 01:02:22,854
And you don't have choice to teachers.

1335
01:02:22,920 --> 01:02:24,464
So you're stuck and you have to learn

1336
01:02:24,530 --> 01:02:25,867
and you have to do these things.

1337
01:02:25,933 --> 01:02:28,783
And it results in poor education,

1338
01:02:29,680 --> 01:02:32,573
because you have to
want to learn to learn.

1339
01:02:33,591 --> 01:02:34,644
In the same way,

1340
01:02:34,710 --> 01:02:36,694
mindfulness, you have to be curious

1341
01:02:36,760 --> 01:02:38,684
about the nature of experience.

1342
01:02:38,750 --> 01:02:40,821
Be curious about the nature of your mind,

1343
01:02:40,887 --> 01:02:44,434
be curious about what attention really is,

1344
01:02:44,500 --> 01:02:46,153
and what an emotion really is,

1345
01:02:46,219 --> 01:02:48,324
and whether your thoughts are true.

1346
01:02:48,390 --> 01:02:49,684
If you're not curious about that,

1347
01:02:49,750 --> 01:02:50,654
you're not gonna be looking.

1348
01:02:50,720 --> 01:02:52,584
If you're not looking,
you're going to be learning.

1349
01:02:52,650 --> 01:02:53,624
So it's really important

1350
01:02:53,690 --> 01:02:57,305
that we don't insist on
people practicing mindfulness.

1351
01:02:57,371 --> 01:03:01,144
Again, when I reflect
back on my early teachers,

1352
01:03:01,210 --> 01:03:04,024
they never told me to read
a book or try this practice,

1353
01:03:04,090 --> 01:03:07,734
they embodied kindness,
compassion, curiosity,

1354
01:03:07,800 --> 01:03:12,344
temperance, caring, and
that drew me to them.

1355
01:03:12,410 --> 01:03:15,796
So our best example, is if we
can embody those qualities.

1356
01:03:15,862 --> 01:03:18,812
People who benefit from them might say,

1357
01:03:18,878 --> 01:03:20,124
"you've really changed

1358
01:03:20,190 --> 01:03:22,264
or what's your deal, what's your secret?"

1359
01:03:22,330 --> 01:03:23,814
And you might share it at that point

1360
01:03:23,880 --> 01:03:25,544
and maybe they're interested,
maybe they're not.

1361
01:03:25,610 --> 01:03:26,377
But it's really important

1362
01:03:26,443 --> 01:03:28,854
to respect the individual's
sense of agency

1363
01:03:28,920 --> 01:03:30,624
and where they are in their lives.

1364
01:03:30,690 --> 01:03:32,784
It's not for everyone all the time.

1365
01:03:32,850 --> 01:03:36,034
- What's really enjoyable
about teaching mindfulness

1366
01:03:36,100 --> 01:03:39,344
is just the connection with others.

1367
01:03:39,410 --> 01:03:41,894
I noticed that when people discover it,

1368
01:03:41,960 --> 01:03:44,644
the ones that are really open to it,

1369
01:03:44,710 --> 01:03:46,944
it really changes their life,

1370
01:03:47,010 --> 01:03:48,584
just how it changed my life.

1371
01:03:48,650 --> 01:03:52,294
They really go through a transformation,

1372
01:03:52,360 --> 01:03:53,974
a mental transformation,

1373
01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:56,894
whereas before they were really suffering

1374
01:03:56,960 --> 01:03:59,288
with their mind that was uncontrolled,

1375
01:03:59,354 --> 01:04:01,804
that the negativity bias

1376
01:04:01,870 --> 01:04:03,811
and all those automatic negative thoughts

1377
01:04:03,877 --> 01:04:06,072
were really running their life.

1378
01:04:06,138 --> 01:04:11,138
And once they get a break,
they're just so happy.

1379
01:04:11,830 --> 01:04:16,830
And also just being able to
offer a class or a safe space

1380
01:04:18,622 --> 01:04:22,184
where people can come
to and just talk about

1381
01:04:22,250 --> 01:04:23,744
what they're going through,

1382
01:04:23,810 --> 01:04:26,341
what they're experiencing
in their practice

1383
01:04:26,407 --> 01:04:27,944
and in their life.

1384
01:04:28,010 --> 01:04:29,475
To me, my practice in my life,

1385
01:04:29,541 --> 01:04:30,934
they're kind of the same.

1386
01:04:31,000 --> 01:04:33,384
I have my formal practice and my informal.

1387
01:04:33,450 --> 01:04:36,728
My formal is when I just
sit and don't do anything,

1388
01:04:36,794 --> 01:04:38,654
but then I have my informal practice.

1389
01:04:38,720 --> 01:04:40,744
So as I'm having conversations,

1390
01:04:40,810 --> 01:04:44,051
the moment the conversation turns to,

1391
01:04:44,117 --> 01:04:47,014
"Oh, now I'm not having a conversation,

1392
01:04:47,080 --> 01:04:48,757
now I'm having a debate,

1393
01:04:48,823 --> 01:04:51,744
and now I'm not listening to the person.

1394
01:04:51,810 --> 01:04:56,752
Now I'm just trying to get
the person to agree with me,"

1395
01:04:56,818 --> 01:04:59,894
so I practice it in my conversations.

1396
01:04:59,960 --> 01:05:00,784
Throughout the day,

1397
01:05:00,850 --> 01:05:03,774
people report how it helps them,

1398
01:05:03,840 --> 01:05:05,374
now just eating meals.

1399
01:05:05,440 --> 01:05:08,431
So now as they eat their
lunch or their dinner,

1400
01:05:08,497 --> 01:05:12,148
they're able to be really
fully with the meal

1401
01:05:12,214 --> 01:05:14,404
rather than thinking about,

1402
01:05:14,470 --> 01:05:16,696
so if they're having their lunch,

1403
01:05:16,762 --> 01:05:19,564
they're not busy thinking
about what's for dinner.

1404
01:05:19,630 --> 01:05:21,434
So people are reporting

1405
01:05:21,500 --> 01:05:24,663
just more moments of
satisfaction throughout the day.

1406
01:05:26,240 --> 01:05:28,504
- I teach mindfulness,

1407
01:05:28,570 --> 01:05:32,474
and how I encourage people to
use a mindfulness practice,

1408
01:05:32,540 --> 01:05:34,780
is to be able to create space

1409
01:05:34,846 --> 01:05:37,814
from that which we
identify as the observer

1410
01:05:37,880 --> 01:05:41,934
and the endless ticker of
thoughts that are going nonstop.

1411
01:05:42,000 --> 01:05:44,854
So you can be able to
separate yourself from them,

1412
01:05:44,920 --> 01:05:47,664
see that, "Oh, I am not my thoughts."

1413
01:05:47,730 --> 01:05:50,044
And just because, like
I mentioned earlier,

1414
01:05:50,110 --> 01:05:52,854
because I'm thinking it,
doesn't mean that it's true,

1415
01:05:52,920 --> 01:05:56,561
and I can see it arise again
and again and again and again

1416
01:05:56,627 --> 01:05:58,994
and I don't have to attach myself to it.

1417
01:05:59,060 --> 01:06:04,060
And that's a skill that is
learned, and it takes practice.

1418
01:06:04,680 --> 01:06:08,784
And so meditation is the most tangible

1419
01:06:08,850 --> 01:06:10,934
practice you can do to support yourself

1420
01:06:11,000 --> 01:06:14,084
in developing that kind of awareness.

1421
01:06:14,150 --> 01:06:16,354
- Shortly after I was meditating

1422
01:06:16,420 --> 01:06:19,612
or practicing mindfulness
during one of my sessions,

1423
01:06:19,678 --> 01:06:23,634
I just thought of how good I was feeling,

1424
01:06:23,700 --> 01:06:27,704
then I started to think
about how limited I am

1425
01:06:27,770 --> 01:06:30,584
as far as work capacity
with my chronic pain

1426
01:06:30,650 --> 01:06:32,204
and with my vision.

1427
01:06:32,270 --> 01:06:34,624
It's hard for me to just
go to a 9:00 to 5:00

1428
01:06:34,690 --> 01:06:35,684
and sit at a desk.

1429
01:06:35,750 --> 01:06:37,184
I can do it with my vision,

1430
01:06:37,250 --> 01:06:39,644
but factoring in the pain and the vision

1431
01:06:39,710 --> 01:06:41,824
make it very difficult.

1432
01:06:41,890 --> 01:06:44,378
So I was feeling really good.

1433
01:06:44,444 --> 01:06:49,444
And I thought, "I can teach mindfulness."

1434
01:06:50,010 --> 01:06:53,244
It took me six months
to work up the courage

1435
01:06:53,310 --> 01:06:56,864
to even offer the class
at the Braille Institute,

1436
01:06:56,930 --> 01:07:01,064
because of just of my past
trauma of being bullied.

1437
01:07:01,130 --> 01:07:03,654
So just offering the mindfulness class,

1438
01:07:03,720 --> 01:07:06,734
that was challenging for me and stressful.

1439
01:07:06,800 --> 01:07:10,744
And that's part of the PTSD
as far as me overcoming it.

1440
01:07:10,810 --> 01:07:15,624
And now I can do it, no problem,
as far as going to class.

1441
01:07:15,690 --> 01:07:18,802
And at first, the whole week,

1442
01:07:18,868 --> 01:07:22,204
the very first class I offered,

1443
01:07:22,270 --> 01:07:24,274
that whole week I was anxious.

1444
01:07:24,340 --> 01:07:27,371
Then I started to work on it.

1445
01:07:27,437 --> 01:07:29,724
And the more often I taught class,

1446
01:07:29,790 --> 01:07:31,374
the more comfortable I became,

1447
01:07:31,440 --> 01:07:33,434
they call it exposure therapy.

1448
01:07:33,500 --> 01:07:36,826
I was exposing myself
to unpleasant stimulus,

1449
01:07:36,892 --> 01:07:40,116
and I was becoming comfortable with it,

1450
01:07:40,182 --> 01:07:44,504
so that I no longer experience
that stress response.

1451
01:07:44,570 --> 01:07:46,024
And now I can have class

1452
01:07:46,090 --> 01:07:47,844
at the Braille Institute, no problems.

1453
01:07:47,910 --> 01:07:52,910
Just seeing the benefits and
the effects it's had on me,

1454
01:07:53,144 --> 01:07:55,757
I wanna share that with others.

1455
01:07:55,823 --> 01:07:59,211
I want others to overcome
their difficulties,

1456
01:07:59,277 --> 01:08:02,424
their challenges, their struggles.

1457
01:08:02,490 --> 01:08:04,444
For me, it's public speaking,

1458
01:08:04,510 --> 01:08:09,118
or going in unfamiliar
situations or settings

1459
01:08:09,184 --> 01:08:12,380
or maybe having certain
conversations with people,

1460
01:08:12,446 --> 01:08:15,293
but it's a work in progress.

1461
01:08:16,900 --> 01:08:20,534
- So owing to just the
way information shared,

1462
01:08:20,600 --> 01:08:22,674
and there's no way to get around this,

1463
01:08:22,740 --> 01:08:26,271
whether it's a flyer,
a website, a workshop,

1464
01:08:26,337 --> 01:08:29,234
a book, a podcast,

1465
01:08:29,300 --> 01:08:33,693
we convey mindfulness when
we're not face-to-face

1466
01:08:33,759 --> 01:08:35,877
through words and concepts,

1467
01:08:35,943 --> 01:08:38,994
and it's in language, cultural language.

1468
01:08:39,060 --> 01:08:40,824
And that means inherently,

1469
01:08:40,890 --> 01:08:42,714
we have all kinds of misconceptions.

1470
01:08:42,780 --> 01:08:46,264
So if you look at the last
couple of Time Magazine covers,

1471
01:08:46,330 --> 01:08:49,714
it's usually a white woman, gorgeous,

1472
01:08:49,780 --> 01:08:52,964
sitting in a lotus position
with her hands like this.

1473
01:08:53,030 --> 01:08:55,884
And the messaging that's unconscious is,

1474
01:08:55,950 --> 01:08:57,249
this is for white people,

1475
01:08:57,315 --> 01:08:59,427
this is for upper-class people,

1476
01:08:59,493 --> 01:09:01,514
this is for beautiful people.

1477
01:09:01,580 --> 01:09:03,674
This is going to make
you serene and peaceful.

1478
01:09:03,740 --> 01:09:06,344
And the person you always
wanted to be around your kids

1479
01:09:06,410 --> 01:09:08,354
or the person you always wanted to be

1480
01:09:08,420 --> 01:09:12,198
to make your friend's husband
jealous or whatever it is.

1481
01:09:12,264 --> 01:09:16,194
And so we have a lot of
misconceptions about it.

1482
01:09:16,260 --> 01:09:18,104
If it's taught well,

1483
01:09:18,170 --> 01:09:19,745
what we start to see is that,

1484
01:09:19,811 --> 01:09:21,664
although the relaxation piece

1485
01:09:21,730 --> 01:09:25,115
is really tangible and
immediately available,

1486
01:09:25,181 --> 01:09:28,874
and the fascination with this discussion

1487
01:09:28,940 --> 01:09:31,704
of what's happening in the world,

1488
01:09:31,770 --> 01:09:32,694
what's happening with this person

1489
01:09:32,760 --> 01:09:34,684
or what's happening with the
psychology of that person,

1490
01:09:34,750 --> 01:09:37,634
but like, "Oh, what's
the mechanism of being",

1491
01:09:37,700 --> 01:09:40,004
thinking, feeling, sensing?

1492
01:09:40,070 --> 01:09:41,104
Oh, there's something there to learn.

1493
01:09:41,170 --> 01:09:41,964
That's kind of amazing,

1494
01:09:42,030 --> 01:09:44,354
'cause that can be kind
of exciting right away.

1495
01:09:44,420 --> 01:09:47,564
But one of the early
misconceptions is that

1496
01:09:47,630 --> 01:09:50,155
it's gonna be really
blissful and wonderful,

1497
01:09:50,221 --> 01:09:53,294
and it can be like that quite often.

1498
01:09:53,360 --> 01:09:56,304
And it also can be really
painful, really difficult.

1499
01:09:56,370 --> 01:09:58,064
When I discovered that
I had some prejudice,

1500
01:09:58,130 --> 01:09:59,893
I have some racial prejudice on that roof,

1501
01:09:59,959 --> 01:10:03,974
I saw aspects of my functioning,
they're not flattering.

1502
01:10:04,040 --> 01:10:07,784
And so mindfulness is
about trying to be as real

1503
01:10:07,850 --> 01:10:09,424
and true as possible.

1504
01:10:09,490 --> 01:10:10,974
And that can be uncomfortable.

1505
01:10:11,040 --> 01:10:13,153
- 'Cause mindfulness is not enough.

1506
01:10:15,624 --> 01:10:19,020
A lot of people put
too much on mindfulness

1507
01:10:20,720 --> 01:10:22,184
and then they become disappointed

1508
01:10:22,250 --> 01:10:25,614
because it doesn't give
them all the things

1509
01:10:25,680 --> 01:10:27,280
they thought is gonna give them.

1510
01:10:28,139 --> 01:10:31,924
And limited by calling it a tool,

1511
01:10:31,990 --> 01:10:34,704
calling it a practice.

1512
01:10:34,770 --> 01:10:35,884
- There's also some misconceptions

1513
01:10:35,950 --> 01:10:40,604
about having to be a good meditator.

1514
01:10:40,670 --> 01:10:42,421
So one of my first lectures was,

1515
01:10:42,487 --> 01:10:46,014
"Meditation is for noisy
minds and it was overwhelming."

1516
01:10:46,080 --> 01:10:47,794
I had to find a new
venue to make it bigger,

1517
01:10:47,860 --> 01:10:49,464
because everyone knows what that's like.

1518
01:10:49,530 --> 01:10:51,554
I can't stop my mind,
I can't stop thinking,

1519
01:10:51,620 --> 01:10:52,387
"I can't meditate."

1520
01:10:52,453 --> 01:10:54,234
That's a huge misconception.

1521
01:10:54,300 --> 01:10:55,424
Here's the good news,

1522
01:10:55,490 --> 01:10:58,406
you don't need to stop your
mind from talking, thinking,

1523
01:10:58,472 --> 01:11:02,614
you just need to try and develop
a stable enough attention

1524
01:11:02,680 --> 01:11:04,644
to it letting your body sensations,

1525
01:11:04,710 --> 01:11:06,882
and just let that thinking go.

1526
01:11:06,948 --> 01:11:09,093
The analogy I like about this is

1527
01:11:09,159 --> 01:11:11,994
the body is more stable like a riverbank,

1528
01:11:12,060 --> 01:11:13,044
it's not moving very much,

1529
01:11:13,110 --> 01:11:14,954
it's just right there,
and you can sit on it,

1530
01:11:15,020 --> 01:11:17,889
you can be in it.
And the river is your thoughts.

1531
01:11:17,955 --> 01:11:19,904
So the river of thoughts,
I'm not trying to,

1532
01:11:19,970 --> 01:11:21,264
when I'm practicing mindfulness,

1533
01:11:21,330 --> 01:11:23,574
dam up that river, dry
it out, gouge it out,

1534
01:11:23,640 --> 01:11:25,274
fill it and stop it anyway,

1535
01:11:25,340 --> 01:11:27,604
I'm letting the river
of thoughts just flow.

1536
01:11:27,670 --> 01:11:30,174
So a misconception about
having to stop your thoughts,

1537
01:11:30,240 --> 01:11:32,534
prevent so many people
from trying to practice,

1538
01:11:32,600 --> 01:11:34,994
but instead, let those thoughts go,

1539
01:11:35,060 --> 01:11:36,764
and just keep coming back to the riverbank

1540
01:11:36,830 --> 01:11:38,964
and resting in the stillness.

1541
01:11:39,030 --> 01:11:42,054
And soon, you'll find
yourself there more and more,

1542
01:11:42,120 --> 01:11:43,264
and able to watch the river

1543
01:11:43,330 --> 01:11:45,974
and know what the rumor is about.

1544
01:11:46,040 --> 01:11:51,040
- One of the biggest
misconceptions, and even I had,

1545
01:11:51,520 --> 01:11:56,520
was that I was going to magically achieve

1546
01:11:57,190 --> 01:12:02,190
this lightened, awakened,
realized present state,

1547
01:12:05,160 --> 01:12:07,624
and that it was just gonna last,

1548
01:12:07,690 --> 01:12:09,103
that I was just gonna stay there

1549
01:12:09,169 --> 01:12:12,861
and all my suffering was gonna go away

1550
01:12:12,927 --> 01:12:17,541
and everything was just gonna
be beautiful afterwards.

1551
01:12:17,607 --> 01:12:20,574
And that hasn't been my experience.

1552
01:12:20,640 --> 01:12:25,640
Now, there are moments where I
may experience peace and joy,

1553
01:12:26,083 --> 01:12:28,354
but it's a process,

1554
01:12:28,420 --> 01:12:30,484
just that desire

1555
01:12:30,550 --> 01:12:33,304
to completely get rid
of all of my suffering.

1556
01:12:33,370 --> 01:12:37,797
So like my symptoms, I experience
as far as irritability,

1557
01:12:37,863 --> 01:12:40,438
frustration, nervousness,

1558
01:12:40,504 --> 01:12:44,144
my desire to completely
get rid of those things

1559
01:12:44,210 --> 01:12:46,214
cause more suffering,

1560
01:12:46,280 --> 01:12:48,494
because whenever they would happen,

1561
01:12:48,560 --> 01:12:50,760
I'd be like, "This isn't
supposed to happen."

1562
01:12:51,616 --> 01:12:53,664
I'm not there yet.

1563
01:12:53,730 --> 01:12:55,824
I haven't practiced enough yet

1564
01:12:55,890 --> 01:12:58,114
"or I'm not enlightened enough yet."

1565
01:12:58,180 --> 01:12:59,294
That's not it at all.

1566
01:12:59,360 --> 01:13:03,184
It helps me manage my symptoms better

1567
01:13:03,250 --> 01:13:04,654
when they are triggered.

1568
01:13:04,720 --> 01:13:06,684
They don't get rid of them, no,

1569
01:13:06,750 --> 01:13:09,154
it has help me have less of them.

1570
01:13:09,220 --> 01:13:11,344
And then when I do experience them,

1571
01:13:11,410 --> 01:13:15,373
I manage them more effectively,
but get rid of them, no.

1572
01:13:16,720 --> 01:13:17,934
- We're at entry stage right now

1573
01:13:18,000 --> 01:13:19,160
where it's become so popular

1574
01:13:19,226 --> 01:13:20,474
that many people

1575
01:13:20,540 --> 01:13:24,274
want to very earnestly
teach and show others,

1576
01:13:24,340 --> 01:13:26,662
because they've had some
profound experiences.

1577
01:13:26,728 --> 01:13:28,594
And at UCLA,

1578
01:13:28,660 --> 01:13:32,121
we've really recognized that
there's a need for the consumer

1579
01:13:32,187 --> 01:13:34,111
to have some way of knowing,

1580
01:13:34,177 --> 01:13:36,474
"How do I know what a good
mindfulness teacher is?"

1581
01:13:36,540 --> 01:13:37,554
I don't know I think about this stuff.

1582
01:13:37,620 --> 01:13:39,688
I don't know how to trust somebody,

1583
01:13:39,754 --> 01:13:41,324
they seem good,

1584
01:13:41,390 --> 01:13:44,164
I like them, is all that is required.

1585
01:13:44,230 --> 01:13:45,031
And so we have the

1586
01:13:45,097 --> 01:13:48,264
International Mindfulness
Teachers Association that's formed

1587
01:13:48,330 --> 01:13:52,154
to help certify certification schools.

1588
01:13:52,220 --> 01:13:53,594
So our school is one,

1589
01:13:53,660 --> 01:13:58,660
the University of California
at San Diego, UCSD is one.

1590
01:13:59,080 --> 01:14:01,644
There are many of them,
many programs that certify teachers,

1591
01:14:01,710 --> 01:14:03,674
and we're making this
big grassroots effort

1592
01:14:03,740 --> 01:14:05,554
to get them all under one umbrella,

1593
01:14:05,620 --> 01:14:08,257
to have certain standards that
we can send to the public,

1594
01:14:08,323 --> 01:14:10,414
this person or this organization

1595
01:14:10,480 --> 01:14:12,474
has met minimum competency standards,

1596
01:14:12,540 --> 01:14:14,215
so that we can keep you safe.

1597
01:14:14,281 --> 01:14:18,607
In general, most of the
mindfulness teachers,

1598
01:14:18,673 --> 01:14:21,074
we think of like Jack Kornfield

1599
01:14:21,140 --> 01:14:25,036
or Sam Harris or Joseph Goldstein,

1600
01:14:25,102 --> 01:14:26,636
there are a number of people out there,

1601
01:14:26,702 --> 01:14:28,684
have really public faces,

1602
01:14:28,750 --> 01:14:30,494
and they're very, very much transparent

1603
01:14:30,560 --> 01:14:33,954
about their practice,
their learning communities.

1604
01:14:34,020 --> 01:14:36,484
And so that transparency helps.

1605
01:14:36,550 --> 01:14:37,894
They're part of a teacher's council,

1606
01:14:37,960 --> 01:14:39,834
so they have checks and balances.

1607
01:14:39,900 --> 01:14:41,464
So one of the things we
wanna look for in a teacher

1608
01:14:41,530 --> 01:14:43,714
is that they're not
teaching alone in isolation,

1609
01:14:43,780 --> 01:14:45,794
because then there's no oversight.

1610
01:14:45,860 --> 01:14:48,744
Then there's a chance to step into areas

1611
01:14:48,810 --> 01:14:52,104
where they don't have
competency or potentially abuse

1612
01:14:52,170 --> 01:14:52,984
in terms of students

1613
01:14:53,050 --> 01:14:55,684
who are putting them on a pedestal

1614
01:14:55,750 --> 01:14:57,944
and giving them too much power.

1615
01:14:58,010 --> 01:15:00,384
So I think it's most important.

1616
01:15:00,450 --> 01:15:02,742
There haven't been any, to my knowledge,

1617
01:15:02,808 --> 01:15:05,134
secular mindfulness teacher scandals,

1618
01:15:05,200 --> 01:15:07,374
but there have been a lot of
Buddhist teacher scandals,

1619
01:15:07,440 --> 01:15:08,788
again, for this very reason,

1620
01:15:08,854 --> 01:15:10,476
that they haven't maintained

1621
01:15:10,542 --> 01:15:15,234
a council of eyes watching
over them and transparency.

1622
01:15:15,300 --> 01:15:16,780
And that's really the core,

1623
01:15:16,846 --> 01:15:19,614
is to have a kind of transparency

1624
01:15:19,680 --> 01:15:22,874
where a community is participating

1625
01:15:22,940 --> 01:15:25,234
in maintaining the
integrity of the teacher

1626
01:15:25,300 --> 01:15:26,604
so that there's no tendency

1627
01:15:26,670 --> 01:15:29,104
for some shadow side of a personality

1628
01:15:29,170 --> 01:15:31,674
to come out and take advantage of people.

1629
01:15:31,740 --> 01:15:33,174
- The number one thing

1630
01:15:33,240 --> 01:15:35,934
about first getting into mindfulness

1631
01:15:36,000 --> 01:15:41,000
is finding a teacher that you
really feel comfortable with

1632
01:15:41,207 --> 01:15:43,314
and that speaks to you.

1633
01:15:43,380 --> 01:15:44,957
One person's experience

1634
01:15:45,023 --> 01:15:48,554
might not resonate with your experience.

1635
01:15:48,620 --> 01:15:50,241
I don't want people to say like,

1636
01:15:50,307 --> 01:15:53,054
"Well, that means
mindfulness isn't for me."

1637
01:15:53,120 --> 01:15:54,914
I made that mistake in a yoga class,

1638
01:15:54,980 --> 01:15:57,804
I didn't really gel
with the yoga instructor

1639
01:15:57,870 --> 01:15:59,457
or I didn't really like their techniques.

1640
01:15:59,523 --> 01:16:02,669
And I just completely gave
up on yoga for a while.

1641
01:16:02,735 --> 01:16:07,114
The key is to really find a
teacher that you connect with.

1642
01:16:07,180 --> 01:16:09,214
I think that is the most important thing,

1643
01:16:09,280 --> 01:16:13,689
and that can be done
either in person or online

1644
01:16:13,755 --> 01:16:18,144
for people who can't afford
mindfulness on YouTube now.

1645
01:16:18,210 --> 01:16:20,447
- There's a lot of different
teachers that are offering,

1646
01:16:20,513 --> 01:16:23,984
posting their guided meditations online.

1647
01:16:24,050 --> 01:16:25,880
Or there are some teachers

1648
01:16:25,946 --> 01:16:28,744
that even offer classes online.

1649
01:16:28,810 --> 01:16:30,774
Once you find a teacher,

1650
01:16:30,840 --> 01:16:34,184
deciding to do it in-person
if that's an option,

1651
01:16:34,250 --> 01:16:37,594
and if that's not an option,
then to do it online.

1652
01:16:37,660 --> 01:16:40,224
I suggest to do it in-person 'cause just,

1653
01:16:40,290 --> 01:16:43,372
coming together and meeting and sharing

1654
01:16:43,438 --> 01:16:48,438
has a certain sacred feeling, connection

1655
01:16:49,810 --> 01:16:54,423
that I receive than just online.

1656
01:16:55,720 --> 01:16:57,544
- I love talking about this stuff.

1657
01:16:57,610 --> 01:17:00,734
I think I remain curious
about the thoughts I think

1658
01:17:00,800 --> 01:17:04,204
and how it paints the
landscape of my life today.

1659
01:17:04,270 --> 01:17:08,054
I think that my enthusiasm
supports my students

1660
01:17:08,120 --> 01:17:11,884
and other people and booing
themselves through the process

1661
01:17:11,950 --> 01:17:14,674
of developing something
that works for them.

1662
01:17:14,740 --> 01:17:19,740
And this is why I really
value spiritual community.

1663
01:17:20,510 --> 01:17:24,444
Having people that are
walking the path with you,

1664
01:17:24,510 --> 01:17:27,164
that are practicing the
same things you are doing,

1665
01:17:27,230 --> 01:17:27,997
that aren't gonna tell you

1666
01:17:28,063 --> 01:17:30,604
that it's stupid or crazy
or weird or whatever.

1667
01:17:30,670 --> 01:17:32,198
And I always say like,

1668
01:17:32,264 --> 01:17:34,382
don't tell other people what you're doing,

1669
01:17:34,448 --> 01:17:37,124
leave it for other people
that are also doing it,

1670
01:17:37,190 --> 01:17:38,614
so you don't have to get those seeds

1671
01:17:38,680 --> 01:17:41,974
of doubt or worry or shame in your mind.

1672
01:17:42,040 --> 01:17:44,824
The ability to give zero facts

1673
01:17:44,890 --> 01:17:46,204
about what other people think

1674
01:17:46,270 --> 01:17:50,284
is truly a state of a masterful practice,

1675
01:17:50,350 --> 01:17:52,740
because worrying about
what other people think

1676
01:17:52,806 --> 01:17:56,834
has killed more dreams than anything else

1677
01:17:56,900 --> 01:17:58,934
I've come in contact with

1678
01:17:59,000 --> 01:18:02,176
as a counselor, coach, spiritual teacher.

1679
01:18:02,242 --> 01:18:06,518
Really becoming aware of
the thoughts you're thinking

1680
01:18:06,584 --> 01:18:08,594
and that they don't have to be true,

1681
01:18:08,660 --> 01:18:11,618
that you can question them
and that you can replace them,

1682
01:18:11,684 --> 01:18:15,144
that is the biggest aha moment

1683
01:18:15,210 --> 01:18:17,884
for most of the people
that I've worked with.

1684
01:18:17,950 --> 01:18:21,626
The understanding that
they can change their story

1685
01:18:21,692 --> 01:18:24,184
and they can release the past,

1686
01:18:24,250 --> 01:18:28,725
that they don't have to be
victims of the narrative

1687
01:18:28,791 --> 01:18:33,484
or the inheritance of their
family, that's freedom.

1688
01:18:33,550 --> 01:18:35,934
It's liberating to know that

1689
01:18:36,000 --> 01:18:40,184
you get to choose the
life you'd like to live.

1690
01:18:40,250 --> 01:18:43,854
- You become aware of not
just your cluttered mind,

1691
01:18:43,920 --> 01:18:47,034
but your way of behaving,

1692
01:18:47,100 --> 01:18:50,474
'cause we're constantly leaving an imprint

1693
01:18:50,540 --> 01:18:53,914
with our movement, with our actions

1694
01:18:53,980 --> 01:18:55,241
whether we want it or not.

1695
01:18:55,307 --> 01:18:58,134
And that imprint is not separate from us.

1696
01:18:58,200 --> 01:19:02,624
We are connected to the
imprint, we benefit from it.

1697
01:19:02,690 --> 01:19:06,147
So if it's even for the
selfish personal reason,

1698
01:19:06,213 --> 01:19:07,714
you wanna look and see,

1699
01:19:07,780 --> 01:19:10,321
what am I doing that's causing me

1700
01:19:10,387 --> 01:19:15,274
to be unhappy at the end
of the day, unfulfilled.

1701
01:19:15,340 --> 01:19:18,774
- This is what I've been
looking for my whole life.

1702
01:19:18,840 --> 01:19:21,834
I found it going inside.

1703
01:19:21,900 --> 01:19:24,294
I didn't find it going outside of myself.

1704
01:19:24,360 --> 01:19:26,737
I didn't find it getting a certain job

1705
01:19:26,803 --> 01:19:31,496
or going to school or
accomplishing something,

1706
01:19:31,562 --> 01:19:35,840
I found it just in the
backyard after a yoga session,

1707
01:19:35,906 --> 01:19:37,914
and following my breath.

1708
01:19:37,980 --> 01:19:40,654
And it was just very profound.

1709
01:19:40,720 --> 01:19:45,503
Now that I'm able to
access that peaceful state,

1710
01:19:46,700 --> 01:19:49,281
that state of calmness,

1711
01:19:49,347 --> 01:19:52,124
I really wanna sh,

1712
01:19:52,190 --> 01:19:55,144
it's no good me keeping it to myself,

1713
01:19:55,210 --> 01:19:56,864
because I'm surrounded by others,

1714
01:19:56,930 --> 01:19:59,264
and I see a lot of suffering in the world.

1715
01:19:59,330 --> 01:20:04,034
One of my favorite gurus is Ram Dass,

1716
01:20:04,100 --> 01:20:05,623
who just recently passed away.

1717
01:20:06,610 --> 01:20:08,504
And I've read several of his books.

1718
01:20:08,570 --> 01:20:12,924
And one of his favorite sayings he has

1719
01:20:12,990 --> 01:20:15,871
or my favorite saying is that,

1720
01:20:15,937 --> 01:20:19,054
"The best way to solve any problem

1721
01:20:19,120 --> 01:20:21,994
is with a quiet mind and an open heart."

1722
01:20:22,060 --> 01:20:27,060
So my practice now is quieting
my mind and opening my heart.

1723
01:20:42,078 --> 01:20:44,911
(energetic music)